Dateline Normal, Mn.: Arbor Day Celebration Brings New Twist---FICTION

Well. There is just nothing like May and the celebration of Arbor Day. It just happens every year that it occurs on the week that I regularly head on up to Normal, Mn. to get the boat launched for the summer season of fishing.

I just happened to stop in the local gas station to pick up a copy of the Garrison Times, and right there on the cover was the official proclamation of the Mayor of Normal, Mn. of the legal declaration of Arbor Day 2008. No sooner had I put the paper down on the passenger seat that I noticed while driving through the downtown of Normal....well it was only by the bait shop and the coffee shop....but still it was striking....all the beautiful trees of downtown Normal had been cut down to the ground. I was totally stunned.

When I sat down in the little coffee shop, Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, named for the famous 50's song, "Betty Lou's Got a New Pair of Shoes," I asked Herman, my old countryboylawyer friend, who in addition to being a local real estate attorney, was also a member of the Normal School Board, what the heck the deal was with all the trees being cut down.

I held up the paper and proceeded to quote verse by verse.

Herman, I said, "It says right here: "Whereas trees are a renewable resource.....etc. " Is it not pretty clear that as the proclamation says we are to take care of our trees....not cut them down?"

"Settle down Wolfman"----(that's what he always called me.). Normally it is true that I am a strict constructionist in legal matters, but there is just one area that I prefer to have a more living...... breathing..... interpretation of legal lingo----and it is in the matter of Arbor Day. Let's face it. We are all getting older up here. After each winter is over, with all the raking, cutting, etc of trees, well.....it got to be simply exhausting. Too much. It is fine for you visitors to come to town to simply view all the trees, but it was us locals that had to care for them----and frankly we do not have the ENERGY any more to do so. As a matter of ENERGY CONSERVATION....we cut em all down. We are an "Energy Star" City. And proud of it. " Then he went on.....

In the text portion of the proclamation it simply says that we are a tree loving community AND where consistent, also a Energy Star community. And not in that order. So---we simply decided to cut down all the old, big trees downtown....and replace them with little trees. We will leave it to the next generation to worry about the trees...kind of a legacy thing. It has been a real energy saver. AND the best part----the city council person that cuts down the most trees gets to wear the annual ARBOR DAY BASEBALL CAP----trust me---we all fight for that high honor.

It was hard to believe. A loyal conservative yes Republican lawyer like Herman. Normally a hangin type judge so to speak----here he wanted a liberal construction of the Arbor Day Proclamation so all the old trees could be cut for kindling. I wondered about his state of mind.

Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where we follow the letter and the spirit of the law of Arbor Day-----where we do NOT cut down all the trees downtown and where we most surely do not give the honored ARBOR DAY CAP to someone who loves to cut down trees.

Alleluia.