"Shocking" Layoffs hit Normal, Mn.: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn. that there has been shocking news...about shocking layoffs in the established, do not touch professions, the ones that folks lived and worked and sacrificed in so that they would never be shocked by cutbacks...and they made severe sacrifices to make...very high wages for 9 months work or so, and/or got very nice thank you pensions that nobody bothered to really calculate the real cost of if...in times of contraction..one had to really pay for them...it was always assumed that the entities would just discourage folks from staying for more than five years or so, and thus there would be just minimul liability...but in a total surprise folks decided to make it a career, and the nice regular folks that sat on boards that decide such matters, and never understood the matters, but were waiting for someone up higher to warn them of fire and difficult decisions that needed to be made....never even dimly understood, much less acted to serve the public. And so...pink slips.

"Americans are excited about lower wages": Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from the fishing guys at Betty Lou's Cafe in Normal, Mn, that they are getting pretty excited about all the good news about America's corporate profits caused by lower wages driving stocks higher and higher....Even though as they stare at the giant tv's in the cafe in the morning, just past 6am is best for the best seating...and they just love it when the highly caffeinated guys on the morning stock tv shows talk about how the SandP keeps going higher and higher, and this seems to match the higher and higher they feel with the double strong caffeine plus the whipped cream that is no extra at Betty Lou's. It is kind of funny when one just ponders...none of the guys has any stocks...they just invest in minnows and bait for fishing walleyes...but still they are real positive about the future of America and all the great things that will hopefully come of all this greed, and the wonderful things that come of greed...at least the wonderful things they talk about on t.v.

More sports solves Normal,Mn Academic Decay: Tales From Normal, Mn: Fiction

Working on this story--got a short text today that hinted that by requiring all students to be 5 sport athletes, the ACT scores just skyrocketed upward in Normal, Mn...stay tuned...

"In Order for the firm to be "nimble" You need to sign the resignation form in front of you": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn that the bass fisherman at Betty Lou's coffee shop were just flabergasted when one of the guys was pitched that the firm he worked for wanted to be "Nimble" and needed to terminate him and then consider his reemployment on entirely different terms and conditions...the young 21yr old senior executive seemed to be well intentioned enough with his bright smile and glazed eyes, but ...our friend just kept thinking that he was of a different planet...maybe the planet Earth had been taken over by aliens who had forgotten a bit...like everything about employment...and then had substituted the alien culture...maybe like slavery....The guys did the best to console him and even offered to buy the coffee, double strong with a dash of whipped cream...but he insisted he needed something stronger...stay tuned as I follow this story...it seems to be spreading all across the country.

"Not available at Press time" Loses School Board Election: Tales From Normal, Mn: Fiction

Just got the note today---seems the legendary "Not Available at Press Time" lost in the recent school board election...the bass fisherman at Betty Lou's coffee shop just smiled when I asked why---they said in bass fishing it is important to be timely...ditto for public service....

There are no "human beings", just "Human Resources" in Normal, Mn: Tales: FICTION

I am currently working on this breaking story...maybe you have a personal experience to validate the story that you want to share till the broadband comes back up from Normal, Mn.

Girls's Hockey saves Normal, Mn. School District; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn....it seems that there has been a school bonanza there this year...in enrollment...and it all started out from just one idea from an early morning coffee "blue sky" session at Betty Lou's coffee shop...where all the bass fisherman meet each morning to discuss what the bass might be looking for...as well as other topics. Billy Bob had just thrown out the idea that all over this nation there were lots of girls that wanted the opportunity to play ice hockey, and in light of the falling enrollment that was threatening the very existence of Normal, Mn School District, and also the problem looming that they did not have the money to even think of upgrading.... anything... in the school, well...death and dying of the district did seem to loom...Ice Hockey was the answer...and the guys at Betty Lou's to a man loved the idea. They formed a group that started to build the boards for a giant outdoor ice rink....and they announced to the entire nation that enrollment was now being accepted for girls that might want to join the ice hockey program...all students that wanted to play were guaranteed a spot on the team...and well...the rest is history... Enrollment skyrocketed...Money from the state skyrocketed...and the results for the whole community were astounding...homes were in high demand, money from the state for enrolled students went to pay for the very latest in mobile wireless computers....visitors from all over this great nation came to view the school in Normal, Mn as a role model for academic success. And that's the way it was...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Parents live with their kids in Normal, Mn: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text today from the guys in Normal, Mn---seems they have been watching the news and in light of possible cuts to Social Security, the retired guys have been simply moving in with their kids---just like the "good old days"----most have not even called first---they just show up....stay tuned as I follow this story---this is just what conservatives have always dreamed of....

Conservatives want Harvard to be more friendly to Conservatives: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The guys at Betty Lou's coffee shop in Normal, Mn. were watching the brand spanking new tv sets that have been installed overhead so they can watch CNBC in the morning as they are talking about their fishing prowess....this morning, the conservatives were ranting that Harvard was was just so hard on conservatives, who had to be soo much tougher and smarter to compete at Harvard cause they were questioned all the times and the regular liberals just had nobody questioning their ideology....Grover Norquist was on the program.... The guys found the program real funny...they thought it was a comedy show...the notion of the conservatives urging the Dems to be tolerant, when they could not even stop interrupting their fellow guests when they were agreeing with them,much less when they were disagreeing...anyway...lots of laughter here in Normal, Mn. today...and a beautiful day it is for bass fishing...and where they do not have tv in the boats, cause there is a real focus on what the fish are eating...stay tuned.

"Cat City" gets "Bird City" designation

I just know this is significant...bear with me as I get the info....

Stock Market worried about Italy: HUH?: Tales from Normal,Mn: FICTION

Well stocks plunged at the close of trading recently because supposedly guys were worried about ITALY----the bass fisherman at Betty Lous coffee shop in Normal, Mn had one response: NOT.

Religious leader abdicates...says he cannot figure out bank statement: Tales from Normal, Mn:FICTION

Luigi Johnson resigned today and said that it was the will of the Lord----but really he could not condone nor explain the multiple sets of books and options employed in the corporate treasury.....

Rise of gun and concealed carry apparel excite Wall Street:Tales from Normal, Mn:FICTION

The favorite question of consumers to retail consumer help desks is " Will that jacket conceal my AK47? " Wall Street is excited because it represents real economic growth...Stay tuned as I follow this story...

Woman 110 yrs says key to age is non-stop texting :Tales fromn Normal, Mn: Fiction

The 2013 spirit award was given today to a woman 110yrs old who was cited for greatness...She beamed with pride as she described her non-stop phone skills....

Crosses mark the new TIF districts in Normal, Mn: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Crosses have been erected on new land hoped for development....It is floodplain land and they are hoping for a TIF miracle....stay tuned...

Newspapers close: Universities begin offering Phd in Social networking and blogging: Tales from Normal, Mn: Fiction

Still working on this story. Professors are wanted 21yr or younger with 10 years or more experience.....I assume applications will be on twitter shortly. stay tuned...

Man Shoots dog; Police kill man" Dog was one of us": Tales From Normal, Mn" Fiction

Still waiting for normal news coverage on this story from normal, Mn, where a man shot a police K9 dog who attacked him, and when the man killed the dog, the police killed the man with their guns.....According to the news reports the police said the dog was one of them....stay tuned...this is just the way it is in Normal, Mn.

City Offically Named "The Cat City": Celebrates: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Stunning day today...as all the alders of Normal, Mn., after the normal business was conducted in the City Council...took a few moments to pass an official resolution proclaiming their fair city "Cat City of the World". Everyone was jubilent. \ After all..the thinking goes...it really smelled like cats...so one might as well get the designation. Stay tuned as I follow this developing story.

Hula Hoops ordered for Wall Street: Tales: Fiction

Brokers are ready to celebrate the great rotation----and the hula hoops will help...stay tuned as I follow this extensive delusion on wall street.

Translation Correction Noted by Monti: Tales:fiction

Seems a financial heavyweight from Italy who said he would do "whatever it took" was misunderstood in translation....he really said he would take everything he could....those verb conjugations are tricky.....stay tuned as I update the lin guistics corner....the bass fisherman at Betty Lou's have promised to help.

Beer Seminar so successful it will become weekly event:Tales From Normal, Mn: Fiction

Working on this story and will faithfully complete it when I finish the beer tasting.

Wall Street Gets Excited About Sub-Par Job Creation; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

OMG it is going to the moon!!!!that is what the guys sounded like last week....talking about..... the enthusiasm of Wall Street professionals...total professionals that they are..in an age where one has to totally discount the whole concept of professional...anyway...even though the job creation numbers were subpar last week, it was a reason to push the stocks higher....and the game seems to be to get the seniors who are on the sidelines to put their hard earned cash into risky assets that they are ill suited for..so that the needs of the gamblers can be satisfied...nice...

Virtual School Project Delayed; Need to plan some more Brick: Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn....seems that the guys were all abuzz at Betty Lou's coffee shop this morn, the coffee shop where all the coffee is double strong, and the whipped cream is no extra charge---the local school board spent several hours considering a new fangled virtual school for their students to get them in the modern age...but in the end, decided to build a new brick addition instead...it seems that there were several brickmasons locally whereas there were no computer savy designers available except in the big cities far away...stay tuned as I follow this story....

Beer enthusiasts rail against Apple lack of creativity: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

Lots of the inebrietated guys at the Loose Caboose Bar and Lounge railed at Apple for not being as creative as the beer industry....

Profit Skyrockets as all employees fired: Tales from Normal,Mn: FICTION

Productivity surged as robots were energized....some severe listening bugs caused complaints to plunge as inbound calls on service disconnected....stay tuned..

Folks Cutting Costs on Mars---Not so much elsewhere: Tales From Normal Mn :FICTION

Story developing slowly due to time delay--will keep you informed.

Wall Street Struggles to Define "Smoke in cockpit": Tales From Normal Mn:Fiction

Stay tuned for this developing story

God Lovin Patriotic Community with Long Tradition of Violence: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn. that the locals, mostly just the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, who every morning, gather together midst strong coffee and free whipped cream...that these guys were outraged today when they learned that in a recent sociology textbook, their fair, free loving, and beautiful community has been described as a patriotic community with a long Tradition of violence...the guys were shocked...stay tuned as I follow this story.

School Board of School Employees Agreees unanimously to Pay Increases; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today that the revered Normal, Mn school Board, which has been honored to have all of its members currently serving as teachers in the school district, has voted unanimously for a 10% salary increase effective immediately. There were no dissenters. Stay tuned as i will faithfully follow up on any news of the cost containment efforts of the district, as well as any more long range building projects even though, it must be duly noted that there is a slight problem of population decline, and students leaving the district for more flexible instruction, and online instruction models...

Focus Group Identifies A Strong Tradition of Gunshows and Cheap Booze

Last week was a historic one for Normal, Mn., that sleepy little fishing town in northern Minnesota, and yes, the home of Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, where all the bass fishermen go in the morning to chat...and where all the coffee comes double strong and the whipped cream is no extra charge... But..the guys are getting older now, and some have failing memories...so just to be sure, last week, the Common Council had a focus group to determine what the heritage of Normal, Mn. consisted of...during the focus group, FREE coffee and donuts were provided by Betty Lou's Cafe---at the end of the focus group, which concluded promptly in one hour, the unanimous agreement of all the participants was that Normal, Mn. has a strong tradition of Gunshows and Cheap Beer. Armed with this information, the next step in the planning process is to develop a marketing campaign. Stay tuned as I follow this story.