Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Band Trip Chaperone Protocol Used for Secret Service in Normal, Mn.: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The Band director of the Normal, Mn. marching band indicated his approval of the use of the traveling band chaperone protocol for the Secret Service. He noted in off the cuff remarks that there were many similarities in the from dawn to midnight scheduling, the tight minute by minute agenda, and the special difficulty of keeping the brass section in control---he offered some tips to the Secret Service if they would contact him personally...That brass section can get by on almost no sleep, and with the heavy use of shades in the morning, ya never do know if they slept or not. Anyway. It was quite an honor to have this protocol be of service to those of the highest offices of the land. Stay tuned as I follow this developing story.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Businesses Show Wild Support for Governor who destroys Jobs: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The Business and Manufacturers Group representing Normal,Mn. today wildly endorsed their governor, known as Billy Bob, for a second term in office, despite having destroyed almost half, 50% of the jobs due to his policies. When asked about the logic of such an endorsement, one small business owner simply smiled and said that it was just the haves vs. the have-nots, and at the end of the game, he wanted to be with the predators..Even if every business was destroyed, if only he could remain, he would be satisfied with the endorsement....he was just thinkin of himself.....and he saw politics as nothin but self interest pure and simple...

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Governor says He has created 300,000 jobs. We just cannot see them: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The Governor of Normal, Mn. today, in a hastly called news conference, stated that he has indeed been true to his word and HAS created 300,000 jobs...it is just that we cannot see them. Upon hearing this, the press was just completely stunned. The male press began flipping through their Superman comics...and the women in the press began playing dress ups...It was "Let's Pretend" Time. Stay tuned. I will faithfully report all the relevant news as this unusual story develops.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Alzheimer Patient Awarded "Survival of the Fittest" Award: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Beloved "Rosie" of the Normal, Mn. Nursing Home, Home of the Perpetual Fisherman, was awarded the distinguished and coveted "Survival of the Fittest" Award in a low key coffee and cake ceremony today in Normal, Mn.. In remarks delivered by one of her LPN staff, Rosie thanked all the ladies for coming to the ceremony, and indicated her surprise at having actually gotten old...it seemed to have just crept up on her....that all these years she had been concerned about being the fittest and had diligently spent all her money on preserving her health with annual vacations abroad and down south, and it had just totally surprised her...and now that she was 97 she was pleased to accept the award...since it was the highpoint of a conservative self centered life well lived for the benefit of herself.

Dateline Normal, Mn.; Why secret service abstinence matters Explained: FICTION

In a routine public works committee meeting today in Normal, Mn., the nuts and bolts leader of that committee explained to the three folks attending, that it was very important to have the secret service abstinent since in the past the highest leaders of our distinguished nation, and indeed the IMF, have participated in such unseemly conduct that it was important for someone to be sober and chaste....to preserve our black bag for nuclear response, and to ensure that someone was incharge...just in case....leadership was needed. He then mentioned that this nation is confronted by the wild and crazy behavior of North Korea that is planning to conduct a nuclear test just to make up for a failed rocket launch, and that when faced with trying to unravel the logic of such rogue states, it takes clear minds, and sober minds to unravel the rogue logic, and thus sobriety and chaste thought is essential, and indeed may not be available at the highest levels of government...the secret service needs to be alert. Stay tuned as I follow this developing story.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Legislator Proposes Abstinence and Sobriety for Secret Service and Military: Cites Benefits:Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

Word has spread like wildfire today as Legislators in Normal, Mn., that sleepy fishing town in northern Minnesota, where the peace of walleye fishing gives the politicos a clearer understanding of how to remedy world problems,...the legislators proposed that all secret service and military personnel would immediately be required to pass abstinence and sobriety tests or be discharged from service. The news has prompted such an immediate surge of discharges from service, that the result has been a tremendous increase in the esteem and pride of those serving this great country, and also a tremendous increase in the prospect for world peace. Married men just have not seen the attractivenes of traveling all around the world to be sober and abstinent. Conservatives from Wisconsin have been particularly pleased with the result, since they have always asserted that abstinence, and indeed ignorance is the cure for most of the ills of society, and especially the cure for TOP Gun types... Stay tuned as I follow this developing story.

Friday, April 20, 2012

All the Clergy are Married in Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Well it's spring, and now that the frozen tundra has warmed up, it is time for me to get back up to the cabin in Normal, Mn., the small fishing village near Garrison where I get away from the wild and crazy politics in Wisconsin, and settle in to some peaceful walleye fishing and such, and start each day off at Betty Lou's Cafe, where all the coffee is double strong black, and in a tall blue Minnesota Vikings mug, which are in short supply because Betty Lou is unsure whether the Vikings are going to stay in Minnesota, so the mugs are available for sale, but for $19.95 as a tourist item.....but I digress. I stopped in last Sunday at the Church of the Perpetual Fisherman, and chatted with the resident pastor, who travels between three parishes in Northern Minnesota, but makes his home in Normal, MN with his wife and 3 children...yes he is married, and in fact, he is my hero, along with all of Christ's apostles who were ALL married. Ah if only we could purify the Church and take it back to the days when the focus was on reaching out to spread the WORD rather than whether the proper response is "With your Spirit" or the more correct Hebrew version....." But I digress....and ALL the nuns in Normal, Mn. are Married too....that's the way it always has been in Normal, Mn...Where the nuns have been involved in teaching and such....

Friday, April 13, 2012

Locals still want to be called "GREEN": Tales from Normal, MN.; FICTION

Just got the press release minutes ago, that the downhome folks of Normal, Mn, despite failed solar projects, and a wind turbine that had to be dismantled for lack of maintenance, and a public electric utility that relies heavily on COAL generation....they still want to be called the "GREEN CAPITAL of the WORLD". It seems that they want to VISION, and in the depths of failure they want to see it as an opportunity..... Stay tuned as I follow those optimists of the frozen tundra.

Governor Says by His math lots of Jobs created; Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn .....the governor has declared that jobs have increased during his tenure---correction....his press secretary has just wired that he meant : "CASES", not jobs, and for data purposes he has lumped them all together....when one calculates all the bankruptcy "CASES" generated in Normal, Mn.,...it has resulted in a boom..... \ Yup...a big boom.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Spread the Light Liturgy Still will be held in Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Recently in the frozen tundra, some sensitive congregations of the faithful have been concerned about the Holy Saturday liturgy in that while all those members of the Congregation of the Faithful are spreading the light in the pews, there is..well...some...smoke that is being inhaled...and it might be bad for ones health.... I just got the text from Normal, Mn. Church of the Holy Faithful, that the traditional service of the "Lights" will be held on Saturday night this week, and not withstanding the squimishness of certain Christian sects that are worried about a little smoke, the Light of Christ will be spread as in the traditional liturgy, before the environmental progressives got involved in liturgical development. There is limited seating so arrive early. Lumen Christi