Normal, Mn. advertises for "Contraction Specialist": Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the text today from Normal, Mn that they have formally advertised nationwide for a "Contraction Specialist" to guide the esteemed resort community as they face decline in tax base and difficulty in finances. In a press release, the city has explained that there is a nationwide glut in positive thinking optimists who have never actually "contracted" anything, but have resumes filled with expanding positive spending strategies that are not appropriate for Normal, Mn.. One of the paragraphs of the advertisement of Normal, Mn. struck my eye. "Applicant who has failed at a business enterprise Preferred..Must show experience rebounding from setback...Details required..