Citizens dream of "free" gasoline: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the tweet...its freezing up in Normal, Mn. this morn...but after a couple of double strong mochas, the bass fishermen there are very hopeful that if the present trends keep up, we will see FREE gasoline....One lone fisherman pointed out that this delusion is a sign of a bottom....stay tuned.

Midwest Governor urges Drug Testing for all Welfare Recipients: Corporate too: and Politicians: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet...seems a midwest governor wants to have all welfare recipients get drug tested, but legislators have added amendments that have included all corporate economic development recipients to the list, as well as all politicans....the bass fishermen at Betty Lou's coffee shop in Normal, Mn. were just wildly enthusiastic about the prospect...some wanted to have all professionals who get specific lisences to be tested also...wow...I will keep you posted on the development of these proposals...stay tuned.

Cash Trumps Wall Street Bull this Christmas: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen in Normal, Mn,,at Betty Lou's coffee shop, where all the guys have had a long coffee session since the weather has been so unseasonably mild that their ice shacks are very close to sinking into the water....and they have been glaring at the news on the old black and white tv over the coffee roasting machine that has been blaring out how stocks are plunging world wide....and they came up with a new indicator----the sinking ice shack indicator...that seems to sink just like their investments in 401K etc....and the old guys were mentioning the failure of traditional portfolio management in that when there are times of panic..Both stocks and bonds can plunge...and so the old guys just smiled and all vowed to never forget the mantra that they had learned as kids...."CASH trumps Wall Street BULL." Stay tuned as I follow this story.

.25 cent gasoline: Memories of the bass fishermen of 1974:;; Tales from Normal Mn: FICTION

Just got the tweet...from the bass fishermen in Normal, Mn....they were sipping coffee this morning at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, where all the coffee is double strong and the whipped cream is no extra charge...and the guys were remembering the good old days of 1973...when gas prices were .25 per gallon....and of course they also remembered that the prices of three bedroom ramblers was about $24,000 for a nice one used....and entry level jobs were about $500 a month.... Every single man was excited with the drop in gas prices and could not wait till they returned to .25 per gallon...and also they were waiting till the price of a three bedroom rambler in Minneapolis or St. Paul was $24,000...and that price included a new modern kitchen with dishwasher and such....Until then...the rule was just rent...stay tuned...those youngins are so hip.

Americans proud of the power of fracking to lower gas prices and also proud of Saudi efforts to destroy them...nice: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet...in an amused session at Betty Lou's coffee shop this morning...where the bass fishermen were all assembled because of the fog conditions....were all abuzz about the fall in the price of oil, and the enthusiasm of the political pundits that this was great for America, even though it might mean the destruction of some banks for the third time in a decade, and all conservative income investors nationwide, and also all the newest fracking operations.... One older bass fisherman called the whole operation "911 Part II"....nice.

Church Leader prescribes Heart softening pills and hearing aids for all Bishops: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

A well known pontiff...who as some insiders know once owned a motorcycle...has now prescribed an infallible dictum to all his bishops...that from now on hearing aids will be dispensed..on the assumption that they are needed...and further that a supply of new breakthrough heart softening pills will be sent along with the hearing aids...both in a plain vanilla unmarked envelope...the bass fishermen in Betty Lou's coffee shop in Normal, Mn. were just wildly enthusiastic with the news....imagine they said...a person at the top of an organizational chart that actually gets it..wow....stay tuned as I follow this story.

Fishermen looking for BABA certified financial Statement: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet...from the bass fishermen in Normal, Mn. who have been drinking coffee steadily this morning in preparation for Pres. Obama's immigration speech tonight...and one of the men was wildly enthusiastic about the Chinese internet company, Alibaba, with the symbol BABA....yes it was the symbol that was pretty catchy...but he did pause when one of the older bass fishermen asked him how to obtain a certified financial statement for this company...the guys just smiled...then one spoke...."nothing is "certified" in China...its all make believe"....then all the guys laughed...and the subject was dropped...but then in a note to all of my readers...if you find a certified financial statement for a chinese firm....bravo....to you...

Clerics are told to end obsession with dogma...begin compassion..some pushback: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

Well just got the tweet...the Pope has told folks, and bishops too, that the deal is to focus on compassion and not just dogma...but the bishops have had some pushback...and have some concerns that the end of dogma might end their proclivities...but the laity has been enthusiastic...and so it all remains as it was...with the laity, elderly going to church with only the elderly and praying for those who are not there...stay tuned.

Housing Rebound expected after Death: Tales from Normal, Mn. : Fiction

Just got the tweet today...the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee shop in Normal, Mn. were pretty amused to hear that the economic recovery via the housing rebound will occur just after their death..how convenient..stay tuned as I follow this story....

Fox News considers reporting election results before polls open: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

Some pundits are speculating that if Fox News is reporting the results before the polls close..it will be just a hop skip and a jump till they begin reporting the results before the polls open....stay tuned.

Economists excited by Consumer Dreams: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet...that this very morning at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn. a distinguished economist from the Twin Cities, Son Won Upchuk, spoke to the small group of bass fishermen there...where the coffee is double strong and the whipped cream is no extra charge....He began his presentation by saying that no matter how pessimistic voters might be today, and no matter the difficulties that consumers are presented with, there is room for hope....he cited a recent poll that stated that even though consumers have not been purchasing more goods...things..products that make the world work for all of us workers...yet they still have dreams of some day buying things when they can some day afford it...and those dreams, while not formerly the realm of economists, have been duly noted....stay tuned as I follow this story.

The Cheap Gasoline Christmas...simplified: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The bass fishermen at Betty Lou's were pretty excited this morning...they had just heard that the falling price of gasoline at the pump was going to be their Xmas present this Xmas...and that it amounted to QE4, and trillions for the economy....It was just their first cup of coffee...and yes they might have been a bit rusty...but to a man they whipped out their phones and did the numbers...one guy led them..."If we were as successful as Warren Buffett and drove 5000 miles a year, and saved .50 per gallon and got 30 miles to the gallon...it would amount to something over $80 per year to each man...so they began to think of how they could break it down monthly and how they would spend the $6.66 per month that was the bonanza of cheap oil...and one by one...they decided that the best thing would be to just buy some extra minnows for bait, and forget the shopping...since it is pretty hard to find something good for $6.66...

Distinguished Trust Representative Urges investors to hold:; Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

A distinguished executive from the Frozen Tundra Investment Fund was in Normal, Mn. this morning to speak at the Big Minnow Rotary Society of Normal, Mn.,,,a group of older bass fisherman in these parts...and after his presentation, in which he urged the locals to keep their holdings in stocks and bonds and not sell in a panic, because he was hoping to sell those shares held in margin accounts on a short sale for his company and make a killing...as he had been doing for all the past year...well...the bass fishermen were pretty stunned, and then after a second cup of coffee they got a little angry...why...just to think that all of the baby boomer generation had been fed a bunch of pablum to be long term investors so that the wise guys could sell them short and make a killing just made them furious....stay tuned as I follow this story...

Bass Fishermen Love Lots of CASH on the Table: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the tweet this morning...the bass fishermen were glued to the black and white tv that hangs above the counter at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn as the stock market news flashed nonstop all morning long covering the plunging US stock market....one pundit expecially got their interest...he was a large multi-billion dollar fund manager that reminded investors that over the long term, cash was a bad investment since it left "lots of cash on the table." The bass fisherman to a man just smiled....finally one spoke up..."Having lots of cash on the table is just fine with me"....and besides he said, "long term is just this afternoon when you get to my age."

Distinguished Economist Fears Nation's Poor will Trigger Inflation: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet...from the bass fishermen at Betty Lou's coffee shop...in Normal, Mn....the iconic coffee shop where all the coffee is double black, and the whipped cream is no extra charge...and where this very morning there was a special guest from the Twin Cities...a celebrated economist who during coffee this morning shared his latest theory...and a theory he has written of in his latest book, well..in fact a theory that he has written about over and over and over again in all of his twenty books over the past 30 years...and that theory is that the very poorest of the poor of America risk the entire economy of the USA by triggering inflation by buying goods during the upcoming Christmas season, with money that they do not have, but might spend anyway with credit that they do not have, but might somehow get...and all this spending will trigger inflation, which could ruin American prosperity, or at least the prosperity of those who have it presently.... The bass fishermen just smiled...and finally after a few minutes, one old guy spoke up: "Ya mean that Wal Mart sales will rise?" The economist replied that he did not understand the question...so the old bass fishermen persisted: "WalMart sales and earnings have been a big disappointment lately since the poor do not have the money to buy much...and consumer staples stocks have also suffered because of the same problem....So it seems that you are fearing that the poor will get jobs that they have stuggled to get in the past, and that they will buy goods that they have not been able to buy in the past...in short...you are saying that if a miracle occurs, there will be inflation...." The economist replied that he still did not understand.

Famous Athlete Beaten as youth, beats 4 yr old son: Be Like me: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet...seems that a famous football league that is known for its toughness, was totally shocked by the scandal that occured when a famous running back who was beaten as a youth, and was proud of it, as a sign of his toughness, then beat his 4 year old son....so he could be great also, one presumes.... The bass fishermen at Betty Lou's Coffee shop this morning were pretty puzzled by all this...they had thought that memory loss was caused by the extreme hitting of the linemen which caused memory loss; but in this case, it appears that dull vision and memory loss has also crept into the executive ranks of professional sports....and they wondered whether rather than having 5 or so high priced suited sports commentators with no helmets on the sunday sports shows....maybe just 1 or 2 regular folk with helmets might be an improvement....after all, just needing 5 guys to describe what happened means that there must be some memory loss at even the public relations level....Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Launching planes and ICBM's as an Economic Stimulus tool: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen on Sunday morning...they have been watching the weekly recap of news and were in awe of what has become of the distinguished economics theory of economic development...it seems that at the highest level of government...or maybe just Russian government, but when one reflects maybe others share the theory, when one is faced with the plunge of value of ones currency or is facing an ominous recession...one of the tools of stimulation is of course "printing of more money" but that technique does get old after a while, or after one has printed trillions of money...and the next tool from the Chicago or maybe Russian theory of economics is to launch bombers and ICBM's on just a "war games" exercise of course, to get some economic stimulation going, and of course to develop some real patriotism of the locals....this all seemed pretty stunning to the bass fishermen....and they wondered to a man what has become of the Economics department worldwide....maybe they just got a little bored with the traditional texts and decided to expand the tools of the trade to include world war.....stay tuned as I follow this story.

Rise of the "Buffer Zone": Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the tweet on Sunday morning from the Bass Fishermen in Normal, Mn. at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop---they were all there this morning and watching the overhead black and white tv which was broadcasting news about the "Buffer Zone" in place in the Ukraine....17 miles or so of planned neutral space that the rebels and the Ukraine troops have agreed that they will withdraw from....but have not so far.... And the more the guys talked about the "Buffer Zone" the more they liked the concept...and they felt that in cases of conflict, one needs some space to sort out the issues and reflect a bit...and when it came time for them to leave for Church...they resisted...and decided to declare a "Buffer Zone" between themselves and the Church .....until the Church could sort out the mismanagement and abuse that it had been involved in for the past...several...decades...or maybe a couple hundred years....it must have been a while...since all of the higher ups that have been called to testify in St. Paul "cannot remember" anything....which is usually a sign that it has been a while...or that all the higher ups have lost their memory with alzheimers or maybe that they played football in the early years...or maybe that they were in fact hired because they could not remember much, and promised to be faithful in not remembering.... Anyway...the bass fishermen were very firm this morning....they would create a "buffer zone" between themselves, the prayerful faithful, and their Church and remain outside of 5 miles from the Church and its collections till the issue was decided in the courts in St. Paul...and maybe longer...stay tuned as I follow this story.

After Two Manhattens, General Seeks Wider War: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet....from my bass fishermen friends in Normal, Mn....who went to happy hour last Friday nite at a night club that will remain nameless...anyway...just after happy hour closed, which had been offering highballs on a two for one basis...a local retired General, who had been a legendary paratrooper in his younger years, stood up and announced to the crowd of elders surrounding him...that he was ready for a wider war...and would be seeking support among them....well...everybody cheered...as was usual after a bout of heavy drinking...stay tuned as I follow this story.

City Adds to Parks despite having 30 Year Supply: Tales From Normal, MN: FICTION

Just got the note from the bass fishermen...the town elders from Normal, Mn. have just completed their five year park plan, which has noted that our dear city has enough parkland to last for the next 30 years at the current rate of development...and maybe even longer if things slow down....and in related news...they have disregarded their five year plan and gone ahead and added more parkland since developers wanted to get rid of some swampland rather than pay the city cash...how sweet is that...to be forward thinking and dream big for the next 100 years, or maybe 200 years and just think of those future wonderful citizens that will be paying for all these wonderful things we are doing today....

All the Busboys have Phd's in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn. FICTION

It's been pretty chilly up in Normal, Mn...that hotspot of bass fishing..and the guys, at least all of the regulars, over 60 yrs old mostly, all gathered last week during the rain and overcast weather...and they began to wonder....and wonder more...as they watched newscasts on the overhead black and white tv...that told of the current employment situation where students were so loaded up with student debt, when in fact most of the open jobs were in bar and restaurant wait jobs...so that in reality, most of the busboys that the fishermen knew had Phd's....They tried to think back...and ya the football players had a hard time in the remembering, but they relied on the others to help piece together the history.... Over the years from what they could remember, there were more and more jobs that required a college degree, and it became the fashion that folks pretty much understood that in order to get ahead, despite whatever the cost of the loans was, one simply had to click on the mouse and sign the electronic signature and get in debt...bigtime...it was a "Whatever it takes" moment....and the educated administrators of the colleges and universities kept saying that it was a wonderful investment...and they believed it since...well...they had never made any investments before...and they had not reached the age of "reason" yet, since the education had delayed it.. In the old days, there had been a universal belief in "lifelong education", which to the bass fishermen had meant that they could constantly learn new things about bass fishing and other hobbies and crafts that they had pursued...and home improvement had been a big part of it...now the phrase "Lifelong education" had switched to mean, lifelong indebtedness...the state of going to school forever, and because they had gradually begun to believe that knowledge that one acquired on ones own was worthless, they had totally bought into the idea that if you did not pay for it,,,,knowledge was pretty much worth zero...and the corollary...the more you paid for it...the more it was worth....and so they had forgot the old days in college when a whole room of furniture was pretty much available down on the street if one just searched a bit.... The guys were just a bit stunned in the review of this development....the term deja vu did not reflect their amazement at the state of affairs....

Fishermen worried that rising bait costs might ruin fishing: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

What an amazing morning...on the morning when all over America corporate pundits are worried sick that wages might rise and throw a wrench into the nirvana of the US economy...even though there has been no effective wage improvement for the average family for decades....still the fear is strong this morning....and at the same time...we get the tweet from the bass fishermen from Normal, Mn....having coffee at Betty Lou's coffee shop...that they are very worried that the local bait shop and the proprietor, Janet the bait woman, might raise bait costs and throw total chaos into the wonderful world of fishing...a world where it is really important to have fresh minnows to work with, and important to hook them properly so the hook keeps their mouth shut...but above all, cheap bait is the best... Stay tuned as I follow this story.

The best "Invasions" occur when you are on "vacation.": Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got back from a getaway to Normal, Mn for the Labor Day weekend...what a great time visiting with the bass fishermen at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop right before we went out early to catch some bass...although I will admit we did have to fight lots of weeds since there appears to be an abundance of weed growth in the lakes up north...anyway...the guys were pretty amused to hear on the local news that the Russian military that invaded Ukraine and who got killed, were described in public reports from Russia as guys that were just on "vacation" or as guys who just wandered over the border by mistake....In a more cruel note...those Russian military guys could not wear their dog tags, so when they died, their heirs could not get military pensions...how wonderful is that to cut costs for the Fatherland.... For the guys..the moral is "when you are on vacation, go fishing...don't go to war.".

City Restricts Beer Floats to the first 500 Entries: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

What a thrill today to watch the Normal, Mn Labor Day Parade....it started early at 8am so that all the folks that had to hit the road to head back home could still enjoy the festivities...and to shorten the Parade, Normal, Mn. City Council ordered that there would be a strict limit to the first 500 beer floats...there has been such an enthusiasm for specialty brewing, and indeed in some cases bathtub brewing, that there has been more enthusiasm than the Parade could support....and so for all those who are trying to drive the long drive home....good luck...

What the World Needs is a Great Tank Battle as adjunct to a Humanitarian Mission: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen...who in their youth were mostly tank guys from Iraq....and they cannot wait till the Abrams tanks get to take on the Russian tanks in the Ukraine...of course this battle would be purely a military exercise and would of course have an associated humanitarian mission, consisting of last rites to the Russian tanks...and of course we could dedicate the battle to all the tank heroes from WWII from Janesville, Wisconsin....may they rest in peace.....stay tuned....Just think...the armed drones on top and the tanks below....what a combo....

Americans Very Confident about 1.50% Growth: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen in Normal, Mn.---they have been amusing about the newscasts this morning where consumer confidence is up since folks are very confident about the 1.5% growth in the economy forecasted for 2014...in fact they are so confident they are not buying much retail goods, and most certainly are not buying homes...and new home sales are down....and they have decided to buy overpriced small apartments that may someday look like hotel rooms in Japan...anyway....how sweet it all is....like the rose and the thorn...but mostly thorns....

Russians decide to drink all of their Vodka themselves: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen of Normal, Mn...and they all have been watching the world news this morning...and as they sat around the black and white tv at Betty Lou's coffee shop, where the coffee is the latest, but everything else is very vintage...to a man they came to the same conclusion after hearing about the chaos in the Ukraine and Russia...it is clear that the Russians have decided to drink all of their vodka...their behavior proves it...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Priceless Heritage found in cave in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the news...via tweet...from the bass fishermen in Normal, Mn, who have taken the rainy morning off and are holed up at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop..where all the coffee is double strong..and the whipped cream is no extra charge....it seems that this past weekend some young boys were exploring in the caves around Normal, Mn., and they discovered on one wall something pretty unusual...and in a moment they were thunderstruck because it just proved that hundreds, maybe thousands of years ago...humans were here and well..they were our ancient heritage...they saw the words carved out that we see all over the world today from humans of the highest order....." We need more and better weapons."

All the Lakes in Normal, Mn. are filled with sewage: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen...seems it is a classic story...the town had wanted to be so historic..being in the land of 10,000 lakes...and some of the outlying farms surrounding the fishing areas of Normal, Mn had wanted to feel touristy too...so they got the bulldozers out...created some artificial lakes...and planted some attractive trees around the ponds...all went well for a short time...seemed like a picture out of a Norman Rockwell painting...but ya cannot smell a Norman Rockwell painting...and soon the manure from all the surrounding farms gradually seeped into the ponds...and thus...all around Normal, Mn. there are ponds that...if you have nose plugs on...look like a perfect painting...sweet....

So Russia May ban Bourbon imports? Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen at Betty Lou's coffee shop in Normal, Mn.---and they were stunned this morning to hear that not only is Russia going to hassle McDonalds since there is fat in their products, but may ban American bourbon....the "Gentleman's bourbon" made in Kentucky....the bass fishermen were amused by the speculation that was rampant that the next thing would be for the Russians to keep all their vodka for themselves...it might shorten their lifespan further, but then...anything to further the trade sanctions....to a man, they all hoped that we could export cheap wine coolers since no self respecting fisherman liked them anyway...and also those cheap flavored vodka brands...the choice is only to export or to give the stuff away...stay tuned as I follow this story.