Dateline Normal, Mn.: "The Committee of the Hole"----FICTION

Well it sure has been a hectic time lately...with the states cutting their aids to local governments and those governments poised to increase property taxes significantly and also poised to "rework" their debt portfolios and...yes...incur some more debt...just a temporary matter be assured.

Some governments are gathering for listening sessions, called the "committee of the whole" so the governments can listen and bond with local elected representatives and assure them that "we are all in this together" as long as they vote for more debt that is.....

It all seemed pretty routine and a scheduled event to me. So....I picked up the phone and speed dialed my old friend from Normal, Mn., Herman. He was a lawyer. He should know the origins of this tradition.

"Herman, what's with the "Committee of the Whole." How did this develop?

Herman let out a huge bellylaugh----

"Shucks, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me), in olden days they used to call it the "Committee of the "HOLE"----as in One HOLER or Two HOLER or outhouses----that is how despicable debt was to the earlier generation that lived through the depression---the earlier one than now, during the 1930's. Somewhere along the line, the public relations folks decided to change the spelling to "Whole." I still like the older spelling cause it fits so well."

Then he went on:

"Years ago, the slogan used to be "Buy the best you can....but pay CASH." Nowdays the slogan is buy everything you want...and get the services of a debt consultant. The ultimate is to hire the "consultant" who helped with the original debt issue to help you get out or "rework" it. That is the ultimate joke." Things sure have changed.

Just the picture of the one holer and the two holer helped me understand.

Thanks Herman.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: "Heroes never bust their budgets--they just AMEND them."----FICTION

Well it has been pretty amazing---all across the nation cities and governments are getting to the end of their fiscal years and are "amending" their budgets, right in the middle of the heat of the summer when everyone is on vacation far away.....It just made me wonder. What ever happened to budgets anyway?

When I wonder, and it has been a lot lately, I just pick up a cell phone and call my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer in Normal, Mn.. ...that fishing town way up in northern Minnesota---he should know about budgets and such.

"Herman---what the heck happened to "budgets" anyhow.

Herman let out a loud bellylaugh.

'Shucks, Wolfman( that's what he always called me) you remember the famous football commercial with Payton Manning last season?----the one where he faced the old guy athletes squarely and told them to quit exercising and pumping iron 3 days a week to be a young football hero---and to just buy larger clothes and forget it. I think his words were "Get Real"--?"

"It's the same thing in budgeting---America has considered restraint just pure old fashioned---and has decided that whenever there is an "oops" in the budget, the best thing is to simply amend the budgets when everyone is not looking---and summer vacation on the hottest day of the year is perfect timing. It's just normal now."

As a guy who is getting hooked on "comfort fit" pants, I have to admit---restraint sure was difficult. However, it did bother me that without restraint, at the current rate, government would soon spend all of the citizens wages and then some.

Audio: "Bailout Breakthrough--Send Me the Money"--FICTION

Audio; Tales From Normal, Mn.: "Bailout Breakthrough---Send Me the Money"---FICTION

Audio; "Bishop Nixes Social Justice; Builds Cathedral"FICTI

Audio: Tales from Normal, Mn.: Bishop Norini Nixes Social Justice---Builds Cathedral---FICTION

Audio; Schools Face Crisis: Cut Math, Science, Reading;

Audio; Tales From Normal, Mn.---FICTION: Schools face Crisis Head On---Cut Math, Science and Reading----Add Baseball Coach

Audio: "Hiking the Applachian Trail" FICTION

Audio; Tales From Normal, Mn.: "I've Been Hiking the Appalachian Trail"----FICTION

Audio: Tales From Normal, Mn.: " Half Day School"---FICTION

Audio; Tales From Normal, Mn.: "Where Every Child goes to school Half Day---and the school district charges the State for FULL--FICTION

Audio: "Being Independent Means...."Fiction

Audio; Tales From Normal, Mn.: "Freedom means never having to pay for your own sewage plant." FICTION

Dateline Normal, Mn.: "I've Been Hiking the Applachian Trail"---FICTION

Recently it seems that a certain Republican governor felt it was necessary in order to be a real contender for the Presidential race.....to have a certified affair....and to make it official...during the Father's Day weekend went AWOL from the governorship of a famous state.....no problem...He just had the public relations folks tell the media that he was "hiking the Appalachian Trail." I love it when the public relations folks are called to handle the "relations."


So..I wondered...and when I do wonder, I usually call my old friend Herman, the famous lawyer from Normal, Mn..

"Herman--what went wrong. What could have been a better outcome.?"



"Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me) It may be just me...but that seems to strike a chord----a chord of lack of imagination. I get lost a lot in maps and traveling---and even my trusty TomTom cannot cure it.....why recently I set forth from Chicago and entered the sacred words, "EVANSVILLE" in the GPS -----it told me to enter the freeway alright....but then said......"At the first opportunity ....TURN AROUND."

In short summary...I obeyed. And it became a longer...much longer trip. It seems there are TWO Evansvilles. The HISTORIC Evansville in Wisconsin...and then the OTHER Evansville.

I think that if the good governor had thought more thoroughly---he could have picked a lot of other excuses rather than the "APPALACHIAN TRAIL" for an excuse....My favorite would have been "My GPS got confused and I got lost."

What would you have used as an excuse?

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Schools face Crisis: Cut Math, Science, Reading---Add Baseball Coach---FICTION

Well it sure has been stressfull lately as schools all across the country are facing drastic budget cuts caused by decreased state aids--Property tax payers are bracing for increased tax bills this coming December. It has been so gloomy lately that it has reminded me of the atmosphere of some funeral home visitations---in fact some of the funeral home visitations were even more up beat. There was sometimes an element of celebration involved.

Anyway---I decided to head on up that lonely freeway to Normal, Mn., my fishing getaway spot in Northern Minnesota---just south of Garrison, Mn. It always has been hard for me to think and fish at the same time. The fishing was so great that it just kept me totally involved.

Anyway, I asked my old friend Herman, the local attorney and member of the Normal School Board how they were coping with the budget crisis.

"Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me) up here the Superintendent went to Germany on a long junket, and while she was away, the board voted to cut Math, Science, and Reading to meet the fiscal crisis head on. And---they voted to add one more baseball coach. Just to balance things out."

It sure is good to be back in good old Wisconsin. Where we cut key essential courses last. And where at least the bat boys do not have full dress uniforms. It sure is good to be back home.

Herman Lists Top Ten Signs HS Class is in charge of Sales---FICTION

10. Management decides to make all sales staff temporary, day to day, hour to hour with no benefits.

9. A Sales Program is devised that is launched with a pep talk, with the aside that they will decide the "rewards" for achieving the goals later.

8. Not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, the sales by employee are said not be be very meaningful.

7. Employees are measured by how long the call lasts, just like the movie "Call Center" and they are also measured by how much they produce. With no particular view of what means what.

6. Sales Directors never talk to anybody below themselves....they just stay in their heavenly offices.

5. Feedback on quality of product is ignored until problems become huge.

4. When employees have bold ideas, they are...well...boldly removed.

3. 90% of the time in meetings is spent talking about paperwork issues and not sales.

2. There is an outing to the ball game and..... all employees pay their own way.

1. As a sales reward for extremely fine work, employees are given an extra .....pottie break.....with an official card to present to their supervisor to see if the time is convient for the volume of calls.....just like high school.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: "Where Every Child goes to Half-Day School--and charges the State for full"----FICTION

Recently I took a little road trip up that vast and winding road to Normal, Mn., up past the Twin Cities just this side of Garrison, Mn.. The ice has melted now and the coast is clear.

Over a strong coffee at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, where all the coffee is double strong, and mochas are not necessary, I mentioned to my friend Herman that we in our fair city had embarked on a unique structure for kindergarten, and called it the "pull out half day kindergarten"-----some of the kids went half day, but we charged the State for a full time student----this was sheer moxie was it not?

Herman did not look flustered by my bravado-----"Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me) Up here in Normal, Mn. we do things all the way, not half way----Up here ALL the school children go half day.....and we charge the State of Minnesota for full day. It is real slick. By doing so, we have closed one school and cut expenses in half.

"It gets down to one simple truth" Herman said, "In the modern world, where kids can work on their laptops and use "twitter" and "facebook," they don't need to be confined in a classroom all day."

WOW. That sure seemed bold.

Still I wondered. Whether "twitter" and such could really replace teaching. But then it was so much like teaching in a way. Just maybe....

Dateline Normal, Mn.: "Being Rugged and Independent means never having to pay for your own sewage plant"---FICTION"

Well it has been pretty stunning. All the techno improvements planned for our wonderful town---And even though we are in difficult times, and facing furloughs of municipal workers along with every other type of worker, and even though we have millions of Americans facing foreclosure, and even though there has never been a time when Americans could afford a higher tax burden---sometimes things are necessary----like sewage plants.

We sure need one. We are a little nitrate high. And even though we could wait a few years till we incur the expense, sometimes a disaster is the perfect time to put some guilt on the feds to pay for our sewage plant improvements as a simple matter of "stimulus." It sure makes one smile as one views cities all across the country do likewise---sending their "pork" or "septic" projects to the careful eye of Washington.

I wondered. And when I wonder, I always give my old friend Herman from Normal, Mn. a call ---just to clarify.

When I explained, Herman let out a huge bellylaugh.

"Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me) that's just the American Way. We are real independent in our thinking, and ....drinking....but when it comes to spending for our essential needs, we always call Washington to pick up the tab. That is the key to get what Americans call "disposable income." Ya can't have disposable, or drinkable income, if one is flushing down the expenses in the toilet. "

The more I thought about it....the more I saw the light. Yes. We were ruff and ready, but just not the way the history books taught us. The 4th of July was coming and I would be sure to remember that "freedom" is just another word for having the feds pay for our sewage plant.

Dateline Normal, Mn.; Bishop Norini nixes Social Justice: Builds New Cathedral

Well it has been a little troubling. With the closing of the venerable Multicultural Center in our local town due to the poor economy. I just wondered about who would be picking up the social justice mission now that the Church had forsaken it.

When I wonder such things, which is often these days, I just pick up the phone and call my trusted friend Herman from Normal, Mn....the land of fishing, the land of peace and contentment in northern Minnesota, yes....just a little ways from the famous Lake Woebegone. Herman was a lawyer and while he did specialize in trusts and estates...and and yes he may have forgotten about what the mission of social justice was since the days of his starving law school period,..still I thought he must know.

"Herman, what is to become of social justice anyway? Why is it that in terrible times, the poor are the first ones to take it in the shorts?"

Herman let out a huge bellylaugh:

"Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me) we will always have the poor. They are like the birds of the air who are supposed to fret little about how, where, or how much they eat---ya must have read the story of St. Francis and the birds...Anyway, up here in Normal, Mn., our local Bishop, Bishop Norini, decided that an economic downturn was the perfect time to build a new cathedral----after all, one can always serve the poor, but the real mission is to exault and prolaim the glory of the Almighty----and with the lead times of the art of cathedral construction, it is important to get these things done in one's lifetime so that they can be named after the builder....."

So...

Yup. that seemed to be the reality all right. I guess that's just the way life is.

BREAKING: TEXT: US Navy seeks PIRATE negotiator--URGENT, Temporary LTE, ---FICTION

This morning, Easter Sunday, I got a surprise text message from Normal, Mn.---yes you guessed it from my old friend Herman, the countryboy lawyer, who double dipped as a lawyer specializing in trusts and estates and also was president of the Normal, Mn. School Board-----

The text message was terse----"US Navy seeks PIRATE negotiator---experience required--urgent need to avoid surrender by US Fleet".

I called immediately. Finally someone sought my expertise----

I wanted to share the requirements with you in case you know someone locally that would be a good fit for this position:::::::


Applicants must be tough as nails, have good verbal ability, and have the skill of thinking outside of the box----in fact thinking and talking while standing in a small dingey would be good.

Evidence of prior felonies a plus---with special weight given to large swindles, even larger than petty financial crimes. No stockbrokers can apply for this position, nor civil servants.

Applicants must be willing to accept payment in an offshore account in small denominated bills and the payment will be considered tax free by signed agreement.

Strong patriots are preferred since it would be terrible if the US Navy surrendered to a few PIRATES.

It would be preferable that applicant has viewed all the videos of WWII and the Battleship Enterprise 360 series and is familiar with the proud traditon of the US Navy.

If you know someone that would be a good applicant, send their name to The Evansville Observer @fre2observer@yahoo.com ..All replies confidential.

BREAKING: Energy Fair Comes to Normal, Mn.: Special parking lot for SUV's Featured----

As a special visitor friendly feature, the site of the new Normal, Mn. Energy Fair celebration will feature a brand spanking new parking lot designed especially for SUV's. There will even be special spaces for HUMMERS.

More when I get the details. I am so excited.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Herman writes: The Top 10 Reasons not to raise taxes on the rich or close tax loopholes--FICTION

(Ed.note; Here is a note that Herman sent to me recently regarding the Top Ten reasons why we cannot tax folks who make over $250,000 and why we cannot close any tax loopholes such as secret off shore accounts. Enjoy. )


10) We cannot eliminate tax cheats because....they are some of our most patriotic citizens.


9) If we eliminate the tax advantaged investments, we would also have the effect of eliminating the armani suited lawyers who are required to give advice regarding them, or more precisely, give clients a call back after researching pertinent cases at $300 per hour.


8) If all offshore tax havens were eliminated, there would be an adverse effect on Bahamian real estate---who would replace all those tenants in the houses in the brothel district.


7) A rising tide lifts all yachts. If the rich cannot have a yacht as a second home or primary commercial location, there would result in a terrible surplus of yachts. Oh---I forgot. There already is a terrible surplus.


6) If we eliminated all the complicated tax deductions for high end tax payers and corporations----corporations might have to pay some taxes-----this would have the terrible effect of reducing employment because everybody knows that employers only hire staff from the money they get from illegal tax havens.


5) If corporations had to pay taxes, they would not be able to send junkets to Vegas---this would have a terrible effect on real estate there. And the casinos would change the gambling ratios that would make it less profitable for all to gamble.


4) If the rich could not get huge tax deductions for charity, what would become of social society in New York---who would people gossip about.


3) If the rich did not get tax deductions for charity, mostly the poor would be the major contributors---oh...I forgot---that's the way it is right now.

2) If the ultra rich had to pay taxes, less would trickle down to the poor folk.


1) If the ultra rich had to pay taxes, the United States might actually become progressive rather than just talking the talk.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: "The MoneyChangers in the Temple---the new version----FICTION

Last week during spring break, rather than head south to Mexico with certain members of the family, mostly because I lacked the armored car necessary.....I headed up that long and winding road to Normal, Mn., where I could be certain that the special rooms at the Spruce Goose Motel, the ones with the pull down king size beds and the stuffed bears on the walls and yes....the mini-dove bars in the ash trays to add just a spark of upscale cache....that these rooms would be reserved on just a phone call from me.

Anyway---I did something pretty unusual on Sunday morn and went to the local church---the Church of the Loaves and Fishes---for the standard 10:00 am church service. Pastor Bob was in great form this Sunday, and the Gospel reading was the story of how the Lord drove the Money Changers out of the Temple. One of my favorites.

Father Bob began by noting that this was an unsual sermon, since the Lord actually got angry---and for modern folks it almost seemed that He might need some anger managment classes to get back in control. After all, in throwing out the money changers from the temple, He seemed to violate several key principles of the current Normal School District about sharing concerns, peaceful behavior, etc, and besides arguing with the money class, in any age, is very hazardous to the enterprise.

Right in the middle of the sermon, Father Bob paused. He said, "Some of our current politicians, and indeed our President, have said that "We cannot rule from ANGER"....and the current fashion is that the correct policy is to make deals with the moneychagers---or tax them at 90% of the bonuses, or maybe do nothing because we have to honor the sanctity of their contracts.....or change the story every day till the common citizen wonders what the question was......this is the modern fashion....."

Immediately the whole congregation of the Church of the Loaves and Fishes got REAL quiet.

Pastor Bob went on:

"It is important to understand WHY the Lord threw the moneychangers out of the Temple---the moneychangers greeted the villagers who came with gifts by first rejecting their animals as not appropriate, nor their coin as appropriate, and then selling them pidgeons and doves at inflated prices and giving them "special currency" that gouged them and was ...well....a total ripoff. The moneychangers devalued real, honest folk and the products of their honest labor, and substituted fake and fraudlent currency and gifts---does this sound familiar?"

The congregation was stunned. Then he went on:

" One can rule with JUSTICE. JUSTICE and ANGER are different."

Then Pastor Bob spent quite a while reviewing GOOD justice from mere anger.

So there it is. The congregation was quite a buzz. And all the while as I drove back to good old Wisconisn, I just wondered what I would have done. Would I have driven them out also, or would I have tried to cut a deal with them, maybe a real attractive deal where I had them finance most of the toxic stuff, or maybe even finance a sewage treatment plant....it got all mixed up in the dream of mine....Anyway...I will leave it up to you....what would you have done?

Dateline Normal, Mn: "School for Everyone---Seniors gamble with DNR Money----Reversal is just fair play--FICTION

Well. It has been a pretty amazing week for news. President Obama has chided the news media for the short attention span of the news -----and says we need to take a longer view. Says that K-12 education in American has deeply failed us. Some states have the educational attainment of a third world country.

After pausing for a moment to catch his breath----the President then said we should expand that failure into pre-school by adding universal 4k---It seems that those who are currently participating in pre-school, and that is most children----are unfairly discriminating against those who are experiencing substandard education....and thus to be ....FAIR....everyone must get the same substandard eduation.....HUH?


Made one wonder. And when I wonder...which is often these days....I just give my old friend Herman in Normal, Mn. a call----He's a countryboy lawyer...he should know.

I wasted no time:

"Herman---what do you make of all this education improvement stuff?"

Herman let out a huge bellylaugh----

"Shucks, Wolfman( that's what he always called me) do not be confused by all the rhetoric. One must have a sense of humor---most of the talk is just bull...

Up in Normal, we have taken a LARGER view. We have mandated the enrollment of all citizens from birth to death in our school system----and the result has been revolutionary----PRESTO We have doubled our revenue through state reimbursement. It sure is neat!!!!!!

"But...but...what courses could the seniors take?' I wondered.

"It is real simple," Herman went on. "The seniors take yoga theory or water aerobics etc and the most popular course is "Probability theory and gambling---with sidetrips to the casinos for workshops on the subject. In fact, through special grants from the DNR there has been enough money so seniors can gamble free."

"What?". The DNR funding gambling? How in the world could that be justified?"

Herman just smiled.

"They already are funding such stuff. Video equipment etc. It was just a hop skip and a jump to allow full scale gambling. "

What a shock. EVERYONE in school.

Still. The more I thought of it. And being an advocate of education and all. And not being able to gamble on my own. Yes. it sure looked attractive. And why should the big boys gamble with senior invested funds, when the seniors could reverse the game and gamble with theirs. It was just simple justice.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: "The End Around"-----FICTION

Some months ago, midst the public hearings on the wind turbine ordinance for a local community, in the middle of the night, some high powered folks, armani suited I presume, came on the Observer late at night to listen to the tapes of the proceedings----checking them out, I found out they were a high powered, expensive public relations firm from out east....and that made me wonder.....Shortly thereafter, nobody from the pro turbine in the city with short setback people appeared at any public meetings.

I picked up the phone and dialed my old friend Herman, the countryboy lawyer from Normal, Mn.. He had beaten the armani suits many times. He would know what was up.

"Herman, what could be happening. I just do not understand".

Herman let out a huge belly laugh.

"Wolfman (that's what he always called me)----when the big boys are beaten, they always go for the "End Around Play"-----It's a simple play that every school child knows. The way the big boys play it, they just stop talking with the public, and bring the money----after all----buying the big boys is always cheaper than winning in the public forum."

"WOW"---I exclaimed.

Thank goodness we are back in good old Wisconsin. Where the folks wear denim and not armani.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Normal Senior Fitness Center eliminates bathrooms, fitness area; Adds Flyfishing room---FICTION

Well it sure has been an interesting week....with the local planning commission in our fair city being presented with a proposal to eliminate several bathrooms, and the fitness area of the proposed senior/community center and instead build an area for carpentry. I just wondered....and as I do when I wonder....I just picked up the phone and called my friend, Herman, in Normal, Mn. He's a lawyer. He should know.

After I told him the latest, Herman just broke out in a huge bellylaugh:

"Shucks Wolfman (that's what he always called me) that's nothing. Up here in Normal, Mn., we cut out all the bathrooms and the fitness area and substituted a flyfishing room. Let's face it. The guys up here love fishing, and flyfishing requires some art in the hook design, and the guys just love gathering to do the their art. The design planners felt the guys could pee anywhere---and besides the filling station next door obliged since when the guys went next door they always bought snacks. It was a real win--win public-private-very private partnership.

In fact it got even better. A well known drug firm, that wanted to promote its pill to control BPH, offered a special grant for medication freebies so that the seniors could achieve better bladder control. "

I was dumbstruck.

"Ya mean everyone goes next door to the gas station to use the restroom?"

"YUP" Herman replied. "After all. These are times to cut back. And bladder control was one area that we thought we could make a difference. Well. It is true hat some of the guys with wheel chairs can't deal with it....but then they could not fly fish anyway. So it all works out. We think it is real visionary."

It sure is good to be back home in good old Wisconsin. Where flyfishing is not so big. And where we occasionaly have bathrooms rather than run next door to the gas station.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Energy Team Meets--Vows to do less ....to save energy"-----FICTION

Well it has been a strange week---an entire nation has been discussing how to save energy---and some very creative ideas have surfaced. I have been on location all week working on a series of stories of how walkable neighborhoods look when they become foreclosed----and the assignment has been a wonderful look of how the concept of community has been developed, developed, and developed as a branding concept and has reinforced the notion that if it is an empty bucket with nothing more---bad things happen.

It was sunny, warm, and I was strolling the beach as all of southern Florida was on pins and needles waiting for those wild and crazy spring break college students to appear with all their depravity.....and money.....and to begin puking their guts out....getting cited for all sorts of violations that could fill local law enforcement coffers to the top----the question was would they come. What if they decided not to drink this year? WOW. It was a very tense time on the beach.

In times like these, I always pick up the phone and consult with my old friend Herman, the countryboy lawyer from Normal, Mn.; after all, Herman was a lawyer. He should have some thoughts on this issue.

"Herman, what is the deal? All of Florida is hoping booze will save them from the economic downturn---they call it "tough times." In fact---there are laws on the books that prohibit owners from putting "for sale" signs up. It might ruin the atmosphere of prosperity......

Herman laughed with a huge bellylaugh.


"Shucks wolfman( that's what he always called me)-----folks have a lot of crazy ideas on how to save money. Down in the South they are hoping that the booze in spring break will save them. Up here in the north, in God's country, the consensus is that if our leaders do less, expend less energy, more will be accomplished. After all, freedom is what results when government is minimized---and doin less qualifies----so every level of government has vowed to do less, drive slower, read with smaller light bulbs, shuffle more and run less----so far we are on target. "

""WOW"", I gasped.

"There really is a big difference between North and South. Real crazy..but different. Thanks Herman. "
"
"

Dateline Normal, Mn.: "Cost of shovels skyrockets in Normal, Mn."----FICTION

Well the pace of the news has really picked up. I just heard that there was a panic buying episode up in Normal, Mn. for shovels----seems that when all the folks heard that our President has called for "shovel ready" projects----every man, woman, and child who owned a shovel thought that the leader of our fair country was speaking directly of them----and wanting to be responsive, thought they would stock up on shovels in case that the entire stimulus program of 700 Billion or so would be directed to filling potholes----

Wanting to clarify---I just picked up the phone and called my old friend, Herman, the country boy lawyer in Normal.

"Herman---what is the deal with the panic buying of shovels?"

Herman let out a huge bellylaugh.

"Shucks Wolfman---the shovel play is simply perfect. In times of crisis, folks want to dig, dig, and dig just like little kids would when they were young, and in the converse up in the Northern tundra, we have a deep need to fill pot holes---a year round project. We are always "shovel ready". Thus the folks in Normal, Mn. thought Pres Obama was talking to them directly. \'

"Do you mean to say that digging and filling up potholes is the total national recovery program?"


"YUP", Herman chortled. "If the FILLIN don't cure the problem.....the DIGGIN might. It is a compete circle of life program----or circle of Federal debt program. We sure are excited. We patterned the program as a 7 step program after AAAA. First ya recover and then ya relapse. First ya dig and then ya fill. It sure works neat. "


Wow. Who wudda thunk a national recovery program could have been so simple.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: "For Fish and for Felons---It's Catch and Release"---FICTION

I was reading lately that many local jurisdictions have eliminated the jail confinement fee as a way of cutting municipal waste and creating a more efficient government process---I just wondered about that. Should we simply eliminate jail altogether as a cost cutting move?

When I wonder such things, I always call my old friend Herman from Normal, Mn.. He is a lawyer. He should know.

"Herman, what is the deal with eliminating any municipal fees for confining felons?"


Herman let out a huge bellylaugh'

"Shucks Wolfman, (that's what always called me.) You are just too old fashioned. Nowadays, life is just too fast paced for anyone to be confined for anything. It's just like the fish regulations up here. It is all "Catch and Release." It makes things real simple......Besides....all the fish have so much mercury that we cannot consume them anyway. It would be a safety hazard."

"Catch and release seems to be the real natural way in God's country."

Dateline Normal, Mn.: "How to Spend in Good times; And How to Spend LOTS more in CRISIS times in order to serve the people"---the Play----FICTION

Well it has been a real long stretch of gloomy news----and in honor of the weather warming up from below zero, I have made a special exception to my normal rule of never going to Minnesota during the period from November to March, and have accepted the generous invitation of the Ladies Civic League of Normal to attend the grand opening of the Normal Community Theare 2009 Season which is featuring the legendary comedy, "How to spend in Good Times and How to spend LOTS more in CRISIS times in order to better serve the people."

Relax. I will bring you a full report when I return.

Dateline Normal: "Generalized Hope is not an ACTION plan"-----FICTION

Recently, about a month ago, an international religious figure mentioned that as a practical and existential matter when faith is gone....everything else is pretty much toast. Faith is the building block.

In his religious garb, the concept was riduculed a bit--however....when bankers have ratios of 20 or 30 or 100 to ONE as a ratio of capital to debt....faith is surely important, even if it is deluded hope=====

I just wondered whether hope could be a total action plan---and I knew just who to call---Herman in Normal, Mn.. He was a lawyer. He should know. About despair. About lawsuits. and of course--about the inverse....hope.

"Herman, what is the deal. We are being told that "HOPE is a total action plan. Just send the money and everything will be better. What is your read up in Normal, Mn?"


Herman let out a huge belly laugh-----"Shucks Wolfman. FAITH, HOPE and LOVE make the world go around---but to make sure that those three items work properly---REGULATION is important. Up here in Normal, Mn. , we know that PROFESSIONALS are called to be more than PREDATORS---and that just as back in the 60"s they were servants of the public trust---THAT is precisely what the current crisis is calling them to be once again. The only problem is that they are USING the crisis to be SUPER predators. They just do not get it. HOPE is not an effective plan. It needs a BIG STICK----like the one Harry Truman wielded in the aftermath of WWII in prosecuting the war profiteers---we now need the fear of GOD to prosecute the war profiteers over the past 8 years. "

Well. I was just stunned.


"Thanks Herman."

Dateline Normal, Mn; "Saving More by Spending More-; Losing Weight by Eating More----" FICTION

Recently I have been working in sales taking orders for a national firm---it has been fun and I have watched as folks order more and more to get free shipping offers, or in general just buy more and more merchandise made in foreign countries---there are some wonderful items yes....but I have noticed a certain type of customer that is simply addicted to deals, deals and deals---and I get the idea that they might confuse volume of purchase with saving....

This reminds me of a conversation I had with one of my daughters that went to visit Italy---she wrote that she had to throw out all of her bulky "xxx" clothes and buy just one or two high quality items of clothing to wear for outings, since that was the fashion in Italy----quality of merchandise mattered.

Anyway---I just wondered about the whole concept of "saving." So---I just picked up the phone and called my old friend Herman from Normal, Mn.---he was a lawyer. He should know.

'What ever happened to the concept of saving, Herman?"

Herman let out a huge bellylaugh.

"Wolfman,(that's what he always called me) the whole concept of saving...and in fact "self control" has simply vanished----We have in fact become a nation of overconsumption---why if I was to market a line of clothing, I would call it www.3xl.com . The whole nation has gone beserk on consumption. Food, entertainment....well...everything.....There is just an essential imbalance. If a person is out of shape, eat more. If a state is out of budget balance....borrow more....It is a spirit of cando----borrow and deny. Never give up. It sounds like a pirate slogan. Kind of a slogan of the punk pirates.....When will it end? "


"Yes Herman, that is a good question. "

Dateline Normal, Mn.: DNR funds audio-video high tech Normal Fire Station---FICTION

Well last week something pretty unusual happened in Normal, Mn.. I got the call from Herman, the local country boy lawyer friend, who alerted me to the spectacular happening---the State of Minnesota DNR awarded the local Normal, Mn. firestation a large grant so that the new five bay Normal, Mn. fire station could be totally up to international code for audio video interface with potential terrorist threats nationwide----

Herman was just breathless with excitement.

"It has been just a wonderful thing" Herman gushed. "Ya got to understand that with all the other things happening up here in Normal, with the fishing, the recreational focus, there is a premium on firefighters that want to spend the weekend cooped up in a fire station waiting for a fire to break out. The state of the art video system is a fine way for the staff to be fully trained, and...well...retrained in the possible threats that might develop----in fact the guys have been watching the entire Bourne movie series just imagining what possible complicated threats that might come to Normal someday. The guys just love it. Movies, Movies, Movies.....the weekend just flies........"

"But Herman" I interjected, "the last time I checked ya just had two (2) fires last year. Why all the extensive infrastructure improvements for Normal, MN?

"Shucks, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me,) Fire is a growth industry. Besides, remember the old Smokey the Bear commercial? Ya got to be PREPARED. And we are---we got the movies to prove it."

WOW. What a happening. Maybe something like this can come to Wisconsin someday. it sure is good to be back home.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: " Bailout Breakthrough----Send me the money"----FICTION

Well it has been pretty stunning---the wide range of proposals all across the United States by all age groups for how to avert disaster. Yet with all the proposals, with all the diversity of point of origin----the theme has been the same. Send me the Money.

Whenever I wonder about such things, which has been more often lately, I just give my old friend, Herman, the countryboylawyer from Normal, Mn. a call----he is in God's country, and is a lawyer....He must know.

So I just blurted it out:

"Herman, how is it that folks think that our brand new President will send them all the money for the bailout----what is your take on this?

"Shucks Wolfman,(that's what he always calls me) in the real world, the first thing about deliverance it that it begins at home. Whether it is the Ponzi scheme of Madoff or the bailout nationally, there is the impulse to send the checks to relatives and friends first. It is just natural. After all, folks that are not related..... are nice folks and all....but... they don't need anything more than a friendly wave----up here in the tundra we call it the "Howdy wave." Ya give folks the finger wave from the car, the cheerleaderwave on the street that gives the necessary recognition----but it all ends with the money----money we just send to the relatives."

Wow. It all boils down to that. Even though as a nation, we are big, and modern and hip...... It still comes down to just a little small time thinking spread nationwide.

"Thanks Herman."

Dateline Normal, Mn.: " In Normal, Mn., all the kids are rated AAA by AM BEST----FICTION

Recently I was talking with an older gentleman and asked him to explain how a certain insurance company that got a massive bailout from the federal government, could at the same time be rated so highly by the rating agencies right up to....and throughout....the crisis.

He explained that that insurance company was broken up into twenty or so corporations that individually were mostly still rated at very high levels, and how this could persist was just a mystery.

Whenever I am mystified, which can be often...I simply call my old friend Herman, up in Normal, Mn., where he is a countryboylawyer, and also, and proudly, a member of the Normal, Mn. school board. Herman was a lawyer. He should know, I thought.

After I explained the situation, Herman just replied with a chuckle.

"Shucks, Wolman, (that's what he always called me.) those are just shell corporations. It's just a shell game so to speak. It takes imagination to get the concept."

Then he went on:

"Shell games are so popular up here in the North Country, that we in Normal, Mn. were determined to lead the nation. We individually rate each of the newborn kids AAA by AM BEST on the day they are born. It makes things real simple."

So. There it is. How to be AAA rated. How it is just natural in God's Country.

"Thanks Herman, " I said.