Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Dateline Normal: "Budgeting Time Again in Normal"---the FTE Con----FICTION

(Ed.note; The original date of this post if October of 2006.)

Dateline Normal: Budgeting Time Again: or; moxie budgeting revealed- Fiction
(Ed. note. The following is fiction. Any resemblance to reality is purely by accident.)

My readers have been begging me to head out of town for some R&R and to stop writing about money matters, so I wheeled out the old Lincoln for one last trip up Hwy 10. The transmission has been slipping a bit so I felt it might be the last such long trip. After arriving late, I was lucky to get a room at the Spruce Goose Motel. I arose and met my old friend Herman, the country boy lawyer, at the local coffee shop, just adjacent to the historic bait shop with the colored stones.

Before I had even ordered, the waitress, Ginny, came over smiling with my "usual." And in the Blue Minnesota Vikings mug. Right away, I blurted out to Herman, "I have had enough of budgeting for awhile. How do you deal with all the FTE analysis up here in God's country."

Herman just burst out laughing.

"Shucks Wolfman," we don't do any of that FTE stuff up here in God's Country. It is forbidden by the natural law here.

I interrupted, "But...But...how can you present a budget that makes any sense so the elected officials can decide?"

Then Herman spoke boldly, " Just shut up and listen, Wolfman. Up here we have real moxie. Our fiscal year ends on 9-30 so for budget purposes we always propose to the alderman that we add a person on 9-29 of the first year, and quote for all the citizens to see the cost. For example, if we added an employee, we could say we are adding an employee for a cost of $230. The cost of $230 is of course the cost only for the last day of that fiscal year, but the real cost is $60,000 for the next year.

When the citizens see the minutes published in the paper showing the cost of $230 they think we are miracle workers. We are legends up here in God's Country.

"But don't you have to talk to citzens about FTE's," I asked.

"Heavens, no, Wolfman". Talking about that FTE stuff is strictly outlawed up here.
After all, remember the story about the good shepherd. Man, ya gotta treat the folks like sheep in order to be a great shepherd. That was exactly what the good Lord was talking about."

It sure is good to be back in good old Wisconsin. Where men are men and the numbers are straight and transparent...... and FTE increases are clearly discussed. And the shepherds lead more than weak sheep to pasture.

Alleluia.
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