Church converts to Real Estate Development: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the shocking news today, via twitter from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop of Normal, Mn---the Order of Perpetual Fishermen just announced that their extensive priory on the outskirts of Normal, Mn. will be converted to a real estate development...one reporter asked how much of a physical effort it would be to make the conversion...and he was reassured that there will be an easy conversion since the two entities really operate pretty much the same anyway. nice..

Bass Fishermen joyful with First Lady's message for Wisconsin: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got a tweet this morning--the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal,Minn where they gather each morn for double strong coffee and no extra charge for whipped cream....were excited this morning with the the news that Michelle, our First Lady in the White House, had visited citizens in Wisconsin...and had a special message for them: DRINK WATER.....How special is that? The first word got their attention...and then the second word stunned them....anyway...the guys just loved it...the folks in Wisconsin are still trying to understand it...

Gift of Hearing Aids Accepted by Local School Board: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text this morning...according to the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop..where all the coffee is double strong and the whipped cream is no extra charge...the school board received an anon gift of 14 full featured hearing aids at NO CHARGE from a very notable national chain... The school board was a little bewildered about the gift...yes they had recently held their fourth listening session about various topics that had been voted on numerous times by the previous boards---on 4K, on debt, on school building etc, and each time they had persisted on disregarding the result...the board wondered if the hearing aids would help...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Expectations Exceeded: Failure Rampant: Citizens calm; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from the school district in Normal, MN., and it seems that 90% of the students failed to meet the state educational standards...but the school officials were very relieved and pleased that the results were not 99% failure which is what they were expecting...and in general they were making plans to go ahead and build another new sports complex that should motivate students to perform better in sports and maybe a little carry over to the classroom....maybe...stay tuned as I follow this story.

After 100 consultants the results are still "unconclusive" in Normal, Mn. Schools: Tales From Normal, Mn .: FICTION

Just got the startling text this evening from Normal, Mn---it seems that even though the Normal, Mn. School District has been hiring consultants diligently for the past 50 years, they have been unable to reach a synthesis on how to proceed....now there has been some concern that the consultants have been charging too much and are related to the administrative personnel...but still...after fifty years or so of consultation one would think that something would result...the only thing the 100 consultants have agreed on over the past 50 years is that it was those darn private schools and those vouchers that were causing all the problems.

Leader suggests settling disputes...bare chested..on horseback, white stallions---alternative to nuclear: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today...the guys at Betty Lou's coffee shop in Normal, Mn. had some time on their hands this morning since there was heavy fog and they could not get out to fish for bass till later in the day...so they spent some time over coffee, double strong, extra sugar, and no extra charge for whipped cream, to devise a way to save the world---and since a certain foreign leader likes to posture on white stallions, they devised a nice way to settle disputes...I will follow this story as it evolves.

They just love education: They are studying Beer brewing every Wednesday: Forever till they get it right: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn. that the guys are still standing tall and meeting for the 25th straight year on Wednesday nights at the Loose Goose Motel, in the meeting room with the deer strung up on the wall...right across from the registration lobby....and after a long night of tasting beer, to a man they proclaimed their love of education and the art of brewing...and are dedicated to meet every week forever for their educational sessions...."Education is wonderful" they all exclaimed. But it takes dedication and practice...

Agendas NOT being prepared in order to save paper: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the note today that the Normal, Mn. School District has decided not to print agendas for their school board meetings because they want to save paper expense...and besides...not having board members or the public informed about the decisions seems to make the meetings go quicker...they just nod and vote...real efficient like...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Football Team Victory 100-1 brings Disappointment: Changes: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text this morn...seems that up in Normal, Mn. they had what most folks considered an impressive victory over a small school opponent and won 100-1...Still the coaches insisted that they could have done better...and after a long all night session reviewing each play, along with some cheap beer...they staggered out of the study session at seven am vowing to make big changes the next week....The hits were going to be harder...the score bigger...and next week they might even need a bit more beer during the study session. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Great Time to buy a new car and one that matches the paper box you live in: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Folks are not buying homes...folks are not buying from the retail chains...folks are not buying bling...but they are buying cars...and it remains to be seen whether these are cars to be lived in...cause the cars they are buying are very well equipped...the conclusion I make is that they are either the very wealthy or else they are planning to live in them...and colors that match paper boxes are best...you make the call.

No Sales Awards: No Raises; Just Extra Pottie Breaks in Normal, Mn.: Tales from Normal, MN.:FICTION

Some of my best friends are now getting older...I know that is hard to believe...but I have really been shaken getting some of the recent texts from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn, where all the fishermen meet each morn to have coffee before going out to catch bass...and maybe a walleye if they are lucky. They texted me today that the local manufacturing company announced a new compensation program, where nobody will get any raises, nobody will get any health care, nobody will get any vacation...but the very best of the best in sales will get extra pottie breaks.... This has left me speechless...I know that is hard to believe.

No Homes, No Clothes, No Fancy Food---still fishermen persist: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got an inspiring text from the guys from Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn, where sometimes in the heat of the day, when the bass are not hitting, the guys get to reflecting, and even get to texting some us far away...and today, the guys just sent a text to say that even though they could not get a mortgage, and even though they could not shop for high faluttin clothes at the hip stores, and even though they could not do five star eateries...they still could persist and fish for those wonderful bass and walleyes...and that if ya can fish...you still can be positive for yourself and your community.... I texted back that they should be sure to drink plenty of water...cause sometimes postive thinkin and dehyration can seem the same. Stay tuned.

Bystander arrested for thinking thoughts of possibly raising a question: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text...seems a bass fisherman was walking around a state Capitol Near Normal, Mn and watching the horsemen on large horses patrolling, and the very heavily armed police...was thinking in his head of a question that might be asked...and he was promptly arrested...seems that even thinking a thought these days is considered wayward activity...so it's not just living the straight life...but thinkin the straight and narrow, very narrow life too that is the new thing in Normal, Mn..

People are living in dorms in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

Just got the text...from the guys in Normal, Mn....the bass fishermen had taken a jaunt out West to Seattle to do some serious fishing, and had come across the new "Pod" living...it seems that folks are living in little 500 sq foot apartments called "pods"...well really kinda like dorm rooms, and they had a microwave but went to a shared area for full kitchen, and a shared full bath area...in fact everything was shared except their bed...the prices went from $500 to $1000 a month, and the good news is that they were all on the bus line and near the new rail line.. Welcome to the new life of rentals....Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Company needs to layoff employees to grow: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The Billy Bob Widget Works in Normal, Mn. just sent me a text that they have laid off all their employees, in order that the company can grow by acquiring another company....nice....

"All the job seekers are "overqualified" and all the employers cannot find "good help": Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text from the guys in Normal, Mn, at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, where all the bass fisherman hang out in the morning before going out to catch some bass---they were to a man saying that all the locals were being told that they were "overqualified" when they sought employment, but the employers were telling the media that they could not find "qualified" help....seems they are looking for Phd's, preferably from a foreign country that would work for minimum wage here, but a very nice wage compared to their home country....nice.

"Unemployed really excited about buying new cars": Tales From Normal, Mn.: Fiction

Just got the news on auto sales from up on the frozen tundra---seems that folks are buying new cars like pancakes...even if they are unemployed...and because the junk yards have been destroying those old cars that were a great source of parts....It is pretty much bike to work or buy a new car...and the unemployed folks are being positive...that is the power of positive thinkin....

Newspaper will not charge for you to read your obituary---Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today that the Fish Tale News, the major rag up in Normal, Mn. has announced that it will go all digital, and that they will charge a subscription to enter their site...the only exception will be for folks directly going to the obituary section...so relax,,if you die you can access it very easily...and besides, I guess it makes sense since the family has to pay for the obit to be published....nice...

New Stadium for Normal, Mn. named "Harry Carey Stadium": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the surprising text today from the guys at Betty Lou's Cafe....seems that right out of the blue the name "Harry Carey Stadium" was the unanimous choice...not so much because of the person himself, but simply that because of the vast debt that had been incurred building the stadium, which in fact might require a drastic tax increse and reduction in student instruction...in short....the whole mess was harry carrey literally....without a samauri sword...

Job Openings for Older Women who can sing skyrocket in Wisconsin: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today..encouraging news about the skyrocketing job openings in Madison, Wisconsin for older women who can sing in public, and who have the strength to be arrested in public and pay fines, and must have a passion for social justice and face the possibiity of a short jail stay....pretty nice news from the Wisconsin front about a state that has finally found a way of getting the economy moving again...stay tuned.

Normal, Mn decides to go to CASH: No more borrowing: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text today from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn, that sleepy fishing town where all the bass fishermen have become national sensations as they chit chat about politics from the coffee shop in the early morning---they have announced that because of the bankruptcy of Detroit, due to the massive level of debt and municipal bonds is the key culprit....Normal, Mn. will borrow no more...well...with the interest rates rising they probably could not borrow anyway...but this now takes a positive spin on it....and in a related move, they have replaced all their modern police cars with older Ford 150's, all equipped with plug in heaters for the frozen tundra, and have also secured a large inventory of replacement parts. They have also told all officers that they are not to speed, and anyway, the older trucks were not to fast anyway....welcome to the new age, the age of cash, the age of frugality....carry on.

All Joy in Normal, Mn.: Finance Guy says things are NOT better....: Everybody relieved: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text tonight from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn...where all the bass fishermen hang out and tonight they were gathering for a special meeting discussing personal savings for retirement...but all the guys were very upbeat...they had heard on the tv overhead that the head finance guy in the US had said that there will be NO tapering right now since things are...upon further review...not better...there still is lots of unemployment and underemployment...and well...the bass fishermen were really relieved...cause these were things that every able bodied man and woman and child in America know...but it is sure is nice..if once in a while...a big wig knows too...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Financial Pundits recommend allocating entire income to retirement: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from the local retirement planning firm in Normal, Mn., The Billy Bob Retirement Firm, that encouraged all local folk to reserve their entire income to their retirement...that a little austerity in the near term was well worth avoiding starvation in their old age...their logic, was that with the yield on safe investments below 1%, it was important for each and every person of Normal, Mn. to amass at least 2 million dollars in their lifetime so that they would possibly get 20,000 annual income...and given that most of the jobs available in Normal, Mn. are minimum wage jobs, thus it was necessary for them to reserve all of their current income in order to achieve their objective... nice...

NSA is listening to everything you say and do in Normal, Mn., and they are confused,,,have questions: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn. were discussing the recent development in the spying of ...well...everybody it seems, and they are expecting that with all the kids and adults that use their phones and computers, with a comprehensive analysis of all the content and what folks of all ages are searching for...and exploring...an objective observer might have some questions...so...they are...or were this morning during coffee...thinking that they might someday get a call about something...nothing they know of, but it just occured to them that there could be a question...

City decides to compensate employees with praise, and only incidental compensation: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

After a long presentation last week by a motivational speaker that touted the benefits of employee recognition as a way of retaining valuable employees, which was timely since Normal has had a turnover of 100% over the past five years, given that there have been no raises given, the Common Council was so overcome with enthusiasm for the concept of recognition and praise as the cornerstone of....well..everything...that they announced that henceforth they would be compensating employees mostly with praise...and only incidentally with compensation....which was timely since the budget has been cut considerably...Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Gov says folks will love being destitute and it will make them stronger: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Well it has been a rough time in Normal, Mn. with all the cutbacks on income...on health care...and well everything...but the state's governor has said that folks will get used to it eventually, and that they will over time become very happy being destitute and without their health...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Alcohol operator liscence issued to every person In town to save time: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from the guys in Normal, Mn. that they came up with a wonderful way to "streamline" government---they would issue the operator liscense to every person at birth and thus save money on administration...nice...

Annual "One Hundred Year Flood" Celebration begins in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the guys in Normal, Mn....that today begins the biggest annual celebration of that fair town---the "One Hundred Year Flood" Celebration....it is true that most towns just celebrate this event once a century, but here in Normal, Mn....since this event occurs every year, the natural marketing thing to do is to make a tourist event out of it...and the plucky locals in Normal, Mn. have responded...stop by the coffee shop, Betty Lou's for a special cup of the "One Year Mocha" blend that is being sold today for .49 as a special promotion....and by the way, all the scones are 10% off today if you mention the word "floodplain." Stay tuned as I follow the specials that are available today during this precious event...these deals will not return till next year at this time....

Residents Shocked that "Austerity" Might affect THEM: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn....namely the guys at Betty Lou's coffee shop, where the word today was "SHOCK" as the locals were just stunned that the global "austerity" might affect them...they had of course been watching the national tv scandal networks in the morning, noon, and evening, and had chuckled that the French, Brazilians and others were not too happy with the cutbacks...but heaven forbid...the local authorities announced cuts to the fireworks display at the fourth of July celebrations, instead of seven days of fireworks, they would have to settle for three...and to make matters worse, the garbage collection fees were doubled...and at the worst possible time, the Fourth of July, when there were so many bottles to dispose of....there was to be proposed fee for empty beer bottles and cans...and that was putting the guys over the edge... Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Wall Street thrilled that Financial Guru still delivers boring pablum: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Wall Street was pretty tense today...and worried that some profound change might be eminating from the mouth of the font of wisdom from Washington financial circles...but was overjoyed this afternoon when it appeared that nonsense and vague jargon was still king and that the fear of action was ill conceived...stay tuned as I follow this story...