Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Friday, January 20, 2012

Local Hospital President Explains Millions in Salary: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The local hospital titan from Normal,Mn announced in a startling press release that his current salary of three million dollars is NOT excessive when one considers that he is the head of 15 different shell organizations that the corporation has been split into---and he further reassured the locals that because he capitalizes his salary, it never affects patient costs---he treats it just like a building expense... And furthermore.....he is in charge of all accounting of the organization. NICE,

Local School DEMANDS explanation on why folks are leaving town: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

In an emotional school board meeting last night, the Normal, Mn. School Board, when informed about the plunging enrollment figures for next year, unanimously was outraged. One astute board member suggested that folks that were forced to leave town by any means, job transfer, elimination, or foreclosure etc be required to fill out a form under oath revealing the reasons for their leaving. "We demand more than silence" one board member moaned. "We do want the truth". Stay tuned as I follow this story. Folks from the frozen tundra are kinda guarded so I will have to dig for this story. Sometimes folks just say that they are seeking "greater challenges elsewhere."

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

"Attila the Hun Was Just Gettin Things Done": Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the press release from Normal, Mn. this morn, that "Attila the Hun", the famous fisherman from Normal, Mn, well he is really Attila the Hun Johnson, the famed bass fisherman from up in the frozen tundra parts, and he is a real killer in the fishing world....and no he is not killing fish from his perspective, he just sees it as culling the herd. He feels he is just "gettin things done," and ....the more he thinks about it, that is the way he sees the whole world,....just as a bunch of fish waiting to be culled. Nice.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

"Paul Bunyan Pants" Suffer Setback: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The Paul Bunyan Supply Store up in Normal, Mn. has suffered an odd tragedy this month, as thousands of the "tougher than tough" Paul Bunyan pants, pants designed to last for all time, have been plagued with a sudden tearing of the crotch upon exertion by the wearer. Customer Service hotlines at the local firm have been swamped as tougher than tough customers demand replacement, but it appears they are keeping the publicity low so as to not be embarassed by the happening...after all, it was embarassing enough out in the woods. Relax. The firm who made the pants has promised to replace them free of charge.

Doomsday Guru Prophet predicts: Tales From Normal,Mn: FICTION

A local bass fisherman, Norman, some call him "stormin Norman" has an uncanny ability to see the future---In fact, after predicting total economic collapse in 2001, 2002,2003,2004,2005,2006,2007,2008,2009,2010, and 2011, he is absolutely sure of the coming collapse in 2012, and has in fact written a short book....well, just a two page memo in truth, which predicts the unravelling in 2012. Some locals have said that Stormin Norman is just "off his medication", but others swear by his prophetic powers. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Monday, January 9, 2012

"Attila the Hun" disputes history books---urges revision: Tales from Normal, MN: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn;  "Attila the Hun" Johnson, famed fisherman of Normal, Mn has issued a press release in which he asserts that his namesake, Attila the Hun, did in fact NOT kill off thousands of jobs, but rather in a more positive light of several hundred years, Attila can be seen as improving the climate of economic development by improving the employment rate, which was darn near 100% when Attila got through with his downsizing. 

National politicians have taken note, and are studying this case for possible imitation.

Longtime Married Couple Enter into talks for more involved consultation: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Imitating the recent announcement that Dean Health System and St. Mary's Hospital are entering into a year long study on how to become more intimately involved....a local couple, Louie and Lorrie have announced that after 32 years of marriage they are also entering a period of more intense engagement now that their kids have left home. 

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Citizens Shocked that Budget Cutbacks mean they will pay More: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Herman from Normal, MN. that local citizens there are walking around town dazed after the news was announced that city and school budget cuts will mean that they will have to pay more out of pocket costs.....They had thought that somebody else....anybody else....maybe somebody from some other town...... or well...maybe even Martians....would pay the shortfall....

Stay tuned as I follow this story.