Translation Correction Noted by Monti: Tales:fiction

Seems a financial heavyweight from Italy who said he would do "whatever it took" was misunderstood in translation....he really said he would take everything he could....those verb conjugations are tricky.....stay tuned as I update the lin guistics corner....the bass fisherman at Betty Lou's have promised to help.

Beer Seminar so successful it will become weekly event:Tales From Normal, Mn: Fiction

Working on this story and will faithfully complete it when I finish the beer tasting.

Wall Street Gets Excited About Sub-Par Job Creation; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

OMG it is going to the moon!!!!that is what the guys sounded like last week....talking about..... the enthusiasm of Wall Street professionals...total professionals that they are..in an age where one has to totally discount the whole concept of professional...anyway...even though the job creation numbers were subpar last week, it was a reason to push the stocks higher....and the game seems to be to get the seniors who are on the sidelines to put their hard earned cash into risky assets that they are ill suited for..so that the needs of the gamblers can be satisfied...nice...

Virtual School Project Delayed; Need to plan some more Brick: Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn....seems that the guys were all abuzz at Betty Lou's coffee shop this morn, the coffee shop where all the coffee is double strong, and the whipped cream is no extra charge---the local school board spent several hours considering a new fangled virtual school for their students to get them in the modern age...but in the end, decided to build a new brick addition instead...it seems that there were several brickmasons locally whereas there were no computer savy designers available except in the big cities far away...stay tuned as I follow this story....

Beer enthusiasts rail against Apple lack of creativity: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

Lots of the inebrietated guys at the Loose Caboose Bar and Lounge railed at Apple for not being as creative as the beer industry....

Profit Skyrockets as all employees fired: Tales from Normal,Mn: FICTION

Productivity surged as robots were energized....some severe listening bugs caused complaints to plunge as inbound calls on service disconnected....stay tuned..

Folks Cutting Costs on Mars---Not so much elsewhere: Tales From Normal Mn :FICTION

Story developing slowly due to time delay--will keep you informed.

Wall Street Struggles to Define "Smoke in cockpit": Tales From Normal Mn:Fiction

Stay tuned for this developing story

God Lovin Patriotic Community with Long Tradition of Violence: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn. that the locals, mostly just the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, who every morning, gather together midst strong coffee and free whipped cream...that these guys were outraged today when they learned that in a recent sociology textbook, their fair, free loving, and beautiful community has been described as a patriotic community with a long Tradition of violence...the guys were shocked...stay tuned as I follow this story.

School Board of School Employees Agreees unanimously to Pay Increases; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today that the revered Normal, Mn school Board, which has been honored to have all of its members currently serving as teachers in the school district, has voted unanimously for a 10% salary increase effective immediately. There were no dissenters. Stay tuned as i will faithfully follow up on any news of the cost containment efforts of the district, as well as any more long range building projects even though, it must be duly noted that there is a slight problem of population decline, and students leaving the district for more flexible instruction, and online instruction models...

Focus Group Identifies A Strong Tradition of Gunshows and Cheap Booze

Last week was a historic one for Normal, Mn., that sleepy little fishing town in northern Minnesota, and yes, the home of Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, where all the bass fishermen go in the morning to chat...and where all the coffee comes double strong and the whipped cream is no extra charge... But..the guys are getting older now, and some have failing memories...so just to be sure, last week, the Common Council had a focus group to determine what the heritage of Normal, Mn. consisted of...during the focus group, FREE coffee and donuts were provided by Betty Lou's Cafe---at the end of the focus group, which concluded promptly in one hour, the unanimous agreement of all the participants was that Normal, Mn. has a strong tradition of Gunshows and Cheap Beer. Armed with this information, the next step in the planning process is to develop a marketing campaign. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Illegal Dog Kennel finally solved after 45 Years; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

After 45 years of deliberation by the august bodies of administration of Normal, Mn, there has been a determination that there will be an action to rule that indeed there has been a violation of ordinance, and notwithstanding the problem of the parties to the dispute being and having been dead for past ten years, it was necessary to take the full 45 years to make sure that the determination was correct...

Vikings Fans begin to Drink in Celebration of Their Packer Victory: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today...that Minnesota Viking fans in the frozen tundra have already begun drinking to celebrate their victory over the Green Bay Packers...and at the rate they have been consuming at the Loose Caboose Lounge in Normal, Mn....they will not even notice if the Minnesota Vikings lose the game...but whatever...I remain faithful...and will report the results..even though at the current rate..it is doubtful that my wonderful faithful Minnesota fans will be able to comprehend the results...stay tuned.

Continuing Low Wage Job Gains Encourages Some: Tales From Normal, Mn.FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn. that the recent jobs report that lists flat job creation, and mostly low wage job creation at that..is being greeted by investors as positive...it does make you wonder the frame of mind of those floor traders and pundits that are basking in the glow of the lights on CNBC...whether they have any clue of what minimum wage looks like...and not only day to day employment...but hour to hour employment....I think the guys from Normal, Mn. have reached the conclusion that whenever one hears anything from Rick Santelli of the CME Exchange where he rants about the necessity for all the nation to eliminate debt...but neglects whether he wants all ammo to be paid for by cash...until he goes there...and talks about paying for war..just disregard his remarks....that's the latest from Normal, Mn.

Normal University Names "Highest Value" School in Nation...for 45th Straight Year: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from the City Council elders of Normal, Mn., who today, for the 45th straight year have voted Normal University the "Best Value School" in the whole nation. There will be a short break after the City Council meeting tonight and folks can cheer over a complimentary cup of coffee...yes catered from Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, where all the coffee is double strong, and there is never an extra charge for whipped cream.

"I just Want a Whistle and $150,000 per game: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the tweet from Normal,Mn, that the coach of the Normal, Mn. football team, Tommy Alcatraz, says that he is totally ready for todays game, and that all he needs is the whistle...and $150,000 per game...and oh ya...a few good football players...but with all the excitement,,,and his tremendous motivational skills, Tommy is very confident that if the guys can just restrain from celebrating till the game has been won, everything will be fine...stay tuned as I cover the game with all the pomp and pagentry that Normal, Mn. can muster...with all the fishing floats, and the cheerleaders, and the firetrucks...the cheerleaders will be extensively covered with heavy tundra gear, since it is zero degrees today in Normal, Mn., the fire trucks will still be a primary attraction.

"Football and Cheap Beer Top Concerns for New Year: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got some texts this morn from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn, where all the bass fishermen from that fair fishing village hang out in the morning hours...and yes when the weather gets nippy, which it is today at zero degrees, they even stretch the coffee klotch on to the early afternoon.... The national networks do not cover this small fishing village, so I just asked the guys what their top concerns were for 2013...To a man there was not one millisecond in hesitation....."Football and Cheap Beer" they responded...in a chorus... In a world of complication, where there are all sorts of "cliffs" to surmount, all sorts of very complicated documents to conquor and comprehend, to the simple bass fisherman, that wonders each morning what that bass might be hungry for today...it gets real simple...and these guys did not list politics in their first 100 noted items... As a side note, the guys all pay cash for their bait..no checks or credit cards allowed...and it is fresh bait....

Cheap Milk Celebrated in Normal, Mn.: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

We got cheap Milk...who needs more: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION Just got the text today from Normal, Mn----where this morning folks are recovering from a serious New Year's celebration at the Loose Caboose Lounge---and when the recovering folks were told today on the TV talk shows that all that had been accomplished in Washington over the past few days was passing a dairy bill that ensured cheap milk....the seriously stoned guys were heard to say: "We got cheap milk...who needs more." It is early...and when they sober up they may have some larger dreams...and I pledge that when they do I will report them faithfully.

Poor Celebrate the Rise of Estate Taxes: Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

It's gonna be a BIG Fiscal Cliff coming January 1st, and I just got the news from Normal, Mn. that they are going to have a special celebration at the Loose Caboose Lounge featuring a very hot Tex Mex band--all to celebrate the return of the Estate Taxes as of January 1st----There was an extensive article on this subject in the Fishermen news report last Wednesday...in fact lots of very well written articles...and it is sure too bad that the financial press has not covered it....the return of the Estate Tax is going to be a real cause for celebration for the average fisherman.

Glorious stock prices for banks, even though year filled with indictments: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Last night at the Church of the Perpetual Fisherman, pastor John went on a little tangent right after describing the poor conditions that the Lord had to endure at the time of His birth, the manger, the hardness of the dirt floor, and the lack of plumbing...and then went on a tangent to describe the state of stocks in America for banks that keep getting indicted for misconduct at the same time the fat cats on Wall Street are making money on hyping their stock prices higher and higher....Pastor John is one who is known for his favorite sermon about the time that the Lord chased the money changers out of the temple....Anyway...right after this tangent, pastor John went on to compare the Wise Men who visited the Lord with the "wise men" of Washington....it was quite a sermon...I just wish you had been there...it was the most exciting thing happening last night in Normal, Mn.

Poor Criticized for not buying more with no money this Christmas: Tales From Normal, Mn.;FICTION

Just got the press release from Normal Minn News today...seems that pundits are saying that the very low increase in retail sales year over year in December 2012 made Christmas a "bust" and it's all the fault of those poor consumers who could have at least been considerate of the rich folks betting on the stock market by at least buying a few more little things to share....Nice.

Faithful urged to listen carefully to the Tape Recorder: Tales From Normal, MN:FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn. that due to the shortage of pastors, the local supervisor has ordered that no local pastor be allowed to preach the xmas message, but rather, there will be a tape recorded message of the story of the birth of Jesus...just to make sure that there are no incorrect ideas presented...the locals will still be responsible for the collection however...and yes cash and checks are still allowable...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Good Kids Don't Chalk Sidewalks: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from the boys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn., where all the coffee is double strong, where all the whipped cream is no charge, and where as a special deal during the holidays, specialty coffee flavors are at regular prices....the boys noted that "Good" kids that wanted to be on the good graces of Santa this year, needed to know that "goodness" now means that you have not chalked any sidewalk during the past year...yes the governor of these here parts has put down his ...foot...and said that this is a misdemeanor crime...and it will be held on the childhood record, and fines will be stiff...because in a world where white collar crime may go unnoticed, and violent crime may be hard to prevent, and slick wall street crime may be hard to detect much less prosecute...sidewalk chalking crime is pretty straight foreward...so beware, and be afraid...the governor is watching...make a note of it.

Giving Away All You Have for a Tax Deduction Praised by Accountants; Tales From Normal, Mn.; FICTION

Just got the text from Johnson, Johnson, and Johnson, the revered accounting firm of Normal, Mn., a firm so revered it still utilizes its old IBM computer equipment from the 1960's to do extensive spreadsheet analysis....they just sent out a mass mailing...not an email..to all their clients in the Midwest today..and praised the idea of accelerating equipment purchases into this tax year...under the theory that at least when one gives away all ones money to buy some farm equipment, one knows where the money went...as opposed to having lots of money in the next year, but being unsure of the tax code.... One of the reasons that the accounting profession has survived for ao long, is that Fear and Greed have survived for so long....and if you stop in the accounting firm of Johnson, Johnson, and Johnson during the week between Christmas and New Years, please take off your boots so you do not spread snow and salt on their new marble flooring just installed for the convenience of their customers.

Guys want a "Crash" before they will negotiate: Committed: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Harry, the Crazy Catfishermen from Normal, Mn.-----after a long week of just watching Clint Eastwood movies, he says that he would refuse to negotiate ANYTHING unless all HEXX broke lose, unless the stock market plunged at least a thousand points---then and only then would he think of yielding...his pride would be wounded but he could plead necessity..... The locals here are having Crazy Harry, the famous Catfisherman from Normal, Mn. admitted into the local nursing home for dementia. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Fishermen predict the End of Republican Party if Fiscal Cliff Happens: Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

Just got the text today from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn...where all the coffee is double strong and the whipped cream is no extra charge---to a man they predict that if the Republicans allow the fiscal cliff to happen...it will effectively mean their demise....and yes the Dems know it.....This is a scene right out of "Dirty Harry"----go ahead and make my day.......

Feds Hold 30 Day Meeting to be "Totally Transparent": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the guys at Betty Lou's Cafe in Normal, Mn. that the Fed Officials from the monetary department have announced a 30 day meeting beginning tomorrow and in the meeting they will enumerate totally for 30 days what their objectives are, and hope to repeat the terms "fiscal stimulus" and "fiscal cliff" thousands of times till the onlookers are numb...some of the guys drinking coffee, double strong with the whipped cream no extra charge daily at Betty Lou's said outloud that the whole presentation seemed to reek of senility, but the officials just repeated that this was just economics. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Rich Might Leave Town, or Country--Locals Rejoice: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn---seems that the guys were all having coffee this morning at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, and because it was kinda drizzling out decided to spend the morning talking politics...and FOX News was on the overhead TV, and it seems that one of the guys who was listening told the crowd that the "Rich might leave the country if they have to be taxed like everybody else"----the guys just sat there thinking...and then one of the guys just raised a cup of java in a toast----"Best wishes to all the rich in their new country"----the whole table cheered....and one by one they left the coffee shop...and whenever they spotted a rich taxpayer, driving a new luxury car...they just waved and offered to buy the car for .10 on the dollar, just to make the leaving easier...just a kind offering...and then the news spread, and all across the country..by twitter....that the rich were leaving...and then it snowed...and there was peace at Christmas.

City gets tough on Spending for Library, Pool, Public Safety---then plans big expansion: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn.---the normal Sunday morning coffee clotch with all the fishermen in attendance...went into a political roundtable mode this morn as then discussed the problem of frozen city budgets---yup...it has affected even the smallest of fishing towns like Normal, Mn. where city employees have had their wages frozen for five years, and where even childrens book purchases are scrutinized by the the local Common Council...and where even it is decided in the highest circles whether an oil change is really needed for the local ambulance.... but...it turns out in all the fiscal discipline...that plans are underway to build a large library addition, add a pool, and even add a $600,000 fire truck...The guys were just bewildered on how governmental entities can make the public be frugal and not repair a public pool, and then decide to have another pool built, another library addition built etc. One guy speculated that the $600,000 fire truck might be needed to reach a cat or two that had climbed up trees or something...in general...the guys are just bewildered.

Wall Street Gurus Stunned: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn---seems that the Sunday morning crowd was chuckling that all last week the savviest of Wall Street TV pundits went on and on that they were totally shocked that the homeless, penniless victims of Hurricane Sandra had not turned out in droves to shop on Black Friday...and that there was a terrible total sales day in the retail sphere due to this happening....needless to say, the ravaged homeless were not surprised.