"Half of All Brat Purchases are INVALID": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the news...seems that the CEO of "Alleluia Brats" that is conducting a truly inspirational bratfest this weekend in Normal, Mn. stated that over half of all brat purchases across this fine country are INVALID...and he asserted that the only VALID brat is one that has the name "ALLELUIA" on it....and that a purchase of the Alleluia brat brings all the special add on benefits that distinguish it, and that these brats are available for sale this weekend only in Normal, Mn....stay tuned as I follow this story.