Dateline Normal---"The MOOT SQUAD"----Fiction

Well....after a real hectic period of weeks in the midst of a wild and crazy school board election race, I decided to take a little time off to go ice fishing. I headed up that long and winding road up Hwy 10 north of the Twin Cities to my favorite getaway town, just south of Garrison, Mn. , Normal,Mn.

Just as I was within a half hour of Normal, they announced on WJCX, the only real down home country radio station in those parts, that the snow plows were being removed from the roads due to decreasing visibility. It was a little harrowing. I just eased the little Mazda up behind a Hummer and proceeded into town. Thank goodness there was still a room left at the Spruce Goose Motel, the only motel in town with the standard premium down comforters, the stuffed animals on the wall, and the pull down beds.

I was just famished from the long drive. I went right over to the ash tray and grabbed the mini-dove bar that was standard as a little upscale treat, and headed over to the local diner for a hearty breakfast.

Herman, my old countryboy lawyer friend, was already right in the middle of his "double-down home hearty breakfast," a plate of 4 eggs, 4 sausage of your choice, double hash browns and a double expresso, when I arrived. I was sold immediately.

"I'll have what he is having, " I blurted out to the waiter.

Before I could even ask about the fishing, Herman announced: "Our plans have changed, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me.)" We have a full fledged fire investigation on our hands. "

"Whatever could have happened," I wondered.

"Real simple. " The local beer, bait, and ammo" shop, called "The Bait House," just burned to the ground the other night. It looks real suspicious. All the locals are on the job investigating. The MOOT SQUAD has been called to officially handle the case."

"I just don't understand", I said. WHY would the "Moot Squad" and not the FIRE MARSHAL be called to investigate. "

"It's real simple, Wolfman. Up here whenever there is a fire, we do not waste time looking for a pyromanic.....we just look for the root of all evil----or at least the root up here....and that is beer....bait ......or ammo." That is precisely what the MOOT SQUAD specializes in. "

"I do not understnd why you call it "The Moot Squad," I wondered.

"Well, the rest of the world calls it the ATF, but up here we always call the "MOOT SQUAD", a group of highly trained professionals, investigators, lawyers and administrators---and whenever asked about the investigation-----------they always know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. That's where the MOOT comes from."

Thinking back on many of the fire investigations I could remember------- I did have to agree with Herman. As soon as the spade work of the locals starts, absolutely everyone who is questioned or does the questioning knows absolutely nothing.

" I know nothing. " "I didn't ask. He didn't say" "I dunnow", " Maybe, Maybenot." they all reply. WOW.

"YUP," Herman chuckled, "It's a real tight knit group. Total professionals. They know absolutely nothing. It's just the way up here. It makes a man proud to just live in these parts."

After a relaxing weekend talking to all the locals about what they knew, I headed back to good old Wisconsin.......where we don't call the MOOT SQUAD first and not the fire department. Where it is the ATF, not the MOOT SQUAD. And where they are saying nothing,.....at least for now. We will see about later......

Alleluia.