Dateline Normal: "Jersey Joe Visits Normal----explains derivitaves"----FICTION

Well what a week that was last week. With all the fluctuations in the stock market and such, I thought it was a great time to get grounded-----like in fishing. So, right as the market opened on Friday, I was on the road, and during the worst trading moments, was right in down home country AM music territory and missed the whole thing. It was just great.

I had gotten a call from Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend from Normal, and he explained that 'Jersey Joe" was going to be in town---and that if I wanted a clear explanation to what the big tiff was on Wall Street, that "Jersey Joe" was sure to have it.

We just called him "Jersey" Joe ---he was not from Jersey. It was Joe's habit of always wearing a down home football jersey even in formal situations that had given him such a reputation up in the north country----and he had become quite a legend in the accounting profession in the securities business. We just all wondered what he would have to say about the current stock panic. What would be his take?

Just as soon as I got into Normal, I headed over to the Hideaway Lounge----Herman, my countryboylawyer friend had the manhattens ready----the guys were all lined up at the bench to hear the latest.

I decided to go first:

"Well, Jersey Joe, how does this all compute? Seems like the damage is just devastating---what is your take on it?

Jersey Joe looked suprised and a little angered:

"Shucks---there is no reason for the hubub at all. After all it is just natural accounting---and balanced too. Ya just debit world wealth .....and then credit traders short accounts....it is real neat. No reason for alarm at all. The loss is non-existent....everything is just perfectly balanced."

There he stood. In his jersey at the bar. Everybody was pretty flabergasted. To so simply explain the inner mysteries of the current crisis.

I guess that that's whey they called him Jersey Joe.