Economists Excited that Workers have Given Up: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn this morn...seems that unemployment rates have fallen all over this great land, due to the fact that workers have given up their search for employment, and thus are no longer counted...and no longer counted means that they are no longer "unemployed"...or in other words they do not exist...so there it is...things are improving for the economists, the politicians, and other folks...but

Government Responded TOO Quickly Critic Says" Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Shocking news today----Harry the "Crazy Cat Fisherman" from Normal, Mn, has criticized the government for too quickly responding to the flooding disaster of the local lake, Normal Lake. Everybody just smiled. They understood. "That's Crazy Harry"

Only a Week left with NO TV or Phone: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Citizens of Normal, Mn are on edge today, but optimistic. Yes there has been a huge surge of anti-depressants dispensed, but the supply of these seem to be holding if the glide path of usage declines after the election...but nobody is sure of that. It seems that folks here are holding the hope that the mindless drivel and ranting of politics will end after the national election...and then they can resume to use their phones which have been of necessity off the hook...and they can once again turn on the sound for their TV. It has been speculated that one of the new TV products coming out in the new year will have a button to suppress all politics...If it is introduced with this feature, and eliminates all mindless drivel, it is unclear how much programming will be left, so stay tuned as I follow this story.

After Becoming Energy Self-Sufficient, City Plans on Exporting Every bit: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Shocking news from Normal, Mn today----after spending the last ten years becoming energy self sufficient, developing new fracking, new solar,new LG and new coal resources, Normal, Mn has decided to EXPORT all of these to Asia to get some money. The reason that since energy is a worldwide resource, who would care? Yup. That is the gifted reasoning of Normal, Mn. And your town? Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Banker overjoyed at fraud charges...hopes stock will soar; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Jimmy "the Weasel" Smith, President of the Down Home Bank in Normal, Mn. was sky high this morning as his wealth skyrocketed----his bank was indicted for "massive bank fraud" covering the past decade, and Wall Street responded instantly this morning by sending his stock higher...much higher. When asked how he felt, Jimmy replied" Well I sure felt like a "money center bank" this morning.....surely we are not that big, but whatever...the scandal has made me a rich man... Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Candidate stays we should remain "Strong" and create a few new Wars: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Recently Wally the "Weasel" Thompson, the conservative candidate for Mayor in Normal, Mn. spoke at the Rotary Luncheon held at the Spruce Goose Motel in Normal, Mn. You may remember the Spruce Goose Motel, cause it is the only motel that has a deer head on the wall in every room, plus all the beds come down from the wall. ...and under the pillow of each bed is a mini-snickers bar...anyway..I digress. Wally spoke softly, but firmly and said that America needed a new WAR right now in order to be "strong" and avoid the "fiscal cliff". He said he "hated" war personally, but was enthusiastic for young men that had no job prospects anyway, and who could learn a useful trade, such as mine detection and hand to hand combat----stuff that might come in handy when they got back home in bar fights...

Candidate Says we need a military Man--who can invade Iraq if Afganistan attacks; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Wally "the Weasel" Smith, a veteran and fly fisherman from Normal, Mn was visiting today with the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, where all the coffee is double strength, and the whipped cream is no extra charge---and he made a point that all the guys were stunned by-----In these trying days of political unrest, it is rare...rare indeed where we have the chance to vote for a military man who has the vision to attack Iraq when Afganistan starts the attack---that vision is sheer moxie.

School District Pays for Concussions and Lifetime Disability: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Shocking news today out of Normal, Mn.---a Supreme Court in this fair state has ruled that parents of grade school and high school students, where they have been informed of the consequences of football injury and concussions, are no longer able to sign away the liability and hold the school district harmless----from today henceforth, the school district will be maintaining permanent health care coverage to cover this health care exposure---the costs will be high....and property taxes will be affected...but by unanimous agreement to a man at Betty Lou's Cafe, this is the best remedy---otherwise it would be children suing their parents...and that would be unseemly. Now, even though a town of 5000 people might have to have four or five rest homes just to cover the brain damaged, it would be worth it because football is just so darn entertaining. And besides, when polled, nobody in Betty Lou's cafe this morn could remember what they had been doing on Sunday, Monday, Thursday and Saturday besides football in days gone by...yup I guess that's the memory thing....Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Normal, Mn. shocked by decline in State Aid: Urges "Reform": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Locals have been buzzing at Betty Lou's Cafe this morning, that's the famous local coffee house where all the coffee is double strong, with whipped cream included at no extra charge, served in the Minnesota Viking blue mug----the State has announced that for the fourth straight year, state aids for Normal, Mn. will decline. The guys are just beside themselves. "The rich dudes are not paying their share", Billy Bob blurted out. "We don't have no rich" Henry retorted. " Us is all we got." Stay tuned as I follow this story.

"LiveHigh Founder Resigns": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The inspirational leader of the "LiveHigh for Life" organization, the trendsetting organization that touts the role of athletics and inspirational reflection to achieve the ideal life has resigned suddenly when it was learned that he has been under the influence of performance enhancing drugs. He is at the gym and unavailable for comment. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Candidate will pronounce policy positions once poll analysis is done: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The notorious candidate for President of the Normal, Mn. City Council, Billy Bob Johnson, has explained the delay in his statement on any policy issue for Normal, Mn. till just maybe 24 hours before the election, because he has been analyzing the polling data and has not completed the analysis yes...be patient...some announcements may be forthcoming.

Politico says Uncut video of him just got the story wrong: Tales from Normal, MN.: FICTION

A well known national candidate has recently told the nation that an uncut video of him saying that 47% of Americans were just "losers" and "dependents of the State" has gone on the record at a debate to say that the video just got the story wrong....that was not what he meant at all.... He is being referred to counselors, but they have cautioned that such prevarication is common in politics. Lies, dishonesty, dissembling, theft and much, much more are pretty typical..

School Strike Lockout Causes Home School Popularity to Grow: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Well it has been quite a week in Normal, Mn.: After a school referendum failed that would have allowed the local district to bypass the state levy limits for property taxation on homeowners, the local school board met in public session and threw up its hands....they just could not make the math come out...with the state not fully sure of what the payment to the district would be, and the enrollment not sure because the open enrollment numbers kept rolling against them like a dice game....the school board decided to just close the school and let individual citizens "home school" for a while till things cooled down. The funny thing is that although many parents have had to quit their jobs, the general popularity of home school has risen...Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Bald Men say they did it all themselves..except for cooking: Tales From Normal, MN:FICTION

Last night at the Loose Caboose Bar and Grill in Normal, Mn. there was truly a big data sample of male electorate---well precisely bald older successful male electorate----and there was a complete consensus that they did it all themselves....they were the center of the universe and had no intention of sharing anything...well yes... they never learned to cook...but then... who cooks cheap beer? Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Drunken Fishermen love politico who would have destroyed GM and Big Banks: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Last night was quite a scene at the Loose Caboose Bar and Grill, a new spot in Normal, Mn, where just after happy hour had been closed for the evening, the Presidential debate began---the guys were loaded up at the bar with highballs, and the hooting quickly began as one candidate proposed that he would have allowed GM to fail, all the big banks too, and even would have eliminated Big Bird.......After two hours of Happy hour, the fishermen just scratched their heads....who was Big Bird they asked? Anyway, just the idea of allowing all the big banks to fail and GM too was so popular among the guys, most of whom had arrived on their Harley's for the local rally tomorrow morn. They agreed to a man that this candidate had a bold vision for America, and after four or five bar drinks they were sure of it. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

"Investors Lobby for Bernanke Channel": Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Investors in Normal, Mn, or at least from a sampling of guys at Betty Lou's coffee shop in the hub of town, that small fishing town where the coffee is double strong, served with whipped cream in those Minnesota Viking blue mugs that are famous...well it seems that investors want to have a special "Bernanke channel" on cable. Ever since the tv appearance of Ben yesterday, where Ben weighed in on the issues of the day, the locals here want to see him 24 hours of the day...and only a special channel will do. Others like the idea because that way they can get the best of Bernanke anytime and not have their regular programming interrupted with updates..It seems that the face of Ben with that whiskered look and "on the other hand" prose is so charming to some investors that there might be a real market here. Some have suggested that Ben might not want to have his name prominently on the channel, so it was suggested that the name be "On the Other Hand" channel, in honor of that Hegelian style that Ben loves so much. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Only Pros and Coaches left at Normal, Mn. High: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Due to the educational funding crisis, Normal, Mn. has announced that its school district is closing. It seems that only the Pros and the Coaches were left, since nobody could cut essential professional staff, and nobody could cut essential coach, assistant coach and very essential equipment expenses, and thus...nothing was left for teaching. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Packer loss triggers Emergency Declaration in Normal, Mn.: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Even Viking fans, when pressed, at the end of a battle between the frozen tundra and the wannabe Seattle types, just cannot believe in Hail Mary's---so the Packer loss Monday night has triggered an emergency declaration by the Public Safety department of Normal, Mn., which has bypassed normal city channels to recognize the perilous nature of residents behavior after such a loss, and especially a loss of almost a billion dollars to those betting types from all over the world. Such a world that depends firmly on the frozen tundra to take care of its own, sends shock waves through the entire financial system and is of course wider in its swath than banking...... Despite widespread irregular driving habits that were duly noted last night on highways of the frozen tundra that provided a hazard to all regular folk, the despair of the regular citizen today has paralyzed all commerce and sent chills down the spine, or whatever, of regular politicians. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Locals work their whole lives paying in to Social Security and are LOSERS: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The locals are dismayed today. All their lives they have paid in to Social Security and respected their elders, whom they have supported in Social Security, since it is a transfer program, not an entitlement program, and a transfer program that has been clearly so since the very first dispersement. This is a compact between generations, not an entitlement, and those who confuse this miss the point. So today, the locals are confused that after a lifetime of contributions, they are accused of being "losers". Mitt---take a mandatory "time out". You have crossed the line. The election is over.

Mayor candidate never went anywhere, did anything, proud of it.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Billy bob Johnson is involved in a heated mayoral race in Normal, Mn, that peaceful town in northern Minnesota, where the serenity of walleye fishing gives everyone an ethereal view, and has asserted in the first mayoral debate, that he deserves to be elected because he never went anywhere, he stayed loyal, stayed home, did the little things, worked his way up the hard way, and although has done nothing, still deserves to be the mayor---stay tuned as I follow this story.

"Real Americans keep their assets offshore and export jobs to China": Tales From Nomal, Mn: FICTION

Dennis "the Weasel" Johnson, a famous bass fisherman from Normal, Mn., who pioneered a special lure for catching catfish, now manufactured in China, asserted yesterday in a candidates debate for Mayor of Normal, MN. that "real Americans" export jobs to China and keep their assets offshore in numbered accounts, and that "dependent loser Americans" hold regular jobs" and frankly are a burden to America. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Local Fisherman urges Wall Street to Have Apple replace S and P 500: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Billy Bob, the local bass fisherman from Normal, Mn. has written the SEC in New York and urged them to have the entire S and P 500 Index replaced with a single stock---Apple. His logic----"Apple is the only stock that I have ever owned that has gone straight up---everything else has sucked..It is time that America got it." I will follow this story and keep you in touch. Stay tuned.

Local Trader Proud that Free Markets are Rigged: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Luigi, a local stock jockey from Normal, Mn. just sent me a text ---he says that he is proud that our financial markets are finally rigged and secure after the federal reserve has intervened to destroy anyone who is bearish----He calls it the "Bernanke Spread"---It's an unlimited call paired with an unlimited put, and the only one that gets screwed is...well..the customer...and that sounds pretty good to wall street. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Local Hospital wins national Art Award: Docent showings on Monday: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Betty Boop Memorial Hospital in Normal, Mn., that small fishing town in northern Minnesota, where the peace of walleye fishing gives the walleye guys a special sense of peace....that the Hospital has been awarded the presitigous New York Art Award for 2012 for all the art works that are on every wall of the hospital.... The most pricey art works are between xray and laboratory on the first floor...so on Monday during the exhibition, patients should use caution, especially when in wheelchairs, not to disturb the docents and the folks standing in the halls with that reverent look on their faces as they stare intently at the art---they are not under the influence...they are just art lovers, and after all...that is an important part of the mission at Betty Boop Memorial Hospital.

Employees Want Evaluations on "How they feel": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today...that employees of the Billy Bob widget factory, a high tech company in Normal, Mn. have vigorously objected to the concept of an annual review of their performance, and have begun to picket outside the company...located right in the heart of Normal, Mn.. The employees say they have no objection to reviews, but just don't want their "essence" reduced to a mere calculation...a calculation of their work output or maybe even their attendance...that would be demeaning...top down...and algorithmic. They want to reviewed on "How they feel."

Fed Chief "Takes Out Bazooka"; prints money; defies Conservatives: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the news today from the Feds, that our Fed Chairman has sent a bazooka of a message to those conservative pundits and politicians that said they wanted to remove him from his job---he is not going to go down swinging...and has responded by making everything more expensive starting right now...like coal, coffee, sugar houses and much, much more...Stay tuned.

Administrator Hired just for Dogs and Cats: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the startling news today, that Normal, Mn city hall has announced that a new administrator will be hired to handle animal control, or in local terms, to handle all the complaints about homeowners who have excessive animals at the home, or are conducting an animal boarding business from home. Oh---and in this new hires spare time, he or she will be working on planning documents...a nice complement of duties. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Local Newspaper cuts 26 positions; Vacant; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The Local newspaper announced that they have cut 26 positions...They all have been vacant for years, but management called the move a "bold" step anyway. Stay tuned.

Shoe Shine Boy Spots Two "Amazing Opportunities" on Wall Street; Tales From Normal, Mn.; FICTION

Just got the text from "Hank" from Normal, Mn who was touring Wall Street yesterday, and he sent me a short text from just by the bull that stands near Wall Street, right across from the Starbucks---He said he saw "two amazing opportunities"....he did not go into details, so I am not sure if he was speaking of special stock opportunities, or just attractive female tourists...but I have texted him to clarify, and will let you know shortly....

Millionaires Agree they aren't Paid Enough: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from the Normal, Mn. Elks Lodge that the Northern Millionaires Group that met in private today for four hours, emerged from an intense meeting to announce that they had agreed that they were not paid enough. More details are forthcoming and I pledge to get to the details.....