Dateline Normal, Mn.: Herman writes: The Top 10 Reasons not to raise taxes on the rich or close tax loopholes--FICTION

(Ed.note; Here is a note that Herman sent to me recently regarding the Top Ten reasons why we cannot tax folks who make over $250,000 and why we cannot close any tax loopholes such as secret off shore accounts. Enjoy. )


10) We cannot eliminate tax cheats because....they are some of our most patriotic citizens.


9) If we eliminate the tax advantaged investments, we would also have the effect of eliminating the armani suited lawyers who are required to give advice regarding them, or more precisely, give clients a call back after researching pertinent cases at $300 per hour.


8) If all offshore tax havens were eliminated, there would be an adverse effect on Bahamian real estate---who would replace all those tenants in the houses in the brothel district.


7) A rising tide lifts all yachts. If the rich cannot have a yacht as a second home or primary commercial location, there would result in a terrible surplus of yachts. Oh---I forgot. There already is a terrible surplus.


6) If we eliminated all the complicated tax deductions for high end tax payers and corporations----corporations might have to pay some taxes-----this would have the terrible effect of reducing employment because everybody knows that employers only hire staff from the money they get from illegal tax havens.


5) If corporations had to pay taxes, they would not be able to send junkets to Vegas---this would have a terrible effect on real estate there. And the casinos would change the gambling ratios that would make it less profitable for all to gamble.


4) If the rich could not get huge tax deductions for charity, what would become of social society in New York---who would people gossip about.


3) If the rich did not get tax deductions for charity, mostly the poor would be the major contributors---oh...I forgot---that's the way it is right now.

2) If the ultra rich had to pay taxes, less would trickle down to the poor folk.


1) If the ultra rich had to pay taxes, the United States might actually become progressive rather than just talking the talk.