Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Republicans dream of return to the days of NIXON Glory: FICTION

Just got a text from Normal, Mn. and my old friend Herman...seems some red necked Republicans were at the "Loose Caboose" a local old timers bar in Normal, just two blocks up from the lake, and they were reminiscing about the good old days of Spiro Agnew and the Nixon team and wishing they were back there......

This was after a half dozen martinis.....stay tuned as I cover this story.

Austerity Measures Panic Republicans---Will have to Give up FOX NEWS and SPORTS Too! Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Breaking News....I just got the text from Herman from Normal, Mn., up in the northern frozen tundra, where men are men, and totally independent, except for being dependent on fishing....

Panic swept the streets today as Republicans feared they might have to give up FOX news and even Sports.....The prospect of doing something or hearing something besides drivel was totally shocking and created panic in the streets....stay tuned.

Monday, September 27, 2010

"City Daytrades Room Tax Receivable to Gain Millions for social uplifting" FICTION: Tales From Normal, Mn.

Wow. All of Normal, Mn. is buzzing today as the news broke on the CNN news ticker. It seems that the city administrator of Normal, Mn. devised a new economic development strategy. With just his quiet reflection time reviewing the city assets, which consisted of some room tax receivables from the "Billy Bob Motel and Deli" which were of ...questionable status regarding collectability...he devised a combination of calls and puts on the local stock exchange and in a series of hundreds of small quick trades utilizing a antique Apple II computer, he outfoxed the entire stock exchange and made millions for local good works.

In reviewing the trades, and yes they are still trying to figure out how he did it, normally when a call and a put are combined, it is called a spread....and folks in the know are thinking they might just call this the "Normal, Mn. Bull xxxx Spread". It follows the national pattern of taking something essentially worthless, pump it with hype and public relations and "buzz" and then trade it to excess and take the cash off the table on each trade.

I am trying by best to diagram the trade sequence, and as soon as I can make heads or tales of it, I will write further...stay tuned.

Government Agency Declares Recent Wall Street Plunge to be a "Miracle"....no questions allowed: FICTION

The Department of Technical Works recently declared the recent Wall Street plunge to be the result of a modern day "miracle"....and hence will not be reimbursing any investor losses since this event was simply divine in nature.

No questions will be allowed...although there will be a special day of prayer on Thursday of next week....stay tuned...the Observer will be following all the votive details.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Normal, Mn. funds Youth Activities---Switches to Plastic Flowers: FICTION

Breaking news out of Normal, Mn.---the Normal, Mn. City Council met last night and decided that, because they were in the midst of a budget crunch that threatened to halt all youth programs...they would switch from the extensive flower arranging program with natural flowers that had incurred considerable expense of flowers and watering staff hours, and decided boldly to purchase plastic flowers and move the money to fund youth activities....they also reluctantly recognized that a summer drama program was not really a national city branding marketing program and sought private funding for this expense.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Republicans Oppose Taxes: Want no Welfare but Corporate Welfare: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Shocking the nation today, Republicans from Normal, Mn. vigorously opposed anyone interfering with their wealth or increasing their taxes---they stand on the premise that they deserve corporate welfare, but no other welfare is important....This is a developing story. Stay tuned.

Republicans oppose railroad---argue for horses: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the news that up in the frontier territory of Normal, Mn., notable Republican senior citizens have opposed the advent of high speed rail---they see it as wasteful...and would prefer to go back to ....horses....stay tuned.

Rich Bankers want to avoid risky loans, and save money...for their bonuses: Tales From Normal, Mn.: Fiction

Well. Pretty shocking....a short text from Normal, Mn this morning from my old friend, Herman, the countryboy lawyer, that the audits of the banking institutions of Normal, Mn. has revealed very few loans have been granted to anyone, no matter how high their credit score...

It seems that the bankers have a coded language they speak to one another, and they smile when they speak of being "risk averse" since that is the term they speak when they really mean "saving for my bonus."

Friday, September 10, 2010

Normal, Mn hires canine to replace Police officer---uniform expense savings cited

This is a story in development. I will report more when available. There has been a rash of dog biting incidents recently, so it does appear that police deparment staff as well as citizens will be on their toes. More later.

Normal, Mn. announces Tax Levy Hike: Cuts to come next Year: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the news---in an undated text message from Herman from Normal, Mn.---that Normal, Mn. has announced a stiff tax levy hike this December, but noted that next year there will be cuts.

Upon further review...the message looks similar to the one released last year, and it is unclear what year is being spoken of. Stay tuned.