Dateline Normal, Mn.: Cost of "cowchips"skyrockets: Herman Explains:----FICTION

Recently after browsing the local Sunday papers, I was just stunned by the rise of commodity prices worldwide----I knew that locally grocery prices had skyrocketed but was not fully aware of the global increase in ...well...everything. Many press pundits were saying that it was all the ethanol producers that were causing the rise of prices because of all the corn diverted from food to fuel.

I just wondered---- about that corn that I was burning---so I took out some and tried to cook it to see what happened. Trust me. Maybe it could be ground....but it is not edible as I see it for humans. It is strictly for cattle.

Sometimes when I read the Sunday paper and ponder these things, I just pick up the phone and call my old friend, Herman, in Normal, Mn., who as a countryboylawyer and member of the Normal School Board, always has a unique perspective.

I tried to explain to Herman that the rise in the price of rice that was causing a panic worldwide was caused by those ethanol folks and such.

Herman just laughed:

"That is just bull, Wolfman (that is what he always called me. Nobody burns rice and yet that has skyrocked 50 percent the last week. You must understand that this is all the work of speculators, pure and simple."

"Remember that the gasoline prices are skyrocketing even though consumption is down as Americans drive less and the economy is going into recession. Even the AAA is mystified. We have allowed the speculators to rule the world, Wolfman."

I could not believe that indeed the speculators could cause such a thing. Then Herman went on:

"The reason I know all this, Wolfman, is that some years ago we constructed a special high tech plant to burn cow manure to produce energy. It was pure state of the art."

"What happened," I asked.

Herman went on: " It was amazing. Within 24 hours the price of cow manure skyrocketed three times and all because there was just a severe shortage of cow manure in Minnesota."

That got me wondering. " I think we have a lot more cow manure in Wisconsin than you have in Minnesota. In fact, we are just full of it. I think we would be o.k. "

Herman went on: "YES----- there is a lot more BULL in Wisconsin, but that is not the point, Wolfman. No matter HOW MUCH, it is NOT enough. The speculators will make the economy of recycling vanish."

I was pretty stunned by the whole discussion. I still thought that there was enough in Wisconsin to burn it to solve all our problems. Still. I would defer to my neighbors to see what they thought.

What do you think?