Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Packer loss triggers Emergency Declaration in Normal, Mn.: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Even Viking fans, when pressed, at the end of a battle between the frozen tundra and the wannabe Seattle types, just cannot believe in Hail Mary's---so the Packer loss Monday night has triggered an emergency declaration by the Public Safety department of Normal, Mn., which has bypassed normal city channels to recognize the perilous nature of residents behavior after such a loss, and especially a loss of almost a billion dollars to those betting types from all over the world. Such a world that depends firmly on the frozen tundra to take care of its own, sends shock waves through the entire financial system and is of course wider in its swath than banking...... Despite widespread irregular driving habits that were duly noted last night on highways of the frozen tundra that provided a hazard to all regular folk, the despair of the regular citizen today has paralyzed all commerce and sent chills down the spine, or whatever, of regular politicians. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Locals work their whole lives paying in to Social Security and are LOSERS: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The locals are dismayed today. All their lives they have paid in to Social Security and respected their elders, whom they have supported in Social Security, since it is a transfer program, not an entitlement program, and a transfer program that has been clearly so since the very first dispersement. This is a compact between generations, not an entitlement, and those who confuse this miss the point. So today, the locals are confused that after a lifetime of contributions, they are accused of being "losers". Mitt---take a mandatory "time out". You have crossed the line. The election is over.

Mayor candidate never went anywhere, did anything, proud of it.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Billy bob Johnson is involved in a heated mayoral race in Normal, Mn, that peaceful town in northern Minnesota, where the serenity of walleye fishing gives everyone an ethereal view, and has asserted in the first mayoral debate, that he deserves to be elected because he never went anywhere, he stayed loyal, stayed home, did the little things, worked his way up the hard way, and although has done nothing, still deserves to be the mayor---stay tuned as I follow this story.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

"Real Americans keep their assets offshore and export jobs to China": Tales From Nomal, Mn: FICTION

Dennis "the Weasel" Johnson, a famous bass fisherman from Normal, Mn., who pioneered a special lure for catching catfish, now manufactured in China, asserted yesterday in a candidates debate for Mayor of Normal, MN. that "real Americans" export jobs to China and keep their assets offshore in numbered accounts, and that "dependent loser Americans" hold regular jobs" and frankly are a burden to America. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Local Fisherman urges Wall Street to Have Apple replace S and P 500: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Billy Bob, the local bass fisherman from Normal, Mn. has written the SEC in New York and urged them to have the entire S and P 500 Index replaced with a single stock---Apple. His logic----"Apple is the only stock that I have ever owned that has gone straight up---everything else has sucked..It is time that America got it." I will follow this story and keep you in touch. Stay tuned.

Local Trader Proud that Free Markets are Rigged: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Luigi, a local stock jockey from Normal, Mn. just sent me a text ---he says that he is proud that our financial markets are finally rigged and secure after the federal reserve has intervened to destroy anyone who is bearish----He calls it the "Bernanke Spread"---It's an unlimited call paired with an unlimited put, and the only one that gets screwed is...well..the customer...and that sounds pretty good to wall street. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Local Hospital wins national Art Award: Docent showings on Monday: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from Betty Boop Memorial Hospital in Normal, Mn., that small fishing town in northern Minnesota, where the peace of walleye fishing gives the walleye guys a special sense of peace....that the Hospital has been awarded the presitigous New York Art Award for 2012 for all the art works that are on every wall of the hospital.... The most pricey art works are between xray and laboratory on the first floor...so on Monday during the exhibition, patients should use caution, especially when in wheelchairs, not to disturb the docents and the folks standing in the halls with that reverent look on their faces as they stare intently at the art---they are not under the influence...they are just art lovers, and after all...that is an important part of the mission at Betty Boop Memorial Hospital.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Employees Want Evaluations on "How they feel": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today...that employees of the Billy Bob widget factory, a high tech company in Normal, Mn. have vigorously objected to the concept of an annual review of their performance, and have begun to picket outside the company...located right in the heart of Normal, Mn.. The employees say they have no objection to reviews, but just don't want their "essence" reduced to a mere calculation...a calculation of their work output or maybe even their attendance...that would be demeaning...top down...and algorithmic. They want to reviewed on "How they feel."

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Fed Chief "Takes Out Bazooka"; prints money; defies Conservatives: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Just got the news today from the Feds, that our Fed Chairman has sent a bazooka of a message to those conservative pundits and politicians that said they wanted to remove him from his job---he is not going to go down swinging...and has responded by making everything more expensive starting right now...like coal, coffee, sugar houses and much, much more...Stay tuned.

Administrator Hired just for Dogs and Cats: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the startling news today, that Normal, Mn city hall has announced that a new administrator will be hired to handle animal control, or in local terms, to handle all the complaints about homeowners who have excessive animals at the home, or are conducting an animal boarding business from home. Oh---and in this new hires spare time, he or she will be working on planning documents...a nice complement of duties. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Local Newspaper cuts 26 positions; Vacant; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The Local newspaper announced that they have cut 26 positions...They all have been vacant for years, but management called the move a "bold" step anyway. Stay tuned.

Shoe Shine Boy Spots Two "Amazing Opportunities" on Wall Street; Tales From Normal, Mn.; FICTION

Just got the text from "Hank" from Normal, Mn who was touring Wall Street yesterday, and he sent me a short text from just by the bull that stands near Wall Street, right across from the Starbucks---He said he saw "two amazing opportunities"....he did not go into details, so I am not sure if he was speaking of special stock opportunities, or just attractive female tourists...but I have texted him to clarify, and will let you know shortly....

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Millionaires Agree they aren't Paid Enough: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today from the Normal, Mn. Elks Lodge that the Northern Millionaires Group that met in private today for four hours, emerged from an intense meeting to announce that they had agreed that they were not paid enough. More details are forthcoming and I pledge to get to the details.....

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Monti says they won't need no German Help---50% of Italians are tax evaders: Tales From Normal. Mn: FICTION

After slamming the Germans for thinking they are the saviors of the Universe, Monti has declared that Italians will begin to tax the 50% of Italians that avoid taxes....yo..nice goal dude....

Free Press on Rest Room Walls: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION:

Just got the text from Normal,MN: The only press that is free is on rest room walls---everything else is with subscription....the days of Walter Cronkite are over.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Tourists Coming to See Empty Buildings in Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Finally Tourism Success has begun in Normal, Mn.---I just got the text that busses from all over the Midwest have been coming to Normal, Mn. to see all the empty storefronts from businesses leaving town, and docents mobile in the busses have described how not to conduct economic development so that businesses fail before they really start...It sure is nice to be a role model.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Excited about Buying Italian Debt: Tales From Normal, MN.: FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn. today that the ECB has announced a solution to the debt problem in the European Union----when you get down to the nub of it, Germany is going to backstop everything...with conditions of course...and that is where the excitement is coming from...the conditions for Italy probably will be forthright accounting, or maybe taxation of property..imagine....or maybe taxation of all the income in the black market..yo...and of course German debt has been downgraded since ..well...the prospects ....for the backstop...are not as good as the hype.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Politico says Cheese, Brats and Beer Clarified his Mind; Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Paul "The bunyan" Johnson, famous bass fisherman from Normal, Mn has recently announced his candidacy for national office, and has mentioned in his keynote speech, delivered in the main square of Normal, Mn., right next to the Pump and Dump Gas station, that he used to be a confused liberal, but that Cheese, brats and cheap beer helped to save his mind and give him political courage. In fact, before he began his diet of cheese, brats and cheap beer, he did not even run with a running watch and thought he was running a sub four hour marathon...Now that he has been saved to the conservative fold, he wears a watch and is firmly grounded. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

End of the World News sends stocks higher: Tales From Normal, MN.: FICTION

When asked why stocks have headed higher on such terrible news, stock pundits just said that there was the feeling that after all these years, Bernanke might just intervene.

Bass Fisherman tributes his success to cheese curds and cheap beer: "Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the flash text message from Normal, Mn. today that the famous bass fisherman, Billy Bob, who reigns supreme at Betty Lou's Coffee shop, has given a phone interview with the national networks today, and indicated that the secret to his success is cheese curds, and cheap beer. He said he prefers not to drink dark beer, but there is something about that cheap beer that has made him so successful.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Investor frustrated that listening to "Forever Young" nonstop for 24 hours seems not to work: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

One frustrated investor, Billy Bob, from Normal, Mn., that lazy fishing town in Northern Minnesota, where the peace of Walleye fishing gives men and yes an occasional woman, unusual peace of mind and focus---Billy Bob after listening to the recent speech of the chairman of the Federal Reverve, Ben Bernanke, decided to do "whatever it took "and thus to listen to "Forever Young" for at least 24 hours to get the desired results. He is currently sleeping, and no apparent effects have been noted. After he awakes, he is planning to write a book called "The Power of Positive Voodo".

"Pump and Dump" opens in Normal, MN. : Tales From Normal, MN.: FICTION

Just got the text today about the big news---right next to Betty Lou's Coffee Shop, right on the main drag of Normal, Mn. has opened the "Pump and Dump", yes it used to be a old small square filling station that had been boarded up for a decade, but now it has a new spanking coat of fresh paint, and is featuring Mobile Gasoline, and has a full menu of coffee and pasteries to buy for take out. The new owner is "Harry" who used to work on Wall Street, and he used to call that business the "Pump and Dump" also, so it was a smooth transition. The full name of the business as officially registered is "Harry's Pump and Dump." Harry will offer only regular oil and no upscale synthetic, and all coffee will be Folgers, served extra strong and no upscale latte's will be available.

Governor says Everybody loves him; he can't remember protest; Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

Just got the text today that the Governor of Normal, MN. who had been involved in large scale protests about his reign, says now that everybody loves him now, and that he cannot even remember any opposition to his proposed agenda. He did admit that he does have a slight attention deficit problem, but says that is normal for political success. Stay tuned as I follow this story, which I call the "Protest Denier Story."