Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Normal, Mn. Engineers Bond Panic: a Great Way of Eliminating New Public Debt: Tales from Normal, Mn.; FICTION

Well quite a revelation lately....according to a text from Normal, Mn., it seems that the financial guru there devised a plan called "quantitative easing" that presto made all municipal debt and high yield corporate debt worth less through devaluation... kinda like having your money stolen from you without you knowing it...except for the monthly valuation statement...and then the magic happened......

None of those who had invested in public municipal debt were interested in buying any more....period....

And so...in a wierd way...it restrained public spending cause....public government could not borrow....

What a little miracle it was up in Normal, Mn. ....stay tuned.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Long Lines in the Cold provoke gun battle as Black Friday Devotees Fight to the death for Foreign Cheap Goods: Tales From Nomral, Mn.: FICTION

Pretty tense scene unfolded at least according to the terse texts from Normal, Mn on Black Friday morn----seems that the warriors for cheap foreign goods were even resorting to bullying, taunting, drinking and well...all the other skills that they have been so noted for over the years in the frozen tundra, and yes...even the police were called as one lady just went too far with the threats.....

Analysts were still trying to total the annual sales forecast and were struggling with the equation of cheap goods plus free shipping equals what? The actual value of the goods remains a mystery. Stay tuned.

Patriots launch War Games; Determined to use live ammo till actual War Breaks Out: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got a tense text from Normal, Mn., where Herman and the dignitaries of Normal, Mn. are observing the annual war games there,

and there has been a vast contingent of frustrated folks from the Northern tundra that want to use live ammo, and want to use it till actual war breaks out....

and the sooner the better so that freedom can be defended....and there is some urgency because war would be better right now before the January fishing contest takes place. Stay tuned.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

New Economic Development Plans touted plus good lunch: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Last week in the depths of the recession in Normal, Mn., a group of proactive citizens gathered together at the Hideaway Lounge to discuss a new innovative way of advancing economic development.

After kicking off the meeting with a rousing pep talk, the participants broke out into small innovative sessions.

The luncheon was enjoyed with walleye pike served in a wonderful way, with a special desert.

After reviewing the data of comparable communities of the 23rd quartile, it was determined that relative to it's peers, Normal, Mn. was doing about normal, and although there had been no business formation in the past 20 years or so, there were some signs that if the cost of housing continued downward 5% or so per year for the next ten years or so, in 2020 the housing prices would be affordable to the youngsters employed at the local restaurants and fishing establishments.

In short, there was hope on the way in a decade or so, and thus it was just important to keep the faith, and gather together and support one another and meeting together at luncheons like this to keep the spirit alive till the revival happened.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Martians considering IMF Rescue if China does not step Up: Tales From Nomal, Mn.: FICTION

Well it has been a hectic time in Normal, Mn., with all the states, cities and nations unveiling who has the biggest deficit, and all at once, leaders have been taking all those off the books entries and putting them on the books to be bailed out---and it appears that China who has been saving a lot by purchasing all of the debt of the US, is now in a position, and the only one in position, to rescue the world....but if they do not step up, maybe the Martians will step up, by installing a new Martian currency and then making the exchange rate very adverse for the World currencies in order to enforce fiscal restraint, or better phrased, just eating bread and water for a while....or so is the speculation here. Stay tuned for this developing story.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Newly Elected Legislators Recalled for Attention Deficit Disorder: Tales From Normal, MN.: FICTION

Recently recall petitions have been filed for two legislators from Normal, Mn. who got elected on the slate of JOBS JOBS JOBS and NO DEBT, NO DEBT etc, but after they got elected started an intense effort in culture war areas and also to protect the spotted loon in the USA. The outrage is building and they look to be recalled. Stay tuned.

Delay Retirement till after death financial advisors say: Tales From Normal, Mn.FICTION

Just got a short text from my old buddy from Normal, Mn. Yes..it seems that the numbers really only work out if you are so lucky as to delay retirement till eternity...Stay tuned.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Newly Elected Governor tells current agency heads not to shred their files---he wants to hang on every word: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Correction....he wants to hang THEM on every word.....seems there are lots of files that might be incriminating....and who knows maybe they even have audio files....would that not be great...stay tuned.

Local Library moved to the Homeless Shelter in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Lots of discussion lately in cities in our fair state of how the new library construction or renovation will set with the homeless....I just wondered and texted my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer in Normal, Mn..

He replied right away....said they are very responsive to the homeless there and have moved the local library to the homeless shelter...it was a way to cut costs and besides they did not have the money for any more books anyway...

Irish Don't Want no Bailouts....or austerity either in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the news via text from Normal, Mn. that the Irish don't want any bailout of their bonds....they are happy just the way it is....and they do not want any austerity either.....make a note of it.....

Come to think of it.....we're with the Irish too...we don't want no cutbacks either....

Why No Wage Increases Explained: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Recently employers have been not only omitting any raises, but if they give one, just make it a substitution for a holiday or some switch like that. At all costs employers want to hire a lot of entry level folks even if they know squat, and then adjust like a surfer, and have a little work slowdown in the morning and maybe call in folks for a couple hours if it gets busy. Very hour to hour employment.

I asked my old friend Herman, from Normal, Mn. about this deal, and he just quipped: "The deal is that if ya don't go nowhere or do nothin ya don't need no raise."

I took a little quibble with this....like as if you cannot drive or eat? Herman replied that bikes are cheap. Stay tuned.

A Bargain and a Treasure Defined: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Got a short text from Herman this morn:

A Bargain is when you buy crap but get free shipping.

A Treasure is when you get a bargain gift wrapped.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Tax Breaks for the Rich produced no jobs in the past, but we need to continue it: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the note from my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer in Normal, Mn. I was just confused about the logic of tax cuts for the rich....He texted back that it is true that the rich, and even some school districts take the stimulus funds and put it in their fund balance, but even though this does not produce any jobs, we need to give this a one hundred year horizon...and in the long run....it will pay off. Our great, great, great grandkids will benefit immensely.

Core Inflation remains Low by ignoring Food and energy and other essentials: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The government of Normal, Mn. today declared everything ok as the inflation was muted when one disregards most of what we buy....stay tuned for the analysis.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Governor says he wants Seniors to come home; Says he will cut trains, healthcare, social services to lure them home; Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Pretty shocking; the local Governor of the local state here decided that he could lure Seniors back from the warm havens of Florida where they had fled to avoid the cold weather and high taxes----anyway...the new governor thinks that by cutting all the fat like good rail and bus connections as well as social services he can lure the seniors home....I can tell he has never been to the parties in Florida where all the folks from Wisconsin and Minnesota party on Friday nights---they seem to like it pretty well just the way it is....Stay tuned.

Quarterback with three fractures and four concussions insists on playing: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

WOW. Pretty shocking news from up in the frozen tundra today as reported by Herman..It seems that the coaches son of the local football team bravely took the field in the playoffs tonight despite having several fractures and four concussions over the past four weeks.

His dad insisted it was for the team. The loyal son just could not say no....it seems he could hardly even speak.....stay tuned......

Seniors Face Tough Choice----War or Social Security: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn. from my old friend Herman...it appears that there is going to be a referendum among the nursing homes in Normal, Mn., and seniors are getting to decide whether they want war or social security....the government cannot finance both.....

I will keep you posted on these small sample results....

Friday, November 12, 2010

Governor gets tough on Taxes....vetoes plan for raise in Beer Tax: Tales from Normal,Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from my old friend Herman of Normal, Mn. that the Governor had been presented with a proposal to raise the beer tax....a sacred thing in these here parts since it has not been changed since the 1940's. But relax, the gov said that such a proposal would be a jobs killer and he firmly stood against any such proposal that would discourage workers from the after hours pursuits of their labor...and that folks were already depressed enough without adding to the misery with higher prices....stay tuned.

I Want Everything but don't want any Taxes Party Wins Big in Normal, Mn.: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTiON

Pretty stunning results of the recent election....it was really the old independent party of Normal, Mn., but Billy Bob and the boys just thought it would be fun to add a catchy name. It really worked.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Inspired by Mine Marathoner, Local creates Silage 5K: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

One of our own, lived here all his life, pride of the city, best of the best, has been reading of the determined Chilean miner that trained underground during his entrapement, and ran the Boston Marathon and finished it in five hours....pretty stunning....however...

Our local hero was not to be undone----He noted that while running the usual paths locally, he seemed to get a runners high when he passed the huge mound of corn in one of the harvest locations of a grain company....

Wanting to always savor that high he designed a 5k race right around it. As he told the locals recently...." I feel just great running this course...It gives me a air of sipping a little corn mash whiskey and at a price I can afford....this race should be a classic for years to come."

I would think that this race event could be a historic destination for visitors coming from all the ends of our fair state. What a bonanza it could become.

Folks Just Dying to get into the New Normal, Mn Historic Cemetary: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

Local officials of Normal, Mn. were stunned recently after they plotted the burial lot purchase agreements signed in the last 60 days----The graph has skyrocketed upward as everyone in town has been eager to buy a lot for themselves and their friends also, so they all can be a part of the unique historic treasure that was recently added to Historic Landmark status by the national officialdom....

There has been some concern on the part of more conservative citizens that the records have shown that folks of the more speculative bent have bought up dozens of sites for their investment purposes and it seems they have hoped to create quite a speculative secondary market on these prized sites where future folks will be visiting in droves.

One local resident and senior citizen, Billy Bob, was quoted yesterday on the circuslike atmosphere surrounding the site speculation: "Shucks, I spose I lived a regular life, mostly just fishing and whisky for pastimes, but now I can be famous...well...folks from all over the globe will come to see me....what could be better...fame at last..."

Stay tuned as I cover this story.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

New Governance Manuals being modeled after WWF Theatre Skills: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got a text from Herman from Normal, Mn. and it seems that although it was only the governor of Minnesota in recent history that was a WWF star ----- after a period of reflection, all of politics recently is obsessed with following in the footsteps of those famous wrestlers from the days of yore----simply because NOBODY did taunting....exaggeration,....theatre....lies...and... costuming better than they did.....and yes the recent teaparty candidates have won worthy acclaim for their efforts in following the footsteps of heros like Jesse "the body" Ventura and other WWF heroes.

I was a little taken aback by the text from Herman....but on second thought, we will take second seat to NOBODY here in Wisconsin. Nobody can beat our beer, cheese, and brawling mentality when we really focus on it....and we can do theatre too, and the smearing and lies????? We can be competitive.....Stay tuned.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Local Retailers announce introduction of special 10XL sizing--they call it double hefty: FICTION

Because of the mood of the country in the prolonged recession, some retailers are expanding their sizing to double hefty and offering 10XL sizing. They are hoping that this innovation will spur sales for the Christmas season. Stay tuned.

Young Conservative leaders brainstorm---think a new war would be a dandy stimulus: FICTION

With the new election and all, the new leaders are not required to hold their meetings in the public, so there are a lot of rumors of what exactly their solution will be to get the economy moving again....there have been some rumors that they have reviewed the history of the 1930's and are hoping for a nifty foreign war to get things moving again. Stay tuned.

Dateline Normal, Mn: Local Republican Leaders pledge to work with Dems to forge solutions for the common good----and other funny stories: FICTION

Still working on this breaking story...and if it develops I will write further.

Tales from Normal, Mn.: Rare Election hari kari found by archeologists: FICTION

Well pretty shocking news up here in Normal, Mn. It seems that just outside of town, local student archeologists have found evidence of a former civilization....In putting all the pieces together in the reconstruction, it appears that all the citizens having been plundered by predators and run them out of town, when faced with adversity later, reelected the predators who promptly destroyed them....stay tuned for this wonderful archeological find....