Well the excitement is building for the 2007 Energy Fair here in Evanville on April 27th, with the grand parade of "veggie" cars coming to town. Everyone from toddler to totally retired is thinking GREEN------ thinking of how totally cool it is to be EVANSVILLE-----the SOYBEAN capital of Wisconsin. WOW! What excitement.
Feeling pretty energized the other night, I picked up the phone and called my old friend Herman, the countryboy lawyer in Normal, Mn., the small getaway town up Hwy 10 just south of Garrison and west of the land of Lake Woebegon. I was wondering if they too were concerned with GREEN.
So I just blurted it out: "Herman, have you heard of this GREEN thing. Energy conservation and all. Gas mileage. Sensitivity to the earth and such. Has this concept been heard of up in the northern tundra?
SHUCKS, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me) we invented the GREEN concept up here. It was started up here years ago. It was invented by Henry GREEN----a bona fide genuine relative of RED GREEN---
"Do you mean the legendary Red Green of Possum Lodge and the TV show," I asked.
"YES" Herman replied.
"We love everything about the Red Green Show---that is ----except the Possum Lodge pledge."
"What's the problem?" I asked.
"It's real simple," Herman replied. The "Man's Oath," is: "I am a man....and I can change....if I have to....I think."
"Up in these parts, we just say: "I'm a man....and I don't plan on changing anything..Ever."
"We just adjusted the Possum Lodge thing to our cultural norm. It never changes up here. Period.
"What happened to the GREEN thing, " I asked.
"Well," Herman replied, "Every year on EARTH DAY, Henry Green, takes one of them school busses that runs on genuine USA gasoline, and packs the TRACK TEAM in it. That is 75 kids as well as equipment....and sets an olympic record for miles per pound transported. After all. We feel strongly about conservation.
"Ya mean you pack em in like that all year round?" I asked.
"Shucks no," Wolfman. "Just the track team. The football team needs TWO busses. After all. Someone might get sick and a packed bus could get REAL messy."
Thank goodness I'm back in good old Wisconsin. Where energy conservation means more than just packing a track team of 75 in an old school bus to save some energy.
Alleluia.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Dateline Normal: "Superbowl Punk"
A classic tale from Normal, Mn., on "Superbowl Punk," the classic 1985 Chicago Bears and the global impact of punk on financial affairs, and even on the Normal School District
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Dateline Normal: The Cameras-----Fiction
Last night after watching the live camera in the historic four square of downtown Evansville capture all the live excitement of the vibrant downtown, I called Herman, my countryboy lawyer friend in Normal, Mn. to share the good news.
" Just click on the link on The Observer," I explained to Herman. "Is that cool or what?"
"What is the purpose?" Herman asked.
"It is just to keep track of the historic restoration of our downtown----basically to watch how the bricks are coming," I responded.
"That's nothin, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me.) Up here we had TEN cameras. Man was that something."
"What do you mean HAD ten cameras, Herman. Did not the cameras work properly."
"They worked just WONDERFUL, "Herman gushed. "They worked just too darn well. Ya gotta understand, Wolfman, there are only two intersections in Normal, Mn... With ten cameras we had it totally covered. In fact TOO covered. Our cops just sat in the police station and watched their computers. Pretty soon, it became a threat to public health."
"What do you mean a threat to public health?," I asked. It sounds like nirvana to me."
"It was a threat since all crime just dried up. There was nothing for the police or the judges and lawyers to do. It was a real catastrophe."
"Wow." I said. "I never thought of that possibility."
Thank goodness I am back here in good old Evansville. Where we only have ONE camera downtown. And where we have just enough crime to keep everyone busy.
Alleluia.
" Just click on the link on The Observer," I explained to Herman. "Is that cool or what?"
"What is the purpose?" Herman asked.
"It is just to keep track of the historic restoration of our downtown----basically to watch how the bricks are coming," I responded.
"That's nothin, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me.) Up here we had TEN cameras. Man was that something."
"What do you mean HAD ten cameras, Herman. Did not the cameras work properly."
"They worked just WONDERFUL, "Herman gushed. "They worked just too darn well. Ya gotta understand, Wolfman, there are only two intersections in Normal, Mn... With ten cameras we had it totally covered. In fact TOO covered. Our cops just sat in the police station and watched their computers. Pretty soon, it became a threat to public health."
"What do you mean a threat to public health?," I asked. It sounds like nirvana to me."
"It was a threat since all crime just dried up. There was nothing for the police or the judges and lawyers to do. It was a real catastrophe."
"Wow." I said. "I never thought of that possibility."
Thank goodness I am back here in good old Evansville. Where we only have ONE camera downtown. And where we have just enough crime to keep everyone busy.
Alleluia.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
"The Chamber"-----Fiction
Well it's been a real wild and crazy school board race, so right before the election, I thought I would go counterintuitive and escape to do a little reflection, and drive up to my favorite getaway----Normal, Mn.
About an hour this side of town, rolling along nicely on Hwy 10, I called Herman on my cell phone to see if he could meet me at the Hideaway Lounge.
"He's at "Chamber", his secretary said. "He should be through by 6PM. Just meet him at the Hideaway. I will get him the message."
As I parked the car at the Hideaway Lounge, I could see Herman's four wheel jeep, with the "No fear" sticker on the window, a trademark he loved just because it made him feel so young.. He waved a big wave from the bar and I headed towards him. He had already ordered me a drink.
"What's with the "Chamber" I asked. What is that?
"It used to be called the "Chamber of Commerce." Years ago, guys got frustrated cause that is just too darn long a name. Anyway, it still sounds like a death chamber or a gas chamber. The guys just call it "The Club."
"I suppose the purpose is really to drum up business for Normal?", I asked.
"Heavens no," Herman exclaimed. "We haven't added a business here in almost 50 years. The real purpose of the meeting is the lunch. It comes with membership. Once you pay the $150 annual fee, you get the monthly lunch and highball. The lunch is really special since it is the lunch combo special. Guys would cancel a vacation to get this deal. And yes. The regulars usually bring a half-pint of Jack Daniels in their coat to mix with a 7-UP. Sometimes ya need more than just one highball. "
"Besides," Herman went on, "Chamber" is really about keeping folks out----not letting them in. It is real important that we don't get any new fangled business in here that might harm one of the regulars....if you know what I mean. So when we do get a new prospect....we kinda hang em if you know what I mean."
The word "hang" kinda reminded me of the Saddam Hussein "chamber" and it kinda gave me the willies just to think of it.
It sure is good to get back to good old Wisconsin. Where we still have Chamber of Commerce and not just Chamber. Where we really can welcome the new.....and not get on with the hanging.
About an hour this side of town, rolling along nicely on Hwy 10, I called Herman on my cell phone to see if he could meet me at the Hideaway Lounge.
"He's at "Chamber", his secretary said. "He should be through by 6PM. Just meet him at the Hideaway. I will get him the message."
As I parked the car at the Hideaway Lounge, I could see Herman's four wheel jeep, with the "No fear" sticker on the window, a trademark he loved just because it made him feel so young.. He waved a big wave from the bar and I headed towards him. He had already ordered me a drink.
"What's with the "Chamber" I asked. What is that?
"It used to be called the "Chamber of Commerce." Years ago, guys got frustrated cause that is just too darn long a name. Anyway, it still sounds like a death chamber or a gas chamber. The guys just call it "The Club."
"I suppose the purpose is really to drum up business for Normal?", I asked.
"Heavens no," Herman exclaimed. "We haven't added a business here in almost 50 years. The real purpose of the meeting is the lunch. It comes with membership. Once you pay the $150 annual fee, you get the monthly lunch and highball. The lunch is really special since it is the lunch combo special. Guys would cancel a vacation to get this deal. And yes. The regulars usually bring a half-pint of Jack Daniels in their coat to mix with a 7-UP. Sometimes ya need more than just one highball. "
"Besides," Herman went on, "Chamber" is really about keeping folks out----not letting them in. It is real important that we don't get any new fangled business in here that might harm one of the regulars....if you know what I mean. So when we do get a new prospect....we kinda hang em if you know what I mean."
The word "hang" kinda reminded me of the Saddam Hussein "chamber" and it kinda gave me the willies just to think of it.
It sure is good to get back to good old Wisconsin. Where we still have Chamber of Commerce and not just Chamber. Where we really can welcome the new.....and not get on with the hanging.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
"The Life Saver"------Fiction
Last night, right after the Planning Commission meeting, I experienced a once in a life time event-----the chance to save a life. Yes.
I got the cell phone call from the Garrison Hospital Emergency Room at 9PM. Herman, my old country boy lawyer, had been taken via med flight there after suffering heart attack symptoms. I dropped everything and rushed to his side.
I rushed right to the intensive care where he was on a breathing device.
"How did this happen, Herman, ?" I asked. You seemed fine right before Valentine's Day. Then he explained.
For Valentine's Day, his wife gave him a surprise gift. A large Lane stratolounger and a large big screen tv. She explained that she was proud of him, and being that he was on the Normal School Board and all, she felt he deserved it.
The next day, after very little sleep, with all the channels to explore and all, he felt his wife deserved a matching stratolounger----with beautiful leather just like his.
The problem began to build right away however. With the two large stratoloungers and the big screen TV in action, there was no room left to entertain...and even move about.
Then Herman's wife had the solution. A 4000 square ft home was available at the edge of town in the fashionable new area.
"You deserve it, Herman, " she said.
It seems that there were no homes that just had a large living room and nothing else large. It was "supersize" or nothing.
Besides, his wife explained that their "building capacity" had changed and that according to her calculations, they were 2000 sq. ft. short.
What a crisis situation! It was worse than any I had faced here at home. After all. She thought she loved him.
After a whispered conversation with Herman, with all the breathing tubes and such really in the way, I reminded Herman that under Minnesota law, he had a "cooling off period" and I begged him to use it.
He agreed. When his wife saw what rough shape Herman was in, she also agreed.
After arranging for the return of both stratoloungers and the big screen T.V., and cancelling the house purchase agreement, I headed back to good old Wisconsin.
It sure is good to get back home. Where we don't redefine "building capacity" on a whim and give folks a heart attack.
Alleluia.
I got the cell phone call from the Garrison Hospital Emergency Room at 9PM. Herman, my old country boy lawyer, had been taken via med flight there after suffering heart attack symptoms. I dropped everything and rushed to his side.
I rushed right to the intensive care where he was on a breathing device.
"How did this happen, Herman, ?" I asked. You seemed fine right before Valentine's Day. Then he explained.
For Valentine's Day, his wife gave him a surprise gift. A large Lane stratolounger and a large big screen tv. She explained that she was proud of him, and being that he was on the Normal School Board and all, she felt he deserved it.
The next day, after very little sleep, with all the channels to explore and all, he felt his wife deserved a matching stratolounger----with beautiful leather just like his.
The problem began to build right away however. With the two large stratoloungers and the big screen TV in action, there was no room left to entertain...and even move about.
Then Herman's wife had the solution. A 4000 square ft home was available at the edge of town in the fashionable new area.
"You deserve it, Herman, " she said.
It seems that there were no homes that just had a large living room and nothing else large. It was "supersize" or nothing.
Besides, his wife explained that their "building capacity" had changed and that according to her calculations, they were 2000 sq. ft. short.
What a crisis situation! It was worse than any I had faced here at home. After all. She thought she loved him.
After a whispered conversation with Herman, with all the breathing tubes and such really in the way, I reminded Herman that under Minnesota law, he had a "cooling off period" and I begged him to use it.
He agreed. When his wife saw what rough shape Herman was in, she also agreed.
After arranging for the return of both stratoloungers and the big screen T.V., and cancelling the house purchase agreement, I headed back to good old Wisconsin.
It sure is good to get back home. Where we don't redefine "building capacity" on a whim and give folks a heart attack.
Alleluia.
"The Moot Squad"--or "The Fire"--FICTION
On fires, On investigations, On mute or "moot" squads....and much, much, more.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Dateline Normal---"The MOOT SQUAD"----Fiction
Well....after a real hectic period of weeks in the midst of a wild and crazy school board election race, I decided to take a little time off to go ice fishing. I headed up that long and winding road up Hwy 10 north of the Twin Cities to my favorite getaway town, just south of Garrison, Mn. , Normal,Mn.
Just as I was within a half hour of Normal, they announced on WJCX, the only real down home country radio station in those parts, that the snow plows were being removed from the roads due to decreasing visibility. It was a little harrowing. I just eased the little Mazda up behind a Hummer and proceeded into town. Thank goodness there was still a room left at the Spruce Goose Motel, the only motel in town with the standard premium down comforters, the stuffed animals on the wall, and the pull down beds.
I was just famished from the long drive. I went right over to the ash tray and grabbed the mini-dove bar that was standard as a little upscale treat, and headed over to the local diner for a hearty breakfast.
Herman, my old countryboy lawyer friend, was already right in the middle of his "double-down home hearty breakfast," a plate of 4 eggs, 4 sausage of your choice, double hash browns and a double expresso, when I arrived. I was sold immediately.
"I'll have what he is having, " I blurted out to the waiter.
Before I could even ask about the fishing, Herman announced: "Our plans have changed, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me.)" We have a full fledged fire investigation on our hands. "
"Whatever could have happened," I wondered.
"Real simple. " The local beer, bait, and ammo" shop, called "The Bait House," just burned to the ground the other night. It looks real suspicious. All the locals are on the job investigating. The MOOT SQUAD has been called to officially handle the case."
"I just don't understand", I said. WHY would the "Moot Squad" and not the FIRE MARSHAL be called to investigate. "
"It's real simple, Wolfman. Up here whenever there is a fire, we do not waste time looking for a pyromanic.....we just look for the root of all evil----or at least the root up here....and that is beer....bait ......or ammo." That is precisely what the MOOT SQUAD specializes in. "
"I do not understnd why you call it "The Moot Squad," I wondered.
"Well, the rest of the world calls it the ATF, but up here we always call the "MOOT SQUAD", a group of highly trained professionals, investigators, lawyers and administrators---and whenever asked about the investigation-----------they always know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. That's where the MOOT comes from."
Thinking back on many of the fire investigations I could remember------- I did have to agree with Herman. As soon as the spade work of the locals starts, absolutely everyone who is questioned or does the questioning knows absolutely nothing.
" I know nothing. " "I didn't ask. He didn't say" "I dunnow", " Maybe, Maybenot." they all reply. WOW.
"YUP," Herman chuckled, "It's a real tight knit group. Total professionals. They know absolutely nothing. It's just the way up here. It makes a man proud to just live in these parts."
After a relaxing weekend talking to all the locals about what they knew, I headed back to good old Wisconsin.......where we don't call the MOOT SQUAD first and not the fire department. Where it is the ATF, not the MOOT SQUAD. And where they are saying nothing,.....at least for now. We will see about later......
Alleluia.
Just as I was within a half hour of Normal, they announced on WJCX, the only real down home country radio station in those parts, that the snow plows were being removed from the roads due to decreasing visibility. It was a little harrowing. I just eased the little Mazda up behind a Hummer and proceeded into town. Thank goodness there was still a room left at the Spruce Goose Motel, the only motel in town with the standard premium down comforters, the stuffed animals on the wall, and the pull down beds.
I was just famished from the long drive. I went right over to the ash tray and grabbed the mini-dove bar that was standard as a little upscale treat, and headed over to the local diner for a hearty breakfast.
Herman, my old countryboy lawyer friend, was already right in the middle of his "double-down home hearty breakfast," a plate of 4 eggs, 4 sausage of your choice, double hash browns and a double expresso, when I arrived. I was sold immediately.
"I'll have what he is having, " I blurted out to the waiter.
Before I could even ask about the fishing, Herman announced: "Our plans have changed, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me.)" We have a full fledged fire investigation on our hands. "
"Whatever could have happened," I wondered.
"Real simple. " The local beer, bait, and ammo" shop, called "The Bait House," just burned to the ground the other night. It looks real suspicious. All the locals are on the job investigating. The MOOT SQUAD has been called to officially handle the case."
"I just don't understand", I said. WHY would the "Moot Squad" and not the FIRE MARSHAL be called to investigate. "
"It's real simple, Wolfman. Up here whenever there is a fire, we do not waste time looking for a pyromanic.....we just look for the root of all evil----or at least the root up here....and that is beer....bait ......or ammo." That is precisely what the MOOT SQUAD specializes in. "
"I do not understnd why you call it "The Moot Squad," I wondered.
"Well, the rest of the world calls it the ATF, but up here we always call the "MOOT SQUAD", a group of highly trained professionals, investigators, lawyers and administrators---and whenever asked about the investigation-----------they always know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. That's where the MOOT comes from."
Thinking back on many of the fire investigations I could remember------- I did have to agree with Herman. As soon as the spade work of the locals starts, absolutely everyone who is questioned or does the questioning knows absolutely nothing.
" I know nothing. " "I didn't ask. He didn't say" "I dunnow", " Maybe, Maybenot." they all reply. WOW.
"YUP," Herman chuckled, "It's a real tight knit group. Total professionals. They know absolutely nothing. It's just the way up here. It makes a man proud to just live in these parts."
After a relaxing weekend talking to all the locals about what they knew, I headed back to good old Wisconsin.......where we don't call the MOOT SQUAD first and not the fire department. Where it is the ATF, not the MOOT SQUAD. And where they are saying nothing,.....at least for now. We will see about later......
Alleluia.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Dateline Normal: "The Destination Wedding"
On Destination Weddings, the theory and practice. On love and fishing in Normal. On no extra charge....and much, much more.
Dateline Normal: "The Destination Wedding"---Fiction
(Ed. this is one of a long series of tales from the land called Normal, Mn., a land not so unlike our own, up HWY 10 north of the Twin Cities, west of Lake Woebegone and south of Garrison. These tales are available for download FREE from Itunes, and when they are shipped out on cd, they are wrapped in a brown paper wrapper clearly marked FICTION. )
As a baby boomer, now that the kids are graduating from college, and beginning to pay their student loans, it has come as a shock to me that many have decided to get married----a shock since as I calculate it in my mind, they barely can afford an apartment and car with the wages that entry level jobs that are available can provide........
Recently, an excited friend announced that she was going to wed....and planned a "destination wedding." I was unsure of what she was talking about initially. Then she went over the details.
"Destination weddings can save $20,000 from the cost of a regular wedding," she declared in an excited tone. " In fact, by inviting one's closest family members, the lucky couple can get a special discount on lodging and air fare.........and....with the savings can upgrade to even a higher level of luxury. "
Then she just popped the laptop down in front of me and showed me the website. It seems that one could get a dream wedding and honeymoon that regularly cost $60,000 for the superrich, for only $20,000.
She did explain that she well understood that some family members might be unable to pay the 4-6,000 to getaway for a special vacation with the bride and groom. To accomodate those folks, the couple would come back to a local hotel later for a special reception so folks could give more gifts. Absolutely nobody would be overlooked.
As I listened to her speak, I could feel my windpipe begin to close and I felt that an inhaler was not going to help. Indeed, the anxiety was total. Then----just when my breathing was getting mos difficult, she blurted:
"Don't worry. We plan on putting this all on our credit cards. No problem."
I was speechless.
I sat down in the small diner after I arrived in Normal, and soon Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend, joined me for my usual coffee----dark bold, extra sugar and whipped cream, served in the usual dark blue Minnesota Vikings mug.
Herman looked over at me and said:
"Wolfman, (that's what he always called me) you look awful. What is the matter? "
"Do you know anything about "destination weddings, Herman?", I asked. I just do not get it. What has happened to the old fashioned ways? "
Herman let out a huge belly laugh.
"Destination weddings are just for folks that don't know where they are going, " Herman said. After all, who would design a celebration that nobody could attend except by putting everyone in financial peril.....and then to make it worse....... do a double dip and plunder the locals who could not attend? "
Then Herman went on. "Up here in Normal, we have PURPOSE. "Purpose" and "Destination" are different."
"How so,?" I asked.
"Up here.......... everything is real simple. We love nature. We just love to fish. And yes .....we love rock and roll at the Hideway Lounge. Love just comes at no extra charge. We do weddings right in the midst of a fishing trip. .....It's no big deal. We just focus on the "purpose" and leave the "destination" thing for confused city folks. "
"Aren't you being a bid hard in this matter Herman?", I asked.
"I am just telling it like it is, Wolfman," he replied.
Then we were off to fish. Herman was helpful in getting the bait just right, getting the right location----wow were the fish hitting.
All the while as we were drifting and casting, I kept going over what Herman had said. Especially the part about the "love" being at no extra charge. I needed to go over the details of that on the next trip.
I have to admit. On the long drive back to good old Wisconsin. I did review. Thank goodness we live in the land of cheese and beer. Where we have "value meals",......and "value weddings".....and where one can schedule a "destination wedding".....and such.
Alleluia.
As a baby boomer, now that the kids are graduating from college, and beginning to pay their student loans, it has come as a shock to me that many have decided to get married----a shock since as I calculate it in my mind, they barely can afford an apartment and car with the wages that entry level jobs that are available can provide........
Recently, an excited friend announced that she was going to wed....and planned a "destination wedding." I was unsure of what she was talking about initially. Then she went over the details.
"Destination weddings can save $20,000 from the cost of a regular wedding," she declared in an excited tone. " In fact, by inviting one's closest family members, the lucky couple can get a special discount on lodging and air fare.........and....with the savings can upgrade to even a higher level of luxury. "
Then she just popped the laptop down in front of me and showed me the website. It seems that one could get a dream wedding and honeymoon that regularly cost $60,000 for the superrich, for only $20,000.
She did explain that she well understood that some family members might be unable to pay the 4-6,000 to getaway for a special vacation with the bride and groom. To accomodate those folks, the couple would come back to a local hotel later for a special reception so folks could give more gifts. Absolutely nobody would be overlooked.
As I listened to her speak, I could feel my windpipe begin to close and I felt that an inhaler was not going to help. Indeed, the anxiety was total. Then----just when my breathing was getting mos difficult, she blurted:
"Don't worry. We plan on putting this all on our credit cards. No problem."
I was speechless.
I sat down in the small diner after I arrived in Normal, and soon Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend, joined me for my usual coffee----dark bold, extra sugar and whipped cream, served in the usual dark blue Minnesota Vikings mug.
Herman looked over at me and said:
"Wolfman, (that's what he always called me) you look awful. What is the matter? "
"Do you know anything about "destination weddings, Herman?", I asked. I just do not get it. What has happened to the old fashioned ways? "
Herman let out a huge belly laugh.
"Destination weddings are just for folks that don't know where they are going, " Herman said. After all, who would design a celebration that nobody could attend except by putting everyone in financial peril.....and then to make it worse....... do a double dip and plunder the locals who could not attend? "
Then Herman went on. "Up here in Normal, we have PURPOSE. "Purpose" and "Destination" are different."
"How so,?" I asked.
"Up here.......... everything is real simple. We love nature. We just love to fish. And yes .....we love rock and roll at the Hideway Lounge. Love just comes at no extra charge. We do weddings right in the midst of a fishing trip. .....It's no big deal. We just focus on the "purpose" and leave the "destination" thing for confused city folks. "
"Aren't you being a bid hard in this matter Herman?", I asked.
"I am just telling it like it is, Wolfman," he replied.
Then we were off to fish. Herman was helpful in getting the bait just right, getting the right location----wow were the fish hitting.
All the while as we were drifting and casting, I kept going over what Herman had said. Especially the part about the "love" being at no extra charge. I needed to go over the details of that on the next trip.
I have to admit. On the long drive back to good old Wisconsin. I did review. Thank goodness we live in the land of cheese and beer. Where we have "value meals",......and "value weddings".....and where one can schedule a "destination wedding".....and such.
Alleluia.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Dateline Normal: Evansville Observer: Executive Session considers Expansion Plan
The Evansville Observer staff is meeting in executive session sometime this weekend to consider the requests of citizens of other communities for local news coverage that will be similar to Evansville.
These solicitations of interest have been most gratififying. Citizens have requested neither beer, bait, ammo, nor sports stories, but .....heaven forbid....just local news with colorful video and audio.
A lucrative architectual study is not necessary.
No HVAC and plumbing analysis is anticipated.
No seven year time delay is anticipated.
No bricks are required.
Action is anticipated shortly.
Stay tuned.
These solicitations of interest have been most gratififying. Citizens have requested neither beer, bait, ammo, nor sports stories, but .....heaven forbid....just local news with colorful video and audio.
A lucrative architectual study is not necessary.
No HVAC and plumbing analysis is anticipated.
No seven year time delay is anticipated.
No bricks are required.
Action is anticipated shortly.
Stay tuned.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Dateline Normal: "The Phonebooth"-Fiction
The classic story of how Normal, Minnesota complied with the "Open meeting law" by creatively integrating "The Art of War" with "The Rules of Civil Procedure" by Billy Bob.
"The Phonebooth Meeting"------Fiction
(Ed. note. These tales can also be found on Itunes and can be downloaded free to your Ipod for your listening pleasure.)
Well ....it has been real hectic lately here in Evansville....with the school board election primary and all....and I was ready after the primary to just head out of town for a break. Yes. It is hard to believe. Sometimes one can just get too much of all those coffee klotches and Eagles meetings. Sometimes it is so right to just have a moment to commune with nature---.
After that long and winding road up Hwy 10 north of the Twin Cities, I settled in at the Spruce
Goose Motel, where all the comforters are premium down, and where all the beds pull down from the wall...and where there is always a mini dove bar in the ash tray to give a little hint of upscale country.
I headed over to the coffee shop to met my old friend, Herman, the country boy lawyer, who was also on the Normal School Board. I had spent a long time thinking on the drive and wasted no time in getting to the point.
"Herman," I asked, "How do you handle all those controversial meetings up here in Normal? In Evansville, we seem to have all of them in packed conference rooms with a capacity of 10. With 25 crammed in to the room, one can hardly breathe, must less ask questions."
"Shucks Wolfman", ( That's what he always called me) a conference room that seats 10 is HUGE compared to up here in Normal. That is the lap of luxury. Here we have the meetings in phone booths."
"Phone booths?" I replied in a shocked voice.
"How can that be?"
Herman went on. " I am a lawyer, Wolfman. Yes it is important to have "open" meetings, but there ain't no rule that they have to be BIG meetings---- Unless of course they are a BIG or "Building Improvement Grant meetings---then they are inherently big.
"Up here we just have the meeting and welcome everyone. Then we have the meeting in the local PHONE BOOTH. The chairman gets to sit in the chair of the phone booth, and then we just all kinda gather around."
"Wherever did you learn this technique," I asked.
"It's real simple, Wolfman. Years ago during law school, I was reading the "Art of War" and "The Rules of Civil Procedure" by Billy Bob---- that was always my favorite. I found Prosser on Torts to be very boring. Billy Bob had a real entertaining way of writing. Anyway.....I realized how to bring the two texts together in a creative way. The "Phonebooth meeting" was born. What could be MORE open. The guys just love it. Huddled around the booth with their architectual drawings and all. Real cozy.
Well. I could see that Herman was not going to be helpful. I just got in the car and headed back to good old Wisconsin....Where we have meetings in spacious rooms....where folks do not just gather around a semi-circle and hide their architectual drawings ....... Where we have meetings in large rooms with audio and video capability.
Alleluia.
Well ....it has been real hectic lately here in Evansville....with the school board election primary and all....and I was ready after the primary to just head out of town for a break. Yes. It is hard to believe. Sometimes one can just get too much of all those coffee klotches and Eagles meetings. Sometimes it is so right to just have a moment to commune with nature---.
After that long and winding road up Hwy 10 north of the Twin Cities, I settled in at the Spruce
Goose Motel, where all the comforters are premium down, and where all the beds pull down from the wall...and where there is always a mini dove bar in the ash tray to give a little hint of upscale country.
I headed over to the coffee shop to met my old friend, Herman, the country boy lawyer, who was also on the Normal School Board. I had spent a long time thinking on the drive and wasted no time in getting to the point.
"Herman," I asked, "How do you handle all those controversial meetings up here in Normal? In Evansville, we seem to have all of them in packed conference rooms with a capacity of 10. With 25 crammed in to the room, one can hardly breathe, must less ask questions."
"Shucks Wolfman", ( That's what he always called me) a conference room that seats 10 is HUGE compared to up here in Normal. That is the lap of luxury. Here we have the meetings in phone booths."
"Phone booths?" I replied in a shocked voice.
"How can that be?"
Herman went on. " I am a lawyer, Wolfman. Yes it is important to have "open" meetings, but there ain't no rule that they have to be BIG meetings---- Unless of course they are a BIG or "Building Improvement Grant meetings---then they are inherently big.
"Up here we just have the meeting and welcome everyone. Then we have the meeting in the local PHONE BOOTH. The chairman gets to sit in the chair of the phone booth, and then we just all kinda gather around."
"Wherever did you learn this technique," I asked.
"It's real simple, Wolfman. Years ago during law school, I was reading the "Art of War" and "The Rules of Civil Procedure" by Billy Bob---- that was always my favorite. I found Prosser on Torts to be very boring. Billy Bob had a real entertaining way of writing. Anyway.....I realized how to bring the two texts together in a creative way. The "Phonebooth meeting" was born. What could be MORE open. The guys just love it. Huddled around the booth with their architectual drawings and all. Real cozy.
Well. I could see that Herman was not going to be helpful. I just got in the car and headed back to good old Wisconsin....Where we have meetings in spacious rooms....where folks do not just gather around a semi-circle and hide their architectual drawings ....... Where we have meetings in large rooms with audio and video capability.
Alleluia.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Dateline Normal: "The Catalog Caper"---Fiction
FICTION
(Ed.note. This is one of a long series of fictional tales from the Land of Normal, Mn., just west of the Land of Lake Woebegon and south of Garrison, Mn. They are available for download from the Observer (right click the mp3 icon) and are also available FREE on the Itunes store. Any resemblance between these tales and reality is purely accidental.)
With the pace of everything picking up here, the election, the roadwork, the restoration, I thought I would just kick back and head out of town for a little R & R. Up that long winding road, Hwy 10 up north of the Twin Cities, to my favorite getaway---- Normal, Mn..
After checking in at the Spruce Goose Motel, where all the comforters are down, and all the walls have stuffed game, I headed over to the local diner for my usual coffee, lots of sugar and whipped cream, to chat with my old friend Herman, the country boy lawyer, and member of the Normal School Board.I reflected to Herman that I just could not understand how he and the whole town of Normal seemed to be so calm and all, whereas, I seemed to be caught in a flurry of change. And to be more specific, I mentioned that whereas we seemed to be in a flurry of change in schools in Wisconsin, he seemed to be the picture of tranquility up there in Normal.
"How do you achieve such perfect tranquility up here, Herman?, I asked.
"I understand how you feel, Wolfman. Some of my best friends down in the big Cities feel the same way. I used to feel that way until I went through the "big change."
"What BIG CHANGE?" I asked.
"Well," Herman went on, " years ago at the Normal School District, there was lots of stress and all. It was real exhausting. Then, one December, Louise, the administrative secretary for the Normal School system, was in the process of ordering the course catalog. The usual order was 250.""Well, to make a long story short, she made a slight decimal point error, and ordered 25,000 catalogs. Yes, the local printer was her boyfriend, but.....well...it was a real prediciment.""In the end, we all recognized that this was the Lord's will. To waste would be unthinkable. So, for the past 10 years we have made not one change in the course offering.
""What does the School Board talk about then, Herman?"
"We go over all the options, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me) a real democratic process and all, with lots of tolerance to difference in feelings and such, but ......in the end.....nothing changes."Over time we have grown to love the peace. Love the stability. Love the nothing ever changing. It's become the natural law up here in God's country."
I was just speechless. "You mean that everything----all the decisions are driven by the catalog order error?"
"Yup," Herman replied.
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where we have school boards that make decisions on course offerings and where the catalogs are printed after the decisions.... and not before. Where our peace of mind is based on something else....anything else....rather than an ordering error. Alleluia.
(Ed.note. This is one of a long series of fictional tales from the Land of Normal, Mn., just west of the Land of Lake Woebegon and south of Garrison, Mn. They are available for download from the Observer (right click the mp3 icon) and are also available FREE on the Itunes store. Any resemblance between these tales and reality is purely accidental.)
With the pace of everything picking up here, the election, the roadwork, the restoration, I thought I would just kick back and head out of town for a little R & R. Up that long winding road, Hwy 10 up north of the Twin Cities, to my favorite getaway---- Normal, Mn..
After checking in at the Spruce Goose Motel, where all the comforters are down, and all the walls have stuffed game, I headed over to the local diner for my usual coffee, lots of sugar and whipped cream, to chat with my old friend Herman, the country boy lawyer, and member of the Normal School Board.I reflected to Herman that I just could not understand how he and the whole town of Normal seemed to be so calm and all, whereas, I seemed to be caught in a flurry of change. And to be more specific, I mentioned that whereas we seemed to be in a flurry of change in schools in Wisconsin, he seemed to be the picture of tranquility up there in Normal.
"How do you achieve such perfect tranquility up here, Herman?, I asked.
"I understand how you feel, Wolfman. Some of my best friends down in the big Cities feel the same way. I used to feel that way until I went through the "big change."
"What BIG CHANGE?" I asked.
"Well," Herman went on, " years ago at the Normal School District, there was lots of stress and all. It was real exhausting. Then, one December, Louise, the administrative secretary for the Normal School system, was in the process of ordering the course catalog. The usual order was 250.""Well, to make a long story short, she made a slight decimal point error, and ordered 25,000 catalogs. Yes, the local printer was her boyfriend, but.....well...it was a real prediciment.""In the end, we all recognized that this was the Lord's will. To waste would be unthinkable. So, for the past 10 years we have made not one change in the course offering.
""What does the School Board talk about then, Herman?"
"We go over all the options, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me) a real democratic process and all, with lots of tolerance to difference in feelings and such, but ......in the end.....nothing changes."Over time we have grown to love the peace. Love the stability. Love the nothing ever changing. It's become the natural law up here in God's country."
I was just speechless. "You mean that everything----all the decisions are driven by the catalog order error?"
"Yup," Herman replied.
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where we have school boards that make decisions on course offerings and where the catalogs are printed after the decisions.... and not before. Where our peace of mind is based on something else....anything else....rather than an ordering error. Alleluia.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Dateline Normal: "Shared Governance"
A short tale of shared governance from Normal, Mn. "Can't we all be in charge"
Dateline Normal: "Superbowl Punk"
A classic tale from Normal, Mn., on "Superbowl Punk," the classic 1985 Chicago Bears and the global impact of punk on financial affairs, and even on the Normal School District
Dateline Normal School District: "The Marathon Man"--Fiction
(Ed. Note. This is one of a long series of tales from the land of Normal, Mn., just west of the Land of Lake Woebegon and south of Garrison, Mn. Any resemblence between these tales and reality is purely an accident. These tales are available from ITunes in the comedy section under "Tales from Normal" and also can be downloaded from the Observer site. When shipped in CD format, they are shipped in a brown paper wrapper clearly marked "FICTION." )
It has been quite a hectic week here with the pace of the school board election picking up, so I decided to brave the cold of Northern Minn and head up HWY 10 to my favorite town, Normal, Mn.. The roads were pretty slick, but after I stopped at Osseo at the Norske Nook cafe and had a little of their good home cooking, I was powered up for the long drive.
I got to Normal and quickly checked in at the Spruce Goose Motel, the only motel with all goose down comforters, and a trophy game on every wall, and where you get a little mini-dove bar in the ash tray as a little up-scale treat.
I headed over to the local diner and met up with Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend. I remarked to Herman that the drive had just been very tiring, with the weather and all. I asked him what he had been up to."Well," Herman smiled, " I have been gettin in shape with some marathon training. It is REQUIRED if you are on the school board in NORMAL. It looks like you might benefit from some fitness training, Wolfman (that's what he always called me), cause ya really need it."
" I just don't see what marathon training has to do with serving the public on the school board," I said.
"Just wait and see," Herman replied.
"Up here in God's country, It's just survival of the fittest. Our leaders on the school board schedule marathon meetings that can last as long as 12 hours. Only the very fittest can survive to vote on the finance matters at the very end of the meeting. "
"How could they last 12 hours," I asked.
"Well, it is real tough to cut off the sharing that folks want to enlighten the board with. In fact, it is the real plan to wear down the opposition till only a minimum of board members is still not sleeping in their chairs. Then the approval of bills and the motion to adjourn are lumped in one final motion."
"You mean the meeting is not adjourned till the bills are approved as presented.""Yup," Herman said. "It is sheer moxie.""So, I have been in marathon training so I can say awake longer without takin any of that no doze stuff. "
I was pretty tired just thinking about those long meetings. I headed out early to head back to good Old Wisconsin----where we don't have to be marathon athletes to compete for the school boards. Where the bills are a separate motion from the motion to adjourn....and where meetings are not deliberately lengthened to avoid unpleasant topics at the very end.Alleluia.
posted by Evansville Observer @ 8:57 PM 0 comments
It has been quite a hectic week here with the pace of the school board election picking up, so I decided to brave the cold of Northern Minn and head up HWY 10 to my favorite town, Normal, Mn.. The roads were pretty slick, but after I stopped at Osseo at the Norske Nook cafe and had a little of their good home cooking, I was powered up for the long drive.
I got to Normal and quickly checked in at the Spruce Goose Motel, the only motel with all goose down comforters, and a trophy game on every wall, and where you get a little mini-dove bar in the ash tray as a little up-scale treat.
I headed over to the local diner and met up with Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend. I remarked to Herman that the drive had just been very tiring, with the weather and all. I asked him what he had been up to."Well," Herman smiled, " I have been gettin in shape with some marathon training. It is REQUIRED if you are on the school board in NORMAL. It looks like you might benefit from some fitness training, Wolfman (that's what he always called me), cause ya really need it."
" I just don't see what marathon training has to do with serving the public on the school board," I said.
"Just wait and see," Herman replied.
"Up here in God's country, It's just survival of the fittest. Our leaders on the school board schedule marathon meetings that can last as long as 12 hours. Only the very fittest can survive to vote on the finance matters at the very end of the meeting. "
"How could they last 12 hours," I asked.
"Well, it is real tough to cut off the sharing that folks want to enlighten the board with. In fact, it is the real plan to wear down the opposition till only a minimum of board members is still not sleeping in their chairs. Then the approval of bills and the motion to adjourn are lumped in one final motion."
"You mean the meeting is not adjourned till the bills are approved as presented.""Yup," Herman said. "It is sheer moxie.""So, I have been in marathon training so I can say awake longer without takin any of that no doze stuff. "
I was pretty tired just thinking about those long meetings. I headed out early to head back to good Old Wisconsin----where we don't have to be marathon athletes to compete for the school boards. Where the bills are a separate motion from the motion to adjourn....and where meetings are not deliberately lengthened to avoid unpleasant topics at the very end.Alleluia.
posted by Evansville Observer @ 8:57 PM 0 comments
Dateline Normal: -----"Twisting By the Pool"--Fiction
(Ed.note. This is one of a long series of tales about a town in Northern Minnesota, just south of Garrison and west of the Land of Lake Woebegon. These tales are available for FREE from the Itunes store and can be downloaded for your mp3 player from the Observer (click on the mp3 icon). When they are mailed via cd, they are wrapped in a brown paper wrapper, clearly marked FICTION.)
With all the stress of the school board race building, the coffee and tea parties, the meeting voters and, yes, even kissing babies, that make up the very essence of every political campaign, I felt it necessary to head on out of town for the weekend.
There was a slight problem with a car however. My wife needed ours, so I made a very rare move---I rented a car. After all, one of our family friends worked at a Nissan dealership, so I asked for a rental----- loaded with all the extras.I downloaded from The Observer web site the Plunkett Raysich audio, as well as some of the other audio minutes of school board meetings. It would be a long drive...but then it would be kinda doing my homework in preparation for the big SCHOOL BOARD CANDIDATE FORUM------- happening on February 3rd, at 10:00 AM sharp at the EHS media room, where all the school board candidates would square off to answer questions. Just the chance to appear in the same room with the legendary "Grumps", the famous politico blogger, was a real thrill.
I was cruising along just this side of Osseo, when the soft voice from the navigation system said, " Warm blueberry muffins are now on special at the "Norske Nook" just a mile off the interstate at the next exit. The muffins will be out of the oven in 4 minutes just in time for your eating pleasure."
I immediately turned on my blinker. Boy. That was pretty impressive. I am just helpless when it comes to blueberry muffins. And the timing was just perfect. I had not bargained for this navigation feature when I asked for a Nissan "loaded." I did like it though. After I had a great breakfast at the Norske Nook, the rest of the trip was pretty routine.
Yes, the colder weather met me at the border, but I adjusted nicely. As I cruised into Normal, I headed immediately to the Hideaway Lounge, where Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend was waiting for me. He had called me on the cell phone and said that a special rock and roll band was playing, and even though there was a cover charge, they were well worth it.
As I entered the lounge, I heard one of my favorite songs, "Twisting by the Pool." It was one of the "Traveling Wilburies" tracks and I especially liked it cause Roy Orbison sang with the group. I mentioned to Herman that "Twisting by the Pool" was one of my favorite songs. Over the loud music he agreed. "Shucks, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me), this town has never been the same since the Traveling Wilburies came here in person a decade ago."
"Whatever do you mean, Herman?," I asked.
"Well," he went on, "It was one of the coldest winters in memory up here, and everyone in town was here at the lounge that night. After hearing the song "Twisting by the Pool," everyone was just TOTALLY sold. We just HAD to have a pool------ right NOW.
The rest is just history."
"What happened next?," I asked.
"Well, the seniors had been saving for 20 years for a senior center, but when they heard that song.....that was a REAL deal breaker. They made the decision in "closed executive session"---after all, it was concerning acquisition of property etc......." and after all, they were all here at the lounge....they had a quorum....even though most had been drinking most of the night....---they made the decision to build a pool, and leave the senior center to be built right next door ---LATER."
I just do not get it, Herman." What could be the problem. It sounds pretty good to me., I said. After all, I was on my second round, and after a couple of drinks, a little pooling sounded pretty great to me.
"The seniors built their pool. And the city got so excited that they built one too. In fact, EVERYONE was so excited---even the BOY SCOUTS built a pool! The excitement was real catchy."
"What's the problem?" I asked. It seems you were" building it so that they could come."
Then Herman went on. "Well, Wolfman. Here is the problem.
In the summer, with all the fishing and all, the population surges to 2000 folks or so. But in the winter......it dwindles to .......42. Needless to say, we have plenty of space for everyone.
"Whatever happened to the Senior Center?" I asked.
"It was never built," Herman replied. In fact, that is one subject that is never mentioned up here. Not even with a whisper. In fact the city fathers have outlawed talking about it."Now we have all our meetings at the pool.
It is very nice. Very warm. Real downhome. And there is nothing like talking about finances right in the middle of water aerobics. There is a starbucks poolside so it is real upscale and all."
You mean you have all civic meetings IN the pool?"
"Yes," Herman replied.
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where we discuss finances in regular meetings and not during water aerobics. Where everyone can share our large civic venues and not each civic entity have a separate pool of its own. And where our seniors build a senior center they can afford and not a pool and nothing else.I do have to admit it has been an adjustment though. Each time I attend a finance committee meeting, I just wonder how it might all look if the meeting was in a pool.
A serious examination of the civic process in Normal, Mn. , where all business is conducted in the local pool.MP3 File
posted by Evansville Observer @ 9:28 AM 0 comments
With all the stress of the school board race building, the coffee and tea parties, the meeting voters and, yes, even kissing babies, that make up the very essence of every political campaign, I felt it necessary to head on out of town for the weekend.
There was a slight problem with a car however. My wife needed ours, so I made a very rare move---I rented a car. After all, one of our family friends worked at a Nissan dealership, so I asked for a rental----- loaded with all the extras.I downloaded from The Observer web site the Plunkett Raysich audio, as well as some of the other audio minutes of school board meetings. It would be a long drive...but then it would be kinda doing my homework in preparation for the big SCHOOL BOARD CANDIDATE FORUM------- happening on February 3rd, at 10:00 AM sharp at the EHS media room, where all the school board candidates would square off to answer questions. Just the chance to appear in the same room with the legendary "Grumps", the famous politico blogger, was a real thrill.
I was cruising along just this side of Osseo, when the soft voice from the navigation system said, " Warm blueberry muffins are now on special at the "Norske Nook" just a mile off the interstate at the next exit. The muffins will be out of the oven in 4 minutes just in time for your eating pleasure."
I immediately turned on my blinker. Boy. That was pretty impressive. I am just helpless when it comes to blueberry muffins. And the timing was just perfect. I had not bargained for this navigation feature when I asked for a Nissan "loaded." I did like it though. After I had a great breakfast at the Norske Nook, the rest of the trip was pretty routine.
Yes, the colder weather met me at the border, but I adjusted nicely. As I cruised into Normal, I headed immediately to the Hideaway Lounge, where Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend was waiting for me. He had called me on the cell phone and said that a special rock and roll band was playing, and even though there was a cover charge, they were well worth it.
As I entered the lounge, I heard one of my favorite songs, "Twisting by the Pool." It was one of the "Traveling Wilburies" tracks and I especially liked it cause Roy Orbison sang with the group. I mentioned to Herman that "Twisting by the Pool" was one of my favorite songs. Over the loud music he agreed. "Shucks, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me), this town has never been the same since the Traveling Wilburies came here in person a decade ago."
"Whatever do you mean, Herman?," I asked.
"Well," he went on, "It was one of the coldest winters in memory up here, and everyone in town was here at the lounge that night. After hearing the song "Twisting by the Pool," everyone was just TOTALLY sold. We just HAD to have a pool------ right NOW.
The rest is just history."
"What happened next?," I asked.
"Well, the seniors had been saving for 20 years for a senior center, but when they heard that song.....that was a REAL deal breaker. They made the decision in "closed executive session"---after all, it was concerning acquisition of property etc......." and after all, they were all here at the lounge....they had a quorum....even though most had been drinking most of the night....---they made the decision to build a pool, and leave the senior center to be built right next door ---LATER."
I just do not get it, Herman." What could be the problem. It sounds pretty good to me., I said. After all, I was on my second round, and after a couple of drinks, a little pooling sounded pretty great to me.
"The seniors built their pool. And the city got so excited that they built one too. In fact, EVERYONE was so excited---even the BOY SCOUTS built a pool! The excitement was real catchy."
"What's the problem?" I asked. It seems you were" building it so that they could come."
Then Herman went on. "Well, Wolfman. Here is the problem.
In the summer, with all the fishing and all, the population surges to 2000 folks or so. But in the winter......it dwindles to .......42. Needless to say, we have plenty of space for everyone.
"Whatever happened to the Senior Center?" I asked.
"It was never built," Herman replied. In fact, that is one subject that is never mentioned up here. Not even with a whisper. In fact the city fathers have outlawed talking about it."Now we have all our meetings at the pool.
It is very nice. Very warm. Real downhome. And there is nothing like talking about finances right in the middle of water aerobics. There is a starbucks poolside so it is real upscale and all."
You mean you have all civic meetings IN the pool?"
"Yes," Herman replied.
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where we discuss finances in regular meetings and not during water aerobics. Where everyone can share our large civic venues and not each civic entity have a separate pool of its own. And where our seniors build a senior center they can afford and not a pool and nothing else.I do have to admit it has been an adjustment though. Each time I attend a finance committee meeting, I just wonder how it might all look if the meeting was in a pool.
A serious examination of the civic process in Normal, Mn. , where all business is conducted in the local pool.MP3 File
posted by Evansville Observer @ 9:28 AM 0 comments
Dateline Normal: The Candidate Forum---Fiction
(Ed. note: This is one of a long series of tales from the land of Normal, Mn., up just south of Garrison, Mn., and west of the Land of Lake Woebegon. It is not on the Google Earth map, but then neither is Evansville. These tales are on ITunes for FREE and can also be downloaded from this site onto your Ipod. When shipped on cd, they are shipped in a brown paper wrapper clearly marked FICTION.)
This week, with the cold weather alert and all, I thought I would just call Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend in Normal, Mn., rather than making the long trip. It would save lots of time, and besides, I had called for reservations at the Spruce Goose Motel, the only motel in Normal where the premium down comforters were standard. All the rooms were taken. They were fully rented all weekend. In the midgst of the cold spell.
"What's goin on up there, Herman? I asked."It's real simple, Wolfman, Herman replied. "It is Candidate Forum Weekend up here in Normal."
"Tell me more. I still do not understand, " I replied.
"Well---we are deeply committed to democracy up here. Our community has over 20 school board candidates. In fact,....we recruit candidates.
We have a pre-function at the Hideaway Lounge on Friday night, the Forum on Saturday morn, along with the bake sale, and then the ice fishing contest all day Sunday.
"Why would you recruit candidates?, I asked.
"It's real simple, Herman replied. Each year we have a candidate forum bake sale on Saturday morn. The proceeds from this event are the main source of revenue for the Daughters of the American Constitituion, the big political social group up here. All the ladies belong. In order to ensure that we have enough attendance at the bake sale, folks are actually recruited to run for office so that their relatives will all come to the candidate forum---which is held on Saturday morning DURING the bake sale."
"During the bake sale?", I asked."Yes," Herman went on."We begin the candidate forum and break for intermission. Then when ALL the baked goods are sold we resume the rest of the program. Sometimes it takes ALL DAY till all the baked goods are sold. "
"Do you mean that the candidates are held hostage to the baked goods?""I never thought of it that way, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me.) In the format of the forum, each candidate is asked why he/she is running for school board. Most say in a loud confident voice that they are running to ensure the success of the bake sale. The crowd goes wild. They just love the loyalty of them folks." "Then, right after all the baked goods are sold, the candidates that are just running for the bake sale success can withdraw--but not before. It's a real firm rule."
I was just stunned. You mean that candidates just run to raise the attendance at the forum in Normal. And some withdraw after the baked goods are sold?"
"Exactly" Herman replied. "In fact, Wolfman, you might consider trying that format in your town."The battery on my cell phone was starting to run low, so I had to get off the line.
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin.
Where we don't just hold candiate forums for baked goods revenue.
Where candidates are serious and do not just withdraw after the baked goods are sold.
Still. I could understand why someone that was just running for the baked goods might want to withdraw. In fact. I had to agree with Herman. It might be best.
posted by Evansville Observer @ 6:52 AM
This week, with the cold weather alert and all, I thought I would just call Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend in Normal, Mn., rather than making the long trip. It would save lots of time, and besides, I had called for reservations at the Spruce Goose Motel, the only motel in Normal where the premium down comforters were standard. All the rooms were taken. They were fully rented all weekend. In the midgst of the cold spell.
"What's goin on up there, Herman? I asked."It's real simple, Wolfman, Herman replied. "It is Candidate Forum Weekend up here in Normal."
"Tell me more. I still do not understand, " I replied.
"Well---we are deeply committed to democracy up here. Our community has over 20 school board candidates. In fact,....we recruit candidates.
We have a pre-function at the Hideaway Lounge on Friday night, the Forum on Saturday morn, along with the bake sale, and then the ice fishing contest all day Sunday.
"Why would you recruit candidates?, I asked.
"It's real simple, Herman replied. Each year we have a candidate forum bake sale on Saturday morn. The proceeds from this event are the main source of revenue for the Daughters of the American Constitituion, the big political social group up here. All the ladies belong. In order to ensure that we have enough attendance at the bake sale, folks are actually recruited to run for office so that their relatives will all come to the candidate forum---which is held on Saturday morning DURING the bake sale."
"During the bake sale?", I asked."Yes," Herman went on."We begin the candidate forum and break for intermission. Then when ALL the baked goods are sold we resume the rest of the program. Sometimes it takes ALL DAY till all the baked goods are sold. "
"Do you mean that the candidates are held hostage to the baked goods?""I never thought of it that way, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me.) In the format of the forum, each candidate is asked why he/she is running for school board. Most say in a loud confident voice that they are running to ensure the success of the bake sale. The crowd goes wild. They just love the loyalty of them folks." "Then, right after all the baked goods are sold, the candidates that are just running for the bake sale success can withdraw--but not before. It's a real firm rule."
I was just stunned. You mean that candidates just run to raise the attendance at the forum in Normal. And some withdraw after the baked goods are sold?"
"Exactly" Herman replied. "In fact, Wolfman, you might consider trying that format in your town."The battery on my cell phone was starting to run low, so I had to get off the line.
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin.
Where we don't just hold candiate forums for baked goods revenue.
Where candidates are serious and do not just withdraw after the baked goods are sold.
Still. I could understand why someone that was just running for the baked goods might want to withdraw. In fact. I had to agree with Herman. It might be best.
posted by Evansville Observer @ 6:52 AM
Dateline Normal: WWW Wrestling comes to Normal
(Ed. note. This is one of a long series of fiction.)
As I slowed down at the city limits of Normal, Mn., a small fishing village just south of Garrison, and west of Lake Woebegon, I just looked up and sure enough---across the street---Main Street---was the banner in large red letters on white background that proclaimed----"Welcome WWW----World Wrestling Federation. "
I thought I knew wrestling. After all, the Blue Devils had some great wrestling teams. How could these dudes in the northern tundra teach me anything once I had seen Big Blue in action.
After a quick cocktail at the Hideway Lounge where I met Herman, we headed over to the gym where the big doins were bein held. I could hear the loud music a block away. As I entered the dimly lit auditorium, filled with a haze of smoke, I noticed the spotlights and the sound of the announcer heralding the entrance of "Gentleman Jim." "WOW", I exclaimed to Herman. " This sure is different from high school wrestling. "
"This is the BIG TIME," Herman exclaimed. "These are PROS."Just then a guy with a feather boa came down the entrance ramp. It was none other than 'Jesse "the body" Ventura, the former governor of Minnesota, and a still active wrestler on the pro circuit. He and "Gentleman Jim" were taking on "The Crusher" and the "Deadly Dude"----a real dark haired tall dude.
"Pro Wrestling is a combination of Theatre, Violence and Psychodrama" Herman explained to me. It is all about good and evil. In fact, it is all about following ones lines. The guy that does not follow the script can get hurt.""I do not understand, Herman. I just cannot imagine the combination of violence and psychodrama. How can this be?, I asked.
"It is real simple Wolfman. Out of the frustrations of real life, folks just assume another identity for wrestling purposes. It is REAL drama. Now take that "Gentleman Jim" dude. He is a lawyer from Bemidji. Not too good on his feet though. Got a C in Civil Procedure back in Law School. Lost it in the "Thrust and Parries.""Whatever are you talking about?", I asked.
"Well," It's real simple. The thrusts and parries are part of Civil Procedure and Statuetory Construction. "Gentleman Jim" never was too fast with the counter, and....well....he just turned to wrestling.....out of frustration. Still....as you can see....he is still slow on his feet. This should be no contest."
"The real talent is "Jesse Ventura"----he has real acting ability. Just when you think he is about to make a point,,....he distracts you with the feather boa. That is real acting skill."
Then there were all the nice little old ladies at the edge of the ring. They were pretty quiet till the match began. Then as things heated up, and there was a violent tag team switch, the little ladies just rose and started screaming all at once, " KILL em Gentleman Jim," .....xxxxxxxx"
What a shock. Such violent emotion from the supportive crowd in the front seats. It was just like politics, I thought.
Wow. After a night of all that screaming and such, I had a fitfull sleep. I kept hearing the ladies in the upper seats screaming for blood. So. I just checked out early from the Spruce Goose Motel and headed back to good old Wisconsin. Where we don't have any contests with the screaming ladies in the upper bleachers yelling for blood. Where we never combine psychology and drama. And where most of the violence is in the dart games in bars and such.Sure is good to be back home.
posted by Evansville Observer @ 7:29 PM 0 comments
As I slowed down at the city limits of Normal, Mn., a small fishing village just south of Garrison, and west of Lake Woebegon, I just looked up and sure enough---across the street---Main Street---was the banner in large red letters on white background that proclaimed----"Welcome WWW----World Wrestling Federation. "
I thought I knew wrestling. After all, the Blue Devils had some great wrestling teams. How could these dudes in the northern tundra teach me anything once I had seen Big Blue in action.
After a quick cocktail at the Hideway Lounge where I met Herman, we headed over to the gym where the big doins were bein held. I could hear the loud music a block away. As I entered the dimly lit auditorium, filled with a haze of smoke, I noticed the spotlights and the sound of the announcer heralding the entrance of "Gentleman Jim." "WOW", I exclaimed to Herman. " This sure is different from high school wrestling. "
"This is the BIG TIME," Herman exclaimed. "These are PROS."Just then a guy with a feather boa came down the entrance ramp. It was none other than 'Jesse "the body" Ventura, the former governor of Minnesota, and a still active wrestler on the pro circuit. He and "Gentleman Jim" were taking on "The Crusher" and the "Deadly Dude"----a real dark haired tall dude.
"Pro Wrestling is a combination of Theatre, Violence and Psychodrama" Herman explained to me. It is all about good and evil. In fact, it is all about following ones lines. The guy that does not follow the script can get hurt.""I do not understand, Herman. I just cannot imagine the combination of violence and psychodrama. How can this be?, I asked.
"It is real simple Wolfman. Out of the frustrations of real life, folks just assume another identity for wrestling purposes. It is REAL drama. Now take that "Gentleman Jim" dude. He is a lawyer from Bemidji. Not too good on his feet though. Got a C in Civil Procedure back in Law School. Lost it in the "Thrust and Parries.""Whatever are you talking about?", I asked.
"Well," It's real simple. The thrusts and parries are part of Civil Procedure and Statuetory Construction. "Gentleman Jim" never was too fast with the counter, and....well....he just turned to wrestling.....out of frustration. Still....as you can see....he is still slow on his feet. This should be no contest."
"The real talent is "Jesse Ventura"----he has real acting ability. Just when you think he is about to make a point,,....he distracts you with the feather boa. That is real acting skill."
Then there were all the nice little old ladies at the edge of the ring. They were pretty quiet till the match began. Then as things heated up, and there was a violent tag team switch, the little ladies just rose and started screaming all at once, " KILL em Gentleman Jim," .....xxxxxxxx"
What a shock. Such violent emotion from the supportive crowd in the front seats. It was just like politics, I thought.
Wow. After a night of all that screaming and such, I had a fitfull sleep. I kept hearing the ladies in the upper seats screaming for blood. So. I just checked out early from the Spruce Goose Motel and headed back to good old Wisconsin. Where we don't have any contests with the screaming ladies in the upper bleachers yelling for blood. Where we never combine psychology and drama. And where most of the violence is in the dart games in bars and such.Sure is good to be back home.
posted by Evansville Observer @ 7:29 PM 0 comments
Monday, December 18, 2006
Dateline Normal: Police Squads with Kiddie Car Seats--Fiction
Dateline Normal: " Police Squads with Kiddie Car Seats"-----Fiction
(Ed. note. This is one of a series of FICTIONAL sketches from Normal, Mn., a town near the famous Lake Woebegon up near Garrison, Mn.. These sketches are available on CD and are mailed to purchasers wrapped in a brown paper wrapper, clearly marked FICTION. Enjoy.)
Last week I turned the heavy Lincoln up north on Hwy 10 for a little getaway from the hussle and bussle of breaking news here in Evansville. I needed to get the little cabin in the woods ready for the winter months of the frozen tundra.Just before I entered the city limits of Normal, something unusual happened. An older black Chevy Caprice roared by me in the passing lane, and then sped on. As I slowed down to enter the city limits, I noticed the police cruiser with the flashing lights and the black Chevy with the driver spread eagle over the trunk. I did not think there was much law up there in the north country, so I was very shocked.I was also shocked at what I saw in that police cruiser.
The police officer was a real large bruiser type, which was normal for Normal, but----- in the back seat of the police cruiser was a CHILD SEAT. That totally took me by surprise.
When I slipped into my usual seat in the coffee shop, just kiddie corner from the bait shop, I asked Herman:"What's with the baby seat in the squad cars?"
"That's just Normal," he replied. Up here several years ago they intalled a full day 5k kindergarten program, and eliminated the half day option. They also of course have 4k, 3k and are considering implementing a 2K program. Up here, it's all full day. If a parent pulls the kid from school, the kid is considered "truant."
"TRUANT?" I asked in disbelief."Yup," Herman replied, "TRUANT.""Up here we take education REAL SERIOUS LIKE. We have a real strong TRUANT policy in our schools, and folks are fired if they exceed the standard truancy rate. The police are real vigalent to enforce full attendance. So---if a kid goes astray, the squads need to have the child seat.
Thanks goodness I am back in good old Wisconisn. Where we don't have baby seats in squad cars. Where we know the difference between truancy and normal livin. Alleluia.
(Ed. note. This is one of a series of FICTIONAL sketches from Normal, Mn., a town near the famous Lake Woebegon up near Garrison, Mn.. These sketches are available on CD and are mailed to purchasers wrapped in a brown paper wrapper, clearly marked FICTION. Enjoy.)
Last week I turned the heavy Lincoln up north on Hwy 10 for a little getaway from the hussle and bussle of breaking news here in Evansville. I needed to get the little cabin in the woods ready for the winter months of the frozen tundra.Just before I entered the city limits of Normal, something unusual happened. An older black Chevy Caprice roared by me in the passing lane, and then sped on. As I slowed down to enter the city limits, I noticed the police cruiser with the flashing lights and the black Chevy with the driver spread eagle over the trunk. I did not think there was much law up there in the north country, so I was very shocked.I was also shocked at what I saw in that police cruiser.
The police officer was a real large bruiser type, which was normal for Normal, but----- in the back seat of the police cruiser was a CHILD SEAT. That totally took me by surprise.
When I slipped into my usual seat in the coffee shop, just kiddie corner from the bait shop, I asked Herman:"What's with the baby seat in the squad cars?"
"That's just Normal," he replied. Up here several years ago they intalled a full day 5k kindergarten program, and eliminated the half day option. They also of course have 4k, 3k and are considering implementing a 2K program. Up here, it's all full day. If a parent pulls the kid from school, the kid is considered "truant."
"TRUANT?" I asked in disbelief."Yup," Herman replied, "TRUANT.""Up here we take education REAL SERIOUS LIKE. We have a real strong TRUANT policy in our schools, and folks are fired if they exceed the standard truancy rate. The police are real vigalent to enforce full attendance. So---if a kid goes astray, the squads need to have the child seat.
Thanks goodness I am back in good old Wisconisn. Where we don't have baby seats in squad cars. Where we know the difference between truancy and normal livin. Alleluia.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Dateline Normal School District: "Reduced Lunch--the tale"--FICTION
Dateline Normal: Reduced Lunch---the tale--fiction
(Ed. note. The following is one of a long series of fictional sketches from a city up in northern Minnesota, called Normal. It is just south of Garrison. These stories are available on cd. They come in a brown paper wrapper and are clearly marked--FICTION)
It has been a real hectic week. I just felt it necessary to head on up Hwy 10 north of the Twin Cities, and try out the new car. It just was not that old Lincoln ride. But is was a whole lot more relaxin. I just didn't have to worry all the time about breakdowns. Maybe this year I could stay within my three AAA calls. Alleluia.
Anyway, I arrived ahead of schedule, and met Herman at the little diner. Yes, it did look a lot like the Mickey's diner in the movie, "The Prairie Home Companion." It was an old railroad car conversion thing. Right across from the Spruce Good Motel. And the coffee was so dependably good. Very rare in northern parts.
I mentioned to Herman cause he was on the Normal School Board, that I just did not understand how Normal could get the full measure of educational benefit of diversity as we know it in the larger cities of America.
"Shucks--that is real simple. Up here in God's country, we are totally diverse. It just comes with the territory."
"How could that be? I asked.
"It's real simple. Up here, we just have EVERYBODY sign up for reduced lunches. If they need some help, we just help em with the numbers."
"Even the kids that go home at 11:30AM?" I asked."Even the kids who do not eat lunch at school?"
"Yep----EVERYBODY," Herman laughed.
"It's all a matter of gettin your data sets in order. This ain't no sliderule stuff up here, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me). We just keep it real simple.
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where AAA has fast response times. And where data sets are real and not just played with.
Alleluia.
(Ed. note. The following is one of a long series of fictional sketches from a city up in northern Minnesota, called Normal. It is just south of Garrison. These stories are available on cd. They come in a brown paper wrapper and are clearly marked--FICTION)
It has been a real hectic week. I just felt it necessary to head on up Hwy 10 north of the Twin Cities, and try out the new car. It just was not that old Lincoln ride. But is was a whole lot more relaxin. I just didn't have to worry all the time about breakdowns. Maybe this year I could stay within my three AAA calls. Alleluia.
Anyway, I arrived ahead of schedule, and met Herman at the little diner. Yes, it did look a lot like the Mickey's diner in the movie, "The Prairie Home Companion." It was an old railroad car conversion thing. Right across from the Spruce Good Motel. And the coffee was so dependably good. Very rare in northern parts.
I mentioned to Herman cause he was on the Normal School Board, that I just did not understand how Normal could get the full measure of educational benefit of diversity as we know it in the larger cities of America.
"Shucks--that is real simple. Up here in God's country, we are totally diverse. It just comes with the territory."
"How could that be? I asked.
"It's real simple. Up here, we just have EVERYBODY sign up for reduced lunches. If they need some help, we just help em with the numbers."
"Even the kids that go home at 11:30AM?" I asked."Even the kids who do not eat lunch at school?"
"Yep----EVERYBODY," Herman laughed.
"It's all a matter of gettin your data sets in order. This ain't no sliderule stuff up here, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me). We just keep it real simple.
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where AAA has fast response times. And where data sets are real and not just played with.
Alleluia.
Dateline Normal: "The Saga of Control Data II"---FICTION
Dateline Normal: The Saga of Control Data II----Fiction
(Ed. note. Control Data (click on the post for the history) was a historic corporation that grew out of the cryptographers of WWII into the new computers. It had as its first employees, Seymour Cray, inventer of the Cray Computer, as well as the founder, William Norris. As a young gradeschooler, my father invested my piggybank in Control Data stock at $1. per share. Thanks, Dad. My wife also has a history with Control Data, working on the lawsuit that Control Data won against IBM that broke up the monopoly. I dedicate this story to this strong family tradition---controlling the data.)
I had been listening to all the speeches, reading all the graphs, and doing all the research surrounding the budget stuff of our locale, and got data overload----so I headed up to the Northern tundra, up Hwy 10 to my favorite town, Normal, Mn.
I met Herman, as usual, at the little railroad car diner, kiddy corner from the bait shop, the one with the colored stones on it, and settled into the leather booth seating and launched right into a very strong coffee, lots of sugar and whipped cream.
I told Herman that I had been thinking about all the good times and the days of Control Data and how it had changed Minnesota.
"Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me,) I know you get sentimental about controlling the data, but up here in God's country we have a little bit of Control Data II----It's quite the scandal.
"Whatever are you talking about, Herman, I asked?
"Well, it seems that the local prison warden, Willie Schwartz, was pacing in the local prison cafeteria a few months ago. He was deeply dissatisfied with the size of his office and the general sad state of funding for projects that he loved. Most folks would have given up. Not Willie. He had the tenacity of the American Way. He had creativity. He had determination. And he loved numbers and -----yes--- controlling data.
It seems that the major problem was the data. The prison population had been very static up here in Normal County for at least a decade. That did not stop Willie. He knew all about data and how to use it. He talked to the local Normal sheriff's association, and the guys all agreed. If it was data that Willie needed----that is what they would provide."
"What possibly could they do," I asked.
"It's just real simple, Wolfman. You are just so naive an all---they had a little roundup----a real no holds barred clean up in all of the local counties. The arrest citations just soared. Everone was shocked that it could have happened up here in God's country. All those arrested folks were given some generous time for court appearances. A little compassion------- as Willie described it. The statistics on arrest were noted. They were soaring.
Then Willie got out his Applied Population Model and prepared the Willie Planning Model which showed that at the current rate of arrest, all of Normal was headed for a catastrophe in corrections. It was clear that they needed a new, large correctional facility---he wanted to call it "The Rock". The stunned voters----- deep in fear mode----- approved the referendum that was rushed through.
Then, months after the referendum, those arrested folk with the delayed appearances were seen in court. And their cases dismissed.
Willie just smiled.
"It's all about the numbers," he said. "I'm just a numbers guy."
Well. Thank goodness I'm back in good old Wisconsin. Where we don't just gather the data and make the numbers work out for our grandiose plans. Where we serve the community interest and even listen occasionally. And where we work on the freedom model and not the prison model.
(Ed. note. Control Data (click on the post for the history) was a historic corporation that grew out of the cryptographers of WWII into the new computers. It had as its first employees, Seymour Cray, inventer of the Cray Computer, as well as the founder, William Norris. As a young gradeschooler, my father invested my piggybank in Control Data stock at $1. per share. Thanks, Dad. My wife also has a history with Control Data, working on the lawsuit that Control Data won against IBM that broke up the monopoly. I dedicate this story to this strong family tradition---controlling the data.)
I had been listening to all the speeches, reading all the graphs, and doing all the research surrounding the budget stuff of our locale, and got data overload----so I headed up to the Northern tundra, up Hwy 10 to my favorite town, Normal, Mn.
I met Herman, as usual, at the little railroad car diner, kiddy corner from the bait shop, the one with the colored stones on it, and settled into the leather booth seating and launched right into a very strong coffee, lots of sugar and whipped cream.
I told Herman that I had been thinking about all the good times and the days of Control Data and how it had changed Minnesota.
"Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me,) I know you get sentimental about controlling the data, but up here in God's country we have a little bit of Control Data II----It's quite the scandal.
"Whatever are you talking about, Herman, I asked?
"Well, it seems that the local prison warden, Willie Schwartz, was pacing in the local prison cafeteria a few months ago. He was deeply dissatisfied with the size of his office and the general sad state of funding for projects that he loved. Most folks would have given up. Not Willie. He had the tenacity of the American Way. He had creativity. He had determination. And he loved numbers and -----yes--- controlling data.
It seems that the major problem was the data. The prison population had been very static up here in Normal County for at least a decade. That did not stop Willie. He knew all about data and how to use it. He talked to the local Normal sheriff's association, and the guys all agreed. If it was data that Willie needed----that is what they would provide."
"What possibly could they do," I asked.
"It's just real simple, Wolfman. You are just so naive an all---they had a little roundup----a real no holds barred clean up in all of the local counties. The arrest citations just soared. Everone was shocked that it could have happened up here in God's country. All those arrested folks were given some generous time for court appearances. A little compassion------- as Willie described it. The statistics on arrest were noted. They were soaring.
Then Willie got out his Applied Population Model and prepared the Willie Planning Model which showed that at the current rate of arrest, all of Normal was headed for a catastrophe in corrections. It was clear that they needed a new, large correctional facility---he wanted to call it "The Rock". The stunned voters----- deep in fear mode----- approved the referendum that was rushed through.
Then, months after the referendum, those arrested folk with the delayed appearances were seen in court. And their cases dismissed.
Willie just smiled.
"It's all about the numbers," he said. "I'm just a numbers guy."
Well. Thank goodness I'm back in good old Wisconsin. Where we don't just gather the data and make the numbers work out for our grandiose plans. Where we serve the community interest and even listen occasionally. And where we work on the freedom model and not the prison model.
Dateline Normal School District: "Option #3---The Leaseback School"
(Ed. note. This fictional tale is one of a series about Normal, Mn., a fictional town in northern Minnesota. Any resemblance to reality is pure accident. These tales are available on cd and are clearly marked FICTION so as not to be confused with reality.)
With all the hubub of street reconstruction and ruminations of politics in Evansville recently, I felt it necessary to head the old Lincoln up Hwy 10 north of the Twin Cities for a little breakaway. My brother in law, Mark, had agreed to go ahead of me in his brand new Lexis, in case the tranny failed on the old Lincoln. The Lincoln seemed to love the clean air up north and performed well. What a relief.
We stopped for coffee, straight, lots of sugar and whipped cream, in the Minnesota Viking mugs at the coffee shop as we arrived in Normal, just short of Garrison. Mark was the CEO of a prominent Twin City company---he had gone to see Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate some years back, and had got the message. Plastics. Yes-- he started his own plastics business. He had done well.
I always asked Mark those intricate questions about accounting that were mysteries to me. Up here in Normal, Mn., they had gone to an innovative "leaseback school system" that provided unique taxpayer benefits and was considered a role model for America. I frankly was mystified as to how they did it.
I simply asked him, "Mark, how do these guys deliver such low cost education up here? I just do not understand!"
"Well, Wolfman (that's what he always called me). It is REAL simple. The school district builds the buildings to their specifications. Then they sell the buildings to Wal Mart, who leases them back to the district on a "full list" basis. The lease amount includes everything, staff, heat, light, transportation. ...all benefits etc. There is a "shared arrangement" of employee selection, but the bottom line is that all the employees are employees of WalMart. The State of Minnesota then allows the costs of the full lease amount as reimbursable. It is real magic.
He then went on, "The real magic is with medical benefits. There are no post employment medical benefits or anything like that. WalMart just uses Medicaid up here in God's Country. It is real simple. Anyway, it saves a cool half million dollars in post retirement benefits on an annual accrual basis."
I glanced down at Mark's coffee napkin which was spread out on the table with a diagram of how the leaseback worked.
"Shucks," I said, "how in the world can anyone understand how this works?"
"That is the whole point," Mark said. If they do catch on, we make it more complicated by making something called a "Blended leaseback," which is even worse. That really baffels them!
Then he let out a loud bellylaugh.
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin, where things are straightforward, and where I can go buy some things at WalMart and not go to school there.
With all the hubub of street reconstruction and ruminations of politics in Evansville recently, I felt it necessary to head the old Lincoln up Hwy 10 north of the Twin Cities for a little breakaway. My brother in law, Mark, had agreed to go ahead of me in his brand new Lexis, in case the tranny failed on the old Lincoln. The Lincoln seemed to love the clean air up north and performed well. What a relief.
We stopped for coffee, straight, lots of sugar and whipped cream, in the Minnesota Viking mugs at the coffee shop as we arrived in Normal, just short of Garrison. Mark was the CEO of a prominent Twin City company---he had gone to see Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate some years back, and had got the message. Plastics. Yes-- he started his own plastics business. He had done well.
I always asked Mark those intricate questions about accounting that were mysteries to me. Up here in Normal, Mn., they had gone to an innovative "leaseback school system" that provided unique taxpayer benefits and was considered a role model for America. I frankly was mystified as to how they did it.
I simply asked him, "Mark, how do these guys deliver such low cost education up here? I just do not understand!"
"Well, Wolfman (that's what he always called me). It is REAL simple. The school district builds the buildings to their specifications. Then they sell the buildings to Wal Mart, who leases them back to the district on a "full list" basis. The lease amount includes everything, staff, heat, light, transportation. ...all benefits etc. There is a "shared arrangement" of employee selection, but the bottom line is that all the employees are employees of WalMart. The State of Minnesota then allows the costs of the full lease amount as reimbursable. It is real magic.
He then went on, "The real magic is with medical benefits. There are no post employment medical benefits or anything like that. WalMart just uses Medicaid up here in God's Country. It is real simple. Anyway, it saves a cool half million dollars in post retirement benefits on an annual accrual basis."
I glanced down at Mark's coffee napkin which was spread out on the table with a diagram of how the leaseback worked.
"Shucks," I said, "how in the world can anyone understand how this works?"
"That is the whole point," Mark said. If they do catch on, we make it more complicated by making something called a "Blended leaseback," which is even worse. That really baffels them!
Then he let out a loud bellylaugh.
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin, where things are straightforward, and where I can go buy some things at WalMart and not go to school there.
