Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Thursday, December 29, 2011

"Normal, Mn. estimates decline in value at 1% last year." and other funny stories: Tales From Normal, Mn. FICTION

The mayor of Normal, Mn announced today from the steps of the brand spanking new Normal Nursing Home that housing valuation estimates for the past year have shown values declined an estimated 1%. 

This is wonderful news for all residents when one considers that the rest of the citizens of the United States have taken huge cuts to valuation.  The mayor attitbuted the holding of value to "positive thinking" and frequent use of yoga by the locals. 

The mayor also urged folks that were foreclosed and had to leave town, to at least write back once in a while and also to still subscribe to the local newspapers, and also to return here to drink for the fourth of July festivities.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Pizza, cheap wine and cheese curds go viral in Normal, Mn.: Fiction

It is hard to predict what goes viral.....but today pizza, cheap wine and cheese has instantly become the viral sensaation=====you have loved the holidays...you have done the math...you have made the adjustment......yo

Monday, December 19, 2011

Market for "Dollar Stores" skyrocket: FICTION

Recently in Normal, Mn., three additional dollar stores, or penny stores or some such have been created.  In an environment of declining employment, where half of America is in poverty, there is a surging demand for dollar stores....stay tuned. 

Local Editors Visualize what is News: Fiction

Recently in Normal, Mn, two distinguished editors of local newspapers met to lecture to the local community on what it is to cover and indeed make the "news".  The miracle about this presentation was that these news desks never in fact attend ANY meetings, and indeed NEVER have any video or audio to report....they just rely on emails from the respective organizations that TELL THEM WHAT HAPPENED....NICE.....

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Dateline Normal, Mn: Rich who pay no Taxes demand to pay less taxes: FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn. but am trying to understand how the rich seek to pay less...but it seems that that is the way it is. Stay tuned.

Normal, Mn. launches tasting of shots in local liquor stores--hopes to stimulate developments

Just got the text from Herman from Normal, Mn. that they have approved not only concealed carry so folks could carry their gun to the liquor store, but now they can taste up to three shots of liquor so that they can make an informed choice about their purchase. This is a new twist on economic development, and after a few shots, folks can hardly remember what any other type of economic development looked like.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

President Obama proposes continuing cuts to Social Security funding source to......WHAT?

President Obama has proposed continuing the cut to the source of Social Security funding so that..... WHAT? it appears he supports the undermining of the retirement system just as President George Bush proposed a Medicare medical prescription benefit that was not properly funded...NICE.

Back to the Future 1776: Revolution Aborted when Freedom of Assembly requires Prepay of Police Costs

Just got the text from Normal,Mn today. Seems that the pundits there...upon reflection on historical events...redid the American Revolution and it came out differently====the British announced that the colonies had the right of assembly as long as they prepaid the police costs and filed a properly notorized assembly permit. This moment of revolutionary revision comes from the fantasy of Wisconsin history...stay tuned.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Developer Plans another 180 upscale park benches for Uptown Minneapolis: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn. and one industrious reporter there that had visited Uptown area in Mpls last weekend.....seems Minneapolis is very sensitive to the growing demand for park benches for living accomodations, and is planning another 180 park upscale park benches for the Uptown area.

Relax. They will be upscale and on either end will be cupholders, that can contain beverages, or ....anything....and on the other side a trash container. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Jokesters assert "Weight Loss" or Cutting Budgets is just about "continuous improvement": Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn---it seems the "Billy Bob Academy of Dieting and Budgets" is urging folks to attend a seminar in which it is explained that no weight loss is necessary, and no budget cuts are necessary---all that is necessary is the right attitude. So far, enrollment for this seminar is skyrocketing. Folks like it. Stay tuned as I cover this story.

100 Yr. Old Town still unsure who they are after 25 "branding studies"--seek group therapy: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, MN.---they have just completed a comprehensive "branding study" for the community, but it appears that even though they have done this type of study 25 times in the past 100 years, they still are unsure who they are.....

A local pastor has suggested that the whole community seek group therapy.

I will keep you posted on the latest on their progress notes.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Activist Poor Meet to support Cain 999 Proposal--Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The political action group "Activist Poor who seek to Harm Themselves" will meet next week in Normal, Mn to develop new ways to help Republican party candidate Cain succeed with this 9-9-9 tax proposal. The whole idea of the poor solving all the problems that face America is so attractive to this group that they welcome all citizens to the meeting. Stay tuned for details.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Hearing Aid Society Holds Listening Session: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The Normal, Mn. Hearing Aid Society held a listening session last week at the local community center. A delightful light lunch of subway sandwiches was offered along with oolong tea. Lots of folks spoke but few heard what was said, and no minutes were taken.

All agreed it was a fabulous success and another session is planned in six months.

Friday, October 14, 2011

National Retail Firm seeks "Out of the Box" Thinker: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today that a noted national retailer is seeking a web marketing manager who can think "outside the box" in developing its marketing web strategy....It says in the specs that in addition to a proven track record, the applicant must be able to punch in and out within the 7 minutes required, as well as master the 329 page training manual.

National Retail Firm that says they "Treat their Employees Like Family" Gets Charged in Class Action Case for Wage and Hour Violations: Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

Just got the startling text today....a truly homegrown, midwest corporation that touted it's love of its employees, and asserted they treated all employees like " family" has been charged with Wage and Hour violations.

Until we get all the details, we will suspend judgment...but it kinda makes one wonder what their definition of "family" was.

Wall Street Rally Pending: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Wall Street opened down today on pessimism from Overseas markets during the night, and with the mention of China, France, Italy and Greece in a news story. Wall street pundits had hoped that only two countries would be mentioned--- but were disappointed and punished stocks.

Stocks rallied around 9:30 AM, as brokers were excited about the Starbucks special on Broad Street, that featured free whipped cream with all orders over five dollars.

As lunch approached and the old timers headed out for coctails, the market sensed a rally on the strength of the special two for one happy hour that had been expanded partly as a consolation for traders who have had to contend with the protesters loudly asserting that they are corrupt and greedy. Market watchers are hopeful that when the traders return from their liquid lunch, they will put a happy face on afternoon action.

Stay tuned for the latest.

Police Department Holds Focus Groups in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The police department of Normal, Mn. has announced a month long series of focus groups to hear from the public their hopes and vision of the police future in Normal, Mn. as well as any concerns. Consult your local paper for the times and places. All focus group meetings will feature a three course meal. The Listening session will be preceded by an hour long presentation by our local police chief on the role of "community policing" in our local town.

In addition to the chief in attendance, two additonal officers will be present to display the most recent firearms available to the department, as well as the new Dodge Charger Police cars, complete with mag wheels. These mag wheels may need more frequent inflation in cold temperatures, but in the words of one officer, they are "cool" and bring the respect of speeders everywhere.

At the end of each focus group, the public will be allowed five minutes for questions.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

President who says he has a photographic Memory can't remember WHERE he put the jobs: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Well the press is touting all over America that the former President Clinton has a photographic memory---but the pundits of Normal, Mn. are bewildered---they wonder how the very President that sent all those jobs abroad by his agreements with NAFTA,....at the same time cannot remember what he did? The old guys from Normal, Mn think this may be early memory loss.

What do you think?

Conservatives Urge Poor to Sleep in their Cars to Save: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The leading conservative magazine from the northern tundra town of Normal, Mn. has published a broadside that urges the poor to sleep in their cars as a cost saving measure. In the long but somewhat rambling article, the conservative weekly noted that the budget was way over budget for park benches due to the demand for overnight accomodations, and hence the car sleeping idea came to the forefront in conservative minds as a remedy. Conservative talk show hosts cited the successful use in Texas as a precendent. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

"Living More With Less" a citywide book read for October": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The august city council of Normal, MN. declared October 2011, "Living More With Less Month" and urged all citizens to read the book available in abundant supply at the local library. They declared that the philosophy in the book was very timely and indeed the recipies in the book were especially tasty.

Right after applauding the "Living More With Less" book, the Council moved unanimously to donate any excess of the city purchased books for the book read to the local Goodwill.

The City coucil then voted to raise taxes. No cuts to the proposed budgets were made.

Stay tuned as I follow the latest from Normal, Mn.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Normal Mn Community Center announces Breakthrough: Combined Health and Octoberfest Fair: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

In a breathtaking announcement today, the Community Center of Normal, Mn., a 501(3)c organization announced that to maximize efficiency, they have combined the annual Health Fair and the Octoberfest Celebration, and will make the celebration a day long event on October 10th at the new community center in Normal.

This breakthrough in efficiency will feature health screenings in the morning, followed by free pizza from Noon to closing from "Billy Bob's Pizza" the premium provider of Normal, Mn, and then also at very low special prices Billy Bob's favorite generic beer......

Bring the entire family...

Modern Touch Tone, Hands Free, Green Healthcare comes to Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text today----pretty stunning news. Out of the supposedly backward northern tundra of Normal, Mn., comes the breathtaking new rollout of modern high tech healthcare----it will feature touch tone telephones that give the caller the option of: "Press one for appointments, Press two for clinical, Press 911 if this is a medical emergency, Press four if you are not sure if it is a medical emergency, Press five if you are reporting a death.

In addition to these modern conveniences, you will be able to access your physican via teleconference where the doctor can ask you questions and by using your computer video the physician can examine your health concerns. Hands free, totally green, and represented to save time and money.

Physician charges will be electronically debited from your checking account after each visit. How cool is that.


Stay tuned for further details as this brand new development happens...right in the backward tundra....just think of the magic if it came to your neighborhood.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Justices Charged in Enforcing "Open Meeting Laws" Say Law does not apply to them: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The justices of the Supreme Court of Normal, Mn. have announced today that while they do take very seriously their responsibility to enforce the "Open Meeting Law", they are above that law themselves.

When asked which laws they plan on following, the Supreme Justices indicated that they will decide this on a case by case basis. Stay tuned.

There was some speculation that a fight broke out during the discussion of this ruling, but this was unable to be confirmed.

Miss Toosie's Retort: Tales From Normal, MN.: FICTION

Recently a famous Governor's wife made a visit to the local nursing home in Normal, Mn., where Miss Toosie is currently living in the Memory Care Unit.
By sheer luck, the Governor's wife stopped in to Miss Toosie's room...As she greeted her, the Governor's wife said: "Do You know who I am?"

Miss Toosie replied:

"Not really, but if you go to the receptionist desk she will tell you who you are."

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Normal Mn considers building shrine--looking for a miracle to celebrate: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn. that while they had hoped that FOOTBALL would save them with the beginning of the 2011 season and the increased economic activity, so far there has only been a few more diet pepsi consumed and it has not been enough for this fishing town of in the northern tundra.

Just yesterday, the Tourism subcomittee of the Economic Development Committee, commissioned a special "Miracle Task Force" to examine whether a shrine could be built to venerate a special miracle that has happened in these remote parts-----If you know of a miracle that will do....contact City Hall.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

"Austerity Days" Come to Normal, Mn: Fiction

Just the got the text today that there is a huge celebration in Normal, Mn. this weekend for "Austerity Days." All of the most conservative pundits in the country have been yelling for austerity, yelling that people have too much debt, yelling that it is all the other guys fault----but up in Normal, Mn. austerity has arrived....nobody is spending anything....and the city is set to celebrate.

If you get near Garrison this weekend, just look for the large signs---to celebrate the return of life of the 1950's one store will be selling hamburgers for .25 and also beer will be really cheap...but then it always has been cheap in Normal, Mn. Sure business owners would like you to buy something, but bein that it is austerity days, they will be real laid back on the sales technique. Stop on by. It should be fun.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Billionaire Investor Buys Cow Dung Bank: Urges Investors to Follow: Says Cologne will solve problems: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text this morning from Normal, Mn. that a local billionaire investor has made a huge investment in an ailing bank...one filled with corrupt management and riddled with a long history of illegal conduct...i.e a cow dung bank.

The moxie billionaire says that regular American investors should follow his lead...they should buy at the LOW. He promises some cologne that will solve the smelly history. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

"Economic Development Committee Deleted: Jobs Department Created: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

In modern times, Economic Development departments of cities NEVER create any jobs...they just create infrastructure that looks nice, but never results in any job creation....the reason for this is explained in the book called "NO LOGO" by Naomi Klein. As Americans, we want our companies to outsource all the jobs so we can concentrate only on the "branding."

I got the email today from the city council of Normal, Mn. that announced thus the deletion of the Economic Development committee, which to tell the truth was just the lackey of special interests anyway, and did nothing for the everyday citizen. The committee has been renamed the "Jobs Department" and in the bylaws it is prescribed that if any infrastructure project does not create CONTINUING jobs, it is NOT done.

Make a note of it.

85 Yr. Old Investor Still Plans on Holding for the "Long Term": Tales from Normal, Mn.: Fiction

In a truly inspiring story today, an 85 year old investor from Normal, Mn. tweeted that despite losing tons of money over the years in crashes, and despite getting puny returns for his investments, he still plans on holding his stocks cause his investment advisor told him that over the long term, it was the right thing to do.

I hope to interview this gentleman later today, and will pass on my findings. He is staying at the local nursing home in the "memory unit" on the third floor.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Wisdom of an Unpaid, "Voluntary" Militia Seen in Normal, Mn: FICTION

One of the first casualties next week if the United States defaults on its debt, will be that the military, active and retired will be unpaid. Yes. The bond holder, alias, the Chinese who hold our debt, and the Social Security recipients, who are paying in more than taking out, have first dibs---They will be paid. The military will wait.

The elders of Normal, Mn. were alarmed at first with the prospect of not paying our armed forces, but after some reflection, they realized that this would be a wonderful way to promote peace. After all...if only those who wanted to work for nothing would join the military, then...well...war might not be such a profitable business or career.

So...relax...the troops will be coming home shortly.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Beer Licenses Cancelled till Debt Crisis Solved: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn. that yesterday all beer permits have been cancelled and no sales of beer and wine will be allowed till the budget crisis of Minnesota is resolved. The wise elders of Normal, Mn. sent a press release in which they indicated that the failure of governments to meet their obligations in a timely and yet realistic manner indicated a perception disorder that would be helped by a "dry out" period.

Bar patrons are outraged, but do understand. In an odd way, in a territory that has very few effective "detox" programs, this is a way for the whole community to face the reality that they have been denying for so long.

After a comprehensive survey of patrons turned away from the Hideaway Lounge last night, where only Tahitian Treat was served, all patrons agreed that a quick solution was very important and possible...they hoped.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

"Everybody takes Losses but Me" party wins in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

All across the United States, and for the past four years, citizens from all levels of society have been taking economic losses---and yet the irony is that all across that same United States when I visit with folks, if they are selling their home, they have NO intention of taking losses....if they are discussing taxes, they insist that others take the increase in taxes not themselves....if there are cuts to be made, let others take them.....

Taking advantage of this phenom, I just got the word today that in Normal, Mn.,the recently formed populist group, "Everybody take losses but me" has won an overwhelming victory in their recent election. The whole community could not hire mental health counselors to discuss their social problem, so they decided to adjust their politics. Nice.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Special Boxing Federation for Lawyers formed in Normal, Mn.: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

Lawyers and Supreme Court justices from Normal, Mn moved boldly today to form a special boxing federation for their members. They indicated in a brief press release that they refused to be intimidated by the boxing prowess of their peers in Wisconsin, and furthermore, they had the moxie to do their boxing during their leisure time rather than "on the job" or during judicial deliberations, preferring cerebral and verbal pursuits during regular work hours.

The press release did not list the contact info, but stay tuned. There will probably be quite some demand of boxing matches with the esteemed bench from Minnesota.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Normal, Mn. allows guns in State Capitol---bans AK-47s: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Normal, Mn. city fathers moved swiftly this morning to approve "concealed carry" of guns in the state capitol---regular guns will be allowed, but not AK-47's. No ammo will be allowed however.

In reviewing the logic with citizens of Minnesota, city fathers explained that it was important to be competitive with Wisconsin, and allow the appearance of a macho Wild West manly style, and at the same time, it was important not to let gunfire damage the historic interior of the State Capitol.

Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Fear of Running Out of Beer Consumes Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Responding to the neverending litany of bad news, the Common Council of Normal, Mn. today announced that the usual celebration for the 4th of July has been extended for a full two weeks---until July 14. Over the fourteen days there will be 28 bands playing and a limitless variety of entertainment for the whole family----

There has been some concern that with the rising beer consumption of Wisconsin that there might be a veritable "run" on cheap beer supplies with none left for Minnesota---but city elders have issued a decree that a full supply of the cheapest beer will be available in plentiful supply---it has been purchased in advance and is in secure coolers----did I say it was cheap?

Stay tuned as we follow the story.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Family Planning cancelled in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Click on the post for the latest.

Family Planning Cancelled in Normal, Mn.: Need for Cheap Underage Labor Cited; FICTION

Shocking news from Normal, Mn. this morning, that all family planning services have been defunded as of today---seems that as part of their comprehensive plan, it was determined that the only way to counter all the youth leaving Normal, Mn. for the big cities, and the resulting severe labor shortage....or more correctly phrased...." severe CHEAP labor shortage"---the elimination of all family planning will help fix this problem.

A companion bill will be presented shortly to lower the minimum wage law..Stay tuned as the news just keeps getting better.

Normal, Mn. Celebrates Large new Trash Dump--Explains Why Important: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn. on the latest news that the Mayor of Normal, Mn. has cut the ribbon on the brand spanking new trash dump for that fair city---and eliminated the recycling program immediately.

In a brief ribbon cutting speech, the Mayor said that this was all in the effort to be competitive with emerging third world countries---where the competitive edge went to countries that had large dumps where the kids could pick up garbage and other things for their homes. Normal, Mn just wanted to be competitive with the world class third world competition. The recycling program was eliminated because it was just too expensive.

Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Normal, Mn Moves to Eliminate Child Labor Laws to Compete With Wisconsin: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Got the alarming text today that Normal, Mn. has met in emergency session to eliminate all child labor laws in order to compete with their Wisconsin competition.

It is unclear what effect this will have at this time...since there are very few children left in Normal, Mn., a small fishing town in northern Minnesota. 99% of current residents are beyond child rearing age, and most indeed are either fishing or in nursing homes. They go to sleep early.

Even though way beyond their competitive youth, the town of Normal, Mn elders felt that they wanted to be competitive with Wisconsin or even China.....

Stay tuned.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Mulitmillionaire, 99 Yr old deaf and blind hotel guest charged with assault in Midtown Normal, Mn.,: Hotel:Tales From Normal, Mn FICTION

The hotel has issued a press release that safety of the guests is of paramount importance so they are beginning to gather the details of this incident. I will keep you updated with the latest.

Monday, May 23, 2011

City approves Rambo motif for citizens: AK47 concealed approved for all but church use: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Patriots all over the nation celebrated today when the legislature of Normal, Mn. approved the concealed carry for AK47 within city limits with the exception of Church use. Freedom loving citizens mentioned in interviews that this is what our Founding Fathers fought for.

Stay tuned as I develop this story.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Eliminating Sick Leave transforms Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

In one dramatic act recently, the governor of Normal, Mn. signed a bill to eliminate sick leave for all public employees----and presto the health of citizens all over this beloved state dramatically improved.

Rather than stay home when sick, and call their physicians, employees boldly came to work and spread their infections all over this fair land---soon many more people were out sick, and the loss of all those wages created quite a cost saving to their employers, at least according to the cost accounting department, which was staffed by temporaries from a temp firm. Their observations were temporary and not certified for this article, but even though temporary, they were certainly as permanent counsel as is usual these days.

Armed Citizens attend Legislative Hearing urging for concealed Carry: Tales From Normal, Mn: FiICTION

Gun toting citizens with quite fashionable suitcoats that hid their guns, attended a legislative hearing lately and urged legislators to approve Concealed Carry as a natural born right of USA citizens.

The spoke quietly, but pointed to their guns. Enough said. Solid patriots every one of them, defiantly resisting to unload their ammo at the door. Stay tuned.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Car Thief Pleads "Not Guilty": Says Agreed on Car Value, Disagreed on "Jurisdiction": Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

In an unusual move today, in municipal court in Normal, Mn., a car thief admitted that he stole the victims car, but plead "not guilty" since both he and the victim agreed what a wonderful car it was, but just differed over the "juristiction."

Miss Toosie plans special "Peace Luncheon."; Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Miss Toosie, celebrated octogenarian of Normal, Mn., announced today that she is holding a special "Peace luncheon" next Monday at the local Masonic Temple.

She noted in her invitation to all distinguished leaders of Normal, Mn that she has been going to meetings all over the state where the subject of intergovernmental agreements has been discussed. In Waukesha, Wi there was a wonderful lucheon where the menu was an unusual deep dish pizza entre. And of course one cannot forget the meeting in LaCrosse, Wisconsin where tuna salad was served with unlimited beer as the beverage.

When asked about the menu for the meeting on Monday, Miss Toosie just indicated that it will be of the highest quality, but will be a surprise.

Normal, Mn. wins Award for Best City designed after a Septic System: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

City fathers of Normal, Mn. were beaming with pride today as they held a special luncheon in honor of winning the nationally coveted award for the Best City designed after a Septic System, sometimes knows as the BCSS or the shortened version, BS Award.

The Council President in his carefully chosen remarks, indicated that
"We have a big septic system...and it is our divine mission to fulfill our mission."

Friday, April 29, 2011

Convertible Sales Skyrocket as Kate takes the driver' seat:

Click on the post for the video of the Royal Wedding. This is the new standard....marry a king and then drive the convertible.....

And if you cannot find a King nearby, begin by getting the convertible...and from the news flashes, it appears that girls worldwide are doing so.....Stay tuned.

Seniors Pledge to Cut Costs; Retire after Death: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Inspired by the Society for Senior Accountants, the Senior Federation of Normal, Mn. today pledged to retire after death, just to make the books balance......No matter how they figured it, by defined benefit or defined contribution, there still was just not enough cash....

Normal, Mn. dedicates new landfill to serve only defective coffee makers: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

The rapid spike in defective coffee makers, that has hit monthly for most consumers, has prompted the locals to dedicate a new landfill, Landfill "C" just for coffee makers. Please make a note of it.

Women in Normal, Mn. stunned by Royal Wedding: Determined to hold out for Prince to "Hold" not Obey

Well there sure has been a decline of weddings lately, and a rise in divorces, but it all makes sense.....

Every woman alive is not only excited about the Royal Wedding, but is determined to follow in her footsteps...to wed only Royal blood, and to not settle.

Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Congressman Plans on Listening Sessions Till Citizens Listen: Tales From Normal, Mn.; FICTION

Bright young congressman, Billy Bob, from Normal, Mn announced today that he would continue to hold listening sessions in his district until his constituents listened...he was indeed getting tired of the boos and chants, and was hoping by going to a more continuous listening format that they would finally understand.

More on this breaking story later.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Deaf and Dumb Governor goes to Washington---claims benefits

In a surprise move today, the current governor of Normal, Mn has gone to Washington, DC for a special hearing, and has said that his disability that has prevented him from hearing or seeing his consitituents has been an advantage.

"It sure has been an advantage over bi-partisanship" he was quoted to say.

Local Homebuilder wins National Gold Star Boat Building Award----

Of of our local homebuilders in Normal, Mn. has been awarded the coveted Gold Star Boat Builder of the Year award for his bold design for basment imperviability---for designing a basement for permanently flooded areas and sold to the unsuspecting folks who come from out of town.

Congrats.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Half of Normal, Mn Homes for Sale: City worried it will die if cannot add New Cheap Homes: FICTION

Stunning news from Normal, Mn. City Hall today. Despite having tons of homes for sale, and many having been on the market for two or three years, the city of Normal, Mn. announced a bold initiative to add four new areas for development of residential housing.

Although they did say that currently there are 7 years of unsold lots available in addition to current used houses on the market, they felt that if they could not grow, they would "die".

Stay tuned as this news develops.

"Breathing Dirty Air and Drinking Unsafe water will cut Costs": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Pretty striking news release today from the government of Normal, Mn.---they have voided the Clean Air Act and the Clean Water Act as well----in a bold effort to give local government the tools to develop business....and compete on a level playing field with China.....and in the hope that making our living conditions exactly like China we will be equal.....

"Cheapmart Stores reminds Customers that They are the Cheapest"; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Responding to falling sales, the local retailer giant "Cheapmart" has increased the volume in its local TV ads, and boldly proclaimed'''"You must never forget that WE are the CHEAPEST." Volume in the ads will be increased till the sales rise...It is presumed that folks have a little hearing loss....Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Libraries Closed; Librarians terminated. Conservative Think Tank Newsletter substituted: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Gone are the book budgets....too costly. Gone are the reading rooms in local libraries...too costly....Gone are the librarians helping to direct the readers...too costly.....

Pretty startling news today from Normal, Mn that all these costly items have been replaced by just one Conservative Think Tank newsletter mailed by email to each and every resident of Normal, Mn....

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

NFL Football Players to Sign Autographs at Local Payday Loan: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Several of our beloved local football players will be signing autographs to kill the time as citizens stand in line this coming Friday at Billy Bob's Payday Loan service in Normal, Mn. These players will be standing in solidaarity will the working guys as they too will be seeking loans.

It's a Grand Time for a Civil War Reinactment in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn. FICTION

With a class war breaking out all over the land, it sure is a grand idea for the citizens of this grand country to begin preparations for a civil war reinactment.

Remember, you can grow a beard for realism, but there is no live ammo allowed.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

There's a Land Rush for Failed Septic Systems in Normal, Mn; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Got a special text alert from Normal, Mn from my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer-----seems the city of Normal, Mn has been accused of sparking a land grab and trying to use devious ways to grab sewer failing, septic laden, just plain stinkin land from the locals that surround them.....what nerve.....after all, folks have their pride.

To solve this crisis, Herman, the wise one, suggested a sewer connect fee of $20,000 per owner.....and the crisis was averted....Each owner now can save face.....and the whole matter seems solved.

Friday, April 1, 2011

"We are in Solid Financial Position but...cannot give any workers ANY raise"; Tales From Normal, Mn.; Fiction

I was thrilled and disappointed in the same moment to get a text from my old friend Herman, the lawyer from Normal, Mn. It seems that the mayor of Normal, Mn gave a rousing speech to city staff last week telling them that the finances of Normal were "very solid" , but that there would be no raises....it seems that all the money needed to be spent for infrastructure for...new houses...that could go along with all the other unsold homes currently in Normal, Mn....

Friday, February 18, 2011

Pro Football Players Take Voluntary Pay Cuts: Normal, Mn.: FICTION

In a valiant gesture today, in Normal, Mn., professional football players have gathered together to take a voluntary pay cut, and have pledged this extensive contribution to the school teachers of the Midwest so that education can be preserved so that the children can hope for a career in the highly lucrative fields of math, science and .....football.

"I escaped to Rockford and was saved": Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

I love action movies...but these days I need a shorter film version each night....and I have begun watching the "Rockford Files." Yes...the ones that I used to watch when I was a lot younger...These shows seem to have just the right mix of action, romance and suspense that I need.

It was a shock to note yesterday that in Madison, Wisconsin our legislators, in order to save the democratic process itself...had to escape to Rockford, Illinois in order for rational democratic process to survive. Just the thought of leaving everything and escaping to Rockford, Illinois is a terrifying thought itself.

School Cancelled in Normal, Mn: No Jobs left requiring mental skill required: Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

Pretty shocking text from my friend Herman in Normal, Mn this morning. It seems that the entire school system was closed indefinitely since there are no jobs left that require education...Only some fast food clerks remain, and those employers offered to provide on the job training.

It was explained that the government of Normal, Mn. wanted to be competitive with China and their other Asian rivals.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Teachers Take Cuts; Sports Get Raises: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn.----Pretty unbelievable news....Seems pretty crazy really....Seems that teachers have taken huge cuts, labor contracts cancelled and at the same time sports and athletic salaries have been generously increased....

Something is amiss in Normal, Mn.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Mayor Calls Up National Guard "just in case": Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

Mayor Billy Bob Mubarsky today called up the National Guard prior to the regular monthly meeting of the Normal, Mn. city council.

"This was just a case of being precautionary", Mayor Billy Bob said. " I know that our civil employees will be civil when they are informed of cuts to their benefits, and I am sure they will be compliant in every way."

Mayor Billy Bob mentioned that the troops will be stationed at the city hall, at the local police department, public works facility and municipal court. When asked directly whether the National Guard troops will be armed, he refused comment.

Stay tuned for breaking details of this development.

Friday, February 4, 2011

States study how to Cut Taxes yet raise revenue; Other miracles will be discussed next week: Tales From Normal, Mn: Fiction

Where does your fist go when you open your hand? Where does the revenue go when you give tax breaks? These and other topics will be discussed at the Rotary Lunch next week in Normal, Mn. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Mayor of Normal, Mn. Agrees to Step Down in 2025 amid widespread protest: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text that the Mayor of Normal, Mn., Billy Bob Johnson, has caved in to the demands of the populace, midst the widespread charges of corruption, dereliction of duty, bribery and other unspecified breaches of public trust, and has agreed to resign from office in 2025.

Stay tuned.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Boxing Lessons Totally Sold out in Normal, Mn. as Reporters begin training for fighting for the Open Meeting Law: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text message from Normal, Mn. that all the boxing lessons for the next six months have been sold out in response to the news that a Madison, Wisconsin reporter was threatened by a state Assembly leader to a boxing match to decide an issue of the Open Meeting Law----seems that all the journalism staff and regular reporters for 100 miles have flocked to the boxing classes of Billy Bob's Black Belt Gym for the legendary Introduction to Boxing Course---

This famous Boxing Course specializes in the legendary Oriental moves in responding to sucker punches and taunting and other moxie moves. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Legislators become Temporary LTE Contractors: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

In a bold and stunning move, the governor of Normal, Mn has changed the job description of all legislators and made them independent agents or LTE contractors, and not elegible to receive pension benefits. They will of course receive their usual per diem expenses, but will receive $10 per hour salary. The governor by executive order made these changes so that the legislature might understand cost reduction in a special way, and more intensly identify with their consitutients. They will recieve no health care benefits, but will be elegible for medicaid benefits unless they decide to cancel those. Stay tuned.

Memories of Monticello and the Sacred Times of Jefferson Celebrated in Normal, Mn.

A celebration was held recently in Normal, Mn. formally recognizing the sacred traditions of "freedom" and the American Constitution during the times of Thomas Jefferson, a time when America was uncorrupted by loose interpretation of the Constitution, a time when men were men, a time when gentlemen were asked to vote as persons, and ladies and the hired help were not invited....ah those were the days of patriotism, days that the residents of Normal, Mn. yearned for, a time when there were only outhouses, and folks had a life expectancy of 50 at best. A time when health care was poor indeed, and if true patriots had their way today, we would return to....stay tuned.

"Predators Ball" Scheduled in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn:FICTION

The traditional "Predators Ball" will be held in Normal, Mn. on January 9th in the Daughters of the American Revolution dance hall, from 7pm to 11pm. This traditional event, formerly called the Inagural Ball, and before that in primative times called the "Pirates Ball" will feature the newly elected government officials that have been sworn in, as well as the other predators, namely gentlemen of the finest sort, namely professional gentlemen and ladies attired appropriately.

No costumes are necessary since the regular formal dress is suitable.