Dateline Normal: Herman explains the O.J. Saga; ---FICTION

Oh how I love it when the big story breaks. The thrill of going to work, with all the tech toys to separate the real from the fake video, ala. Bin Laden video, and now the latest masterpiece---the O.J. Simpson audio of the break in.

O.K. It was a little incoherent. But the most disturbing part--- the lingo made me feel real out of date----I mean it was hard even understanding the profanity, much less the content of thought. Finally----I just threw up my hands in despair. How could I publish an audio of incoherent profanity? Besides, I have always followed a "four expletive deleted rule"-----If there are FOUR "bleeps" necessary in one sentence----the sentence---well---- it must simply be deleted.

Wondering how to handle the breaking coverage, and being always responsive to my demanding readers, I moved quickly to pick up the cell phone and dial Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend in Normal, Mn., a historic fishing town, just south of Garrison, Mn., and yes with the brick stone bait shop. Up in those parts, they put their bricks on the houses.

Herman answered on the first ring:

I blurted out: "Herman, what's with somebody breaking into a hotel room to get his old sports stuff back---like old jerseys and pictures and stuff. Let me just ask you, Herman-----do you have any old sports stuff that we might need to do a little burglary to get back?"

Herman started laughing uncontrollably. "Of course not, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me.) I am NOT a star. When you just watch the football stars on Sunday, you have a wife and such---the rule for us normal folks is that we cannot "covet our neighbor's wife"-----with the guys that are STARS, they have so many women, and so few wives....that the sports momentos are the things that are coveted---and fought for. It's just real natural. It's primitive..It's rude and crude, but it goes back a long time.----" The Don't mess with my xxxx Rule." It was around long before Moses.

Wow. Now I understood.

It sure is good to be back in good old Wiscosnin. Where we don't just covet the old sports photos and such. Where we have wives. Where we do not have the huge harem of groupies that take all our time. Where our stuff is right at the end of the bed and there is no need to commit a little burglary to find it.