Dateline Normal: "An Inconvenient Truth"--FICTION

Recently all of Wisconsin has been abuzz about all the politiking on the environment-----uplifting us all to be more sensitive to the needs of our world. In fact the phones have been just abuzzing with robocalls on many items. It seems the intensity to improve and make progress just has eclipsed the human spirit---and to make it possible to achieve our highest aspirations, we need to employ robots to make our calls for us.

Sometimes, when I reflect on these matters, I just pick up the phone and call my old friend Herman in Normal, Mn. . What a treat a cell phone call is. For years, Normal was outside of regular cellular service. Last year, an innovative firm offered a unique "bundle" of services that made it all possible. A local bait shop, or rather a beer, bait and ammo shop, a local tai chi and massage salon, and a cellular operator "bundled" their services so that it could be affordable in the northern tundra.

So I reached Herman this morn on his cell phone.

"Herman," I asked, "Have you seen the movie, "Inconvenient Truth?" It seems to be the rage around these parts. It was made by former Vice President Al Gore."

"Haven't seen it, Wolfman. (That's what he always called me.) Up here we still are watching those old John Wayne movies. They are still profitable and run weekly at the "Reel Time" Theatre. I have seen the pitch though. The deal about the heating up of the earth and all. The message just is not too important up here."

"Whatever could be more of an inconvenient truth than that?", I asked.

"Well, Wolfman---up here we are real down to earth. The real threat is MERCURY in the fish. That is going to kill us a lot quicker than a little heatin up of the atmosphere.

"But the number one killer and REAL inconvenient truth is underage drinking. Used to be just a few Elvis rebel types were seen as cool if they smoked and drank. Real hero types. Now with the smokin dying out because of the cancer thing----the real rebel thing has been booze---and what's even worse CHEAP beer. The kids are drinking themselves and all of us to death---death on the highways. The bottom line, Wolfman----ya have to get off the roads by 8PM on weekends. Everyone up in these parts is dead drunk. In fact, they have moved up the happy hour at the Hideaway Lounge to 1pm to 2PM. It has changed everything."

"WOW," I exclaimed. What an energy saver! Ya mean that there is no driving after 8PM."

"Exactly Correct Wolfman. Exactly." "If ya wanna live....ya stay home."

Totally shocked---I got off the phone with Herman.

Thank goodness we live in good old Wisconsin. Where happy hour does not start at 1PM. Where we do not stay home at night so we can be safe. Where we have the freedom to do as we please. Where we still have the power to deny Inconvenient Truth. And welcome the consequences.