Company needs to layoff employees to grow: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The Billy Bob Widget Works in Normal, Mn. just sent me a text that they have laid off all their employees, in order that the company can grow by acquiring another company....nice....

"All the job seekers are "overqualified" and all the employers cannot find "good help": Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text from the guys in Normal, Mn, at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, where all the bass fisherman hang out in the morning before going out to catch some bass---they were to a man saying that all the locals were being told that they were "overqualified" when they sought employment, but the employers were telling the media that they could not find "qualified" help....seems they are looking for Phd's, preferably from a foreign country that would work for minimum wage here, but a very nice wage compared to their home country....nice.

"Unemployed really excited about buying new cars": Tales From Normal, Mn.: Fiction

Just got the news on auto sales from up on the frozen tundra---seems that folks are buying new cars like pancakes...even if they are unemployed...and because the junk yards have been destroying those old cars that were a great source of parts....It is pretty much bike to work or buy a new car...and the unemployed folks are being positive...that is the power of positive thinkin....

Newspaper will not charge for you to read your obituary---Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today that the Fish Tale News, the major rag up in Normal, Mn. has announced that it will go all digital, and that they will charge a subscription to enter their site...the only exception will be for folks directly going to the obituary section...so relax,,if you die you can access it very easily...and besides, I guess it makes sense since the family has to pay for the obit to be published....nice...

New Stadium for Normal, Mn. named "Harry Carey Stadium": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the surprising text today from the guys at Betty Lou's Cafe....seems that right out of the blue the name "Harry Carey Stadium" was the unanimous choice...not so much because of the person himself, but simply that because of the vast debt that had been incurred building the stadium, which in fact might require a drastic tax increse and reduction in student instruction...in short....the whole mess was harry carrey literally....without a samauri sword...

Job Openings for Older Women who can sing skyrocket in Wisconsin: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today..encouraging news about the skyrocketing job openings in Madison, Wisconsin for older women who can sing in public, and who have the strength to be arrested in public and pay fines, and must have a passion for social justice and face the possibiity of a short jail stay....pretty nice news from the Wisconsin front about a state that has finally found a way of getting the economy moving again...stay tuned.

Normal, Mn decides to go to CASH: No more borrowing: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text today from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn, that sleepy fishing town where all the bass fishermen have become national sensations as they chit chat about politics from the coffee shop in the early morning---they have announced that because of the bankruptcy of Detroit, due to the massive level of debt and municipal bonds is the key culprit....Normal, Mn. will borrow no more...well...with the interest rates rising they probably could not borrow anyway...but this now takes a positive spin on it....and in a related move, they have replaced all their modern police cars with older Ford 150's, all equipped with plug in heaters for the frozen tundra, and have also secured a large inventory of replacement parts. They have also told all officers that they are not to speed, and anyway, the older trucks were not to fast anyway....welcome to the new age, the age of cash, the age of frugality....carry on.

All Joy in Normal, Mn.: Finance Guy says things are NOT better....: Everybody relieved: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text tonight from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn...where all the bass fishermen hang out and tonight they were gathering for a special meeting discussing personal savings for retirement...but all the guys were very upbeat...they had heard on the tv overhead that the head finance guy in the US had said that there will be NO tapering right now since things are...upon further review...not better...there still is lots of unemployment and underemployment...and well...the bass fishermen were really relieved...cause these were things that every able bodied man and woman and child in America know...but it is sure is nice..if once in a while...a big wig knows too...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Financial Pundits recommend allocating entire income to retirement: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from the local retirement planning firm in Normal, Mn., The Billy Bob Retirement Firm, that encouraged all local folk to reserve their entire income to their retirement...that a little austerity in the near term was well worth avoiding starvation in their old age...their logic, was that with the yield on safe investments below 1%, it was important for each and every person of Normal, Mn. to amass at least 2 million dollars in their lifetime so that they would possibly get 20,000 annual income...and given that most of the jobs available in Normal, Mn. are minimum wage jobs, thus it was necessary for them to reserve all of their current income in order to achieve their objective... nice...

NSA is listening to everything you say and do in Normal, Mn., and they are confused,,,have questions: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn. were discussing the recent development in the spying of ...well...everybody it seems, and they are expecting that with all the kids and adults that use their phones and computers, with a comprehensive analysis of all the content and what folks of all ages are searching for...and exploring...an objective observer might have some questions...so...they are...or were this morning during coffee...thinking that they might someday get a call about something...nothing they know of, but it just occured to them that there could be a question...

City decides to compensate employees with praise, and only incidental compensation: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

After a long presentation last week by a motivational speaker that touted the benefits of employee recognition as a way of retaining valuable employees, which was timely since Normal has had a turnover of 100% over the past five years, given that there have been no raises given, the Common Council was so overcome with enthusiasm for the concept of recognition and praise as the cornerstone of....well..everything...that they announced that henceforth they would be compensating employees mostly with praise...and only incidentally with compensation....which was timely since the budget has been cut considerably...Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Gov says folks will love being destitute and it will make them stronger: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Well it has been a rough time in Normal, Mn. with all the cutbacks on income...on health care...and well everything...but the state's governor has said that folks will get used to it eventually, and that they will over time become very happy being destitute and without their health...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Alcohol operator liscence issued to every person In town to save time: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from the guys in Normal, Mn. that they came up with a wonderful way to "streamline" government---they would issue the operator liscense to every person at birth and thus save money on administration...nice...

Annual "One Hundred Year Flood" Celebration begins in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the guys in Normal, Mn....that today begins the biggest annual celebration of that fair town---the "One Hundred Year Flood" Celebration....it is true that most towns just celebrate this event once a century, but here in Normal, Mn....since this event occurs every year, the natural marketing thing to do is to make a tourist event out of it...and the plucky locals in Normal, Mn. have responded...stop by the coffee shop, Betty Lou's for a special cup of the "One Year Mocha" blend that is being sold today for .49 as a special promotion....and by the way, all the scones are 10% off today if you mention the word "floodplain." Stay tuned as I follow the specials that are available today during this precious event...these deals will not return till next year at this time....

Residents Shocked that "Austerity" Might affect THEM: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn....namely the guys at Betty Lou's coffee shop, where the word today was "SHOCK" as the locals were just stunned that the global "austerity" might affect them...they had of course been watching the national tv scandal networks in the morning, noon, and evening, and had chuckled that the French, Brazilians and others were not too happy with the cutbacks...but heaven forbid...the local authorities announced cuts to the fireworks display at the fourth of July celebrations, instead of seven days of fireworks, they would have to settle for three...and to make matters worse, the garbage collection fees were doubled...and at the worst possible time, the Fourth of July, when there were so many bottles to dispose of....there was to be proposed fee for empty beer bottles and cans...and that was putting the guys over the edge... Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Wall Street thrilled that Financial Guru still delivers boring pablum: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Wall Street was pretty tense today...and worried that some profound change might be eminating from the mouth of the font of wisdom from Washington financial circles...but was overjoyed this afternoon when it appeared that nonsense and vague jargon was still king and that the fear of action was ill conceived...stay tuned as I follow this story...

K-9 Unit So successful, additional educational options considered: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn....where all the coffee is double strong, with extra sugar, and the whipped cream is no extra charge...it seems that because of the wildly successful K-9 unit at the local police department, additional applications are being considered....maybe canine units will be utilized in the instructional units about drug use.....an alternative is of course to use robots...in both cases the positive is that these applications are union negative...and the cost factor and pension factor are zero, which is the principal qualification lately for hiring...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Politicians seek angry voters to send them money: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today...from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn, where bass fishing lovers gather for coffee each morning...and the word today is that everybody in town is being deluged with emails that are all sounding the same...."Are You Angry? Are you frustrated that your voice is not heard? Send me some money!!!!!" All politicians of both sides of the aisle are sending out nonstop emails to passive voters and internet readers who want to be citizens of action...and giving money is the action that is desired...nice.

Educators seek Charter Flight for all headed to China for "global Vision" enrollment: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The entire world has been abuzz with all the Superintendents of school districts that are headed to China so that they can enhance the "Global Vision" of their school districts for the upcoming school year....such is it also for the Normal, Mn. school district, 250 students strong, where the entire administrative staff will head to China for a cultural encounter this summer, and then branch off and visit Paris and Germany in the ever widening search for foreign students, who might find education in the frozen tundra an enriching experience...as a sidenote, these educators would like to get a special charter rate, and would like all educators across the country to contact them so that they can charter a new Boeing 787 with all the amenities, but would of course save off the regular fare...stay tuned as I follow this story....

Class of 50 has FOUR valedictorians: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text today from my fisherman friends in Normal, Mn....ya there was some cynicism among the guys that in a town so small, and a senior class of 50, how could there be FOUR valedictorians---but the Assistant Principal, yes there are two administrators in this high school of 250 kids, said that in Normal, Mn they do not go by the bell curve...they let the kids achieve up to their potential, or what goes by potential in them their parts...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Sports Lovers who never attend governmental meetings seek outlet for strong views: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Well last weekend, I finally relented and made the long drive, up north of the Twin Cities to Normal, Mn., hoping to get some quiet fishing in...and after a blissful night at the Spruce Goose Motel, where all the rooms have mounted deer on the walls, and all the beds fold down from the wall, and each room has two little mini snickers candy bars under the pillow.....I headed off to Betty Lou's coffee shop on Saturday morn. Kind a different assortment of bass fishermen in that coffee shop on Saturday---all retired and all former athletes from the Normal, Mn high school...none had ever participated in virtually any local civic meeting...they had no time for that..they were too busy watching sports on t.v. or fishing...but they had very strong views on...well pretty much everything...and they...after several cups of coffee, double strong...with sugar...and yes with whipped cream at no extra charge...started shouting at each other about the latest local issue...and it all came down to a key point... "Why won't anybody listen to us?"

Locals excited about rise of temporary employment: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from the nursing supervisor of the memory care unit of the Mother of Mercy Retirement Home in Normal, Mn.---virtually all of the regular residents were pretty excited today about the jobs report as it was reported on the morning news---that there was an increase in jobs...even though they were mostly temporary....and yes the unemployment rate went up...and the numbers in the stock market kept going up in enthusiasm about the number.....and to a resident they just loved the way the announcer spoke with such enthusiasm...stay tuned as I follow all the economic news events from our local nursing home...

New Gen X: Shunning Homes, Cars...and next ...FOOD: Tales from Normal,Mn: FICITON

Just got the text from the guys at Betty Lou's coffee shop in Normal, Mn.---where in the early morning hours, right before heading out to fish for bass, they talk about the latest...and the word today was that the next gen, Gen X generation, has given up on buying homes and autos...they are renting and using the bus to make the planet more sustainable...but the other news today---they are beginning to give up FOOD. The guys have speculated it was because so much of the food was packaged and unhealthy eating of stuff like milk, cheese, meat, brats and the like...but some also speculated that their wages meant that they could not afford to buy food....stay tuned as I follow this story.

Media Demand a Market Crash ...to help ratings: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from the guys at Betty Lou's coffee shop...that iconic little hole in the wall coffee shop, where all the coffee is double strong, with sugar and the whipped cream is no extra charge...anyway...it seems that the media of Normal, Mn....well mostly just some small community rags...are demanding that there be a market crash immediatley...despite whatever the government pundits say...and the reason the market crash is necessary is to precisely preserve the integrity of those who have been calling for a crash for at least a year now...and yes they have been frustrated that after insisting that "GOLD" was the only safe haven, they have gone ahead and lost much of their portfolio in gold mining stocks...and then after being gutsy and investing in high yielding dividend stocks, wall street has turned on them and said these are bad investments..huh? the locals are simply fit to be tied...they want a crash to make the believers believe that their hope is really in gold and the Almighty..in that order...thank you.

Wall Street trashes dividend stocks in morning....changes mind in afternoon: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

It sure is important to have TIVO in the morning for watching those Wall Street Pundits----it is always best to wait a good 48 hours before acting cause usually...usually...they have changed their minds...stay tuned.

70 and 80 yr old residents strongly argue for 30 year repayment terms: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from the boys at Betty Lou's coffee shop in Normal, Mn....where each morning, and especially on those early rainy mornings when one can't get out early to fish---the guys has been raving about the meeting the other night at the City Council Chamber, where every 70 and 80 yr old citizen of Normal, Mn had gathered to argue for at least 30 years repayment for some recent beautiful downtown remodeling.....they felt it was indeed beautiful work, and that the grandkids would truly benefit from all this wonderful work, and thus they should be the ones that should pay for it....they sure seemed to have the argument down...and to a man and woman they were sure that a long repayment, or indeed...payment by others after their death was the way to go....stay tuned as I follow this story.

Excitement builds with Housing value rise...and interest rate rise: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today that the guys at Betty Lou's coffee shop are pretty excited that their housing values have risen...it gives them a sense of satisfaction in preparation for paying their year end real estate taxes, which have been very high since 2003, when the reassessment was done...and thus values have been 130% of reality ever since...It has been painful, but the press releases have been comforting... And the news that the Fed is finally going to stop easing and allow interest rates to rise, or even skyrocket,,,and the interest rates for mortgages have been rising..thank god...that means that the housing prices will come down as folks cannot offer much less qualify for houses of the higher valuation..and then cash will be king...and to a bass fisherman, they are excited that the plunge in house valuation has just begun...maybe the homes that only cost 12,500 in 1960 and now are appraised at $200K will come down...maybe...maybe...not in any locality we live in....but maybe..somewhere.

Gov declares "Millions for Fish; Not a dime for fishermen": Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text from the guys at Betty Lou's coffee shop in Normal, Mn., where all the coffee is double strong, plus sugar, and the whipped cream is no extra charge---and where all the bass fisherman meet each morning to talk about what the fish are eating...and ya what the politicians are saying, but not doing. This morning it seems the guys were all abuzz with the fact that the state governor has declared millions for stocking the lakes with bass, but at the same time has said there will not be a dime for jobs, healthcare...or anything else but aid for corporations that want to relocate within the state...needless to say...the guys were not pleased... So...I just texted back to the guys what I thought was the explanation according to the natural law: Fish are creatures of the Almighty that have been preyed on by vicious predators, like men, and need affirmative protection. Society must intervene to protect them and spend tax dollars so that tourists can spend gasoline dollars and drive on our new roadways to get to fish in this fine state. Fishermen on the other hand: they are totally self reliant and able to do anything...if they do not like being unemployed they can go elsewhere anytime they want. It is survival of the fittest....yes...they might have to leave town to survive. Well, well, well....I got the reply and the bass fishermen did not like my response...It was just a short message: They said: "We want to be FISH too...we want equal rights."

Both Employers and Employees Agree: If they cannot each get what they want...their morale will be low..: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee shop in Normal, Mn.---the bass fishing guys that took the morning off this am due to overcast conditions...and after their second full coffee...double strong...lots of sugar and with the whipped cream free...they reached a consensus....they agreed that both employers and employees are sending the signal in their public relations...that if they do no get what they want...they will be VERY disappointed...and everyone better watch out if their morale gets down.....

Economic Development: City wants new direction: Hires Three Econ. Development Coordinators: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee shop in Normal, Mn.----seems that in order to "jump start" the development progress in Normal, Mn....which by the way has been at a standstill for the past 5 years...ever since the last development conference....they have decided rather than hire an expensive development director who might go out to expensive restaurants with influential sorts...they would hire three very less expensive "coordinators" who would keep themselves busy coordinating with each other....that way...even if no development happened, at least the time sheets would be filled with meetings involved with all the coordinating...nice..