Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Friday, February 28, 2014

There's Only Bars and Shakes in Normal, Mn: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen at Betty Lou's in Normal, Mn....seems the guys were talking this morning about food..one of their dear subjects...and to a man nobody cooked....and nobody shopped for food either....they all consulted together and they all observed that they were all chunky, in weight control programs, and only ate bars and shakes...and ya had a refreshing cheap beer once in a while....They had to admit they never even had any cooking utinsels, unless you counted a bottle opener....stay tuned as I follow this story.

80 yr old conservative investor seeks long term stocks for investment: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just saw the ad in the Normal, Mn Fish Times...seems a older fisherman is looking for some long term conservative stuff...is that optimism or what....

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Corporations that pay NO taxes seek to pay less: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen in Normal, Mn....it seems that some heavy hitting corporate types stopped in for coffee at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, where all the coffee is double strong, and the whipped cream is no extra charge...and they simply said that even though they paid NO corporate income taxes...still they wanted to pay less...maybe an additional tax credit would be good....and they said that they were encouraged now that Delta has announced that it has changed the sky miles to reward those in the 1% that pay more, that the trend has been set that those who are the heavy hitters, should always pay less taxes than anybody else..and never be ashamed of it...stay tuned as I follow this story.

School seeks Easy Core Curriculum, not Hardcore: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the tweet...the guys at the local school board meeting sought to clarify their objectives and wanted to let everybody know that they would never seek anything hardcore...only soft curriculum....

New Fire Station Planned: Lack of Fires Cited; Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the tweet...last night at the Fishermans Fire Station in Normal, Mn, the guys were talking about how maybe since they had a little time due to the frigid weather, they might as well dream of building a 4 million dollar fire station...and as they brain stormed the idea, the main selling point was that their efforts over the past five years had really been worthwile since there had been no fires...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Nat Gas Futures Plunge as Cold Wave Hits Midwest....nice: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Seems that in honor of Enron Appreciation Week, nat gas futures that were above $6.00 plunged to $5.00 in frenzied trading recently...America that is a wash of fracking and plenty of nat gas, had a frenzy up and then down as traders went wild....this all seemed to be happening right after the Wolf of Wall Street movie had finished it's run in the theatres...thank goodness that in the best of all worlds, as we are in, of course, because of the plenty of supply, the prices just keep rising....how good is that to enjoy....

Middle Class are urged to stop burning their furniture and apply for heating aid: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn....seems the middle class fishermen from Normal, Mn. just do not know how to apply for assistance in the form of a loan to pay for their skyrocketing propane heating bills...hey just listen up and apply for a low cost 5 year loan..and maybe the costs will be lower this summer...maybe...the loan apps will be easier next year...

Home Sales Surge but Mortgages Decline: nice: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet---housing sales are surging, but not so mortgages written....seems folks are paying cash...interesting...not human folks of course...but corporate folks that are now "persons" just like regular folk....all the mortgage bankers are being laid off, and all the slum landlords are charging very high rates for very small spaces...and just trying to live up to the role model of the robber barrons of the 19th centure....stay tuned as I follow the story.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

"These Boots Are Made for Walking" named Minnesota Song of the Week: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the official tweet from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn, where all the coffee is double strong, and the whipped cream is no extra charge....that in honor of the fact that nobody in Minnesota can drive anywhere, this could be turned into a marketing opportunity, and every citizen should join in singing "These Boots are Make For Walking" after the national anthem at all sporting events this week...and even humming the tune during the daytime, while walking to work, will act to relieve stress and unify the citizenry....Youngsters can check the lyrics and tune on the internet.....enjoy.

Governor says Nixon's Watergate tapes are just old news: and his emails too: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

A Legendary Governor of the Frozen Tundra recently tweeted that his 22000 some emails detailing activities merging official and political business are just "old" news...and he also said that the Nixon Watergate files are old news too, as well as JFK, RFK, Martin Luther King and all the others....because these are old news, they are not relevant...nice....

Legendary Radical Mayor Opposes 400sq ft homes for homeless, except if they charge $1000/mo: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Paul, "the weasel" Johnson, legendary radical mayor of Normal, Mn. during the radical anti-war days of the 1960's, who first became mayor when he had long hair and sandals, now says, now that he is an older retired lawyer, that he vigorously opposes 400 sq ft homes for the homeless, but would like uptown 400 sq ft apartments with underground garages for $1000 to $1400 per month, depending on amenities...nice...

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Company appoints 19 new Senior Staff--all over 70yr old--urges them to think outside box: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet...a distinguished organization in Normal, Mn , which markets ideas and products to mostly seniors, has appointed 19 new staff, all over 70 years old and has instructed and encouraged them to think "outside the box." Nice..

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Frozen Tundra declared Closed till March 1st: Tales from Normal, Mn.:Fiction

Just got the tweet....all of the official Frozen Tundra states....Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin, North Dakota and South Dakota have been declared closed and out of business till March 1st due to adverse weather...the closure could be extended till March 15 if needed...All business will be closed...so no need getting stuck on the way to closed offices...stay warm...

Loans for Propane, Water, Cell Phone, and Fuel now available: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the guys in Normal, Mn.---energy assistance grants have always been available for the poor in Normal, Mn., but now, since costs for propane have skyrocketed, special loans, repayable at 9% over five years are available to middle income taxpayers...just stop by City hall to apply...and yes...loans are also available for the skyrocketing water rates, cell phone rates and even car repairs...Just make sure you bring your tax returns for the past five years...stay tuned as I follow this story.

"Loco" Control, not "Core Standards" wins in Normal, Mn.: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from "Billy Bob", one of the famous bass fisherman who is a regular at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn---he explained that at the local school board meeting last night in Normal, Mn., the guys just wanted to do something totally unique, totally American, and ...well...they did not really understand the new fangled ideas of "Core" subjects and thus voted to keep "Loco" control, which was for them the way they had been doing things..."We aint changing nothing" he said....

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Propane Dealers Explain: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Two local propane dealers stopped in yesterday at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn, and over a double strong coffee, lots of sugar, and whipped cream, explained to the stunned bystanders that we live in the greatest nation in the world, and due to the fine determination of business ventures in the field of fracking, there has been a ton of production of natural gas, and in fact we have so much natural gas we don't know what to do with it and have to waste some by burning it at the wellhead, and ...due to our abundance of natural gas, the prices have gone sky high...up from $2.00 a unit to over $5.50....and that while some middle class homeowners have to go without heat because they cannot pay for it, the poor can apply for assistance and get relief...and besides if those middle class folks do not like it, they can sell their homes.....the guys were pretty stunned by his talk....

Leader argues that Pot and booze are different: Tales from Normal, Mn: Fiction

A famous governor in the frozen tundra, in off the cuff remarks, said that he felt that pot could not be legalized in his state because pot was a gateway drug and from what he could remember from his youth...pot and booze were different....stay tuned as I follow this story...

Drivers shocked by potholes...: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet...it has been such a long winter in the frozen tundra that newspapers are shouting out to readers to remember about potholes...it has been so long since 2013 and warm weather, that most residents of the frozen tundra with short memories brought on by ...whatever...had forgotten...stay tuned as I follow this story...

Conservatives Argue that paying workers a living wage would be "Immoral" and harm jobs: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet...seems some conservatives at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn. yesterday expounded that there could be no increase in the minimum wage since it would be immoral and unfair for some to make enough to eat, when it would be fairer if all starved alike...and besides, if some got more money per hour, less people would be served at fast food restaurants because customers would walk out because of poor service...and less people would eat fatty food...and they would live longer and strain the health care system...so keeping it just the way it is with beef, bacon, cheese and dairy being served by cheaply paid workers was best in the long run...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Criminals Worried About their privacy being invaded: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet this morning about the proposed drone program in Normal, Mn., that vast tundra wasteland in the winter that is a paradise for bass fishing in the summer....the locals were considering covering the 10 miles around Normal with a drone to supervise and take pictures of crime in progress..but it seems that those involved in car theft and burglary have some privacy concerns...stay tuned as I follow this story,. And as far as cameras mailing folks traffic citations...there is a little concern of some folks that they might come home from a trip and have many, many, many tickets in their mail...stay tuned.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

LIbrary books abou the "Great Crash of 1929" sought by readers: Tales From Normal, Mn. : FICTION

Just got the tweet from the Little Ladies Library in the center of Normal, Mn. Mall and it seems there has been a big demand for books on the Stock Market Crash of 1929...It happened before most of the baby boomers were born, and there has been a rush by readers to bring themselves up to speed....many wondered if the pundits felt that the Great Crash was touted to America during the 1930's as a great "buy on the dip" opportunity...stay tuned.

"Chocolate Chip Cookies Under Attack" in Normal, Mn.: Tales from Normal, Mn: Fiction

Just got the tweet...Conservatives in the Old Fishermen Retirement Center lashed out Wednesday at new age Chocolate Chip cookies that they felt were too diverse and tended to undermine the solid heritage of the frozen tundra, where peanut butter cookies and oatmeal cookies have been the treasured tradition...Some pundits felt that these conservatives were just looking for a wedge issue, and may have been very frustrated since many in the frozen tundra have been abandoning their homes because of the shortage of propane, and hence it is possible that all the neighbors have been a few propane tanks low...stay tuned as I follow this story...

Saturday, February 1, 2014

"Two Men with Hammers" Cited for Outstanding Civic Duty: Tales from Normal, Mn.; FICTION

Just got the tweet---"Two Men with Hammers", the real estate flipping firm that set a record last year for the numbers of homes flipped for a profit after a quickie rehab...they received the Distinguished Service Award from the State because their deft flipping accounted for a noticeable rise in economic activity for the State...and in undelivered remarks the Governor mentioned that he hoped all citizens were as productive as this company, and while it is nice for a population to be stable and contribute to their community, the State does have an interest in having the numbers look good, and flipping really helps...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Normal, Mn. ENDS "Income Inequality" by Mayoral Memorandum: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet..shocking news...the Mayor of Normal, Mn. issued an executive memorandum that declared an end to "Income Inequality"....and in addition to the three sentence memorandum, indicated in oral remarks strong support for the Presidents' call for a new MiRA, a special national retirement system, created by executive order, that will allow regular folks to have the TREASURY, manage their retirement money, and with the same moxie that through deft virtual bookkeeping added trillions to our national debt and reduced interest rates for seniors to less than 1%....that same moxie will be used to make each and every senior successful in investing...stay tuned as I follow this story.