Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Friday, November 30, 2012

State Seeks Outside Contractor for Integrity: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn.----that august state authorities have declared that there is no need for panic in the finding that millions have gone unaccounted for in the private-public partnership that has been established to replaced the state function of Economic Development....that in a stroke of brilliance they have oursourced the "Integrity Officer"---now an organization can be corrupt and the integrity can just be outsourced...nice.

Poor Boy sells everything to "Avoid the Fiscal Cliff": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today that Jimmy John, the poorest of the poor from Normal, Mn....sold everything he had today at dirt poor prices...he had been watching FOX news and got scared...he thought the fiscal cliff was gonna wipe him out...so in his fear...he just wiped him out himself....your prayers are requested from the guys at Betty Lou's Cafe...where all the coffee is served double strong... where there is no extra charge for whipped cream...

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

"A City of Great Fire Trucks": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn---seems that the local governmental authorities have been brainstorming, and having given up a long time ago on being the "Soybean Capital" of the Midwest, or even the "Tree City", they have latched on to having more firetrucks and the best firetrucks that the world has ever seen---they have given up on being a place to nurture great families and have transitioned to a town of great firetrucks.....What can I say?

Sunday, November 25, 2012

More Space for "Candy" cited as need for $600,000 fire truck; Tales From Normal, Mn.: Fiction

Just got the text today from Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn.---seems the guys were speechless this morning when they learned that the local Fire Department has requested a brand spanking new fire truck that has an extended cab, which will be used mostly for parades so that the firemen have enough space to store all the candy that they throw down to the kids on the parade route...mostly hard candy, but occasionally a miniture snickers...which I have always been partial to....and the stone faced fireman that made the presentation to the Public Safety meeting recently said that one of the essential roles of the fire department is to provide public relations...or candy and sugar...to the public so that they will continue to support the role of fire trucks in our community....There has also been some discussion since the new fire truck will not fit in the current fire department building, which is just packed to the brim with fire trucks, that we need a new fire department building, and one that has a "conning tower" so that off duty firemen can sit in the "conning tower space" during the weekends, and while not watching movies etc, can watch out for smoke on the horizon....Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Monday, November 19, 2012

"Hostess Twinkie" Panic Grips Midwest; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

All age groups are suffering from depression this morning, as one by one citizens are coming to grips with the pending loss of their Hostess "Twinkies"----"What am I to eat then?" one senior blurted out.....Neighbors in Normal, Mn have gathered around and done their very best to comfort the forlorn, and have suggested some sugar rolls or glazed donuts for breakfast, but most of the sufferers have been just unable to cope...and it is not clear from the handbook of governmental departments..which department handles this particular need...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Seniors Worried Fiscal Cliff Cuts might affect the military channel: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

There was a wave of panic at Betty Lou's coffee shop in Normal, Mn. this morning, as Henry was heard to mourn the loss of the military channel on TV if the looming "fiscal cliff" happens..... Relax... One of the guys gently explained to Henry that the "Battle of Midway" will still be playing for the next hundred years, and he can still watch the channel 7 hours a day, but that new war footage will be curtailed since we will not be a nation at constant war and dreaming up new wars to participate in to prove that we are "strong".

Wall Street Excited Cause all the Politicos have Left Town; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text this morn from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn---that center of walleye fishing and yes serenity in Northern Minnesota.....the guys were laughing this morning cause Wall Street bounced higher and the guys felt this was just because all the politicians..the President as well as Congress had left town...and everybody knows that things work better when the politicos are gone...war and peace both seem to work better...stay tuned....it is too early to tell whether absence alone can cure the fiscal cliff....

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Generals Win National 2012 Erotic Fiction Award: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn. and the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop---they were just giddy in their ridicule of all of us media and literary types..for all of our efforts to be great writers, news has come out today that two Generals have won the coveted 2012 National Erotic Fiction Award with volumes of prose that has approached 30,000 pages. This has brought all the other literary types in America to shame...but it has added a whole new page to the recruitment brochure of the ROTC programs nationwide.

"Serenity Requires Balance between Sex and Politics; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION"

Just got the text from the guys at the coffee shop in Normal, Mn...Betty Lou's---and there is a book signing today from a famous author that wrote on the power of "Every Sacred Moment" of our lives....now his follow up book "Balance Matters" touts that for all, and especially those in military service, there is a required balance between "Sex" and "Politics". This book was rushed into production over this past weekend due to events unfolding, and the book indeed does not specify whether a balance is needed between marital and extra-marital sex. That is left up to the reader....The first copies of the book have been snapped up by our Congressmen who have been totally blindsided by the recent sex scandals to the extent that they cannot think deeply about such things as the "fiscal cliff" or...anything for that matter...the financial things are on the back burner till all the details about sex are reviewed,....and reviewed...and reviewed....Seems that over the past four years, the "balance" had swung so far to the politics end of the proper living model, that we need nonstop sex scandal for months to come in order to get the proper peace of mind. Stay tuned.

Sex Scandal Expanded to all Married Men in Service; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the shocking news from Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn., that lazy fishing town in northern Minnesota, where men are fishermen, and the coffee is double strong---seems that the rumor is that ALL married men in uniform are being investigated for any emails that they may have sent or received from married folks other than their spouses during the time of their service....this is viewed as a national security threat investigation after the pattern of Tailhook II, or the follow up to the dallience of the Secret Service during foreign missions, and the recent disclosures about General Petraeus....I can see the logic...If one who is perfect sent thousands of emails etc, then those who never aspired to be perfect may have done the same.....the beauty about the power of data mining of all email over the past ten years or so...The investigation should be completed in 24 hours...Brace yourself.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Knocked Out Boxer Says He did nothing Wrong: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

"Sleek Jimmey" from Normal, Mn. suffered a knockout in the first round of a normally scheduled boxing match in Normal, Mn. on Tuesday night---but shortly after the fight he loudly asserted that he had fought the "perfect fight" and had not made any mistakes, and that it was all the "other guys fault". Stay tuned as I follow this story. The guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop just smiled when the story was told, and said that sometimes in boxing and politics this does occur.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Political Losers say it was all the Winners Fault: Tales From Normal, Mn.; FICTION

Just got the news from Betty Lou's coffee shop this morning---just because everybody seemed a bit tense the morning after the election, Betty Lou switched to half-caff---she was afraid that a full dose of caffeine would cause a major brawl.... The guys were in shock...and especially the conservative guys that had their hearts set on a new President...and they were loudly blaming the victors for the defeat of the losing candidates----it was that logic that caused Betty Lou to make the switch to the lower caffeine level--- It sure is hard to lose in Normal, Mn..

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Republicans Grapple for answers,,,but no questions please just yet; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from Betty Lou's Coffee Shop this morn in Normal, Mn.---the guys are grappling with answers about last night's election...but do not feel any rush to provide any questions...they do not want any and will tell you when they are open...stay tuned....

Florida Seniors Saddened that nobody political calls them hourly any more:: Can't Wait till next election: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got a call from Florida this morn...one of the relatives of Billy Bob the walleye guy from Normal, Mn. was visiting Florida and noted that all of Florida seems to be in a funk of withdrawal---nobody is calling them every hour any more about their vote...and they had gotten used to all the attention...and it seems like a big loss...they hope a new election comes real quick or medication might be necessary.....

Some Shocked that Raising Revenue might mean Higher Taxes, Lower Expenses; Tales From Normal, MN: FICTION

Just got the tweet from Normal, Mn. this morn, seems the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop this morning were shocked and dismayed by the news on television that explained that their taxes might go up or their benefits might go down....And the last question they wanted to know was what a "dividend" was....stay tuned as I follow this story.

Good Old Boy News is seeking Latino Spokesman: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text this morn from Normal, Mn. ....seems there was a bit of humor last night in the midst of the television reporting from Normal, Mn. , the Good Old Boys News Channel looked a bit uncomfortable explaining the importance of the Latino vote...and in fact this morn have placed an ad in the paper seeking a Latino to work in four years at the next election coverage event...6 hours....flexible hours, no health coverage..cash....Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

"Jersey is My Backup": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

If you have ever worked in lower Manhatten, you know several things----New Yorkers are very smart and have lots of moxie...and secondly..it is very hard to get a clear telephone connection due to the poor infrastructure---but New Yorkers have prepared for everything...they have Jersey as their backup...they gave up on God years ago, and in the event of a natural disaster, they have system backup in Jersey. Nice...I still like Iowa or Nebraska. Stay tuned as I follow the high IQ and wisdom of New York.

"All Press Releases via sign language---viewers assumed to be Deaf": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn that commented on the SNL skit which featured the sign language person who starred recently in New York with Mayor Bloomberg---the press release noted that for the past five years, all press presentations in Normal, Mn. have been Sign Language since it is assumed that all the viewers are DEAF. It appears that most of the audience is either DEAF or in DENIAL and the only way messages can properly be processed is if Sign Language is used...and it is harder to twitter the messages too. Signing slows down the transmission so that folks can truly understand the message...something unusual in modern life. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Political Poll Wins "Best Fiction" Award: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Shock and awe out of the New York Literary Society this week as the "Top Fiction" award was given to a recent political poll. Regular writers were totally outraged...and threatened to boycott the rest of the meetings...but leaders calmly replied that the "plot" was broadly construed and there was plenty of plotting and money changing hands if one could just imagine it, and yes the work was kinda comic, and fictional, and was just as bazarre as lots of other stuff submitted. And as far as the notion that these works were "scientific polls" they asserted that this has been a fiction for as long as our nation has existed. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Rifle Association Says they can Save Us: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the fifteenth call from the Normal, Mn rifle association, and it seems that they think they have a plan to save America----yup its guns, guns, and guns...and oh ya lots of ammo too. And the final thing is never to say "NO" to the Rifle Association. They have been sticking to this message for the past 100 years....and they consider it a miracle that this same remedy has worked like magic all these years and has made us the great nation that we are...Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Friday, November 2, 2012

"Never Rebuild in a Floodplain" replaces "Never Fight a Land War in Asia" as the greatest Wisdom of 20th Century: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn. this morn from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee House...there was fierce debate this morning over the double strong coffee with no extra charge for whipped cream...the third mantra that was closely beaten out was "Never have Jersey as your back up plan". There has also been strong demand in the bait shops of Normal, Mn. for the "I will rebuild" bobble head doll....The small supply of these wonderful dolls has sold out, but an air shipment from China is expected shortly. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Normal, Mn. Endorses any candidate that will pay their expenses: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn.---it seems that the boys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop met this morning, and were laughing about the news that BOTH New York and New Jersey leaders have endorsed the President for reelection, and especially...and maybe a quid pro quo..if he agrees to pay 100% of the disaster expenses.....and the guys got the idea that this essential principle could apply to their little fishing town of Normal, Mn.---so they just put it out there ....that if either candidate would agree to pay their city expenses...to just give them a call....no pressure...but the election is next week...just sayin....

Politicians Courageously Press on Asking for Money till Polls Open: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn.;;;There is no time for rest...no time for the weary...the politicians are going to press on till the very last minute before the polls open on election day...all in the courageous act of fundraising for a bill from the media guys who will win no matter what...stay tuned as I follow this story.