"Normal News"----FICTION

Well. It's homecoming this weekend. Lots of hubbub, parades and such. Normally I stick around for the parades and the candy....but..... they eliminated the candy....so this weekend, I decided to head on up that long winding road, up Hwy 10 North of the Twin Cities to my favorite fishing town, Normal, Mn..

Sure was great to get the usual king size single at the Spruce Goose Motel, with the pull down bed in the wall, and the little mini-dove bar in the ash tray, just for a little upscale treat.

After meeting Herman at the Hideaway Lounge, I had the chance to ask him a question that has been simmering on the back burner for a long time.

"Herman, how come I never see a newspaper here in town? There should be plenty of news to support a local paper. What's the deal?

"Yup, there is a newspaper. It's called the "Normal News." In fact, over at the bank building, there is one of them gold nameplates showing that it is domiciled there. Real official like."

"How come I never see a paper?, "I asked.

"It's real simple," Herman replied. Up here in Normal, the paper receives a stipend per month for their services. It covers 10 stories per month. The only thing unusual is the paper is paid to NOT print the story. It sure makes it a profitable deal. In fact, last year we had a barnburner of a news year, with over 20 stories per month....in that case, the paper earned a premium for each story it did not print over the regular budgeted 10. "

"Do you mean to tell me that the paper is paid NOT to print?"

"YES". In fact, it makes things real peaceful like. There is sure a lot less stress with folks not reading what is happening. Everyone is real serene like. They know kinda what is goin on, but it just aint in print. It's just real natural."

I was just totally stunned. I always wanted to be a newspaper man. And a profitable one too. The Normal, Mn. style must be the way to make it profitable.

I just got in my car and headed back to good old Wisconsin. Where we don't have any of those papers that don't print the news. Where cheese is cheese... beer is beer... and ads are ads .....and sometimes....just sometimes.... what happens is even printed in the real newspapers. Sure is good to get back home.