Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

City of 500 orders 5000 flags: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn today that the locals, hearing of the possible shortage of flags for the Fourth of July festivities, have ordered 5000 prepaid with special delivery....Even though business has been dismal over the past year, but bullish areas have remained, flags, firetrucks and foreclosures..The local economic development team had cut corners all year for this special purchase...and even though there was no new business for the year to report, they still wanted that feel good feeling that always is there when the flags are waved.

"Predator Drone" Elected President" in Normal, Mn: FICTION

"Predator Drone", that bastion of free market capitalism, with a shining face and smooth tongue that changed with the season and locale was elected President of the local chamber of Commerce in Normal, Mn, one of the foremost bass fishing communities of the Midwest today. Well....his real name is Mitch, but he has been code named "Predator Drone" for so long that nobody can remember his real name...and that's just the way he wants it....it has been rumored that he has a stealth plan to outsource all the fishing novelty business to China, and then take the commercial business entities private and lay off all the employees. The plan was so complex that the locals were confused...but after a few stiff drinks, they like it..Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Visiting "Bearded Monk" to Preach Sunday in Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text today that the "Bearded Monk", the visiting flamboyant preacher in the "Spanish Inquisition" style of preachers will be speaking in Normal, Mn. tomorrow at the Church of the Perpetual Fisherman. His theme is "The Holiness of the Thirty Years War" and in this prophetic sermon he will articulate why a Thirty Years War is necessary every so often to clean out the "dead wood" in our society, and renew the faithful and eliminate the non-believers....See you at the church. There will be coffee and donuts after church.

Indigent Plan to Vote Republican--want to feel like the 1%

Just got the text from Normal, Mn. today that there has been a growing sense of bewilderment by the politicos in that serene fishing village in the northern tundra, where the peace and serenity of the fishing pros takes center stage....that the politicos CANNOT understand why the indigent citizens especially, and yes even seniors who are penniless strongly support conservative Republican candidates who squarely will destroy those voters with their policies---WHY WHY WHY???? The answer in focus groups has been that the penniless want to FEEL like the 1%. By voting with the highest and most well healed citizens they FEEL kinda....CLASSY. Make sense? Stay tuned as I follow this breaking story from Normal, Mn...the home of Betty Lou's coffee shop, where all the coffee is double strong served in a tall, blue Minnesota Viking mug, with double sugar.....and if you want some whiskey in the coffee, you have to bring your own flask....

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

All Employees Changed to Unpaid Interns in Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn. today that virtually all new employees hired in firms in Normal,Mn will be unpaid interns....In researching the past, city fathers have discovered that in very olden times, new employees were just indentured servants, and unpaid, and in order to honor their heritage, the heritage of one of the oldest fishing villages of this great nation, founded under sacred principles, and the primary one of course was that God is on the is on the side of Profit, and in a corollary, on the side of unpaid interns...so there it is..now this tiny village has returned this great nation to the sacred time of its national purity....stay tuned as I follow this story.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Unfettered Regulation Guru takes TWO BILLION in Losses: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Jay Me Diamond, the chairman of Billy Bob Banking and Hedge Fund Investments in Normal, Mn. announced in a conference call after the market closed yesterday, that due to poor performing hedge investments that the bank had not been properly informed of as to their risk exposure, the bank had suffered a TWO BILLION dollar loss. These losses had been in "inventory" which slick wall street operators use to hide trades that are proprietary but are classified as "inventory not otherwise classified". Previously in the month, when asked about the possible exposure to these type of losses, he urged the press not to make a "tempest out of a teapot." At the press conference, he said that the "teapot was larger than expected." He took no blame for the losses.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Audited financial Statements REQUIRED for all NYSE listings: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

All foreign companies that desire listings on the New York Stock Exchange have now been required by the Mayor of Normal, Mn. to provide audited financial statements following regular accounting principles in order to make those shares available to citizens of Normal, Mn. This was done so that the locals would be fairly advised as to the truthfull bookeeping,a foreign concept in itself, and hopefully the truth of the financial condition. Even though Normal, Mn is a small fishing village, it is hoped by the local accoutants that by this act of financial courage that they can set a standard of accounting leadership for all concerned. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Flags at Half-Mast till Further Notice: Tales From Normal, MN.: Fiction

The Flags of Normal, Mn. have been ordered to remain at half-mast till further notice, to more accurately reflect the loss of this nation as it grapples with the prospects of war unending. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

"French Like Us"; Tales from Normal, Mn.; FICTION

Political pundits were shocked today in Normal, Mn. as France, and indeed Greece have effectively voted to overule the "austerity" budgets recently passed by legislators.....some pundits have said that many of the very wealthy in France are headed for Britain. Tax rates on the rich are anticipated to go up....maybe to Ronald Reagan levels I presume. Reagan must be smiling today watching over those politicos that thought that the budget could be balanced by taxing the indigent and homeless, all the while giving the super rich more tax breaks. Even the Great Communicator in his waning health knew better. In the very center of Normal, Mn., where a small Paul Bunyan statue had been for many years till it disintegrated, there has been erected a Ronald Reagan statue...Yes....there was a slight smile on the statue this morning. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Visiting Bearded Monk says flogging is essential to becoming one with the divine: Tales From Normal, Mn.; FICTION

Well it has been pretty shocking....today in Normal, Mn. at the Church of the Perpetual Fishermen, a traveling missionary, and some have speculated frustrated by the small collection gathered to support his intense mission, said as he left the small church in this small fishing community, that some of the wayward really did need a flogging every so often just to really experience the full bliss of the Lord....and yes the little old ladies just smiled quietly as they left from Church....it seemed to have brought back memories of their youth when they had learned of such talk as being typical of the "Spanish Inquisition" monks and such....Anyway, they just smiled and moved away from Church, and determined not to enter again and pledge their donations till that missionary had left the state.

Vacant Home Tour Launched in Normal, Mn.: Spreads across Nation; Tales From Normal, Mn:FICTION

Well surprise, surprise.....the recent "Vacant Home Tour" in Normal, Mn, which featured homes empty and in foreclosure has been wildly popular all across the nation, and indeed in St. Paul recently, they held an "Uptown version" with tours of empty historically renovated homes: All in The Dayton's Bluff area, just down from the James J. Hill Mansion on Summit Ave, and just down the hill from where the famous Tom Clancy had a very celebrated wedding reception some thirty plus years ago...yes that was the highpoint of the neighborhood. Tom was not the famous author, but a famous cross country runner from the now defunct Hill High School..but I digress. The whole notion of creating a tourist attraction out of vacant homes is priceless and indeed the highpoint of marketing brilliance..Stay tuned...just think of the possibilities where we could create media events out of forelorn circumstances....like tour of bankrupt businesses, tour of the abandoned and homeless, tour of the poor football teams....ok Minnesota has a real lock on that one...maybe New Orleans is a fierce contender...but I digress.. This all goes to prove the old adage that you should review your troubles and thank God for them, since they could have been worse. The corollary is that after reviewing the troubles, make a media event out of it.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

"Better Back in 2008---Alzheimer Patient says so: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

A local patient of the Perpetual Fisherman Care Center who has requested to be anonymous, or could not remember her name, has stated in a quiet hush that she thinks things were better back in 2008....and according to reports available at press time...she is the only living soul in this great country that thinks so....and at press time conservative talk show hosts are clamoring to get interviews. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Dateline Normal. Mn: Accountants Shocked that People are not applying for Non-existent Jobs: FICTION

Accountants and pundits were shocked today at the release of data suggesting that folks are retiring from the workforce, and what is worse are not applying for jobs that do not exist...such a shock...and the "participation rate" has been adversely affected, making it look like things are better than they should be...and having an unemployment rate that is holding even, but if every person that had died had just lived and been working, and every person that had retired had not...then...well...things might have been better in that the numbers would have been worse and that would have been better for some politicians... Stay tuned as I follow this unusual accounting story.