Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Economists Excited that Workers have Given Up: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn this morn...seems that unemployment rates have fallen all over this great land, due to the fact that workers have given up their search for employment, and thus are no longer counted...and no longer counted means that they are no longer "unemployed"...or in other words they do not exist...so there it is...things are improving for the economists, the politicians, and other folks...but

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Government Responded TOO Quickly Critic Says" Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Shocking news today----Harry the "Crazy Cat Fisherman" from Normal, Mn, has criticized the government for too quickly responding to the flooding disaster of the local lake, Normal Lake. Everybody just smiled. They understood. "That's Crazy Harry"

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Only a Week left with NO TV or Phone: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Citizens of Normal, Mn are on edge today, but optimistic. Yes there has been a huge surge of anti-depressants dispensed, but the supply of these seem to be holding if the glide path of usage declines after the election...but nobody is sure of that. It seems that folks here are holding the hope that the mindless drivel and ranting of politics will end after the national election...and then they can resume to use their phones which have been of necessity off the hook...and they can once again turn on the sound for their TV. It has been speculated that one of the new TV products coming out in the new year will have a button to suppress all politics...If it is introduced with this feature, and eliminates all mindless drivel, it is unclear how much programming will be left, so stay tuned as I follow this story.

After Becoming Energy Self-Sufficient, City Plans on Exporting Every bit: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Shocking news from Normal, Mn today----after spending the last ten years becoming energy self sufficient, developing new fracking, new solar,new LG and new coal resources, Normal, Mn has decided to EXPORT all of these to Asia to get some money. The reason that since energy is a worldwide resource, who would care? Yup. That is the gifted reasoning of Normal, Mn. And your town? Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Banker overjoyed at fraud charges...hopes stock will soar; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Jimmy "the Weasel" Smith, President of the Down Home Bank in Normal, Mn. was sky high this morning as his wealth skyrocketed----his bank was indicted for "massive bank fraud" covering the past decade, and Wall Street responded instantly this morning by sending his stock higher...much higher. When asked how he felt, Jimmy replied" Well I sure felt like a "money center bank" this morning.....surely we are not that big, but whatever...the scandal has made me a rich man... Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Candidate stays we should remain "Strong" and create a few new Wars: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Recently Wally the "Weasel" Thompson, the conservative candidate for Mayor in Normal, Mn. spoke at the Rotary Luncheon held at the Spruce Goose Motel in Normal, Mn. You may remember the Spruce Goose Motel, cause it is the only motel that has a deer head on the wall in every room, plus all the beds come down from the wall. ...and under the pillow of each bed is a mini-snickers bar...anyway..I digress. Wally spoke softly, but firmly and said that America needed a new WAR right now in order to be "strong" and avoid the "fiscal cliff". He said he "hated" war personally, but was enthusiastic for young men that had no job prospects anyway, and who could learn a useful trade, such as mine detection and hand to hand combat----stuff that might come in handy when they got back home in bar fights...

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Candidate Says we need a military Man--who can invade Iraq if Afganistan attacks; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Wally "the Weasel" Smith, a veteran and fly fisherman from Normal, Mn was visiting today with the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, where all the coffee is double strength, and the whipped cream is no extra charge---and he made a point that all the guys were stunned by-----In these trying days of political unrest, it is rare...rare indeed where we have the chance to vote for a military man who has the vision to attack Iraq when Afganistan starts the attack---that vision is sheer moxie.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

School District Pays for Concussions and Lifetime Disability: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Shocking news today out of Normal, Mn.---a Supreme Court in this fair state has ruled that parents of grade school and high school students, where they have been informed of the consequences of football injury and concussions, are no longer able to sign away the liability and hold the school district harmless----from today henceforth, the school district will be maintaining permanent health care coverage to cover this health care exposure---the costs will be high....and property taxes will be affected...but by unanimous agreement to a man at Betty Lou's Cafe, this is the best remedy---otherwise it would be children suing their parents...and that would be unseemly. Now, even though a town of 5000 people might have to have four or five rest homes just to cover the brain damaged, it would be worth it because football is just so darn entertaining. And besides, when polled, nobody in Betty Lou's cafe this morn could remember what they had been doing on Sunday, Monday, Thursday and Saturday besides football in days gone by...yup I guess that's the memory thing....Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Normal, Mn. shocked by decline in State Aid: Urges "Reform": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Locals have been buzzing at Betty Lou's Cafe this morning, that's the famous local coffee house where all the coffee is double strong, with whipped cream included at no extra charge, served in the Minnesota Viking blue mug----the State has announced that for the fourth straight year, state aids for Normal, Mn. will decline. The guys are just beside themselves. "The rich dudes are not paying their share", Billy Bob blurted out. "We don't have no rich" Henry retorted. " Us is all we got." Stay tuned as I follow this story.

"LiveHigh Founder Resigns": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The inspirational leader of the "LiveHigh for Life" organization, the trendsetting organization that touts the role of athletics and inspirational reflection to achieve the ideal life has resigned suddenly when it was learned that he has been under the influence of performance enhancing drugs. He is at the gym and unavailable for comment. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Candidate will pronounce policy positions once poll analysis is done: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The notorious candidate for President of the Normal, Mn. City Council, Billy Bob Johnson, has explained the delay in his statement on any policy issue for Normal, Mn. till just maybe 24 hours before the election, because he has been analyzing the polling data and has not completed the analysis yes...be patient...some announcements may be forthcoming.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Politico says Uncut video of him just got the story wrong: Tales from Normal, MN.: FICTION

A well known national candidate has recently told the nation that an uncut video of him saying that 47% of Americans were just "losers" and "dependents of the State" has gone on the record at a debate to say that the video just got the story wrong....that was not what he meant at all.... He is being referred to counselors, but they have cautioned that such prevarication is common in politics. Lies, dishonesty, dissembling, theft and much, much more are pretty typical..

School Strike Lockout Causes Home School Popularity to Grow: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Well it has been quite a week in Normal, Mn.: After a school referendum failed that would have allowed the local district to bypass the state levy limits for property taxation on homeowners, the local school board met in public session and threw up its hands....they just could not make the math come out...with the state not fully sure of what the payment to the district would be, and the enrollment not sure because the open enrollment numbers kept rolling against them like a dice game....the school board decided to just close the school and let individual citizens "home school" for a while till things cooled down. The funny thing is that although many parents have had to quit their jobs, the general popularity of home school has risen...Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Bald Men say they did it all themselves..except for cooking: Tales From Normal, MN:FICTION

Last night at the Loose Caboose Bar and Grill in Normal, Mn. there was truly a big data sample of male electorate---well precisely bald older successful male electorate----and there was a complete consensus that they did it all themselves....they were the center of the universe and had no intention of sharing anything...well yes... they never learned to cook...but then... who cooks cheap beer? Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Drunken Fishermen love politico who would have destroyed GM and Big Banks: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Last night was quite a scene at the Loose Caboose Bar and Grill, a new spot in Normal, Mn, where just after happy hour had been closed for the evening, the Presidential debate began---the guys were loaded up at the bar with highballs, and the hooting quickly began as one candidate proposed that he would have allowed GM to fail, all the big banks too, and even would have eliminated Big Bird.......After two hours of Happy hour, the fishermen just scratched their heads....who was Big Bird they asked? Anyway, just the idea of allowing all the big banks to fail and GM too was so popular among the guys, most of whom had arrived on their Harley's for the local rally tomorrow morn. They agreed to a man that this candidate had a bold vision for America, and after four or five bar drinks they were sure of it. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

"Investors Lobby for Bernanke Channel": Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Investors in Normal, Mn, or at least from a sampling of guys at Betty Lou's coffee shop in the hub of town, that small fishing town where the coffee is double strong, served with whipped cream in those Minnesota Viking blue mugs that are famous...well it seems that investors want to have a special "Bernanke channel" on cable. Ever since the tv appearance of Ben yesterday, where Ben weighed in on the issues of the day, the locals here want to see him 24 hours of the day...and only a special channel will do. Others like the idea because that way they can get the best of Bernanke anytime and not have their regular programming interrupted with updates..It seems that the face of Ben with that whiskered look and "on the other hand" prose is so charming to some investors that there might be a real market here. Some have suggested that Ben might not want to have his name prominently on the channel, so it was suggested that the name be "On the Other Hand" channel, in honor of that Hegelian style that Ben loves so much. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Only Pros and Coaches left at Normal, Mn. High: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Due to the educational funding crisis, Normal, Mn. has announced that its school district is closing. It seems that only the Pros and the Coaches were left, since nobody could cut essential professional staff, and nobody could cut essential coach, assistant coach and very essential equipment expenses, and thus...nothing was left for teaching. Stay tuned as I follow this story.