Out of Control Banker Tells Graduates they are in Control of Their Life; Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Today Jam E Dimon, the noted financial wizard banker of Wall Street told the 32 high school graduates from Normal, Mn, glistening with pride at the fact that 31 of those graduates were named top of the class, that they should "proceed to their lives with a full measure of confidence ....that they were in control of their destiny." He then went on to say that recent errors of his bank were beyond his control, and that he deeply resented any attempt by folks that were guaranteeing the capital of his bank through taxpayer guarantees on deposits..well...he objected to any control whatsoever...and... He also denied any personal responsibility for any bad things that had recently happend in his organization. He also said that he had no intention of returning any of the 11 million dollars in salary and stock options that he got in compensation, calling it "very well deserved." What a wonderful comic performance for all those graduates.