Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Senior Center Floods in Normal,Mn: Becomes the 'Aquatic Center": Tales From Normal: FICTION

Just received the text from Herman today about the terrible flooding up in Normal,Mn.. I thought it was a tragedy...but it seems that the always positive folk of Normal simply took it all in stride and renamed the Normal Senior Center "The Aquatic Center"---stay tuned for additional updates.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Electric Tesla Sports Car Chosen for Police in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

WOW. Just got the headline from the Garrison Post Newspaper. Texted Herman and he just replied: "Going Green, More Later." Roger that.

I just wonder. Seems with the price tag of $100K it is both More Now and Later....but then it does send a message...about energy saving...and that the police can whip your butt from zero to 60 and still be GREEN. That is cool. I just wonder whether all the lights and equipment will slow it down....This is a developing story.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

"Promoting From Within"----Tales from Normal, Mn.: Fiction

(Ed.note: This story is in development: Herman mentioned it to me in passing and promised details later. )

The good old American tradition of promoting from within...the family....the circle of girlfiends or friends, ...and if they aren't one before the first interview, they need to be one afterward....that's what probation is all about.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

"Nirvana and the Theory of Uneven Flooring": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Recently I had the pleasure of taking off a full week to fish near Normal, Mn. This year was special though. I had the responsibility of finding a new fishing spot and making all the arrangements for eight guys for a week of catching the big fish---an area that I have not been before, having mostly specialized in sunnies and small perch.

The rest of the guys were relatives and friends, and indeed most had a long history of upscale fishing....that is fishing where one does not really bait the hook by himself, but the guide does everything...including shore lunch. Needless to say, my accomodations were "primative"---no tv, poor cell phone coverage where calls are mostly dropped or never connected...and just minimum laptop connection. Trust me...there was panic at first.

Most of the guys were going through plenty of change, like being 65 and retiring, and had not needed any additonal trauma---and you guessed it, there was a lot of "sharing" of "concerns" about the "primative" log cabin style accomodations----

Finally, after a long rant on the subject by one of the fisherman, a doctor quietly spoke up...yes....the only doctor in the group, and an eye care professional:

"I have developed a theory over the years that whenever there is uneven flooring, there is "heaven" or "Nirvana"----in fact, in the past whenever the trips have been too perfect, the floors too flat, and the challenges uneventful, there has been nothing but problems. Good uneven flooring has been the thing to look for."

"WOW"----the guys were speechless.

However, after seven days of heaven, they were ready for some frenzied cell phone calls and some internet obsession. Still...the seven days of heaven were nice.

Stay tuned. Another of the signs of bliss, is having two plungers next to the primative toilet. I am still working on that theory.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

The Free Fishing Pole: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Well it's getting to that time again...the slowest retail sales time of the year....and it's just natural to take a moment to think of a fishing getaway....

Last weekend, after carefully checking the car and the antifreeze coolant levels, I headed up that long and winding road north of the Twin Cities to Normal, Mn., the small fishing village where I have been going for 30 years. As I headed into town, I noticed the banner over the street: "FREE FISHING POLE to all NEW fishermen!!!!"

It was just incredible to me that for 20 years or so, the Normal city folk had been giving away free fishing poles to all new visitors---and so I just asked my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer what was up...what was the magic of this deal anyway.

"Shucks Wolfman (that's what he always called me) it is real simple. Our whole existence revolves around tourists...and more than that, tourists that come back again and again and again....We start out that very first encounter with Normal, Mn. with a gift that will last a lifetime, and recognize that in the long term of things, with the cost of bait, fishing poles, boat rental, guides, our initial investment in this new guest is minimul----we want that person to know how important they are to us as a community....It's not RELIGION or GOOD DEEDS...It is just GOOD BUSINESS.

Then he went on:

"In America there are only two types of towns, those that are growing and ...those that are dying. Those that are growing are welcoming the new...those that are dying are ....well...like all folks that are mostly dead...they are blind, deaf, and they think they know everything. Up here, we are eager to learn and listen to our new visitors...and we try real hard to do so."

Well the town was just packed....and the hubub of activity spoke for itself.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Normal, Mn. Announces Informal Hiring Freeze---Only hiring Relatives: Tales From Normal, MN.: FICTION

When one owns a private family business, it is common for the owner to give preference to his sons and family members. This must go back to medieval times when the king had full control of his court, and who served him. In modern times, with professional personnel policies, some companies have advanced from medieval times to a standard of conduct where there is a selection process based on some process of selection.

Recently, I got a text from my friend Herman from Normal, Mn., and he mentioned that they have implemented an "informal hiring freeze"-----as a reaction to the panic of deficit spending I suppose. The surprise kicker is that only relatives of city employees are hired. How about that? Nice twist.

Friday, July 9, 2010

School closes building due to declining enrollment; Considering additonal land purchase right up to last minute: Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

I just received the text message this morn from my old friend Herman from Normal,Mn.. He is the president of the school board there, and even though the school district had been losing enrollment for the past ten years, and yes even though there had been some concerns in the accounting dept about the necessity for merging with another district...yet right up to the end, the Superintendent, who in addition to her advanced degrees had a BA degree in Romance Literature, had been proposing to purchase additional land for expansion.....yup....

Stay tuned for this developing story.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

" New Gulag Personnel policies published in Normal, MN.: FICTION

Pretty shocking...today the new personnel policy manual published in Normal,MN.-----and in addition to having it insist that the number one rule be followed: 1) Customers are always RIGHT, was the second: 2) Employees are always WRONG.

Just received a short automated text message letting me know that in these trying competitive times, it was important for all American workers to accept the GULAG standards of treatment for themselves, even if it meant reducing the quality by 40% or so. Stay tuned.

Purchasing and Hiring Policies Established in Normal, Mn.: Will do as they please: FICTION

Received the text message from Herman, my old countryboylawyer friend in Normal, Mn.-----incredible to hear that after a full audit of the books of Normal, Mn., the city insisted on the auditors approval of their policy in order to have the auditing fee paid.....Stay tuned for details.

"Politician Refuses to Vote for Any Bill that is not DEAD CERTAIN: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

It is pretty unusual I thought, to demand absolute certainty before voting for a legislative proposal....especially one that would provide more financial disclosure and accountability from financial firms nationwide...the ones who caused the financial meltdown in the first place...yet I wondered...and called Herman from Normal, Mn for instruction.

"Schucks, Wolfman"( that's what he called me) sometimes politicians in close races just cannot make a logical decision, but in the heat of a close race just blink.....they refuse to vote for anything that is more risky than death---and death is the key phrase---that is what they are really concered with, the ranting threats of the opposition that brings upon them the fear of political death."

Thanks Herman.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Hands of Government turned over to local hardware store: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

WOW. What a development. All the municipal staff laid off and replaced with privatized workers from the local hardware store...after all...they knew the nuts and the bolts....Stay tuned. It seems there was a budget crisis and there was really no choice.....

Predator Drones for Speeding Enforcement in Normal, Mn.: Fiction

Stay tuned for this breaking story... They are pretty darn efficient. And the privatized drone operators are superb, even if they are located in India.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Fireworks as the total Economic Development Program: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

I just received a text message from Normal, MN. from Herman, my old countryboylawyer friend---reassuring me that there were fireworks ALL four nights this weekend.....and with free hearing checks on Monday for all seniors who notice being a little more deaf.

I was stunned by this news. Today, when in the light of layoffs all over, many cities have stopped fireworks all together as something abhorent or decadent, or both. Herman was quick to explain:

"Up here its just Firewater and Fireworks---the total Economic Development Plan...trust me...we have tried everything else and it does not work....It would be nice to have jobs and have earned income...but let's be real and realistic.....fireworks and Firewater is all we can count on. We were already drinking record amounts...so we just had to increase the fireworks, hoping for an increased economic payback.

I just did not have the heart to tell him that Medicare does not pay for hearing exams....oh well....