Dateline Normal, Mn.: "The Virtual Prom"------FICTION

Well. This is the most difficult time of the year. There is an intense urge to break away for a winter getaway, but the perils of driving prevent it, and the costs of an upscale tropical getaway are prohibitive----so I just thought I would give Herman, my old friend in Normal, Mn. a phone call instead....just to reach out and see what might be happening in the frozen tundra.

I wasted no time with formalities once I got Herman on the line.

"Herman, here in Wisconsin we have been in a tizzy about Prom planning and all. It seems that some folks felt that if a destination wedding was the modern thing, a destination prom would be likewise a real attractive option. After all. All the kids would be sharing quality time. The event would create little cleanup. And besides the kids would be on the bus to and from and the risks would be minimized of wayward conduct. So. Lots of plusses. What do you do up in Normal, Mn., Herman?"

"Shucks, Wolfman( that's what he always called me) you completely misunderstand the culture of modern youth. The point is not to share lots of time together. It is really just to spend a few moments uplifting and upscaling the fellow classmates at the ceremony, and then to split to party separately. All the while the parents think they are sipping ice water at the event.

Up here in Normal, Mn., we just do the event virtually-----we just have a VIRTUAL Prom----EVERYONE gets what they want. The school gets no fuss and mess. The kids get to party privately. And what is best of all, nobody gets to drive anywhere. What could be better? Besides. It is so cold up here in Normal, Mn., that nylons and fancy duds are just plain freezing. It just makes sense to go VIRTUAL.

I explained to Herman that here in Wisconsin, we are dead set against VIRTUAL. In fact, WEAC is at war with anything that is not hands on, down home, and hireable.

Herman was not sympathetic.

"If you do not believe in virtual, then you must stop whining about the muss and fuss of real events. Up here in God's country, we are in touch with the new....and the old. It's just the natural way."

Well. Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where we can rail against virtual while we are on the computer 24/7 and never notice the inconsistency.

Alleluia.