Tales From Normal: "Going Green Olympic Style"---FICTION

Well the excitement is building for the 2007 Energy Fair here in Evanville on April 27th, with the grand parade of "veggie" cars coming to town. Everyone from toddler to totally retired is thinking GREEN------ thinking of how totally cool it is to be EVANSVILLE-----the SOYBEAN capital of Wisconsin. WOW! What excitement.

Feeling pretty energized the other night, I picked up the phone and called my old friend Herman, the countryboy lawyer in Normal, Mn., the small getaway town up Hwy 10 just south of Garrison and west of the land of Lake Woebegon. I was wondering if they too were concerned with GREEN.

So I just blurted it out: "Herman, have you heard of this GREEN thing. Energy conservation and all. Gas mileage. Sensitivity to the earth and such. Has this concept been heard of up in the northern tundra?

SHUCKS, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me) we invented the GREEN concept up here. It was started up here years ago. It was invented by Henry GREEN----a bona fide genuine relative of RED GREEN---

"Do you mean the legendary Red Green of Possum Lodge and the TV show," I asked.

"YES" Herman replied.

"We love everything about the Red Green Show---that is ----except the Possum Lodge pledge."

"What's the problem?" I asked.

"It's real simple," Herman replied. The "Man's Oath," is: "I am a man....and I can change....if I have to....I think."

"Up in these parts, we just say: "I'm a man....and I don't plan on changing anything..Ever."

"We just adjusted the Possum Lodge thing to our cultural norm. It never changes up here. Period.

"What happened to the GREEN thing, " I asked.

"Well," Herman replied, "Every year on EARTH DAY, Henry Green, takes one of them school busses that runs on genuine USA gasoline, and packs the TRACK TEAM in it. That is 75 kids as well as equipment....and sets an olympic record for miles per pound transported. After all. We feel strongly about conservation.

"Ya mean you pack em in like that all year round?" I asked.

"Shucks no," Wolfman. "Just the track team. The football team needs TWO busses. After all. Someone might get sick and a packed bus could get REAL messy."

Thank goodness I'm back in good old Wisconsin. Where energy conservation means more than just packing a track team of 75 in an old school bus to save some energy.

Alleluia.