300 Nations consider holding "military" exercises in Ukraine: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet...one of the tweeters that wanted to remain nameless, indicated that rather than call the military exercises a "world war" they chose to term them "exercises" or just "arm flexing" or maybe "bullying".. The unspokesman said that "exercises" sounded so much like "fitness" and "health" that it was chosen...He promised to update the world on the number of deaths...stay tuned...

Over 5000 Hospitals say they are the "Top" Heart Hospital in USA: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet this morning...from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn.---seems one of the guys, after an extra strong cup of coffee and triple sugar this morning, felt some chest pain...and felt he might need to go to a hospital to have it checked...but then crisis...which hospital...he wanted to go to a "top" heart hospital, and he searched it on his hand held smart phone, and came up with 5000 hospitals...it is so hard to know what "top" is these days....stay tuned as I update his outcome....

"Selfes need to know More about self": Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen at Betty Lou's coffee shop....the guys have been discussing this morning why it would be that if all their kids post everything that comes to their minds on facebook, and snap every possible picture of their lives...that it would be necessary for a watch to record every minute they sleep and every calorie they burn...the guys were pretty speechless...one guy just said: "I guess I'm not that into myself." Stay tuned as I follow this story.

"Making Life worth Living" highlighted: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Representatives from the Normal, Mn. wine and liquor association announced last Friday that life without beef, beer, cheese, wine and spirits, would not be worth living....Stay tuned as I follow up on what their life essence consists of....

School Schedules "Communications Meeting" when noone can attend: Tales From Normal, Mn. :FICTION

The Normal, Mn. School Board announced on Saturday Morning that they are holding a "Communications Meeting" to discuss improving communication with residents, and are holding it on Monday at 1PM...just so no parents or care givers could attend...how nice is that? Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Fed Chief Says Speeches would be shorter if economy "Obeyed" Tales From Normal, Mn.: Fiction

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn....where all the coffee is double strong...and the whipped cream is no extra charge...the boys were all abuzz this morn about the speech of Janet Yellen in which she said: "“If the economy obediently followed our forecasts, the job of central bankers would be a lot easier and their speeches would be a lot shorter,” Yellen said. “Alas, the economy is often not so compliant.” The guys just loved it...One guy said: "The purpose of all the announcements is to promote confusion, not clarity...and the real problem is that economics folks just don't have the ability to be unwordy." Stay tuned...we will see how wordy Janet Yellen gets...

Both Women and Men are Too Important to Cook: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn....it is rainey today, and they had a little extra time to talk things over...and they started talking about breakfast...what they eat...who cooks it...and lunch...and dinner...and All the guys said they were too important with all the fishing and such..to cook..and they simply ate out...for pretty much everything..one guy...the chunkiest of all said that it was because his wife made coffee so much better than himself..he let her make that... And the guys said that most of their spouses were women of the 60's, who were children of the older set, the women of the 40's and 50's who celebrated when the Jiffy cake mix was introduced...and all had homes with very small kitchens...since any women of dignity did not cook...and always went to the deli for everything...and to get to the bottom line...self esteem itself was grounded on NOT cooking... So there it is...both men and women too important to cook...and everyone is wondering where obesity came from...nice...

Parents Disappointed they were $250,000 short: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet this afternoon...from the support group in Normal, Mn...."Parents who did not have $250,000 for each child to attend college"....lots of standing room only at this meeting...seems that even if parents had saved every dime they had made since birth, they would have been unable to meet the expectations of our society to attain a college education for each of their children...and this dollar figure did not include full season football passes to their college team or Rose Bowl transportation and tickets...all in all there was a whole lot of hand wringing goin on...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Sedentary Workers Urged to "Be More Active": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet today from some loyal workers at the Normal Widget Factory in Normal, Mn.---seems they got a memo from their health insurance company that urged them to "be more active" in their call center and manufacturing jobs....and included some ideas in the memo such as walking in place even if they had to stay behind their desks, parking at the edge of the parking lot to walk a few steps farther, and using the steps rather than the elevator, even though they are prohibited from using the upper floors in the facility....and the memo went on to say that their basic health coverage was being cut with respect to prescriptions and that management hoped that a little more activity on the employees part would compensate them for the lack of coverage...stay tuned as I follow this story.

All the Kids are Gifted in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Recently the Normal, Mn School Board met in private session and agreed that from now on, all the kids in the school system would be considered gifted....after making that decision, they considered the consequences....presto...a lot of money would be saved that could go to buy new football uniforms...so a win all around...a real team effort. Many years ago, like from 1960 to 1990 "gifted learners" had been "accelerated" which means that if they tested as having the knowledge and skills of a older grade, they were allowed to graduate early...One of my aunts, Janeth, graduated from high school at the age of 16, and then had the pleasure of working in the family business till she was 18, and then in 1929 went off to college...and yes...came back home after the crash... Stay tuned as I follow this story.

NCAA win for Wisconsin shocks Porta Pottie, Beer, Sales : Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen in Normal, Mn. who were chuckling last night at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop...and wondering how the tens of thousands of fans who were celebrating and drinking beer big time were doing with just two or three open rest rooms on State Street in Madison....clearly the porta pottie planning deficiency led to a very restrained situation that could have gotten out of hand...but just think...even though Lacrosse had won the recent most beer consumed in America award for colleges, the UW after last night's celebration has made a real race of the contest...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Advisors suggest delaying retirement till after death: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the guys at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop in Normal, Mn....where all the bass fishermen hang out each morning...it seems that there was a seminar at the "Billy Bob Financial Planning Service" in Normal, Mn., and the senior partner....well he was just 21, suggested that the way to ensure a guaranteed retirement was to delay it till death......that way the numbers would work out..stay tuned as I follow this story....

Seniors excited about war...ready to enlist: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got back from a data gathering trip in florida...was stunned to hear from all the veterans...they are ready to launch...they want war...and I have encouraged them to enlist..nothing could be better than all the veterans in Southern Florida from launching on an expedition to the Crimea....there was some concern that they might not pass the physical...but I stood tall and asked that the stipulations be suspended..I knew...these guys needed a war...stay tuned....

Beef Prices Skyrocket....Panic sets in...Fear of Healthy Life Rises: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet...seems that the recent drought nationwide has caused a severe increase in the cost of beef...and folks are trying to come to grips with the consequences...they will be living longer...with less heart disease...and they will be less obese...and in the review...they have mixed feelings....a short chunky life had seemed kinda attractive...but still...they are reviewing what a thin healthy life might mean...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Beer Commission to be formed...to promote beer: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

A proposal has been presented to form a Beer Commission for the state that would aim to make beer production even better and more effective for all citizens...and though it is too late for the present legislative session for this measure to be passed, it is hoped that with intense drinking for the next year in the promotional effort, every legislator will be ready to stand and vote yes in the next legislature....rather than have beer production just one of the industries of this great state, it is hoped to make it the major focus of all residents and maybe even the reason for life itself...

Seminar Held to Explain Daylight Saving Time: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the news...there is a special one hour seminar at the Blue Goose Motel in Normal, Mn on Monday at 1PM to review Daylight Saving Time...there has been some confusion of Spring Forward and Fall Backward as the way to remember how to set the time...in addition, there will be an explanation of what saving there is in the daylight saving change...of how changing your clock makes you more productive, saves energy, and such...many folks have been falling backward lately and that has produced some confusion...

Is Twitter Overvalued? Bass Fishermen debate: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Wow...just got a tweet from the bass fishermen at Betty Lou's...seems yesterday morning a younger guy was raving about how he uses twitter for almost everything...news..info..etc...and the older guys..ya I suppose some bond investors among them, just smiled...and patiently waited till he was done with the rant.....then finally one old, bearded guy spoke up..."Here is a little perspective for you guys...Twitter is currently selling in stock price at 3196 times earnings...In personal terms, let's suppose that you earned $100,000 per year....if YOU were valued like Twitter, then you would be worth $319,000,000. I will leave it up to you...do you think that may be a little overvaluation?

What Crimea and Russia learned from Wis about the Open Meeting Law: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet about the meeting that the legislators had in the Crimea---it was a closed meeting, because they were all honest men...nice...I wonder if they had guns but no cameras allowed...It sounds similar to the situation in Madison, Wisconsin...I just wonder if they have been learning from the dairy state...hum .

Indicted Bank has special stock pick for investors: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the tweet, forwarded to me by an old codger bass fisherman from up in Normal, Mn..seems he was spending the weekend up at the Loose Goose Lodge, that's the one with the single king pull down bed, and the deer hung up on the walls, and where each pillow has a mini dove bar under the pillow...anyway...he said that they all got an email solicitation from a national bank that has recently signed a consent order for fraud violations, and...well...it seems they only took a brief 24 hours off for a time out before issuing their latest buy recommendation for stocks..how nice is that.

"Abstain from Russian Vodka for Lent": Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

The weather is getting better up in the frozen tundra, and the guys were pretty excited at coffee to go over their plans for the coming fishing season...and when they were reminded that this was the Lentan season, they paused for a moment, and said: "Let's ALL abstain from Russian Vodka." I never realized those guys were so religious...and I suppose the Russian vodka was never the best anyway, but still, it is nice to know that even up in the tundra, guys know what is right..

"Let Everybody Rent" is the new Banking Formula: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got an automated message from the online bank in Normal, Mn, where all the physical banks have closed, and only web based banks have remained...and they explained that no further mortgages for consumers were planned for 2014 since the bank had decided to adopt a new "Magic Formula" which consisted of selling all foreclosed homes to corporate predators, and then having those folks just rent to everybody else...that way, there would be no closing documents to dispute, and no fraud could be alledged, and besides, cash in envelopes solves a lot of legal problems...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Fishermen honored to buy "French Propane.": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet....the bass fishermen of Normal, Mn. have indicated they are indeed honored to learn that the propane they have recently purchased to prevent them from freezing to death on the frozen tundra was in fact imported from France...it seems that there are some transportation restrictions preventing delivery of propane from the southern states...and to a man, they were pleased to pay the very high rates, and besides were honored to buy anything "French" because it gave them a sense of fashion, and besides they never could find any French Poupon mustard in the stores of the tundra, so "propane" was a nice substitute....

Stock Market Pundit says Sky High Market headed to the Moon: Tales From Normal, Mn. : FICTION

Just got the tweet from the founder of "Mostly Mad Money"...and he said tonight in a special exclusive broadcast, that the stock market certainly has been going skyhigh lately, but to be not concerned about whether it is probable that this could go on indefinitely, since certainly it will go to the moon...he did not specify how high this was, and in truth, it did seem that he might have been drinking a bit....stay tuned.

Hundreds of Naval vessels headed for "routine exercises": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

All the bass fishermen are a buzz this morning since many of them have been notified of the necessity to participate in "routine naval exercises" in a foreign territory, and must leave as soon as possible...seems that bass fishermen all over the world are headed by separate boats and naval vessels for a huge military exercise...nice....

Legislators seek "living wage" but no increase: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen in Normal, Mn....seems that a distinguished legislator from Minnesota stopped in to Betty Lou's and mentioned that he was all for a "living wage" as long as it was no higher than present...he was all for thinking "out of the box" as long as it was "inside the box"...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Dictator always invades to "Protect and Serve".: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from Jimmie the "Dictator" Johnson, the local administrator from that small lazy fishing town, Normal, Mn. in northern Minnesota...and he said that he totally understood the predicament of the Ukraine....and that in his professional experience, when invading another entity, he always thinks of "protecting and serving" his victims...stay tuned as I follow this story.

Demand surges for 400 sq ft apartments: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the tweet...seems the guys from Normal, Mn., having coffee at Betty Lou's were just stunned that in Minneapolis there is a buying panic for apartments that have 400 sq ft or less, and for the youngins, who see these as attractive, the prices are going for as much at $1200 per month....the old bass fishermen were just trying to imagine how this could compute..with all their fishing gear an all....so little room left to sleep...

There's Only Bars and Shakes in Normal, Mn: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen at Betty Lou's in Normal, Mn....seems the guys were talking this morning about food..one of their dear subjects...and to a man nobody cooked....and nobody shopped for food either....they all consulted together and they all observed that they were all chunky, in weight control programs, and only ate bars and shakes...and ya had a refreshing cheap beer once in a while....They had to admit they never even had any cooking utinsels, unless you counted a bottle opener....stay tuned as I follow this story.

80 yr old conservative investor seeks long term stocks for investment: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just saw the ad in the Normal, Mn Fish Times...seems a older fisherman is looking for some long term conservative stuff...is that optimism or what....

Corporations that pay NO taxes seek to pay less: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the tweet from the bass fishermen in Normal, Mn....it seems that some heavy hitting corporate types stopped in for coffee at Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, where all the coffee is double strong, and the whipped cream is no extra charge...and they simply said that even though they paid NO corporate income taxes...still they wanted to pay less...maybe an additional tax credit would be good....and they said that they were encouraged now that Delta has announced that it has changed the sky miles to reward those in the 1% that pay more, that the trend has been set that those who are the heavy hitters, should always pay less taxes than anybody else..and never be ashamed of it...stay tuned as I follow this story.