Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Politicos seek additional sides of mouth as two deemed inadequate: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the summary text from Normal, Mn., where in the serenity of a small town coffee shop, namely the famous Betty Lou"s Coffee shop, they are trying to chart on the wall the sayings of the national politicians--- On the one side of the wall is the call for integrity, transparency, good old fashioned work ethics and "market values" and then on the other side is the call to regulate nothing, and keep everything just the way it was, and allow the banks to trade like drunken sailors with options and derivatives and all the while have everything guaranteed by the taxpayers; on the one side of the wall the call for a 7.5% interalized return for pensions of government workers, and on the other side of the ledger a call in horror of the 7% rate for Spanish bond yields...It's horror on both sides really. So in the coffee shop there has been a call that speaking out of both sides of politicos mouth has been unsuccessful, and true politicos have to learn to speak out of four or five to be effective in the age where there are so many cell phones that can now catch streaming video.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

"yo dude let's talk about jobs"; + rock and roll=win

Last weekend as I drove through Normal, Mn, that small walleye fishing village a little ways from Garrison, I happened to spy the writing on a wall---and it seemed to be...well...just the way the Lord would speak to me...maybe after a few beers after fishing...and it suggested that ...yo...with a little rock and roll in the background, and a little talk about jobs..yo..it might be good.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Seniors urge cut to Social Security, increase to Defense Budget: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

A hefty contingent of seniors residing in the Mother of Mercy alzheimers unit of the Queen of Peace and Perpetual Fishing Nursing Home in Normal, Mn., today urged their congressman to cut Social Security for all recipients, even themselves in order to engage in further foreign wars to protect the fatherland. Emma, a 92 yr old spokesperson, said that she was particularly worried about Syria, and would gladly give up her Social Security beneift even if it meant having to become homeless...she was so sure that Syria posed a big threat to her peaceful life in Ward 7. When asked further where Syria was, she seemed confused but thought it was somewhere near New Brighton. Stay tuned as I follow this developing story.

"Locals" vote for austerity as long as it does not affect them: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The locals, or the common council of Normal, Mn, that small fishing village in Northern Minnesota where the obsession with bass fishing has given them a peaceful focus that has inspired the world....today voted to approve austerity, with the condition that it not affect them. In short, austerity of any kind is good in theory, but is best applied to those living far away, such as Greeks or Spanish....and in the latter case, the Spanish have the advantage of the heritage of the Spanish Inquisition so they are better equipped to handle the sacrifice, starvation, death and devastation necessary to achieve the beautiful objective of "austerity."

Friday, June 15, 2012

Obesity Group Warns of Exercise: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION Mn:

Just got the urgent text today from the Obesity Support Group in Normal, Mn. who are warning all their members, who meet weekly or bi-weekly in support sessions to aid weight loss, that they should be alert to the dangers of exercise---mostly exercise that is longer than one hour, since some writer on the internet thought it might be hazardous, and very hazardous if any of those obese patients should venture to run a triathlon, marathon or maybe even an ironman event. It was unclear from the text whether any person in Normal, Mn. had ever, much less someone from the obesity group, run in any exercise, or even extreme exercise. The obesity group also reminded their members to fully support their local beef and dairy councils and remember to stay strong with beef and dairy. They urged the members to be vigilent to resist any effort of the Normal School Board to raise the GPA requirement higher than 1.5 for athletic participation, or in any way cut athletics even though the district has been devastated by government aid cuts.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Out of Control Banker Tells Graduates they are in Control of Their Life; Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Today Jam E Dimon, the noted financial wizard banker of Wall Street told the 32 high school graduates from Normal, Mn, glistening with pride at the fact that 31 of those graduates were named top of the class, that they should "proceed to their lives with a full measure of confidence ....that they were in control of their destiny." He then went on to say that recent errors of his bank were beyond his control, and that he deeply resented any attempt by folks that were guaranteeing the capital of his bank through taxpayer guarantees on deposits..well...he objected to any control whatsoever...and... He also denied any personal responsibility for any bad things that had recently happend in his organization. He also said that he had no intention of returning any of the 11 million dollars in salary and stock options that he got in compensation, calling it "very well deserved." What a wonderful comic performance for all those graduates.

Monday, June 11, 2012

"The Candidate I Buy and Pay for is the BEST": Tales From Normal, Mn; FICTION

Just got the text today from my old friend Herman, the bass fisherman from Normal, Mn. Seems that there was a bunch of fishermen in Betty Lou's coffee shop this afternoon, downing some cool frapachinos due to the heat and all...and there broke out a huge political argument about who was the best political candidate for several offices...the noise got pretty fierce...till one one young buck raised his voice...stood on a table ...and shouted: "The Candidate that I Buy and Pay for is the BEST"..... All at once everyone became still. They recognized the truth of that zealous youngster....and the wisdom seemed pretty homegrown...or at least sounded familiar to some news from Wisconsin....and they got to thinking clearly about the bass fishing for tomorrow....and about larger issues....like how they were going to pay the rent....

Friday, June 8, 2012

Local Decides to Buy ALL of Spain, not just cottage: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn., that peaceful fishing village in northern Minnesota, that one of the "Locals" as we term it, my own buddy, Herman, the local attorney and President of the Normal School Board, while on vacation in Spain began looking for a small fishing cottage to buy, and then when the Spanish real estate agents learned that Herman had actual cash, they urged him to buy the ENTIRE country of Spain. The texts are pretty terse, but it seems that if Herman does make an offer for the country, his offer will be competing with Germany, and the only question is who will get the best deal. And I know some of you are wondering....if Herman buys Spain, will they throw in Italy at no extra charge? Stay tuned.

Canonized Papal Saint Charged with Harboring Pedofile Priests: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn., that small, sleepy fishing town in northern Minnesota, where the peace of the walleye fishing gives all the locals a serene perspective---the locals are trying to fathom the press release from a European nation that has announced that a formerly canonized saint of a famous religion has been charged posthumusly with harboring clergy accused, and knowingly so, of crimes against fellow clergy and minors. This was considered a miracle of sorts, since it was unclear how the now deceased saint could appear for the court proceedings. Even so, it was considered to be important that the dead be held accountable for their crimes so that the record of their entire timeline be reflected. Stay tuned as I follow this breaking story.

Corporate CEO's lose optimism as Salaries are Slashed: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Well this morning the pundits of Wall Street are citing some pessimism coming from the Corporate CEO's of America as they come to grips with cuts to their compensation that totals a record setting amount when compared with the average working joe...Even though their corporations have been refusing to hire, and budgets have been slashed to make the necessary money for huge corporate compensation, still...it just was not enough to keep up the fantastic pace of corporate raises...and well..something has to give...and the CEO's are pondering which of their mansions to sell.... Up in Normal, Mn, the politicos at the Local coffee shop, Betty Lou's, where all the coffee is double strong, and served in a Viking blue coffee mug, and where the whipped cream is included with each cup....local attorney "Herman" indicated that even he was considering cutting back on bass fishing lures this spring....he usually likes to replace some and add some new each season, but just did not know if he could afford to go to "Billy Bob's bait shop" in Brainerd this year to replace them, and well...might have to mail order this year...and yes the thought of the risk of the cheaper goods did bother him...and also the fear that maybe the foreign chinese fishing lures might not be attractive to the local bass....but yes...even Herman was cutting costs...or maybe considering it.