Dateline Normal, Mn.: Normal Slashes Government Costs: Installs Fake DUI Units, Fake Government; --millions saved

Recently, I have been reading how in DeForest, Wisconsin, a group of policemen set up a fake DUI unit, and since using DUI units to organize stops is illegal in Wisconsin, and since the law did not prohibit FAKE DUI units, they felt it would be reasonably legal to try this method.

Presto---it appears that the acting worked---those FAKE DUI units did just great. (click on the post for the full story.)

I wondered. And----as I always do, I called my old friend, Herman, from Normal, Minnesota, that small fishing village just south of Garrison, Mn., and I just blurted it out:

"Herman, have you heard the news about the fake DUI units here in Deforest, Wisconsin?

"Shucks, Wolfman (thats what he always called me) we have been following this story very closely----we were so impressed, we moved to quickly fire all the local city staff, and have just hired fake city personnel---from a local temporary service----and presto, we have saved millions----and what is even better---the public does not seem to notice the difference----yup---we sure have some great actors in town?"

Wow!!!! what a concept. Who wudda thunk that fake could be so effective.

Do not worry. I stood right up and defended the dramatic talent in our fair city. After all---after recently viewing the Escanaba in da Moolight blockbuster at the JC Mckenna Auditorium, I knew that we have superb talent---and can do wonderful impersonations as needed sometimes when one goes undercover. I knew that they could do a wonderful job. Nobody does fake like we do.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: 'When Buffett bought millponds"-----FICTION

Recently while I was up in northern Minnesota at my favorite fishing village, Normal, Mn., the guys were gathered together for morning coffee at Betty Lou's---where the coffee was just very strong with lots of sugar and whipped cream, and where no mochas were served cause it was too weak and besides it was too complicated to make.

Right after the second round of coffee, one of the guys, appropriately dressed in a lumbermans flannel shirt, and sporting a Loon Lodge fishing cap, was reading the local shopper, the Normal Nugget, when he came across the following words of the revered local mayor:

"I have given a lot of thought to the lake restoration project in light of the current volatile economy. Last week, I listened to a television interview of financier Warren Buffett. He believes it is timely to make wise investments."

George read those words aloud to the whole cafe---the guys were just dumstruck. After all, Warren Buffett was the wisest man on the planet---as the head of Berkshire Hathaway, he had made wise investments over the past decades that had made him one of the richest men in the universe. So---quickly---the guys tried to understand the deeper meaning of Buffett's move to buy millponds. What did it mean for their portfolios.

There was a lot of shouting in Betty Lou's that morning. Some guys thought that Warren had just hit upon a strategy that was of the scope of President Lincoln's famous Illinois Waterway con....and a project that Abe had regretted till the day he died.

After a short review of the guys at Betty Lou's cafe---the vote was unanimous---Warren Buffett had lost his mind. It was time to bail out of any of Warren's other favorite projects as well. The guys all broke for the phones to make calls to their stockbrokers.

Then one lone voice of reason stood in the midst-----"Guys....Guys.....listen up...it was just a fantasy of the local mayor...it is not real....After all, they are doing Escanabe in da Moonlight this weekend....cut them some slack."

I am so grateful. Even though I was not wearing my lumberman shirt with a Loon Lodge fishing cap---still they took a moment and regained their senses. I guess that is why I am called to join them once in a while.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: " Highschooler quadruples debt equation----solves world crisis"-----FICTION

Last week, right in the midst of the greatest financial crisis to hit our modern times, I was stuck way up in northern Minnesota----and felt by the way pretty helpless to give any instruction, which in fact turned out for the best.

Right in the middle of the frenzied discussion on Saturday morning at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn....right in the middle of quite a bit of hand ringing of the guys as to whether their cd's would be good at the local bank, one young high school freshman, smack dab in the middle of his algebra homework at one of the side tables, raised his hand in the middle of the discussion.

"Why not just quadrupple it? he shouted. Make it Debt to the 4th. Rather than cube the debt------ quadrupple it?

The crowd at Betty Lou's was just stunned. How come they had not thought of it. Just add another layer, just like they would clothes in the winter time. Kind of a layered look---not lawyered look---the layered look.

The guys were pretty wild and crazy about the idea. They all rushed to the phones to call their congressman.

Just then, the tv in the coffee shop in the upper corner flashed the latest news---it seems that their idea had travelled mysteriously all across the world and currently was being implemented in Spain...and then the total European Community. The guys were just speechless.

"This must be a miracle", Herman shouted.

Everybody went wild. And ordered another round of strong coffee, with extra sugar and whipped cream.

See. Just a little of good old common sense...from the downhome northern tundra...could go a long way to solve the handwringing of a few million worldwide. Ya just never know when a little algebra might help.

Dateline Normal: "Jersey Joe Visits Normal----explains derivitaves"----FICTION

Well what a week that was last week. With all the fluctuations in the stock market and such, I thought it was a great time to get grounded-----like in fishing. So, right as the market opened on Friday, I was on the road, and during the worst trading moments, was right in down home country AM music territory and missed the whole thing. It was just great.

I had gotten a call from Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend from Normal, and he explained that 'Jersey Joe" was going to be in town---and that if I wanted a clear explanation to what the big tiff was on Wall Street, that "Jersey Joe" was sure to have it.

We just called him "Jersey" Joe ---he was not from Jersey. It was Joe's habit of always wearing a down home football jersey even in formal situations that had given him such a reputation up in the north country----and he had become quite a legend in the accounting profession in the securities business. We just all wondered what he would have to say about the current stock panic. What would be his take?

Just as soon as I got into Normal, I headed over to the Hideaway Lounge----Herman, my countryboylawyer friend had the manhattens ready----the guys were all lined up at the bench to hear the latest.

I decided to go first:

"Well, Jersey Joe, how does this all compute? Seems like the damage is just devastating---what is your take on it?

Jersey Joe looked suprised and a little angered:

"Shucks---there is no reason for the hubub at all. After all it is just natural accounting---and balanced too. Ya just debit world wealth .....and then credit traders short accounts....it is real neat. No reason for alarm at all. The loss is non-existent....everything is just perfectly balanced."

There he stood. In his jersey at the bar. Everybody was pretty flabergasted. To so simply explain the inner mysteries of the current crisis.

I guess that that's whey they called him Jersey Joe.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Need Information; Dial 411. All the reporters are DEAD...or mostly dead.

(Ed.note; I found this little scrap of paper wrapped in a mayonaisse jar near the park in Normal, Mn.. Enjoy. )


all observing
911.
what about
411---
-we have so many
facts,
but so little
information...
So many shopper ads,
but no articles in depth.
Even our politics has been
stories
about the three little
pigs..
and whether
any of them
wore
lipstick.

Dateline Normal, Mn."Why all the Riverboat Gamblers are Senior Seniors"----FICTION

Well. It has been an interesting week. With the meetings and such. I am always amazed when something happens that totally stuns me and I have to revise my thinking completely.

Last night, in the midst of a public meeting regarding the restoration of a very venerable pool of millpond in our fair city, a group of aging seniors, rose to vigorously promote the notion of "going for broke,", "betting the farm", going for the full monte long shot call or put option. And they added at the end that they would be most pleased if they would pay it back over at least 20 years, 30 would be perfect. I had to wonder about that. At 80 or so, some were being...well...somewhat optimistic....or was it just moxie?

When I have these questions...and I often do, I just get on the cell phone and call my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer from Normal, Mn.. After all...he knew estates and trusts....he just loved to gamble. He must certainly know something about this.

"Herman," I blurted out, "I thought all the riverboat gamblers were young, with steel in their veins---how come it seems the boldest traders are over 70 or so and betting on the farm....or betting the farm or both. "

"Shucks, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me), it is about time you figured it out. Those old guys, with one foot in the grave, are the boldest---why do you think the busses to the casinos are so packed on Senior Day---to be a perfect gambler and lose all ones money in a day, one has to have the consolation that death is not too far off. The timing just works out. It is sheer moxie.

"What about the 30 year repayment they always ask for,?" I asked.

Herman let out a huge bellylaugh.

"That is the classic grandkids double debt con---the oldest trick in the book. Ya build it for your fame, and put the debt to your grandkids. It works even better when you can have your name on the memorial. Yup. Those seniors are the REAL STUFF. THEY are the REAL gamblers, not the youngins. "

What a shock. Now I know why my grandfather gave me two shalleighs from Ireland. I thought they were for the dogs on the prowl. Really. They are just to prop me up to make the final gamble.

"Thanks Herman."

Dateline Normal, Mn.: "All Public meetings during Monday Night Football"---FICTION

Last night at kickoff, I could not but help think of the folks of our local town who are on the local school board----their monthly meeting occurs on Monday night. How tough is that? Well the ultimate price is really when the Minnesota Vikings meet the Green Bay Packers. That is a severe hardship in the name of public service.

Right as the two teams were coming through the tunnel last night, I picked up my cellphone and gave my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer from Normal, Mn. a call---yes I was going to see what his prediction was on the game, but I also was going to ask him what he thought about the Monday night meetings.

Then something unusual happened. Herman's voicemail came on and said, " I am at a meeting right now, but will be free shortly and give you a return call, if you leave your name and number."

When Herman called back in fifteen minutes, I asked him what meeting he was at.

"Shucks Wolfman. Up here in Normal, Mn., ALL our public meetings...for school board as well as the local city are on Monday night from 4:30PM to 7PM. It just has worked wonders for our efficiency. Nobody shows up from the public to ask questions...all of the regular committee members are amazingly efficient in approving everything that is requested. To make it real fun, we all stand up at the table.....and pretend it is kind of a pre-game huddle. The bottom line. It has cut government costs----all of the meetings get done before gametime. It sure works neat."

What a shock!! All meetings on Monday night. And for the efficiency. Who would have thought. An efficient thought coming out of Minnesota. Oh. There is my Packer prejudice coming out. But the positive is that they are nice folks, even when we beat them regularly. They are my relatives and I need to be generous. Amen.

Dateline Normal: "Order of the Loon Lodge"--FICTION

Dateline Normal, Mn.: On the order of the Loon Lodge: On the secrets of membership; On loons; On fish...and much more

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Beer, Band, Bonding Time----FICTION

Well...It's homecoming in Normal, Mn. this weekend. The weather is changing up in the frozen tundra, and there is just nothing like the homecoming weekend for a great party----I was expecially looking forward to the football game between the Normal Nuggets and the Duluth Ducks---it was always a classic rivalry.

Years ago, the team had been called the Normal Warriors, but the name needed to be changed to not offend.

Over the years, little had changed except the name of the team. The coach was still George Thompson, the legend football great, who at the age of 80 pretty much still ran the old plays, with maybe a little of the complexity left off.

Anyway, the real important thing was the Normal High School Band----heavy on brass and percussion, it was downhome manly band indeed---maybe a clarinet or two, but only 1 flute. And they loved to march and perform. Well....it was not so much the music as it was the cheers and the animation----and come to think of it, most of the cheers were about beer......

Usually in the fourth quarter there was the "I can't wait ta get wasted Cheer"---the classic cheer that the University of Wisconsin got from the original Normal High School back in the 1930's. I know cause I heard it on ESPN the other night. There is just nothing like Beer, Band and bonding time. And fishing too. Up in Normal.

"Swim With the Loons Harvest Festival" Comes to Normal, Mn."----FICTION

Last week, I had the pleasure of living in a boat house with a birds eye view of the beautiful lake near Normal, Mn... One the things that you notice, because it is so quiet, is that in the evening, the loons begin their calls--right about feeding time....and also in the morning. The first morning I slept in, and never heard the loons at all. After a couple days relaxation, I felt like meeting the sun in the morning and went for a morning dip. Lo and behold the loons were up too. And looking for breakfast.

Years ago, one of the famous books of salesmen nationwide was "Swiming With the Skarks," by Harvey McKay. Harvey was the owner of a printing firm that was near the University of Minnesota, and his book was for many years the textbook on selling skills---I think the book is still available. Using his sales techniques, according to the book, one could swim with the sharks, negotiate with the crooks, do almost anything and win, win, win......

These days, St. Paul--Minneapolis has come a long way. I think they do not have such simple ideas of great salesmanship---after all just think of the recent Republican National Convention, when all of the local press media decided to go to the lake and fish rather than cover the convention----so much for swiming with the sharks. Yes. Most of the press were really folks that just printed ad shoppers, and yes, if pressed they might admit they just went out to Byerlies and got tofu rather than fish...still....the Twin Cities has changed somehow.

I just wondered about all this. And as usual, I picked up the phone and called my old friend Herman, the country boy lawyer from Normal, Mn. and got right to the point:

"Herman, what is the deal. Everything has changed. Is nobody swimming with the sharks any more. Are there no more journalists that will report the news? Is everybody just part of the syndicate or the good old boys"

"YUP", Herman replied. "It has all changed. However look on the good side. We now celebrate the "Swim with the Loons Fall Harvest Festival"----we teach the youngsters how to recognize a "loon call" and even have a circular device that makes a loon call, and in a deeper sense we become a loon in spirit----yes we also do all the other things that these festivals do as earth friendly celebrations----we drink wine, eat lots of cheese, and after a lot of wine and cheese, we might even talk a bit about recycling.....it's a real role model celebration. A real teaching experience even if one is under age.

Wow. Swimming with the Loons. I was totally stunned. Still. I liked the idea. I just wondered what Harvey McKay thought about all this. I wondered if the loons would be easier to swim with.

The Boat House; Welcome to Normal, Mn.

Welcome to the Boathouse---and the Peace of Normal, Mn.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: "There are NO jails in Normal, Mn."----FICTION

Well we are in the budget season. After a long Saturday of listening, listening, and listening to departments that were calmly planning on spending more money next year for projects designed to edify my lifestyle, I just needed a getaway----so after loading the video and audio, I headed the car up that long and lonely road to Normal, Mn., up Hwy 10 north of the Twin Cities, just south of Garrison to my favorite fishing spot.

After making sure that there was a room at the Spruce Goose Motel, the only motel in town with a 30 point buck on each wall, I headed over to the Hideaway Lounge---where they were having an "Over 35 male fisherman night" where all the drinks were half price, and the ladies had to pay full price. Every year there was just one night that men had the special price, and I got there for the occasion. It was special.

Anyway, I quickly found my old friend, Herman, the countryboy lawyer, and after ordering a double manhatten, with the special whiskey, I just blurted it out to Herman:

"Herman, how do deal with the budget up here in Normal, Mn. It seems like the cost of everything, food, utilities, gas, travel, etc is just skyrocketing. For cities, it seems that the costs of administration is high too, and the costs of municipal courts and police are rising too. How do you deal with it?"

Herman let out a huge belly laugh: "It's real simple, Wolfman( that's what he always called me.). It is all the inner secrets of the accounting categories. Up here we just use CONSOLIDATED ACCOUNTING."

"What do you mean,?" I asked.

"It's real simple, Wolfman" we merged the jail expense with the municipal court. That way, if a guy goes to jail, it comes out of the salary of the court staff. Shucks. We haven't had a person jailed in years. It just works wonders."

"Something about that does not sound right", I retorted. Isn't that conflict of interest?"

Herman replied, "Nope. It's just normal here."

Then Herman went on: " We also combined the police automotive expense with the salary expense ---there is just one CONSOLIDATED category. That way, the bigger the cars the police drive, the more it comes out of their salary---It has worked WONDERS. We used to have all SUV's here. Nowdays, our police chief rides a moped."

WoW. I never had heard about CONSOLIDATED accounting. Sounded pretty odd to me. Still. I could just see our police staff riding mopeds.

It sure is good to be back in good old Wisconsin. Where we have separate categories for stuff. Where folks occasionally do go to jail. And where mopeds might not work.

It sure is good to be back home.

Tales from Normal, Mn.: "Courage and Collegiality BOTH begin with "C".

Well. What a news day today!!! Outgoing Chancellor Wiley of the University of Wisconsin has written a blockbuster article on how "Wisconsin Has Lost It's Way"----and the article in NOT about the Packers. Imagine.

It seems that even though the Wisconsin Badgers have been selling tons of sweatshirts and other decal stuff for the royalty income that helps students---still actual teaching at the University has been dismal----and that has been the Legislators fault for not providing enough funds. Despite the heroic drinking efforts of Wisconsin students to help local business in the tavern industry, it appears that local crime has been about three times the rate of our neighbor Minnesota. If those backward legislators had just provided the funds needed for more research, and buildings, it might all have been different. And the WMC, the Wisconsin Manufacturing Council, has been the culprit because it is them that has made rural legislators, and Republican legislators at that, concentrated on petty, partisan concerns.

It was just a blockbuster tirade. And it seems to have been building over the past seven years of his leadership. I took the time to drive down Regent Street today, wistfully picturing in my mind what game day has become. The development has been pretty breathtaking. Years ago, back in 1969, all the students had to cramp into the Copper Grid and the few other establishments in town, and it was virtually impossible to even order a beer....much less get to a rest room.

As I gazed down Regent Street, I understood in a flash why all the dispair. There really was not any extra space where more party areas for designated beer drinking could be franchised. The University has done such a heroic job covering every block with porta potties and beverage areas, that only the Arboreteum was left for expansion. And that area was certainly open for development.

I just wondered. And when I wonder, I tend to just pick up the phone and call my old friend from Normal, Mn., Herman, the countryboylawyer and see what he thinks: It was clear and hot weather. The call went right through.

"What do you make of the Retirement Rant of Chancellor Wiley, Herman?"

"It's all real simple, Wolfman.(That's what he always called me) The big picture to remember, Wolfman, is that COURAGE and COLLEGIALITY both begin with "C".

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Everybody has CHEAP COURAGE, or the courage to rant after the pension has been vested, the money put in the bank, and no risk at hand. Everyone can raise a hand and rant at that time. It however, takes COURAGE for a leader to SPEAK UP in the middle of a career on the issues that make a difference----and ALL of the issues that Chancellow Wiley spoke of were KEY issues that confront the University of Wisconsin. Imagine what would have happened if he had just told parents "Do Not send your child here for undergraduate education---we cannot afford to do it right---It is not our focus as a research university.....and it is not the prudent thing to do." WOW. That would have caused some action. The same speech after the retirement check has been cut...results in nothing. "

I was totally shocked. Herman must not appreciate a good rant as much as I do. Still. I could see his point.

"No" means "NO" in Normal, Mn.----FICTION

Well. It has been just a hubub of political activity locally. With all the budget talks. One of the things that just picqued my interest was the series of video where the discussion was about what would happen if a certain referendum would go down to defeat in November. What would happen if the public said "NO."

The answer was that the politicians would still "work it" and bring it back to the voters in a year. Maybe they would change their mind. Maybe if they were asked more nicely, maybe with a "pretty please" they would agree.

Just that morning I had been reviewing the early elementary school anti bullying campaign curriculum, and something struck me as unusual. The same kind of behavior that schools on a daily basis are teaching our kids to avoid, is the exact type of behavior that our government celebrates.

Whenever I wonder about things, I just pick up a cellphone and give my friend Herman, the countryboy lawyers from Normal, Mn. a call. He knows the law. He should know.

"Herman, how does it work up in Normal, Mn? Does "NO" mean "NO" in Normal?

Herman just laughed. "Wolfman,"(that's what he always called me), "NO" always means "Maybe" in politics. That is because there is no morals in politics, just opportunism. Hence, "NO" is just a relative term for a point in time.

Then Herman went on: "In love and war, however, "NO" might mean different things. The President might say "NO" to Russia invading Georgia---and then keep saying "NO" hoping that it would be believed. Still. Ya have to have some force to back it up. So also in love. The girl can say "NO" but always keep her hand on the phone to call 911 to make sure. It is just "trust but verify," in love and war.


"What about a Lake referendum?" I asked.


Herman laughed.

"That's real easy, Wolfman. NO means NO. A No would mean its settled. "

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Sales of Apparel, Misc. Skyrocket; Taxes Plunge

(Ed.note; Click on the post for the recent article regarding the Wisconsin Badgers apparel sales.)

Today was a special day in news----the news broke that the Wisconsin Badgers have such an increase in apparel sales of its liscensed apparel that it has been able to increase the number of scholarships for needy students. I was impressed. So impressed that I called my old friend in Normal, Mn, Herman to share the news.

Right in the middle of my news, Herman cut me off:

"Been there and done that, Wolfman." (That's what he always called me.) Up here in Normal, Mn., we not only liscense sweatshirts, we cover everything, including bait, fishing poles, ammo, as well as all alcohol beverages, on sale and off sale. The revenue cut for the schools has led the nation. Up here we have the real "Dare" program---we dare people to drink an unapproved beverage. That new attitude has worked wondors. We have completely eliminated student hardship. "

"But Herman," I objected, "that was not the idea of the "Dare Program"---the Dare program was to eliminate drugs and alcohol."

Herman interjected: "Wolfman, the Dare program was a joke. It was a program to put nice signs over the entrance at grade schools and early childhood centers, and then ignore the whole problem in middle school and high school. The Dare program and the co-curricular code are a joke generally----Up here in Normal, Mn., our citizens really enforce the "Dare program for approved apparel cause it means lower tuition and fees for all students.

Yup. It kinda makes one wonder what else one could liscense.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: "FEMA Track and Field"------FICTION

Well. It's been a stressful weekend. With the launching of our youngest to college. I thought it best right after dropping her off at Spat Camp, or Marching Band Training Camp, to just head on up Hwy 10 to Normal, Mn. I never was too lucky with the bass during August as I recall, but I thought I would try anyway.

As I was driving into Normal, Mn., I noticed the large banner----Red Background with roman bold lettering-----FEMA Track and Field Days----Welcome Marching Bands"--- That made me wonder. After stopping at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, the one named after the old "Betty Lou's got a new Pair of Shoes" and the one where they never really made a mocha or expresso, but made everything real strong, I cornered Herman and asked him:

"What the heck is going on up here? What is with the FEMA Track and Field Days?

Herman let out a huge chuckle. "Wolfman (that's what he always called me) that is real simple. Last year, we had a huge residential subdivision flood out with torrential rains. At the same time, the local school district in Normal, Mn. was running out of space, and needed more land because they were crowded. One of the FEMA inspectors came upon a brainstorm----Why not convert the whole residential subdivision of lots into into a giant sports complex and have FEMA pay for it because they erred in mapping the flood plain, and at the same time, move the sports fields from the overcrowded school campus to make room for additional construction. Then they simply had electric trollies take the kids from the main campus to the sports fields after class each day. It cost the taxpayer absolutely nothing for the land. "

"That really is a brainstorm," I said. But how come you called it "FEMA field" and not after some local athletic celebrity.

"Funny you should ask that," Herman chuckled. At first we were going to name these beautiful fields after FOUR prominent athletic achievers---and WOW was there stiff competition for the naming---Imagine your name in lights, Wolfman. "XXXXXXX-----XXXXXX------" There was a frenzy of competition. There were even some heated arguments at local watering holes over whose name was going to be on the fields."

"Well what happened?" I asked.

Herman went on: " Well every thing was going smoothly with the excitment building, when all of those athletic gurus were named in a Federal Lawsuit---and after all the publicity and all, and what is even worse, with all the legal bills for those high priced armani suited lawyers of the Federal Courts,,,,the guys just lost their appetite for fame. In the end, they just named it after FEMA."

WOW. I was pretty stunned.

Still. I think our locals could think of four individuals to name the Field and Stadium after. There might be some argument. I think that.....YOUR NAME....would fit on the stadium real nice.

Still. I do wonder. A federal lawsuit might still put a wrench in the works.

Darn.

Dateline Normal, Mn: "Financial Feelings---the Sacred Trust of Normal"------FICTION

Recently I have been going to meetings where the detailed financial transations of our fair City have been aired----and have been listening a lot. Well...Yes. I did ask a question or two, but usually have gotten the "That's just the natural way. That's just the way it is....or the normal, "We are not staffed for that."

These responses have been pretty amazing since we have had two profound studies done by consultants in the past year that have totalled over $50,000 that have resulted in nothing but blue sky. Don't get me wrong. I love blue sky. But a little reality is good too. And accounting is part of that reality. Our auditors had said that a policy and procedure manual that covered the following items was necessary:

Purchasing procedures
Treasury functions including an investment policy
Fund accounting
Utility billing procedures
Cash receipts procedures
Journal entry approval
Fraud risk management
Disaster recovery plan
Chart of accounts manual
Work order processing
Utility collection and write-off procedures
Interest and reconciliation of customer deposits."

After the auditor had prounced this, the governmental gurus were silent. After all, they had ignored this advice in the past and had paid the accounting audit fee, and well...thank you for the advice.

So---I just wondered. And as I often do, I picked up the cell phone and called my old friend Herman from Normal, Mn., a resort fishing town just South of Garrison. Whenever I had questions, a quick telephone call or a down home fishing session with the guys put the whole matter in perspective. So...I just blurted out:

"Herman, how do you handle financial policies and procedures up there in Normal, Mn.?

Herman let out a huge bellylaugh:

"Shucks, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me) up here in Normal, we do not allow any policy and procedures manual for ...well...anything. We try to just go with our FEELINGS,,,,and live in a natural state. "

"But Herman," I replied, "a regular method of accounting is really just a matter of what we call "professional conduct" and it is really commonplace in banks and insurance companies and well...even some businesses all across the country nowdays."

"Up here we just do it our way," Herman replied. We read Darwin; We read Einstein; We learned how to add and subtract. What could be more than that? The first of our principles is that everything is "relative" and clearly if the expense follows in the family line, it is approved. It's just that simple. And if it is not clear what is to be done, we just put the expense out to the "black hole"----

"Whatever is the "black hole" account?, I asked.

"Well" Herman went on, " whenever there is an expense that is kinda uncomfortable, we just make it a payable with a really long payoff period and for only maybe 1% interest rate. That makes sure that everybody currently living will be dead by the time the issue comes up again. It works wonders."

Well Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin!! Where most cities actually have charts of accounts. And where expenses are paid not just to relatives, but to actual vendors. And where we do not delay payment from preferred folks till everybody is dead.

It sure is good to be back home.

Tales from Normal: "Legend of the Sit Pipe"--Fiction

It is not a "Stand Pipe" but rather a "Sit Pipe' and it is, or might be a matter of historical registry--in a land of fiction.

Dateline Normal: "Schools eliminate reading..and math too"--

Normal Mn: Schools eliminate math as well as reading to save money----

Daleline Normal;" Police and School District Merge"--FICTION

Tales From Normal: To be Green, The Normal Police and the Normal School District Merge:

Tales from Normal: On Arbor Day; On Cutting trees---FICTION

Arbor Day with a new twist---a green twist and one with energy saving--

Dateline Normal: "Perfect Attendance"--FICTION

How every school child in Normal, Mn. has perfect attendence; On civic pride; On win-win and much more.

Dateline Normal: "Sheriff Shocks Normal-FICTION

Dateline Normal: How Herman rescues residents of Normal when half the town is arrested for drunken driving. On how it would have been nice to get a little notice that the law was goin to be enforced.

Dateline Normal: "Public-Private Partnership"--Fiction

Tales From Normal: On the Public Private Partenership or PPP---and how Regular Folks and the PPP differ. How to determine which you are.

Dateline Normal: "The First Hour is Free"---FICTION

A little tale of why the first hour of legal consulatation is FREE in Normal, Mn.; On FEAR; On GREED; On Legal Process;

Dateline Normal: 'Walleye Days"---FICTION

"Walleye Days Come to Normal, Mn.---FICTION: A little reflection on the BIG fish; On the theory of the leisure class. On how it does or does not add up. Or should it?

Tales From Normal: "Good Help is Hard to Find"--FICTION

A Tale from Normal, Mn. about where all the "good help " went. And a theory on how to regain it.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: "Me Love You Long Time"--FICTION

A short tale of the theory of oriental love; The lost Newton law of reverse distance.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: " Capital costs allocated in relation to the allocation of debt proceeds. "----FICTION

Well it has been a long week. Friday night when I got home, my beloved spouse informed me that I needed to review our checking account because it appeared that "capital costs allocated in relation to the allocation of debt proceeds, " needed reassessment. I was totally confused. I always get that way when she talks that way, and goes into her accounting lingo. So, I just do what I always do when I wonder, I gave my friend Herman, the countryboylawyer from Normal, Mn., a call on my trusty cellphone and asked him: "Herman, what does this lingo mean?"

Herman just let out a large bellylaugh: "Wolfman, you need to come up to speed on all the recent technobabble----that just means that your borrowing did not match your spending---and there is a "GAP"----the elongated phrasing of them accounting folks just makes it seem a lot more palatable. The bottom line, Wolfman, is that you should check your checking account---I would guess that you are short."

"Thanks, Herman"-----

Sunrise in Normal, Mn.