Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Developer Plans another 180 upscale park benches for Uptown Minneapolis: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn. and one industrious reporter there that had visited Uptown area in Mpls last weekend.....seems Minneapolis is very sensitive to the growing demand for park benches for living accomodations, and is planning another 180 park upscale park benches for the Uptown area.

Relax. They will be upscale and on either end will be cupholders, that can contain beverages, or ....anything....and on the other side a trash container. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Jokesters assert "Weight Loss" or Cutting Budgets is just about "continuous improvement": Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn---it seems the "Billy Bob Academy of Dieting and Budgets" is urging folks to attend a seminar in which it is explained that no weight loss is necessary, and no budget cuts are necessary---all that is necessary is the right attitude. So far, enrollment for this seminar is skyrocketing. Folks like it. Stay tuned as I cover this story.

100 Yr. Old Town still unsure who they are after 25 "branding studies"--seek group therapy: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, MN.---they have just completed a comprehensive "branding study" for the community, but it appears that even though they have done this type of study 25 times in the past 100 years, they still are unsure who they are.....

A local pastor has suggested that the whole community seek group therapy.

I will keep you posted on the latest on their progress notes.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Activist Poor Meet to support Cain 999 Proposal--Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The political action group "Activist Poor who seek to Harm Themselves" will meet next week in Normal, Mn to develop new ways to help Republican party candidate Cain succeed with this 9-9-9 tax proposal. The whole idea of the poor solving all the problems that face America is so attractive to this group that they welcome all citizens to the meeting. Stay tuned for details.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Hearing Aid Society Holds Listening Session: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The Normal, Mn. Hearing Aid Society held a listening session last week at the local community center. A delightful light lunch of subway sandwiches was offered along with oolong tea. Lots of folks spoke but few heard what was said, and no minutes were taken.

All agreed it was a fabulous success and another session is planned in six months.

Friday, October 14, 2011

National Retail Firm seeks "Out of the Box" Thinker: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today that a noted national retailer is seeking a web marketing manager who can think "outside the box" in developing its marketing web strategy....It says in the specs that in addition to a proven track record, the applicant must be able to punch in and out within the 7 minutes required, as well as master the 329 page training manual.

National Retail Firm that says they "Treat their Employees Like Family" Gets Charged in Class Action Case for Wage and Hour Violations: Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

Just got the startling text today....a truly homegrown, midwest corporation that touted it's love of its employees, and asserted they treated all employees like " family" has been charged with Wage and Hour violations.

Until we get all the details, we will suspend judgment...but it kinda makes one wonder what their definition of "family" was.

Wall Street Rally Pending: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Wall Street opened down today on pessimism from Overseas markets during the night, and with the mention of China, France, Italy and Greece in a news story. Wall street pundits had hoped that only two countries would be mentioned--- but were disappointed and punished stocks.

Stocks rallied around 9:30 AM, as brokers were excited about the Starbucks special on Broad Street, that featured free whipped cream with all orders over five dollars.

As lunch approached and the old timers headed out for coctails, the market sensed a rally on the strength of the special two for one happy hour that had been expanded partly as a consolation for traders who have had to contend with the protesters loudly asserting that they are corrupt and greedy. Market watchers are hopeful that when the traders return from their liquid lunch, they will put a happy face on afternoon action.

Stay tuned for the latest.

Police Department Holds Focus Groups in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The police department of Normal, Mn. has announced a month long series of focus groups to hear from the public their hopes and vision of the police future in Normal, Mn. as well as any concerns. Consult your local paper for the times and places. All focus group meetings will feature a three course meal. The Listening session will be preceded by an hour long presentation by our local police chief on the role of "community policing" in our local town.

In addition to the chief in attendance, two additonal officers will be present to display the most recent firearms available to the department, as well as the new Dodge Charger Police cars, complete with mag wheels. These mag wheels may need more frequent inflation in cold temperatures, but in the words of one officer, they are "cool" and bring the respect of speeders everywhere.

At the end of each focus group, the public will be allowed five minutes for questions.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

President who says he has a photographic Memory can't remember WHERE he put the jobs: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Well the press is touting all over America that the former President Clinton has a photographic memory---but the pundits of Normal, Mn. are bewildered---they wonder how the very President that sent all those jobs abroad by his agreements with NAFTA,....at the same time cannot remember what he did? The old guys from Normal, Mn think this may be early memory loss.

What do you think?

Conservatives Urge Poor to Sleep in their Cars to Save: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The leading conservative magazine from the northern tundra town of Normal, Mn. has published a broadside that urges the poor to sleep in their cars as a cost saving measure. In the long but somewhat rambling article, the conservative weekly noted that the budget was way over budget for park benches due to the demand for overnight accomodations, and hence the car sleeping idea came to the forefront in conservative minds as a remedy. Conservative talk show hosts cited the successful use in Texas as a precendent. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

"Living More With Less" a citywide book read for October": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The august city council of Normal, MN. declared October 2011, "Living More With Less Month" and urged all citizens to read the book available in abundant supply at the local library. They declared that the philosophy in the book was very timely and indeed the recipies in the book were especially tasty.

Right after applauding the "Living More With Less" book, the Council moved unanimously to donate any excess of the city purchased books for the book read to the local Goodwill.

The City coucil then voted to raise taxes. No cuts to the proposed budgets were made.

Stay tuned as I follow the latest from Normal, Mn.