Dateline Normal, Mn: "Financial Feelings---the Sacred Trust of Normal"------FICTION

Recently I have been going to meetings where the detailed financial transations of our fair City have been aired----and have been listening a lot. Well...Yes. I did ask a question or two, but usually have gotten the "That's just the natural way. That's just the way it is....or the normal, "We are not staffed for that."

These responses have been pretty amazing since we have had two profound studies done by consultants in the past year that have totalled over $50,000 that have resulted in nothing but blue sky. Don't get me wrong. I love blue sky. But a little reality is good too. And accounting is part of that reality. Our auditors had said that a policy and procedure manual that covered the following items was necessary:

Purchasing procedures
Treasury functions including an investment policy
Fund accounting
Utility billing procedures
Cash receipts procedures
Journal entry approval
Fraud risk management
Disaster recovery plan
Chart of accounts manual
Work order processing
Utility collection and write-off procedures
Interest and reconciliation of customer deposits."

After the auditor had prounced this, the governmental gurus were silent. After all, they had ignored this advice in the past and had paid the accounting audit fee, and well...thank you for the advice.

So---I just wondered. And as I often do, I picked up the cell phone and called my old friend Herman from Normal, Mn., a resort fishing town just South of Garrison. Whenever I had questions, a quick telephone call or a down home fishing session with the guys put the whole matter in perspective. So...I just blurted out:

"Herman, how do you handle financial policies and procedures up there in Normal, Mn.?

Herman let out a huge bellylaugh:

"Shucks, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me) up here in Normal, we do not allow any policy and procedures manual for ...well...anything. We try to just go with our FEELINGS,,,,and live in a natural state. "

"But Herman," I replied, "a regular method of accounting is really just a matter of what we call "professional conduct" and it is really commonplace in banks and insurance companies and well...even some businesses all across the country nowdays."

"Up here we just do it our way," Herman replied. We read Darwin; We read Einstein; We learned how to add and subtract. What could be more than that? The first of our principles is that everything is "relative" and clearly if the expense follows in the family line, it is approved. It's just that simple. And if it is not clear what is to be done, we just put the expense out to the "black hole"----

"Whatever is the "black hole" account?, I asked.

"Well" Herman went on, " whenever there is an expense that is kinda uncomfortable, we just make it a payable with a really long payoff period and for only maybe 1% interest rate. That makes sure that everybody currently living will be dead by the time the issue comes up again. It works wonders."

Well Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin!! Where most cities actually have charts of accounts. And where expenses are paid not just to relatives, but to actual vendors. And where we do not delay payment from preferred folks till everybody is dead.

It sure is good to be back home.