Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Thursday, January 27, 2005

"The Simple Life, Part II;

Recently I was traveling up north in Minnesota, near the famous Lake Woebegon, near Woman Lake. Yes, it is a beaufiful lake. Are the women beautiful up there? Well, there is one sweet girl that works at the Woman Lake Bait Shop...but you will have to travel there to see how beautiful she is...

Near Woman Lake lives on of my favorite pals, Herman, who is a down home country lawyer. I stopped in to see him recently and shared some coffee---straight, no decaff, no whipped cream, extra strong, in those big Minnesota Viking coffee mugs. "Up here, we're men of action, not words," he said. "It's a man's paradise. Just pure action. A great life, man,"he said.

I told him that I was living in a larger town of about 5000 people. And, I was attending a lot of civic meetings. I told him that with all the meetings, motions, and minutes, it became a pretty complicated process.

Herman said, "Listen, Wolfman (that's what he always called me), you know that there are really only three great legal texts, "Corbin on Contracts," "Prosser on Torts," and "Billy Bob on Procedure." No other reading is really necessary."

I was pretty stunned by his view that the world was so simple there in Woman Lake. He went on, "Listen, it's just real simple. We only record REAL action," he said. Why sometimes after a long meetin we just have a blank sheet. It makes record keeping real Simple.

Then he let out with a devilish, loud laugh.

I still am searching for "Billy Bob on Procedure." I just assume that it is out of print. If any fellow blogger can locate it I would appreciate it. I already have the other two texts.

Dateline Normal: ":The Texas Two Step."

Recently I have been up in northern Minnesota to chat with my old friend, Herman, the country boy lawyer, and celebrate the arrival of spring. After the long, long drive up Hwy 10, I arrived very late at the Spruce Goose Motel, and crashed. On awaking in the morn, I headed to the lone restaurant just opposite the world renowned Bait Shop. After I had gulped down a large, black, no whipped cream, lots of sugar, coffee in the standard Minnesota Viking blue mug, I called Herman on my cell phone to see what was happening.

"He's out fishing," his secretary told me. "You can come over to the office and wait for him though. He should be back shortly."

I was a little mystified. It was too early in the season for serious fishing. But I went over to the office and waited.

While I was waiting, I noticed all the volumes of legal books on the shelves and the tons and tons of corporate records lining the walls of his office.

Finally, Herman strode through the door. When I asked him how he could be fishing when the fishing pole was still leaning in the corner of his office, he just laughed: " I just got elected to the city council, and we call all our planning sessions "fishing." Saves a lot of time with all that open meetin stuff.

I was totally shocked.

Then he said, "Wolfman, (that's what he always called me) haven't you ever heard of the "Texas Two-Step?"

"The Dance?" I replied. It sounded a lot like maybe the "hip-hop" or "lindie" that my daughters talked so much of.

"Shucks no" he laughed. "See all them legal books and such on the walls here. Those are all the billy bob legal requirements we must comply with. We have all those books just for show. You know. Just to make it look good. Then we just do as we always have done."

I was totally speechless. "Really?" I said.

He went on, "I was off to a planning meeting this morn. We call it "fishing" cause the official business has not begun. Then he let out with a chilling roar of laughter that rocked his whole frame.

I had never heard of the "Texas Two Step."

Thank Goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin where what you see is what you get----- and the dances are straightforward.

Posted by Evansville Observer at 4:54 AM