Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Friday, April 29, 2011

Convertible Sales Skyrocket as Kate takes the driver' seat:

Click on the post for the video of the Royal Wedding. This is the new standard....marry a king and then drive the convertible.....

And if you cannot find a King nearby, begin by getting the convertible...and from the news flashes, it appears that girls worldwide are doing so.....Stay tuned.

Seniors Pledge to Cut Costs; Retire after Death: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Inspired by the Society for Senior Accountants, the Senior Federation of Normal, Mn. today pledged to retire after death, just to make the books balance......No matter how they figured it, by defined benefit or defined contribution, there still was just not enough cash....

Normal, Mn. dedicates new landfill to serve only defective coffee makers: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

The rapid spike in defective coffee makers, that has hit monthly for most consumers, has prompted the locals to dedicate a new landfill, Landfill "C" just for coffee makers. Please make a note of it.

Women in Normal, Mn. stunned by Royal Wedding: Determined to hold out for Prince to "Hold" not Obey

Well there sure has been a decline of weddings lately, and a rise in divorces, but it all makes sense.....

Every woman alive is not only excited about the Royal Wedding, but is determined to follow in her footsteps...to wed only Royal blood, and to not settle.

Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Congressman Plans on Listening Sessions Till Citizens Listen: Tales From Normal, Mn.; FICTION

Bright young congressman, Billy Bob, from Normal, Mn announced today that he would continue to hold listening sessions in his district until his constituents listened...he was indeed getting tired of the boos and chants, and was hoping by going to a more continuous listening format that they would finally understand.

More on this breaking story later.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Deaf and Dumb Governor goes to Washington---claims benefits

In a surprise move today, the current governor of Normal, Mn has gone to Washington, DC for a special hearing, and has said that his disability that has prevented him from hearing or seeing his consitituents has been an advantage.

"It sure has been an advantage over bi-partisanship" he was quoted to say.

Local Homebuilder wins National Gold Star Boat Building Award----

Of of our local homebuilders in Normal, Mn. has been awarded the coveted Gold Star Boat Builder of the Year award for his bold design for basment imperviability---for designing a basement for permanently flooded areas and sold to the unsuspecting folks who come from out of town.


Thursday, April 14, 2011

Half of Normal, Mn Homes for Sale: City worried it will die if cannot add New Cheap Homes: FICTION

Stunning news from Normal, Mn. City Hall today. Despite having tons of homes for sale, and many having been on the market for two or three years, the city of Normal, Mn. announced a bold initiative to add four new areas for development of residential housing.

Although they did say that currently there are 7 years of unsold lots available in addition to current used houses on the market, they felt that if they could not grow, they would "die".

Stay tuned as this news develops.

"Breathing Dirty Air and Drinking Unsafe water will cut Costs": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Pretty striking news release today from the government of Normal, Mn.---they have voided the Clean Air Act and the Clean Water Act as well----in a bold effort to give local government the tools to develop business....and compete on a level playing field with China.....and in the hope that making our living conditions exactly like China we will be equal.....

"Cheapmart Stores reminds Customers that They are the Cheapest"; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Responding to falling sales, the local retailer giant "Cheapmart" has increased the volume in its local TV ads, and boldly proclaimed'''"You must never forget that WE are the CHEAPEST." Volume in the ads will be increased till the sales rise...It is presumed that folks have a little hearing loss....Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Libraries Closed; Librarians terminated. Conservative Think Tank Newsletter substituted: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Gone are the book budgets....too costly. Gone are the reading rooms in local libraries...too costly....Gone are the librarians helping to direct the readers...too costly.....

Pretty startling news today from Normal, Mn that all these costly items have been replaced by just one Conservative Think Tank newsletter mailed by email to each and every resident of Normal, Mn....

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

NFL Football Players to Sign Autographs at Local Payday Loan: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Several of our beloved local football players will be signing autographs to kill the time as citizens stand in line this coming Friday at Billy Bob's Payday Loan service in Normal, Mn. These players will be standing in solidaarity will the working guys as they too will be seeking loans.

It's a Grand Time for a Civil War Reinactment in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn. FICTION

With a class war breaking out all over the land, it sure is a grand idea for the citizens of this grand country to begin preparations for a civil war reinactment.

Remember, you can grow a beard for realism, but there is no live ammo allowed.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

There's a Land Rush for Failed Septic Systems in Normal, Mn; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Got a special text alert from Normal, Mn from my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer-----seems the city of Normal, Mn has been accused of sparking a land grab and trying to use devious ways to grab sewer failing, septic laden, just plain stinkin land from the locals that surround them.....what nerve.....after all, folks have their pride.

To solve this crisis, Herman, the wise one, suggested a sewer connect fee of $20,000 per owner.....and the crisis was averted....Each owner now can save face.....and the whole matter seems solved.

Friday, April 1, 2011

"We are in Solid Financial Position but...cannot give any workers ANY raise"; Tales From Normal, Mn.; Fiction

I was thrilled and disappointed in the same moment to get a text from my old friend Herman, the lawyer from Normal, Mn. It seems that the mayor of Normal, Mn gave a rousing speech to city staff last week telling them that the finances of Normal were "very solid" , but that there would be no raises....it seems that all the money needed to be spent for infrastructure for...new houses...that could go along with all the other unsold homes currently in Normal, Mn....