Recently in reading a local tabloid, I was stunned to see that there was a naming of a "SIT PIPE" as a historical landmark in our fair city. I just was totally ignorant of any mention of these in American History, even though I had majored in History in college. So, being dumbfounded, I decided to simply pick up the phone and call my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer from Normal, Mn. and get some info.
"Herman, have you ever heard of anything called a "SIT pipe?"
Herman let out a loud bellylaugh. "Shucks Wolfman,(that's what he always called me) a "SIT pipe" is similar to a "STAND pipe" and there are usually a couple of them surrounding it. Really, it used to be called a "BENCH", but the term "SIT pipe" makes it sound so much more historical. Ain't that something. Anyway, once it gets the larger name officially, it can be listed on the National Historic Register and be treasured forever."
Wow what a surprise. It never ceases to surprise me what there is to learn from history.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Dateline Normal: LifeSkills Curriculum Success; Regular Curriculum Scrapped"---FICTION
Well. With the new daylight saving time beginning, I suddenly got all sorts of energy and just could not resist the urge to head out of town, and yes you guessed it, up that long road-HWY94-to Normal, Mn., the classic fishing village, just south of Garrison, and west of the land of Lake Woebegone.
I just could not wait to chat with my old friend, Herman, the countryboylawyer, who in addition to being on the Normal School Board, was the biggest resident author in town, having ghost written the famous legal text, "Billy Bob on Civil Procedure." As more and more towns became familiar with this down home text, the demand overtook supply, and ....well...the book was in its 3rd reprinting in just two years.
After I sat down in the booth at "Betty Lou's", the famous coffee shop in town, I wasted no time in asking what was on my mind:
"Herman, back in my fair city, we have had a real emphasis on "Life Skills Curriculum" as the method of preparing students for the day of reckoning---graduation. "
Herman let out a huge bellylaugh. "Shucks, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me), it just gets down to real common sense. If a student cannot say "yes sir" when told to do something, who cares whether he/she can add or subtract. Who cares furthermore whether they can read or write. Without the proper attitude, one of total submission, academic subjects are pure bunk. Up here in Normal, Mn., we have simply junked the regular subjects and now just concentrate on the "Yes Sir Curriculum. It has worked wonders. "
I was just totally shocked.
"Do you mean to say that you have simply given up on the regular curriculum?"
"YUP", Herman replied. "Truthfully, we were doing so poorly with the test scores and all, that it actually did us good to simply "opt out" of the testing. It made us look a whole lot better. '"
Well. It sure is good to be back home. Where we do not give up challenging curriculum and substitute "Life Skills" instead. We insist on excellence..... and we have as our motto that every kid can be valedictorian, and in fact are well on our way.
Sure is good to be back in good old Wisconsin.
I just could not wait to chat with my old friend, Herman, the countryboylawyer, who in addition to being on the Normal School Board, was the biggest resident author in town, having ghost written the famous legal text, "Billy Bob on Civil Procedure." As more and more towns became familiar with this down home text, the demand overtook supply, and ....well...the book was in its 3rd reprinting in just two years.
After I sat down in the booth at "Betty Lou's", the famous coffee shop in town, I wasted no time in asking what was on my mind:
"Herman, back in my fair city, we have had a real emphasis on "Life Skills Curriculum" as the method of preparing students for the day of reckoning---graduation. "
Herman let out a huge bellylaugh. "Shucks, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me), it just gets down to real common sense. If a student cannot say "yes sir" when told to do something, who cares whether he/she can add or subtract. Who cares furthermore whether they can read or write. Without the proper attitude, one of total submission, academic subjects are pure bunk. Up here in Normal, Mn., we have simply junked the regular subjects and now just concentrate on the "Yes Sir Curriculum. It has worked wonders. "
I was just totally shocked.
"Do you mean to say that you have simply given up on the regular curriculum?"
"YUP", Herman replied. "Truthfully, we were doing so poorly with the test scores and all, that it actually did us good to simply "opt out" of the testing. It made us look a whole lot better. '"
Well. It sure is good to be back home. Where we do not give up challenging curriculum and substitute "Life Skills" instead. We insist on excellence..... and we have as our motto that every kid can be valedictorian, and in fact are well on our way.
Sure is good to be back in good old Wisconsin.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Dateline Normal, Mn: "Pres. Bush did not have 4K"----FICTION
Ed.note: Click on the post for the full article in the Janesville Gazette.)
Recently I read in the local paper that Janesville is going to implement 4K beginning with the next school year, and will be having these at private sites--17 of them to be exact.
In the article, they note that;
" The fact that so many children were not ready for school at age 5 was a major argument that led to school-board approval of the new program.
Officials believe that when parents can’t afford to give their children a quality preschool experience, those children fall behind, and many never catch up, leading to behavior problems, truancy and other problems during their school years and poverty, crime and other social ills when they reach adulthood.
Some say quality preschool for all could be key in removing the student achievement gap between the “haves” and “have-nots.”
However, both “haves” and “have-nots” are welcome to join P4J."
I just did not know what to make of all this. It is right in the middle of the political season, and there is a record low of truth per column inch in the newspapers, and for that matter one gets so many robo calls from candidates who do not even let me interject a question that one just does not know what to think of it all. So....I just picked up my cell phone and called Herman, my friendly countryboy lawyer in Normal,Mn., a small fishing village just south of Garrison, and west of Lake Woebegone.
I got right to the point with Herman: "Herman, what do you make of all the 4K stuff. What do you folks do up in Normal, Mn.?"
"Shucks, Wolfman( that's what he always called me) years ago we had a kid who was a little unprepared for kindergarden and just could not handle a green crayon for the life of him. It was real serious. It is real important to have play based instruction that can prevent criminality in the later years. So----We have "the works" up here in Normal---4k,3k,2k---. And you can really see the difference. Why look at all those politicians like President Bush and VP Chaney----those guys would have been "on the level" if they had been on a level playing field in 4K. It really could have been the difference. One of the first things the kids learn in 4K is that when you are attacked by one kid, you do not hit another. It is real simple. Clearly Bush never learned it and thus he goes and starts the Iraq War. See. 4K. It could have been a real moral compass so to speak."
I admit. This was a hard argument to beat. I still wondered about the costs.
"Where do you get all the space for the program up there?"
"Shucks, Wolfman, it is no problem. We have such a wonderful program that folks simply converted old gas stations into daycare centers. Works real neat. Ya just open the doors when they go out to play. "
"But what about the crime,?" I asked.
"Herman replied, "Shucks, crime is virtually non-existant up here. Well. Besides, with the shortage of funds, we did have to eliminate the police force. It sure works wonders though. The chart for arrests just plunged....just like they predicted."
"Thanks, Herman."
Well it sure is good to be back home. Where we are good with the green grayola. Where we have gas stations and not convert em into daycare centers. And where everyone knows just after birth that when you are attacked by A one does not attack B. I wonder though whether 4K could have been the difference for Pres. Bush. With Cheney, I know that if you have an irregular heart beat, it might cause irregular thinking so 4K might not have helped. Still. I wonder.
Recently I read in the local paper that Janesville is going to implement 4K beginning with the next school year, and will be having these at private sites--17 of them to be exact.
In the article, they note that;
" The fact that so many children were not ready for school at age 5 was a major argument that led to school-board approval of the new program.
Officials believe that when parents can’t afford to give their children a quality preschool experience, those children fall behind, and many never catch up, leading to behavior problems, truancy and other problems during their school years and poverty, crime and other social ills when they reach adulthood.
Some say quality preschool for all could be key in removing the student achievement gap between the “haves” and “have-nots.”
However, both “haves” and “have-nots” are welcome to join P4J."
I just did not know what to make of all this. It is right in the middle of the political season, and there is a record low of truth per column inch in the newspapers, and for that matter one gets so many robo calls from candidates who do not even let me interject a question that one just does not know what to think of it all. So....I just picked up my cell phone and called Herman, my friendly countryboy lawyer in Normal,Mn., a small fishing village just south of Garrison, and west of Lake Woebegone.
I got right to the point with Herman: "Herman, what do you make of all the 4K stuff. What do you folks do up in Normal, Mn.?"
"Shucks, Wolfman( that's what he always called me) years ago we had a kid who was a little unprepared for kindergarden and just could not handle a green crayon for the life of him. It was real serious. It is real important to have play based instruction that can prevent criminality in the later years. So----We have "the works" up here in Normal---4k,3k,2k---. And you can really see the difference. Why look at all those politicians like President Bush and VP Chaney----those guys would have been "on the level" if they had been on a level playing field in 4K. It really could have been the difference. One of the first things the kids learn in 4K is that when you are attacked by one kid, you do not hit another. It is real simple. Clearly Bush never learned it and thus he goes and starts the Iraq War. See. 4K. It could have been a real moral compass so to speak."
I admit. This was a hard argument to beat. I still wondered about the costs.
"Where do you get all the space for the program up there?"
"Shucks, Wolfman, it is no problem. We have such a wonderful program that folks simply converted old gas stations into daycare centers. Works real neat. Ya just open the doors when they go out to play. "
"But what about the crime,?" I asked.
"Herman replied, "Shucks, crime is virtually non-existant up here. Well. Besides, with the shortage of funds, we did have to eliminate the police force. It sure works wonders though. The chart for arrests just plunged....just like they predicted."
"Thanks, Herman."
Well it sure is good to be back home. Where we are good with the green grayola. Where we have gas stations and not convert em into daycare centers. And where everyone knows just after birth that when you are attacked by A one does not attack B. I wonder though whether 4K could have been the difference for Pres. Bush. With Cheney, I know that if you have an irregular heart beat, it might cause irregular thinking so 4K might not have helped. Still. I wonder.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Dateline Normal, Mn.: Economic Development in Focus----FICTION
Well finally the temperature has risen and the flip side of flooding has risen its head. I was so excited to be able to drive on flat pavement again that I could not resist the urge to head out of town, up that long interstate to Normal, Mn., a small fishing town just south of Garrison, Mn., and a little west of the Land of Lake Woebegone.
Relax. I made a special point on the trip to stop in at the Norske Nook and power up with some blueberry pancakes and a special muffin. Wow. Sure makes traveling a pleasure when ya have a full stomach.
When I arrived in Normal, I headed over to Betty Lou's, the Coffee shop just kiddy corner from the Bait Shop. Herman was waiting for me in a booth. It was one of those vintage 1950's booths with the cracked red vinyl seats etc. A little Johney Rivers "Secret Agent Man" was playing on the juke box, and it felt great to be on the road again.
Anyway....the first thing I asked Herman was about Economic Development. We have been talking a lot about it in our fair city, and I just wondered about his perspective.
"We have a real successful Economic Development Program up here in Normal, and...shucks, it has been almost 10 years now just gettin better every year," Herman said.
I chimed in: "Tell me more. I am all ears. We are looking for just such a program."
Herman launched in on his topic. I could tell it was a favorite of his. "Shucks, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me), it must have been about ten years ago a couple of the ladies in town, Millie, Norma and Eloise, had a hobby of making puppets for the local school kids when they put on a small puppet show at school. The more they thought about it, the more they felt this was a goldmine of an opportunity to engage the entire community, get to know one another better, and create a little productive commerce between everyone. So...they recruited other ladies to help with the knitting of the puppets, and lo and behold, soon almost every woman in town was involved.
Quickly, the brainstorm came to the folks at City Hall. Why not use this wonderful opportunity to engage the broader community and make it the centerpiece of the economic development for Normal. Wow. Everybody loved the idea. There were ten sponsors for the ordinance to have the city fully fund this wonderful project. It has been just a wonderful experience. In fact, up here in Normal, we call it the "Normal Miracle." It has just brought everyone together. Who would have thought that a little...or a lot...of puppets could have done that."
I was just a little stunned to hear about this. "But Herman, what has this to do with Economic Development? And besides, you have not added a new business to Normal in 50 years so what is the purpose of all this?"
I could tell by the look that Herman was offended by my question.
"I don't care what others think, Wolfman. We are real proud of our Economic Development Program up here in Normal. It makes us feel real good. And that is what counts."
And that is when I just went for a second cup of coffee, extra strong, with sugar and whipped cream in the dark blue Minnesota Viking mug. I could tell that the subject was closed. Those Minnesota Viking fans sure are stubborn folk.
Relax. I made a special point on the trip to stop in at the Norske Nook and power up with some blueberry pancakes and a special muffin. Wow. Sure makes traveling a pleasure when ya have a full stomach.
When I arrived in Normal, I headed over to Betty Lou's, the Coffee shop just kiddy corner from the Bait Shop. Herman was waiting for me in a booth. It was one of those vintage 1950's booths with the cracked red vinyl seats etc. A little Johney Rivers "Secret Agent Man" was playing on the juke box, and it felt great to be on the road again.
Anyway....the first thing I asked Herman was about Economic Development. We have been talking a lot about it in our fair city, and I just wondered about his perspective.
"We have a real successful Economic Development Program up here in Normal, and...shucks, it has been almost 10 years now just gettin better every year," Herman said.
I chimed in: "Tell me more. I am all ears. We are looking for just such a program."
Herman launched in on his topic. I could tell it was a favorite of his. "Shucks, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me), it must have been about ten years ago a couple of the ladies in town, Millie, Norma and Eloise, had a hobby of making puppets for the local school kids when they put on a small puppet show at school. The more they thought about it, the more they felt this was a goldmine of an opportunity to engage the entire community, get to know one another better, and create a little productive commerce between everyone. So...they recruited other ladies to help with the knitting of the puppets, and lo and behold, soon almost every woman in town was involved.
Quickly, the brainstorm came to the folks at City Hall. Why not use this wonderful opportunity to engage the broader community and make it the centerpiece of the economic development for Normal. Wow. Everybody loved the idea. There were ten sponsors for the ordinance to have the city fully fund this wonderful project. It has been just a wonderful experience. In fact, up here in Normal, we call it the "Normal Miracle." It has just brought everyone together. Who would have thought that a little...or a lot...of puppets could have done that."
I was just a little stunned to hear about this. "But Herman, what has this to do with Economic Development? And besides, you have not added a new business to Normal in 50 years so what is the purpose of all this?"
I could tell by the look that Herman was offended by my question.
"I don't care what others think, Wolfman. We are real proud of our Economic Development Program up here in Normal. It makes us feel real good. And that is what counts."
And that is when I just went for a second cup of coffee, extra strong, with sugar and whipped cream in the dark blue Minnesota Viking mug. I could tell that the subject was closed. Those Minnesota Viking fans sure are stubborn folk.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Dateline Normal, Mn.: "The Virtual Prom"------FICTION
Well. This is the most difficult time of the year. There is an intense urge to break away for a winter getaway, but the perils of driving prevent it, and the costs of an upscale tropical getaway are prohibitive----so I just thought I would give Herman, my old friend in Normal, Mn. a phone call instead....just to reach out and see what might be happening in the frozen tundra.
I wasted no time with formalities once I got Herman on the line.
"Herman, here in Wisconsin we have been in a tizzy about Prom planning and all. It seems that some folks felt that if a destination wedding was the modern thing, a destination prom would be likewise a real attractive option. After all. All the kids would be sharing quality time. The event would create little cleanup. And besides the kids would be on the bus to and from and the risks would be minimized of wayward conduct. So. Lots of plusses. What do you do up in Normal, Mn., Herman?"
"Shucks, Wolfman( that's what he always called me) you completely misunderstand the culture of modern youth. The point is not to share lots of time together. It is really just to spend a few moments uplifting and upscaling the fellow classmates at the ceremony, and then to split to party separately. All the while the parents think they are sipping ice water at the event.
Up here in Normal, Mn., we just do the event virtually-----we just have a VIRTUAL Prom----EVERYONE gets what they want. The school gets no fuss and mess. The kids get to party privately. And what is best of all, nobody gets to drive anywhere. What could be better? Besides. It is so cold up here in Normal, Mn., that nylons and fancy duds are just plain freezing. It just makes sense to go VIRTUAL.
I explained to Herman that here in Wisconsin, we are dead set against VIRTUAL. In fact, WEAC is at war with anything that is not hands on, down home, and hireable.
Herman was not sympathetic.
"If you do not believe in virtual, then you must stop whining about the muss and fuss of real events. Up here in God's country, we are in touch with the new....and the old. It's just the natural way."
Well. Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where we can rail against virtual while we are on the computer 24/7 and never notice the inconsistency.
Alleluia.
I wasted no time with formalities once I got Herman on the line.
"Herman, here in Wisconsin we have been in a tizzy about Prom planning and all. It seems that some folks felt that if a destination wedding was the modern thing, a destination prom would be likewise a real attractive option. After all. All the kids would be sharing quality time. The event would create little cleanup. And besides the kids would be on the bus to and from and the risks would be minimized of wayward conduct. So. Lots of plusses. What do you do up in Normal, Mn., Herman?"
"Shucks, Wolfman( that's what he always called me) you completely misunderstand the culture of modern youth. The point is not to share lots of time together. It is really just to spend a few moments uplifting and upscaling the fellow classmates at the ceremony, and then to split to party separately. All the while the parents think they are sipping ice water at the event.
Up here in Normal, Mn., we just do the event virtually-----we just have a VIRTUAL Prom----EVERYONE gets what they want. The school gets no fuss and mess. The kids get to party privately. And what is best of all, nobody gets to drive anywhere. What could be better? Besides. It is so cold up here in Normal, Mn., that nylons and fancy duds are just plain freezing. It just makes sense to go VIRTUAL.
I explained to Herman that here in Wisconsin, we are dead set against VIRTUAL. In fact, WEAC is at war with anything that is not hands on, down home, and hireable.
Herman was not sympathetic.
"If you do not believe in virtual, then you must stop whining about the muss and fuss of real events. Up here in God's country, we are in touch with the new....and the old. It's just the natural way."
Well. Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where we can rail against virtual while we are on the computer 24/7 and never notice the inconsistency.
Alleluia.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Dateline Normal, Mn.: " 250 Who Count"----FICTION
Last week with hardly any meetings to attend, now that the Economic Summit was wrapped up, I just thought it was a good time to head up north and do some ice fishing. Yes...I did stop by briefly at the dogsled race in Duluth, but after giving some pointers to my stringer reporters who were covering the event, I headed on over to Normal, Mn..
After getting comfortable at the Hideaway Lounge, where all the walls are filled with 30 point bucks, and where coffee and non-alcoholic drinks are not even served, I simply asked Herman right out:
"Herman we have a program back in Wisconsin parts called the "50 who Count" where distinguished persons get their name in the paper and their biographies and such....it is a real positive thing back in our home town. Do you have anything like that up here in Normal, Mn.?
Herman let out a huge bellylaugh.
'Shucks, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me.) Up here in Normal,Mn. , we have a program like that, but we call it the "250 That Count".!!!!!!!
" But Herman, there are only 245 people in all of Normal. How do you come up with 250?"
"That's the exciting part. This past year we were 5 people short....and the young folks got involved and stepped forward in a leadership capacity and ....well....the first five newborns made the list. It was a real competition. Up here in Normal, we have the saying, "In Normal, Mn., EVERYONE counts."
I was just stunned. To think that young couples would take it upon themselves to get pregnant just to meet a deadline of 250 population for the year...was surprising.
It sure is good to get back home....where we don't get in such foolish competitions...and where even though we might say that Everyone counts, we would not make a citywide contest about it.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Dateline Normal: Four Sport Athletes the Norm in Normal
Well it was a long weekend getaway for me last weekend----I took Friday off and headed up to Normal to enjoy a little ice fishing. After the second round at the Hideaway Lounge, I started to brag a bit. I went over the fact that in our local high school we have a ton of four sport athletes---something that I never remembered happening much in the big Twin Cities. To be a four sport athlete was a rare thing in my day. That is how I know that Wisconsin is God's country....cause we are blessed with such an abundance of talent.
Finally I could tell that I was getting a bit too enthusiastic cause Herman cut me off.
"Wolfman,(that's what he always called me.) up here in Normal, Mn., ALL our students are FOUR sport athletes. Things have changed since you were a youngin. Now days all our students are four sport athletes. Of course more things are considered sports now, like Debate, Chess, Pep, and Dance. It is a different world."
I was just shocked. I had thought we were the only ones. Who wudda thunk.
Then Herman went on: "It is really nice to have everyone required to be four sport athletes, cause then if someone is suspended, they have a "throwaway sport."
"Huh?", I asked.
"Sure, Wolfman----- it is a little like poker. If a guy got disqualified for an infraction during the football season, he could simply sit on the bench during "Chess" season."
Herman then let out a loud bellylaugh. "Aint't that neat."
"But the football guy probably would not play chess anyway. How does that make sense?," I chimed in.
"Trust me it works up here in Normal, Mn. "
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where we don't sit on the bench for the "throwaway" sports, where we do NOT have a chess team.....Still....it did sound like it might be a way of getting those athletes involved in at least watching some good chess....something to think about.
Finally I could tell that I was getting a bit too enthusiastic cause Herman cut me off.
"Wolfman,(that's what he always called me.) up here in Normal, Mn., ALL our students are FOUR sport athletes. Things have changed since you were a youngin. Now days all our students are four sport athletes. Of course more things are considered sports now, like Debate, Chess, Pep, and Dance. It is a different world."
I was just shocked. I had thought we were the only ones. Who wudda thunk.
Then Herman went on: "It is really nice to have everyone required to be four sport athletes, cause then if someone is suspended, they have a "throwaway sport."
"Huh?", I asked.
"Sure, Wolfman----- it is a little like poker. If a guy got disqualified for an infraction during the football season, he could simply sit on the bench during "Chess" season."
Herman then let out a loud bellylaugh. "Aint't that neat."
"But the football guy probably would not play chess anyway. How does that make sense?," I chimed in.
"Trust me it works up here in Normal, Mn. "
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where we don't sit on the bench for the "throwaway" sports, where we do NOT have a chess team.....Still....it did sound like it might be a way of getting those athletes involved in at least watching some good chess....something to think about.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Dateline Normal: "The Case of "DO" and "DUE PROCESS"-------the mystery
Well it has been a real news saga here---with the hot sports story that when one policeman interjected his input that maybe the WIAA should apply some pressure so that local school codes of conduct should be enforced ....that policeman was fired. What a firestorm of controversy. Sometimes when I get these kind of stories, I just pick up my trusty cell phone and call Normal, Mn., where my old friend, Herman, the countryboy lawyer, and veteran member of the Normal, Mn. School Board, is sure to have some fatherly advice for me. Even though he specialized in real estate law, he is the famous author of the textbook, now out of print, although maybe some rare copies are still available from Paul's Book Store on State Street...the classic text titled "Billy Bob on Civil Procedure." I was sure he would be of some help in this matter.
I wasted no time in pleasantries.
"Herman, what is the deal with those "internal investigations" that seem always to last till the athletic season in question is over and done, and the athletes seem to go scott free. What is the deal?"
"It's real simple, Wolfman. (That's what he always called me.) It is called "DUE PROCESS" and it is not spelled with a DO, but with a DUE. These are very reflective folks. They need to spend their time during the academic year meditating and meditating and meditating on all the possible aspects of review possible------why up here in Normal, we have a specific policy that all these matters are handled efficiently on June 15th each school year. "
"But Herman, that is after school is done for the school year."
"YUP". It is real efficient. After all that meditating we are ready to "DO."
Well. I was totally shocked. I had never heard of such a thing. It sure is good to be back in good old Wisconsin. Where we do not make such niceties of DO and DUE process, and where we promptly handle investigations that need to be acted on.
I wasted no time in pleasantries.
"Herman, what is the deal with those "internal investigations" that seem always to last till the athletic season in question is over and done, and the athletes seem to go scott free. What is the deal?"
"It's real simple, Wolfman. (That's what he always called me.) It is called "DUE PROCESS" and it is not spelled with a DO, but with a DUE. These are very reflective folks. They need to spend their time during the academic year meditating and meditating and meditating on all the possible aspects of review possible------why up here in Normal, we have a specific policy that all these matters are handled efficiently on June 15th each school year. "
"But Herman, that is after school is done for the school year."
"YUP". It is real efficient. After all that meditating we are ready to "DO."
Well. I was totally shocked. I had never heard of such a thing. It sure is good to be back in good old Wisconsin. Where we do not make such niceties of DO and DUE process, and where we promptly handle investigations that need to be acted on.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Dateline Normal: " Development Summit Comes to Normal"----FICTION
(Ed.note: The "Tales from Normal"---FICTION are also available in book form and are on podcast in the ITunes directory. To those of you that have emailed me from all over the world, in order to promptly respond to all, I will just say, "Yes...it might be about you.")
Click on the post for the latest.
Click on the post for the latest.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Dateline Normal: "Fear of Handcuffs"---FICTION
Recently, after a busy week of writing, I felt the need to do a little ice fishing, and headed out of town, up that long and winding road, up north of the Twin Cities, just south of Garrison, Mn., to my favorite fishing town, Normal, Mn.
After a long drive, and all those cheap gas stations on the way with the coffee that was just a little overcooked, I felt the need for some good old strong fresh coffee...yes served in the tall Minnesota Viking Mugs. I met Herman at the little coffee shop, just kiddy corner to the famous bait shop, the one with the colored stones---the coffee shop was called "Betty Lou's"....after that famous song "Betty Lou's got a new pair of shoes," one of my favorite riffs of the 50's.
After I had a couple of swigs of the strong stuff, I asked Herman something that I have been wondering about for at least 48 hours:
"Herman, "what is the fear of handcuffs called. I never heard of this fear before. Our local town government has a real fear of being handcuffed. What is your take on this?"
Herman let out a huge bellylaugh.
"Shucks, Wolfman..(that's what he always called me ) This is God's country....and up here, where the lakes are clean, and the air is fresh....the only folks that have a fear of handcuffs....are...well....confined. Might be in a hospital or prison of some sort. In fact....up here....we celebrate handcuffs....and handcuffs of ALL sorts. We even sell em in the bait shop----Well it is technically the Beer, Bait and Ammo Shop, but we also carry handcuffs....of all kinds too. It is what we call diversity up here.
Then he let out another huge bellylaugh.
I guess I just don't understand. About the handcuff thing. About the fear. Handcuffphobia so to speak. In fact, I cannot even find the fear on Google. It must be something very rare.
After a long drive, and all those cheap gas stations on the way with the coffee that was just a little overcooked, I felt the need for some good old strong fresh coffee...yes served in the tall Minnesota Viking Mugs. I met Herman at the little coffee shop, just kiddy corner to the famous bait shop, the one with the colored stones---the coffee shop was called "Betty Lou's"....after that famous song "Betty Lou's got a new pair of shoes," one of my favorite riffs of the 50's.
After I had a couple of swigs of the strong stuff, I asked Herman something that I have been wondering about for at least 48 hours:
"Herman, "what is the fear of handcuffs called. I never heard of this fear before. Our local town government has a real fear of being handcuffed. What is your take on this?"
Herman let out a huge bellylaugh.
"Shucks, Wolfman..(that's what he always called me ) This is God's country....and up here, where the lakes are clean, and the air is fresh....the only folks that have a fear of handcuffs....are...well....confined. Might be in a hospital or prison of some sort. In fact....up here....we celebrate handcuffs....and handcuffs of ALL sorts. We even sell em in the bait shop----Well it is technically the Beer, Bait and Ammo Shop, but we also carry handcuffs....of all kinds too. It is what we call diversity up here.
Then he let out another huge bellylaugh.
I guess I just don't understand. About the handcuff thing. About the fear. Handcuffphobia so to speak. In fact, I cannot even find the fear on Google. It must be something very rare.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Dateline Normal, Mn.: Colleges Eliminate Student Financial Aid
Recently I have been hearing all sorts of wonderful stories in the press...about how institutions such as Harvard, and Yale .....have decided to simply eliminate student financial aid entirely. They plan on making this move to make their schools affordable to the middle class. Of course, if someone has a family income of $500,000 they would be required to pay the full tuition of $50,000. After all...they could afford it.
Still...it seemed so radical....and such a wonderful idea. No student loans....No families having to get a Countrywide Loan Combo and then going through foreclosure a few years later when the special mumbo jumbo legal clauses that made the loan accelerate beyond the capability of any consumer invited disaster for sure.
Meditating on these things....as I often do.....I simply picked up the cellphone and called my old country boy lawyer friend in Normal, Mn., ...yes Herman. Herman was on the Normal School Board, and a big wig up in those parts. Even though he did specialize in real estate law, he was a whizz at civil procedure----in fact, he even published a treatise on civil procedure for small towns across the United States. It was a blockbuster that had made him quite a bit of money. It was ghost written, so he could remain anonymous. I trust that you can be confidential because few really know about this. The title of the book...one of my favorites....is called "Billy Bob on Civil Procedure."
It was a cold day ...and the cell phone call when right through:
"Herman....what is your take on the move of some colleges to eliminate student loans?"
"Shucks, Wolfman.(that's what he always called me.) Up here in God's country, we have made student loans and financing of colleges illegal."
His words hit me like a sledgehammer.
"WHAT?"
"Wolfman--ya got to understand. How could knowledge be WISDOM if everyone goes bankrupt getting it?" We aim in our educational institutions to lead by example. And being a PREDATOR is not setting a good example. Thus....all of our buildings are PAID FOR. We are very frugal up here. What really makes a difference is that we provide housing for all the professors and the students alike. They differ in their needs of course. And...it is INCLUDED in their salary.
What a shock!!!!!!
It sure is good to get back to good old Wisconsin. Where we can get knee deep in debt chasing the dream of education that bankrupts the student and the family. It is just the American way. It sure beats living on a cash basis.
It sure is good to be back home.
Still...it seemed so radical....and such a wonderful idea. No student loans....No families having to get a Countrywide Loan Combo and then going through foreclosure a few years later when the special mumbo jumbo legal clauses that made the loan accelerate beyond the capability of any consumer invited disaster for sure.
Meditating on these things....as I often do.....I simply picked up the cellphone and called my old country boy lawyer friend in Normal, Mn., ...yes Herman. Herman was on the Normal School Board, and a big wig up in those parts. Even though he did specialize in real estate law, he was a whizz at civil procedure----in fact, he even published a treatise on civil procedure for small towns across the United States. It was a blockbuster that had made him quite a bit of money. It was ghost written, so he could remain anonymous. I trust that you can be confidential because few really know about this. The title of the book...one of my favorites....is called "Billy Bob on Civil Procedure."
It was a cold day ...and the cell phone call when right through:
"Herman....what is your take on the move of some colleges to eliminate student loans?"
"Shucks, Wolfman.(that's what he always called me.) Up here in God's country, we have made student loans and financing of colleges illegal."
His words hit me like a sledgehammer.
"WHAT?"
"Wolfman--ya got to understand. How could knowledge be WISDOM if everyone goes bankrupt getting it?" We aim in our educational institutions to lead by example. And being a PREDATOR is not setting a good example. Thus....all of our buildings are PAID FOR. We are very frugal up here. What really makes a difference is that we provide housing for all the professors and the students alike. They differ in their needs of course. And...it is INCLUDED in their salary.
What a shock!!!!!!
It sure is good to get back to good old Wisconsin. Where we can get knee deep in debt chasing the dream of education that bankrupts the student and the family. It is just the American way. It sure beats living on a cash basis.
It sure is good to be back home.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Dateline Normal: "Forest and Trees" Program comes to Normal Schools-----FICTION
(Ed.note: This is a portion of the formal press release from the Normal School District, Normal, Mn., sent to me by Herman this afternoon. I have edited it for brevity."---FICTION
A little like chutes and ladders, the key element of this groundbreaking awareness program for elementary students, is the essential skill of distinguishing a forest from a tree. As all adults know, this early predictor skill leads to the ability to distinguish a little lie from a big lie, a little truth from a little lie, and then the ultimate, the ability to distinguish an email generated news story from an unknown remote source from a story that has been really written and investigated.
One of the problems, of course, is that young students, being small and short, think that trees of only small height----- are in fact big trees------ and a real forest. They look big. They seem big. But in fact they are little. That is the real difficulty. How to allow kids to be kids, and yet to gradually improve the skill set so that they can clearly see ------ this is just a little tree......and not the forest.
The most innovative part of this computer program, is the use of candy. When the elementary student correctly identifies the small tree as a tree and not the forest, they are rewarded with candy. This innovative approach has led to a tremendous acceleration of learning. In fact, there has been advanced discussion that this approach might be used in the political sphere in Normal, Mn., in distinguishing "Beef" from "Baloney" in local political contests. The only snag may be a rare Minnesota statute that prohibits any giving of candy in order to influence a vote, or even learning of any kind. Some pundits have suggested that the statute was really referencing "candy bar" and not the small types of candy that will be used.
It is hard to believe that groundbreaking educational policy could come out of Normal, Mn.. Still, it is important to have an open perspective. Stay tuned. One must NEVER underestimate the power of candy.
A little like chutes and ladders, the key element of this groundbreaking awareness program for elementary students, is the essential skill of distinguishing a forest from a tree. As all adults know, this early predictor skill leads to the ability to distinguish a little lie from a big lie, a little truth from a little lie, and then the ultimate, the ability to distinguish an email generated news story from an unknown remote source from a story that has been really written and investigated.
One of the problems, of course, is that young students, being small and short, think that trees of only small height----- are in fact big trees------ and a real forest. They look big. They seem big. But in fact they are little. That is the real difficulty. How to allow kids to be kids, and yet to gradually improve the skill set so that they can clearly see ------ this is just a little tree......and not the forest.
The most innovative part of this computer program, is the use of candy. When the elementary student correctly identifies the small tree as a tree and not the forest, they are rewarded with candy. This innovative approach has led to a tremendous acceleration of learning. In fact, there has been advanced discussion that this approach might be used in the political sphere in Normal, Mn., in distinguishing "Beef" from "Baloney" in local political contests. The only snag may be a rare Minnesota statute that prohibits any giving of candy in order to influence a vote, or even learning of any kind. Some pundits have suggested that the statute was really referencing "candy bar" and not the small types of candy that will be used.
It is hard to believe that groundbreaking educational policy could come out of Normal, Mn.. Still, it is important to have an open perspective. Stay tuned. One must NEVER underestimate the power of candy.
Dateline Normal: Development Summit comes to Normal"---FICTION
Last week, right in the middle, I got an anxious cell phone call from Herman, my old countryboy lawyer friend from Normal, Mn., a land just south of Garrison, Mn., and a little west of the Land of Lake Woebegone in northern Minnesota.
"I need some help up here," Herman whispered. I am putting together a booklet for the first ever Normal Development Summit, and would like some help......."
"What kind of help?", I asked.
"I don't need any advice," Herman rushed on, "I just need some packaging of historical documents of Normal in preparation for the conference."
"No problem," I responded. " I will drive up if you can handle the "usual" expenses. Herman well understood that I only operated if the expenses, the same standard that the Rockford files had many years ago, $500 a day plus any extra expenses. ...were covered fully in advance. "
"No problem." Herman replied.
I was a little mystified in thought as I made the long drive. Normal was a fishing town, and had not added a business in 50 years. I just could not imagine what the whole crisis was about.
"What is this all about, Herman", I asked over an extra strong coffee, heavy on the sugar and whipped cream, and filled fully to the brim of a dark blue Minnesota Viking mug.
"It is real simple, Wolfman.(that's what he always called me). This is a battle between the OLD and the NEW."
"What Ever do you mean? I asked.
Herman went on: "Well, some new fangled contractor wants to build some condos on the lake and make a upscale marina and upscale living area just south of town. "
"What could be better?" I responded. At least they will be building by the Minnesota construction code....that should be a real move up for these parts."
"Ya. That is true. But the downside is that the local contractors will probably not get the business. And that is a deal killer. In fact. As we see it. It is OUR WAY......or the HIGHWAY."
"How do I fit in with your plans, Herman?, I asked.
"Well, Herman said. We need to package a seminar brochure that will look real progressive and all, real high tech and professional....... that will be so complicated and elaborate that it will kill the deal. We will call it "The UNIFIED Code"---as in it is US against THEM. "
Well it was a mad rush of publication, but I got the deadlines handled. Lots of small print and arcane language. Lots of legal mumbo jumbo, but I think I created the perfect gift.
It sure is good to be back home. Where things are a lot simpler. Alleluia.
"I need some help up here," Herman whispered. I am putting together a booklet for the first ever Normal Development Summit, and would like some help......."
"What kind of help?", I asked.
"I don't need any advice," Herman rushed on, "I just need some packaging of historical documents of Normal in preparation for the conference."
"No problem," I responded. " I will drive up if you can handle the "usual" expenses. Herman well understood that I only operated if the expenses, the same standard that the Rockford files had many years ago, $500 a day plus any extra expenses. ...were covered fully in advance. "
"No problem." Herman replied.
I was a little mystified in thought as I made the long drive. Normal was a fishing town, and had not added a business in 50 years. I just could not imagine what the whole crisis was about.
"What is this all about, Herman", I asked over an extra strong coffee, heavy on the sugar and whipped cream, and filled fully to the brim of a dark blue Minnesota Viking mug.
"It is real simple, Wolfman.(that's what he always called me). This is a battle between the OLD and the NEW."
"What Ever do you mean? I asked.
Herman went on: "Well, some new fangled contractor wants to build some condos on the lake and make a upscale marina and upscale living area just south of town. "
"What could be better?" I responded. At least they will be building by the Minnesota construction code....that should be a real move up for these parts."
"Ya. That is true. But the downside is that the local contractors will probably not get the business. And that is a deal killer. In fact. As we see it. It is OUR WAY......or the HIGHWAY."
"How do I fit in with your plans, Herman?, I asked.
"Well, Herman said. We need to package a seminar brochure that will look real progressive and all, real high tech and professional....... that will be so complicated and elaborate that it will kill the deal. We will call it "The UNIFIED Code"---as in it is US against THEM. "
Well it was a mad rush of publication, but I got the deadlines handled. Lots of small print and arcane language. Lots of legal mumbo jumbo, but I think I created the perfect gift.
It sure is good to be back home. Where things are a lot simpler. Alleluia.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Dateline Normal: "The Magic of Running the Uncontested Race-------FICTION
Recently, to get away from the stress of the holiday shopping, I headed up that long and winding road to my favorite getaway town, up just south of Garrison, Mn., just east of Lake Woebegone, yes, you guessed it----- Normal, Mn..
I had been reading about all the national news and debate in Iowa and New Hampshire and have noticed that as the voting time comes near, the debates have become very heated. Lots of candidates sure have created a lot of controversy---every WRINKLE has been examined---especially on the candidates faces. Even some of the news pundits have feared that some of the candidates might AGE during the campaign, or even during their term of office. Such heartfelt concern. Such compassion.
I had left a little early on Friday and hence arrived in Normal a little ahead of schedule, and picked up a copy of the Garrison weekly paper, The Garrison Fish Tales. I noticed in the paper that all of the office races for towns were just listed and noticed that every candidate was running "uncontested". Every single one.
After I had met Herman at the Hideaway Lounge, in our usual spot, right under the 30 point buck on the south end of the spacious lounge, I just blurted it out:
"Herman, how come all the political races up here are "uncontested." How could that be? Is not there ANY open debate about crucial issues up here? Talk to me."
Herman let out a huge bellylaugh:
"Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me), up here we are in God's Country. All the races are "uncontested." It's just the natural way. After all. The guys and gals seem pretty rough and tough------ but deep down, they are real sensitive types. An open and direct discussion might hurt their feelings. We just vote quietly and ....we vote from our pocketbooks...."
"What?", I exclaimed. I have never heard of such a thing. And furthermore, "What does "vote from your pockebooks" mean?"
Herman went on. "That is the simplest of all." Then he picked up one of the many blank yellow legal pads that he had stuffed in his law satchel, and put it on the bar.
"Ya just draw a line right down the middle here," he said. "On one side its marked "IN" and the other "OUT". If the candidate would result in money in, the answer is YES, and if the result would be out, the answer is NO. It is called "self interest." Up here in God's country, it ain't no fancy debate. It's just real down home logic. Money logic. It's just the natural law. "
"And further more," Herman went on---"this ain't no OHIO. We don't have no new fangled electronic voting booths that take four years and extensive legal action to get things even more confused. We just vote on little slips of paper---in ball point pen of course, and then count em up. Real simple."
WOW. I sure am glad to be back in good old Wisconsin. Where we have contested elections. Where we have open debate. Where we have more than little yellow legal pads for analysis. Where we do not have electronic voting, even if we do have PAC telephone robots.
It sure is good to be back home.
I had been reading about all the national news and debate in Iowa and New Hampshire and have noticed that as the voting time comes near, the debates have become very heated. Lots of candidates sure have created a lot of controversy---every WRINKLE has been examined---especially on the candidates faces. Even some of the news pundits have feared that some of the candidates might AGE during the campaign, or even during their term of office. Such heartfelt concern. Such compassion.
I had left a little early on Friday and hence arrived in Normal a little ahead of schedule, and picked up a copy of the Garrison weekly paper, The Garrison Fish Tales. I noticed in the paper that all of the office races for towns were just listed and noticed that every candidate was running "uncontested". Every single one.
After I had met Herman at the Hideaway Lounge, in our usual spot, right under the 30 point buck on the south end of the spacious lounge, I just blurted it out:
"Herman, how come all the political races up here are "uncontested." How could that be? Is not there ANY open debate about crucial issues up here? Talk to me."
Herman let out a huge bellylaugh:
"Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me), up here we are in God's Country. All the races are "uncontested." It's just the natural way. After all. The guys and gals seem pretty rough and tough------ but deep down, they are real sensitive types. An open and direct discussion might hurt their feelings. We just vote quietly and ....we vote from our pocketbooks...."
"What?", I exclaimed. I have never heard of such a thing. And furthermore, "What does "vote from your pockebooks" mean?"
Herman went on. "That is the simplest of all." Then he picked up one of the many blank yellow legal pads that he had stuffed in his law satchel, and put it on the bar.
"Ya just draw a line right down the middle here," he said. "On one side its marked "IN" and the other "OUT". If the candidate would result in money in, the answer is YES, and if the result would be out, the answer is NO. It is called "self interest." Up here in God's country, it ain't no fancy debate. It's just real down home logic. Money logic. It's just the natural law. "
"And further more," Herman went on---"this ain't no OHIO. We don't have no new fangled electronic voting booths that take four years and extensive legal action to get things even more confused. We just vote on little slips of paper---in ball point pen of course, and then count em up. Real simple."
WOW. I sure am glad to be back in good old Wisconsin. Where we have contested elections. Where we have open debate. Where we have more than little yellow legal pads for analysis. Where we do not have electronic voting, even if we do have PAC telephone robots.
It sure is good to be back home.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
"The Normal Mutual Bank"---Fiction
Ed. note. This is one of a long series of fictional tales of a land up in northern Minnesota near the Land of Lake Woebegon. These tales are available on cd and are shipped in a brown paper cover, clearly marked, FICTION. They are also available by Podcast RSS feed. Any resemblance to reality is purely accidental.)
Usually I never enter the state of Minnesota after Thanksgiving, due to the frigid weather. However, with the wonderful weather warm up, on Monday, I headed up that long and winding road, Hwy 10, up to my favorite town just this side of Garrison, Mn.---- Normal, Minnesota.
Over the long drive I had a chance to review in my mind the many meetings recently....and.... I called ahead on my cellphone and told Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend to meet me at the coffee shop---right across from the bait shop---for a cup of coffee. I needed his counsel.
After settling into the comfy booth, I just got right to the point---"Herman, back in Wisconsin, banking seems like it is so complicated. There are Redevelopment Authorities, Economic Development committees, Banks, financial advisors, and more. This reminds me of the time that I went on a long bus trip with the school kids to New York. Afterwards, I told my youngest that it was good we could share some of the experience of high school. She looked at me and smiled. "Well, just because you were there does not mean you are well informed." Yes. It dawned on me that I did not really understand a lot of what happened. But then, all the guys were wearing those cool shades like the blues brothers==== that made it pretty mysterious to an old guy like me. Herman interrupted-----
"Get to the point, Wolfman....you digress.."I went on, "Anyway.....in the recent banking meetings here in Evansville...I have felt likewise. That there were a few things I did not understand. Yes I had the audio. Yes, I had the video. Beautiful color. But still....there was just a little something that I was missing in the "understanding" area."What is it like up here in God's country Herman. How do you do banking in Normal?"
Herman smiled. "Up here we keep it real simple. We have "Mutual" Banking." Then he let out one of those chortling laughs.
" 'I still do not understand, Herman. I know that there used to be "mutual" insurance companies back in the 60's and 70's in Wisconsin, but most of them were converted into "stock" companies. "Mutual" companies are a real dinasour." There is no such thing as mutual banking anymore."
Herman just laughed. "Wolfman,(that's what he always called me)----- you are dead wrong. Up here in God's country we take our "Mutual" companies REAL seriously. It's all about committment. "Mutual" ranks right up there with fishing and whiskey.
In a mutual company, the "customer" is the owner. Up here----- we take our religion and our "mutual" banking real literal like."
" I still do not understand, I wondered aloud. How does this make a difference?"
Herman grew impatient, "It makes ALL the difference in the world, Wolfman. Up here we just walk in and TELL the banker what the terms are. We are the boss. It is just real natural. Real simple. It's really the natural law up here in God's country.
Thank goodness I'm back in good old Wisconsin. Where we don't have any "mutual" banking. Where customers are customers, and bankers are bankers. Alleluia.
Usually I never enter the state of Minnesota after Thanksgiving, due to the frigid weather. However, with the wonderful weather warm up, on Monday, I headed up that long and winding road, Hwy 10, up to my favorite town just this side of Garrison, Mn.---- Normal, Minnesota.
Over the long drive I had a chance to review in my mind the many meetings recently....and.... I called ahead on my cellphone and told Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend to meet me at the coffee shop---right across from the bait shop---for a cup of coffee. I needed his counsel.
After settling into the comfy booth, I just got right to the point---"Herman, back in Wisconsin, banking seems like it is so complicated. There are Redevelopment Authorities, Economic Development committees, Banks, financial advisors, and more. This reminds me of the time that I went on a long bus trip with the school kids to New York. Afterwards, I told my youngest that it was good we could share some of the experience of high school. She looked at me and smiled. "Well, just because you were there does not mean you are well informed." Yes. It dawned on me that I did not really understand a lot of what happened. But then, all the guys were wearing those cool shades like the blues brothers==== that made it pretty mysterious to an old guy like me. Herman interrupted-----
"Get to the point, Wolfman....you digress.."I went on, "Anyway.....in the recent banking meetings here in Evansville...I have felt likewise. That there were a few things I did not understand. Yes I had the audio. Yes, I had the video. Beautiful color. But still....there was just a little something that I was missing in the "understanding" area."What is it like up here in God's country Herman. How do you do banking in Normal?"
Herman smiled. "Up here we keep it real simple. We have "Mutual" Banking." Then he let out one of those chortling laughs.
" 'I still do not understand, Herman. I know that there used to be "mutual" insurance companies back in the 60's and 70's in Wisconsin, but most of them were converted into "stock" companies. "Mutual" companies are a real dinasour." There is no such thing as mutual banking anymore."
Herman just laughed. "Wolfman,(that's what he always called me)----- you are dead wrong. Up here in God's country we take our "Mutual" companies REAL seriously. It's all about committment. "Mutual" ranks right up there with fishing and whiskey.
In a mutual company, the "customer" is the owner. Up here----- we take our religion and our "mutual" banking real literal like."
" I still do not understand, I wondered aloud. How does this make a difference?"
Herman grew impatient, "It makes ALL the difference in the world, Wolfman. Up here we just walk in and TELL the banker what the terms are. We are the boss. It is just real natural. Real simple. It's really the natural law up here in God's country.
Thank goodness I'm back in good old Wisconsin. Where we don't have any "mutual" banking. Where customers are customers, and bankers are bankers. Alleluia.
Dateline Normal School District: GTT Program in Normal Gets Award---FICTION
Well it has been a real hectic Christmas season this year. Folks have been gathering their cash up and waiting, and waiting, and waiting to shop after Christmas. Sales have been good for books, and bath salts and lotion. And yes, sales of 'The Tales From Normal" have exceeded expectations.
After pondering all the minutes of our local school district, and watching the budget stress in our fair state----and seeing the cuts being made---yes there have been BOLD cuts to eliminate MATH competitions in Janesville, BOLD cuts in Edgerton to AP programs in Chemistry and Physics---cut to one semester---just cut enough to ensure enrollment but not success in passing the AP exam. And first on the BOLD cuts list has been the GT programs for the brightest of our students. Yes. It is kind of like cutting the tallest basketball players from the basketball team----after all. Gotta make things fair for everybody.
As I wondered about these matters, as I often do, I just picked up the phone and called my old friend Herman, the countryboy lawyer from Normal, Mn.. Herman is a distinguished member of the Normal School Board, and yes a practicing lawyer, specializing in real estate. Well. Mostly recreational real estate. Fishing shacks mostly. I knew that Minnesota was real high on identification of talented students, so I just plain out asked him:
"Herman----what do you folks have in the way of GT education up there in Normal, Mn.?
Herman let out a huge bellylaugh.
"Shucks Wolfman, we are way beyond the GT programs. We have GTT programs. The problem with the GT programs up here in Normal---well there were several problems. First, all the kids up here in Normal, Mn.are gifted. Everyone is on the National Honor Society. It's just the natural way up here in God's country. Secondly, we got to the point that all we had was GT staff and no money left to administer any programs. It was a real fiscal problem."
"What ever did you do, Herman?" I asked.
"It was real simple, Wolfman (that's what he always called me.) We changed it to the GTT Program----The Grand Travel Tour Program. Each year we take as many kids as possible on a tour of countries abroad, with their teachers of course. We simply do not believe that any "virtual" tour is comparable to the "enriched" hands on real life experience of world travel. "
I was totally shocked. "You mean every child is enriched by world travel?"
"YUP" Herman chortled. "If they wern't Gifted before the world trip.....they sure was gifted AFTER they got back."
"How could you call it "classroom instruction" I asked?"
"That is the breakthrough," Herman explained. In reviewing the "virtual school" concept we discovered that by a slight modification of the definition of "classroom" we could make any flightplan comply---and presto the Travel Tour program was born."
"WOW" I gasped. That is stunning. " "And what about the frequent flier miles, I asked?"
"Those extra frequent flier miles are simply given to the teachers. Our accounting system just did not have a category for em. It works out real handy."
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where our schools still have GT programs and not GTT programs, even if the GT programs have only the staff and no money to dispense.. ...... And where we do NOT confuse the junket expenses with enriched educational programs.
What a relief.
After pondering all the minutes of our local school district, and watching the budget stress in our fair state----and seeing the cuts being made---yes there have been BOLD cuts to eliminate MATH competitions in Janesville, BOLD cuts in Edgerton to AP programs in Chemistry and Physics---cut to one semester---just cut enough to ensure enrollment but not success in passing the AP exam. And first on the BOLD cuts list has been the GT programs for the brightest of our students. Yes. It is kind of like cutting the tallest basketball players from the basketball team----after all. Gotta make things fair for everybody.
As I wondered about these matters, as I often do, I just picked up the phone and called my old friend Herman, the countryboy lawyer from Normal, Mn.. Herman is a distinguished member of the Normal School Board, and yes a practicing lawyer, specializing in real estate. Well. Mostly recreational real estate. Fishing shacks mostly. I knew that Minnesota was real high on identification of talented students, so I just plain out asked him:
"Herman----what do you folks have in the way of GT education up there in Normal, Mn.?
Herman let out a huge bellylaugh.
"Shucks Wolfman, we are way beyond the GT programs. We have GTT programs. The problem with the GT programs up here in Normal---well there were several problems. First, all the kids up here in Normal, Mn.are gifted. Everyone is on the National Honor Society. It's just the natural way up here in God's country. Secondly, we got to the point that all we had was GT staff and no money left to administer any programs. It was a real fiscal problem."
"What ever did you do, Herman?" I asked.
"It was real simple, Wolfman (that's what he always called me.) We changed it to the GTT Program----The Grand Travel Tour Program. Each year we take as many kids as possible on a tour of countries abroad, with their teachers of course. We simply do not believe that any "virtual" tour is comparable to the "enriched" hands on real life experience of world travel. "
I was totally shocked. "You mean every child is enriched by world travel?"
"YUP" Herman chortled. "If they wern't Gifted before the world trip.....they sure was gifted AFTER they got back."
"How could you call it "classroom instruction" I asked?"
"That is the breakthrough," Herman explained. In reviewing the "virtual school" concept we discovered that by a slight modification of the definition of "classroom" we could make any flightplan comply---and presto the Travel Tour program was born."
"WOW" I gasped. That is stunning. " "And what about the frequent flier miles, I asked?"
"Those extra frequent flier miles are simply given to the teachers. Our accounting system just did not have a category for em. It works out real handy."
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where our schools still have GT programs and not GTT programs, even if the GT programs have only the staff and no money to dispense.. ...... And where we do NOT confuse the junket expenses with enriched educational programs.
What a relief.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Dateline Normal, MN.: "Book of Minutes" wins Best Fiction Award
Well, it has been a long week....with the weather and all...the slick roads...the heavy lifting of snow shoveling....and I thought it would be good to get out on the road, the freeways should be better I thought....and head up to the good old frozen tundra for some old time ice fishing. This weekend was the annual fishing contest in Normal,Mn, that famous fishing town just south of Garrison, and just west of the land of Lake Woebegone.
After I checked into the Spruce Goose Motel, the only motel with stuffed animals on every wall, and the pull down king size beds in the wall, and of course with the mini-dove bars in the ash trays for a touch of upscale cache---I decided to take a short nap--too many hours of following snow plows and stopping in gas stations with sub par coffee had left me weary.
As I reached over to the nightstand, I noticed a book there with the usual sacred red cover, and the faint picture of a sundial on the cover..... I wondered..... I usually just dismiss the usual Gideon Bible thing, but wondered about the cover. The sundial just got my interest. Then I noticed the title: "The Book of Minutes".
I was familiar with the Book of Virtues, the Book of Psalms, the Book of Noah, etc, etc, but never...."The Book of Minutes." As I browsed through the nicely arranged book, I saw the art of Herman at work. All the minutes of the meetings of Normal, Mn. were in perfect order. And, there was even blank pages....I assumed that this was for folks to make notes in the margin for questions to ask. After reflection on the deeper meaning of the minutes.
After a brief nap, I headed over to meet Herman at the Hideaway Lounge. After slipping into the empty spot at the bar, i just asked him directly, before I could forget:
"Herman, "What is with the Book of Minutes, anyway?"
"Shucks Wolfman,(that's what he always called me)the book of minutes is what we call "The Good Book" up here in God's Country. It has all the doins of City Hall and such. And folks read it before going to bed at night---it is guaranteed to make them real sleepy...and fast."
"I understand the minutes thing, Herman. It's just the blank pages that I do not get. What is up?"
Herman let out a huge bellylaugh:
"Shucks. Those are the minutes that they forget to write. But the way it is written, it looks like it is spots for folks to write their own minutes. It could be that too. We leave it kinda vague on it. Still. Half of the book is blank. We intended it that way. It lets the folks use their imagination about what actually happened."
"What ever happened to the Gideon Bibles?" I asked.
"Shucks, Wolfman---we don't need them anymore. And besides. Ya can't write in them. " And the best part is that we have won a National Fiction award for the Book of Minutes. The Critics just loved it."
Well after a great weekend, I headed back to good old Wisconsin. Where we don't have any fiction in our Book of Minutes. Where even if we could have the Book of Minutes in the nightstand of each room in our brand new hotel....we would still have the Gideon Bible right beside it.
After I checked into the Spruce Goose Motel, the only motel with stuffed animals on every wall, and the pull down king size beds in the wall, and of course with the mini-dove bars in the ash trays for a touch of upscale cache---I decided to take a short nap--too many hours of following snow plows and stopping in gas stations with sub par coffee had left me weary.
As I reached over to the nightstand, I noticed a book there with the usual sacred red cover, and the faint picture of a sundial on the cover..... I wondered..... I usually just dismiss the usual Gideon Bible thing, but wondered about the cover. The sundial just got my interest. Then I noticed the title: "The Book of Minutes".
I was familiar with the Book of Virtues, the Book of Psalms, the Book of Noah, etc, etc, but never...."The Book of Minutes." As I browsed through the nicely arranged book, I saw the art of Herman at work. All the minutes of the meetings of Normal, Mn. were in perfect order. And, there was even blank pages....I assumed that this was for folks to make notes in the margin for questions to ask. After reflection on the deeper meaning of the minutes.
After a brief nap, I headed over to meet Herman at the Hideaway Lounge. After slipping into the empty spot at the bar, i just asked him directly, before I could forget:
"Herman, "What is with the Book of Minutes, anyway?"
"Shucks Wolfman,(that's what he always called me)the book of minutes is what we call "The Good Book" up here in God's Country. It has all the doins of City Hall and such. And folks read it before going to bed at night---it is guaranteed to make them real sleepy...and fast."
"I understand the minutes thing, Herman. It's just the blank pages that I do not get. What is up?"
Herman let out a huge bellylaugh:
"Shucks. Those are the minutes that they forget to write. But the way it is written, it looks like it is spots for folks to write their own minutes. It could be that too. We leave it kinda vague on it. Still. Half of the book is blank. We intended it that way. It lets the folks use their imagination about what actually happened."
"What ever happened to the Gideon Bibles?" I asked.
"Shucks, Wolfman---we don't need them anymore. And besides. Ya can't write in them. " And the best part is that we have won a National Fiction award for the Book of Minutes. The Critics just loved it."
Well after a great weekend, I headed back to good old Wisconsin. Where we don't have any fiction in our Book of Minutes. Where even if we could have the Book of Minutes in the nightstand of each room in our brand new hotel....we would still have the Gideon Bible right beside it.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Dateline Normal: "Big D"---"The Pearl Harbor Strategy_---FICTION
Dateline Normal: Big "D"; or "The Pearl Harbor Strategy"--FICTION
(Ed.note. This is one of a long series of fictional sketches from a land in Northern Minnesota, just south of Garrison, called Normal, Mn. These sketches are available on Cd and are shipped in a brown paper wrapper clearly marked, FICTION. Any resemblence between this land of make believe and reality is purely accidental.)
This weekend, anticipating the big Packers-Vikings football game, all the relatives headed up to the cabin for the last time to savor a moment in Normal, Mn.. Mark, Chris and Patrick all gathered with me at the little diner across from the bait shop for a little pre-function prior to the game. I introduced them to my old friend Herman, the countryboy lawyer, and a member of the Normal School Board. Both Mark and Chris, being business owners, hit it off instantly with Herman, cause of his crazy legal theories and wild sense of humor.
Mark began his analysis of the upcoming Packer game with a long discussion on "Big D" and that it was very unclear who had the best defense, the Packers or the Vikings. The anlaysis was very detailed. Mark had the theory that defense was what won football games. Yes, even with explosive passing teams like the Vikings and Packers.
Herman listened for a long while. I could tell he was pondering something deep.
"What are your thoughts on this, Herman?" I asked.
"Up here in God's Country, "Big D" has a deeper meaning. It stands for DEBT. "
I just then felt a little remiss, because I had not explained to the guys that Herman had been in a long battle as a member of the Normal School board that had added lots of debt to their balance sheet, and in fact had vaporized their fund balance---an act that had caused an uproar of community anger. I took a moment to give the boys a little background.
"Man, up here we are called to lead. It's called the big D----DOMINATION. I know the folks do not want to follow, but ....well....that's just their role. I am going to dominate. It's just my natural way. I just use the Pearl Harbor Strategy. We load em up with debt, take all the cash and then tell them that we need them to bust the levy limit. It's just a wonderful strategy. It's sheer moxie."
"You mean that you deliberatley create disaster in order to lead your community?" Mark asked.
"YES. YES. That IS the plan exactly," Herman said with wild enthusiasm. "It is the ultimate management tool. It is asymetrical warfare.
Mark was just stunned. He was a master of leverage. Just the thought of disaster as a management tool was a shock to his senses---- still, I could tell the "Domination" part was pretty attractive.
I had thought that Big D was about football. I had not thought of the deeper meaning. Like big DEBT, big DOMINATION, or big DISASTER.
At half time, after Favre has thrown a couple of wonderful passes, I had the feeling that the Packers would have their way. I knew how ugly Herman could get when the Vikings could not dominate, so I headed down Hwy 10 for the long drive home.
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where big "D" is about DEFENSE. Where DEBT, DOMINATION and DISASTER are NOT the strategy of our school boards. And where our favorite colors are the green and gold---not purple.
(Ed.note. This is one of a long series of fictional sketches from a land in Northern Minnesota, just south of Garrison, called Normal, Mn. These sketches are available on Cd and are shipped in a brown paper wrapper clearly marked, FICTION. Any resemblence between this land of make believe and reality is purely accidental.)
This weekend, anticipating the big Packers-Vikings football game, all the relatives headed up to the cabin for the last time to savor a moment in Normal, Mn.. Mark, Chris and Patrick all gathered with me at the little diner across from the bait shop for a little pre-function prior to the game. I introduced them to my old friend Herman, the countryboy lawyer, and a member of the Normal School Board. Both Mark and Chris, being business owners, hit it off instantly with Herman, cause of his crazy legal theories and wild sense of humor.
Mark began his analysis of the upcoming Packer game with a long discussion on "Big D" and that it was very unclear who had the best defense, the Packers or the Vikings. The anlaysis was very detailed. Mark had the theory that defense was what won football games. Yes, even with explosive passing teams like the Vikings and Packers.
Herman listened for a long while. I could tell he was pondering something deep.
"What are your thoughts on this, Herman?" I asked.
"Up here in God's Country, "Big D" has a deeper meaning. It stands for DEBT. "
I just then felt a little remiss, because I had not explained to the guys that Herman had been in a long battle as a member of the Normal School board that had added lots of debt to their balance sheet, and in fact had vaporized their fund balance---an act that had caused an uproar of community anger. I took a moment to give the boys a little background.
"Man, up here we are called to lead. It's called the big D----DOMINATION. I know the folks do not want to follow, but ....well....that's just their role. I am going to dominate. It's just my natural way. I just use the Pearl Harbor Strategy. We load em up with debt, take all the cash and then tell them that we need them to bust the levy limit. It's just a wonderful strategy. It's sheer moxie."
"You mean that you deliberatley create disaster in order to lead your community?" Mark asked.
"YES. YES. That IS the plan exactly," Herman said with wild enthusiasm. "It is the ultimate management tool. It is asymetrical warfare.
Mark was just stunned. He was a master of leverage. Just the thought of disaster as a management tool was a shock to his senses---- still, I could tell the "Domination" part was pretty attractive.
I had thought that Big D was about football. I had not thought of the deeper meaning. Like big DEBT, big DOMINATION, or big DISASTER.
At half time, after Favre has thrown a couple of wonderful passes, I had the feeling that the Packers would have their way. I knew how ugly Herman could get when the Vikings could not dominate, so I headed down Hwy 10 for the long drive home.
Thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin. Where big "D" is about DEFENSE. Where DEBT, DOMINATION and DISASTER are NOT the strategy of our school boards. And where our favorite colors are the green and gold---not purple.
Dateline Normal: "Administrator Estates"---a Thanksgiving Day Tale
Dateline Normal: "Administrator Estates"------a Thanksgiving Tale
(Ed. note. The following is one a long series of sketches that are also available on Cd and mailed out in a brown paper wrapper, clearly maked FICTION. Any resemblence between these tales and reality is purely accidental.)
Some years back we made a firm and fast rule that we would make our last trip to Minnesota on Thanksgiving. Too many ice and snow problems. So----yesterday--on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I joined the millions and headed up HWY 94 and then at the Twin Cities it was bumper to bumper as I headed north to that famous land near the land of Lake Woebegone---the land of Normal, Mn.
This morning, Thanksgiving, I headed over to the local diner to get a bit of Thanksgiving turkey and chat with all the locals. There I met with Herman, my countryboy lawyer friend, who in additon to being on the Normal School Board, was a celebrated lawyer in the northern parts.
I mentioned to him that we in Evansville were hiring a new administrator. We had two excellent administrators but both had only served two or three years and then taken other jobs but remained in the town to raise their families. I just wondered how things were done in Normal.
"Shucks Wolfman, (that's what he always called me) we have plenty of administrative talent up here in Normal."
"How could that be?" I asked. It is so isolated up here and there is so little to do. How could you attract fine talent?"
"It's real simple," Herman replied. It's called "Chains of Love." We lure them with the benefits. "
"I still do not understand," I said.
"We do the real natural thing up here in God's country. Once they have served three years, we give them a paid for home, tax free in a special subsection called "Administrator Estates." Shucks, it's got a club house, a beautiful park---even a golf course is within walking distance."
"That must be very costly," I wondered.
"Not really." Herman quipped. "Ya gotta think strategically, Wolfman. Once they have served and have the wonderful home, they continue to live here and serve on committees, budget and such. Shucks, we have some of the finest talent in Minnesota right here in this little northern burg. So------it is very cost effective."
Then Herman pointed to the wall where there was a large picture of the main lodge of Administrator Estates. It had that A-frame look but was in very upscale style---almost like Grandview Lodge of Minnesota.
"It looks wonderful," I said. "But does it have a Starbucks?"
"Shucks no, Wolfman. Up here they are so excited by the wonderful homes, the career and the family life that they don't need any fancy coffee. Just simple Maxwell House, lots of sugar and whipped cream."----in the dark blue Viking mug of course.
All the "Normal" benefits of service are just our way of saying Thank You for all their fine work. It's kinda like Thanksgiving."
Tomorrow I have to head back to good old Wisconisn. Where we have some Starbucks and fancy coffee and such. Still. I had to admit that the concept of Thanksgiving as Herman and the folks in Normal did it was pretty nice. I just wondered what the locals would think of "The Administrator Estates" concept. There was 8 1/2 years to think about it till a new subsection could be platted. That seemed plenty of time to plan properly.
(Happy Thanksgiving to all those who have served or are serving our community.)
(Ed. note. The following is one a long series of sketches that are also available on Cd and mailed out in a brown paper wrapper, clearly maked FICTION. Any resemblence between these tales and reality is purely accidental.)
Some years back we made a firm and fast rule that we would make our last trip to Minnesota on Thanksgiving. Too many ice and snow problems. So----yesterday--on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I joined the millions and headed up HWY 94 and then at the Twin Cities it was bumper to bumper as I headed north to that famous land near the land of Lake Woebegone---the land of Normal, Mn.
This morning, Thanksgiving, I headed over to the local diner to get a bit of Thanksgiving turkey and chat with all the locals. There I met with Herman, my countryboy lawyer friend, who in additon to being on the Normal School Board, was a celebrated lawyer in the northern parts.
I mentioned to him that we in Evansville were hiring a new administrator. We had two excellent administrators but both had only served two or three years and then taken other jobs but remained in the town to raise their families. I just wondered how things were done in Normal.
"Shucks Wolfman, (that's what he always called me) we have plenty of administrative talent up here in Normal."
"How could that be?" I asked. It is so isolated up here and there is so little to do. How could you attract fine talent?"
"It's real simple," Herman replied. It's called "Chains of Love." We lure them with the benefits. "
"I still do not understand," I said.
"We do the real natural thing up here in God's country. Once they have served three years, we give them a paid for home, tax free in a special subsection called "Administrator Estates." Shucks, it's got a club house, a beautiful park---even a golf course is within walking distance."
"That must be very costly," I wondered.
"Not really." Herman quipped. "Ya gotta think strategically, Wolfman. Once they have served and have the wonderful home, they continue to live here and serve on committees, budget and such. Shucks, we have some of the finest talent in Minnesota right here in this little northern burg. So------it is very cost effective."
Then Herman pointed to the wall where there was a large picture of the main lodge of Administrator Estates. It had that A-frame look but was in very upscale style---almost like Grandview Lodge of Minnesota.
"It looks wonderful," I said. "But does it have a Starbucks?"
"Shucks no, Wolfman. Up here they are so excited by the wonderful homes, the career and the family life that they don't need any fancy coffee. Just simple Maxwell House, lots of sugar and whipped cream."----in the dark blue Viking mug of course.
All the "Normal" benefits of service are just our way of saying Thank You for all their fine work. It's kinda like Thanksgiving."
Tomorrow I have to head back to good old Wisconisn. Where we have some Starbucks and fancy coffee and such. Still. I had to admit that the concept of Thanksgiving as Herman and the folks in Normal did it was pretty nice. I just wondered what the locals would think of "The Administrator Estates" concept. There was 8 1/2 years to think about it till a new subsection could be platted. That seemed plenty of time to plan properly.
(Happy Thanksgiving to all those who have served or are serving our community.)
Friday, December 7, 2007
Dateline Normal: Earplugs out of stock in Normal; "To Hear....but not to Listen"----FICTION
After a hectic weekend near Chicago midst the snow and sleet, I thought a little break was in order. I headed on up that long and winding road up Hwy 10 north of the Twin Cities to my favorite getaway town, Normal, Mn. The regular tourists have long gone as the conditions are not passable for anyone but the regular hardy boys---the regulars that ice fish right through the winter.
After checking in to the Spruce Goose Motel, the one with the pull down king size beds, with the stuffed animals on every wall, and yes, with the small mini-dove bars in the ash tray to give it a touch of upscale class.....I headed on over to the law office of my countryboy lawyer friend, Herman.
Before I got to the office, though, I headed into the local five and dime store to pick up some earplugs---something that I have become accustomed to needing for stays in small town motels. Now that I was ageing slightly, I needed a full nights sleep uninteruppted by neighbors.
"We are all out of earplugs!" the petite sales girl said. 'All the local politicos have cornered the market. We will not have any more till the first of the year."
Just a little bewildered, I headed over to Herman's office.
"Herman," I said, what the heck is going on with the earplugs. There has been a run on them. Next to big screen tv, it is number two in sales in Christmas retail trade up here. "
Herman let out a large bellylaugh.
"It's real simple, Wolfman (that's what he always called me.) The local politicans have promised the voters that they will listen. However, there are some real fine political plums that they know the citizens do not want. They want to be honest. To keep their word. The only way they can honestly say they have NOT heard the voters protest, is to put earplugs in their ears. It is a real tough minded thing."
WOW. I was totally stunned. Voluntary Deafness is a rare political strategy.
I had a rough weekend with very little sleep. Noisy neighbors. I sure was glad to get back in our fair city. Where we still have earplugs on sale at our stores. Where politicians do not wear ear plugs so they do not hear the voters opinions. and where due to the toughness of character, voluntary deafness is a trained skill and does not require earplugs.
After checking in to the Spruce Goose Motel, the one with the pull down king size beds, with the stuffed animals on every wall, and yes, with the small mini-dove bars in the ash tray to give it a touch of upscale class.....I headed on over to the law office of my countryboy lawyer friend, Herman.
Before I got to the office, though, I headed into the local five and dime store to pick up some earplugs---something that I have become accustomed to needing for stays in small town motels. Now that I was ageing slightly, I needed a full nights sleep uninteruppted by neighbors.
"We are all out of earplugs!" the petite sales girl said. 'All the local politicos have cornered the market. We will not have any more till the first of the year."
Just a little bewildered, I headed over to Herman's office.
"Herman," I said, what the heck is going on with the earplugs. There has been a run on them. Next to big screen tv, it is number two in sales in Christmas retail trade up here. "
Herman let out a large bellylaugh.
"It's real simple, Wolfman (that's what he always called me.) The local politicans have promised the voters that they will listen. However, there are some real fine political plums that they know the citizens do not want. They want to be honest. To keep their word. The only way they can honestly say they have NOT heard the voters protest, is to put earplugs in their ears. It is a real tough minded thing."
WOW. I was totally stunned. Voluntary Deafness is a rare political strategy.
I had a rough weekend with very little sleep. Noisy neighbors. I sure was glad to get back in our fair city. Where we still have earplugs on sale at our stores. Where politicians do not wear ear plugs so they do not hear the voters opinions. and where due to the toughness of character, voluntary deafness is a trained skill and does not require earplugs.
Friday, November 30, 2007
(Orig Post 11/30/2007): Dateline Normal, Mn.; The Maze of Love; The "MAP" is the key----FICTION
(Ed.note: The Tales from Normal---FICTION are now available in book form. Click on the post for the first volume. They are also available via podcast on Itunes. You can subscribe to all the TALES by scrolling to the end and clicking "subscribe." Now you can be up to date and never miss an episode. Just think. Someday even cites will have their minutes and agendas available just like the Tales From Normal. Imagine.)
Well this morning I have been reading in the headlines that authoritative pundits have discovered that men talk as much if not more than women. Yes. Quite a surprise. However, what the newspaper articles do not discuss, is whether the talk is about anything similar. I would think not.
As the parent of three girls, and the youngest now graduating from high school, I can say that I have tried to diagram the content of the discussion of the last decade in order to find my way out of the maze of analysis of relationships----and despite my total dedication to discovering the secret, have come up empty. Yes. I need a MAP.
After all, without a map, whether it is about LOVE or SWAMPS, ya just do not have ANYTHING.
Wondering about all this, as I always do, I picked up the phone and gave my old friend Herman, the country boy lawyer in Normal, Mn. a call. He must have some knowledge about his. He was single however. A confirmed bachelor. Still. I wondered if he could be of some help.
Herman was a specialist in real estate law. And he was a prominent member of the Normal, Mn. school board---- Normal, Mn. was up in the lush fishing territory of northern Minnesota, just south of Garrison, Mn., and it was surrounded by water. I figured that Herman must have some experience with SWAMPS as well as LOVE. I hoped anyway.
"Herman---what is the MAP of "love". I really need some help here. Is the situation anything like the MAP of SWAMPS?"
"Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me.) The MAP is the key thing in LOVE and in SWAMPS. Without the MAP it just ain't REAL. It is just BOGUS. You can be knee deep in love ....or a swamp, and never know it without a certified MAP. Of course ya have to pay a consultant for a MAP. Even if it is drawn on a napkin. Then ya pay the fee..... usually a high fee. Then it becomes REAL. It is real MAGIC."
Up here in Normal, each parcel comes with a MAP and every woman comes with one too. That way, they are prepared for the real world. They are CERTIFIED real."
I was just shocked.
Still. It made sense. Ya just needed a MAP. Without the certified MAP, ya could be in LOVE, or be in a SWAMP, and nobody would know.
Well this morning I have been reading in the headlines that authoritative pundits have discovered that men talk as much if not more than women. Yes. Quite a surprise. However, what the newspaper articles do not discuss, is whether the talk is about anything similar. I would think not.
As the parent of three girls, and the youngest now graduating from high school, I can say that I have tried to diagram the content of the discussion of the last decade in order to find my way out of the maze of analysis of relationships----and despite my total dedication to discovering the secret, have come up empty. Yes. I need a MAP.
After all, without a map, whether it is about LOVE or SWAMPS, ya just do not have ANYTHING.
Wondering about all this, as I always do, I picked up the phone and gave my old friend Herman, the country boy lawyer in Normal, Mn. a call. He must have some knowledge about his. He was single however. A confirmed bachelor. Still. I wondered if he could be of some help.
Herman was a specialist in real estate law. And he was a prominent member of the Normal, Mn. school board---- Normal, Mn. was up in the lush fishing territory of northern Minnesota, just south of Garrison, Mn., and it was surrounded by water. I figured that Herman must have some experience with SWAMPS as well as LOVE. I hoped anyway.
"Herman---what is the MAP of "love". I really need some help here. Is the situation anything like the MAP of SWAMPS?"
"Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me.) The MAP is the key thing in LOVE and in SWAMPS. Without the MAP it just ain't REAL. It is just BOGUS. You can be knee deep in love ....or a swamp, and never know it without a certified MAP. Of course ya have to pay a consultant for a MAP. Even if it is drawn on a napkin. Then ya pay the fee..... usually a high fee. Then it becomes REAL. It is real MAGIC."
Up here in Normal, each parcel comes with a MAP and every woman comes with one too. That way, they are prepared for the real world. They are CERTIFIED real."
I was just shocked.
Still. It made sense. Ya just needed a MAP. Without the certified MAP, ya could be in LOVE, or be in a SWAMP, and nobody would know.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Dateline Normal: "Old Time Religion"---FICTION
Recently I have been reading of the efforts of one of the "Old Time Religions" to put an end to the new fangled guitar folk dudes that have infiltrated the sacred time of the era of Gregory----the days when Gregorian chant was king. I had grown up midst the old time chants, since I had been raised and taught by the Bendictines. As I got older and the folk music came to all the churches, I kinda adjusted to the guitar folk music. After all, Bob Dylan was playing at the four corners on the University of Minnesota. Nothing like a good version of "Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat" to get me in a real bluesy or soulful mood.
It seems though that some felt this was an intrusion into the sacred notions of religion. I just wondered what was a reasonable philosophy to have about it. The whole nation seemed pretty divided about it.
The Church wanted to appeal to all those folks that they had lost back in 1960 when the Latin was changed for the vernacular. Those were the folks that were in their 60's then. They would be about 100 years old now. It was hoped by the reintroduction of the old time chants, that those folks would again return to the churches across America, and begin contributing at the collection plate.
I always have loved sales, and marketing. There just seemed to be a problem with the nonexistence of the market segment they were hoping to attract. After all. Those folks had been dead for years.
I was willing to listen though. And I thought to give it a fair hearing, I should call my old friend Herman in Normal, Mn.. Herman was a countryboy lawyer there, and as you know, a distinguished member of the Normal, Mn. school board. When it came to "quid pro quo", fishing, or Latin....he was the closest thing to an expert in the town. It was a cold, wintery day, so my cell phone call went right through.
Herman was out in the fish house ice fishing. I could hear the music in the background.
I got right to the point:
"Herman, what is the old time religious music like up there in Normal, Mn.? Do you still have any of that Gregorian chant stuff up there?
"Shucks NO Wolfman----up here in Normal, Mn., we have had to make an adjustment in order to SURVIVE-----up here it is real cold. Years ago, we had a preacher that introduced the POLKA Mass here in Normal, and it was a huge success.
The first thing to note about the POLKA Mass is the pace----the music is at CUT time---and folks have to move quickly---and that makes their blood flow and they experience an "Inner FIRE" that makes them experience a real warmth. Once they had gotten hooked on the POLKA Mass, they just could not go back to the chanting. Besides, there are no exercise clubs up here in Normal, and the exercise of the polka dancing is real healthful. "
WOW. I was just a little stunned. I had not thought of SACRED TIME as referring to a musical time signature. Still, the more I thought about it, the adjustment of Normal, Mn. seemed to be perfectly suited to the northern tundra.
I just wondered though. Was it cold enough in our fair city to have the up tempo TIME? Maybe it would be too fast a beat.
It seems though that some felt this was an intrusion into the sacred notions of religion. I just wondered what was a reasonable philosophy to have about it. The whole nation seemed pretty divided about it.
The Church wanted to appeal to all those folks that they had lost back in 1960 when the Latin was changed for the vernacular. Those were the folks that were in their 60's then. They would be about 100 years old now. It was hoped by the reintroduction of the old time chants, that those folks would again return to the churches across America, and begin contributing at the collection plate.
I always have loved sales, and marketing. There just seemed to be a problem with the nonexistence of the market segment they were hoping to attract. After all. Those folks had been dead for years.
I was willing to listen though. And I thought to give it a fair hearing, I should call my old friend Herman in Normal, Mn.. Herman was a countryboy lawyer there, and as you know, a distinguished member of the Normal, Mn. school board. When it came to "quid pro quo", fishing, or Latin....he was the closest thing to an expert in the town. It was a cold, wintery day, so my cell phone call went right through.
Herman was out in the fish house ice fishing. I could hear the music in the background.
I got right to the point:
"Herman, what is the old time religious music like up there in Normal, Mn.? Do you still have any of that Gregorian chant stuff up there?
"Shucks NO Wolfman----up here in Normal, Mn., we have had to make an adjustment in order to SURVIVE-----up here it is real cold. Years ago, we had a preacher that introduced the POLKA Mass here in Normal, and it was a huge success.
The first thing to note about the POLKA Mass is the pace----the music is at CUT time---and folks have to move quickly---and that makes their blood flow and they experience an "Inner FIRE" that makes them experience a real warmth. Once they had gotten hooked on the POLKA Mass, they just could not go back to the chanting. Besides, there are no exercise clubs up here in Normal, and the exercise of the polka dancing is real healthful. "
WOW. I was just a little stunned. I had not thought of SACRED TIME as referring to a musical time signature. Still, the more I thought about it, the adjustment of Normal, Mn. seemed to be perfectly suited to the northern tundra.
I just wondered though. Was it cold enough in our fair city to have the up tempo TIME? Maybe it would be too fast a beat.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Dateline Normal: "Normal Insurance"---FICTION
Recently, after a long drive up HWY 10 north of the Twin Cities, I cruised into my favorite fishing town, Normal, Mn.. It was a fast, smooth drive, with time to listen to some of my favorite Bob Dylan tapes that brother Denis had given to me as surplus.
Right as I cruised into the brief business district of Normal---which is really only a block long, I noticed something that I should have noticed long ago---there were no insurance agencies in Normal---not one.
When I caught up with Herman, my old countryboy lawyer friend, I asked him right away:
"Herman---how do you guys up in Normal, Mn. function without any insurance agents? I just do not get it."
Herman let out a loud bellylaugh. "Shucks Wolfman, (That's what he always called me,) It's real simple. Up here in Normal, we live by the natural law. We take all the risks in stride. We make no attempt to take artificial accounting measures. We just leave it up to the Lord. It's just the natural Way."
I was just dumbfounded.
"WHAT?"-----I said.
"How could that be? What do you do if you have a fire loss? What EVER to you DO?"
"It's real simple, Wolfman" We just apply for TIF assistance. It sure beats buying insurance. It keeps our lives real economical up here in God's country.
WELL.
I got back in the car and headed back to good old Wisconsin. Where we have plenty of insurance. Where we are real sophisticated risk takers. Real professionals. And where business owners take out FIRE insurance rather than apply for TIF assistance.
Thank goodness.
Right as I cruised into the brief business district of Normal---which is really only a block long, I noticed something that I should have noticed long ago---there were no insurance agencies in Normal---not one.
When I caught up with Herman, my old countryboy lawyer friend, I asked him right away:
"Herman---how do you guys up in Normal, Mn. function without any insurance agents? I just do not get it."
Herman let out a loud bellylaugh. "Shucks Wolfman, (That's what he always called me,) It's real simple. Up here in Normal, we live by the natural law. We take all the risks in stride. We make no attempt to take artificial accounting measures. We just leave it up to the Lord. It's just the natural Way."
I was just dumbfounded.
"WHAT?"-----I said.
"How could that be? What do you do if you have a fire loss? What EVER to you DO?"
"It's real simple, Wolfman" We just apply for TIF assistance. It sure beats buying insurance. It keeps our lives real economical up here in God's country.
WELL.
I got back in the car and headed back to good old Wisconsin. Where we have plenty of insurance. Where we are real sophisticated risk takers. Real professionals. And where business owners take out FIRE insurance rather than apply for TIF assistance.
Thank goodness.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Dateline Normal: "Progressive Meetings"----Fiction
I was shocked to see recently that next Monday no less than three meetings will occur in one day for our School District, the Policy Committee at noon, the Buildings and Grounds at 4:30PM and then the regular Board meeting at 5:30PM.
Wondering what to make of the back to back meeting rage, I picked up the phone and called my old friend Herman, the country boy lawyer in Normal, Mn., way up north on Hwy 10 North of the Twin Cities--my favorite getaway town for fishing.
"Herman," I asked, What is with the new fashion of back to back meetings. What is the deal with this?"
Herman replied: "It is PROGRESSIVE---- It was modeled after the Progressive dinners---you know the ones. Ya start at one house for salad, then to the next for main course, the next for dessert, and then the final for happy hour. We have been doing it like that for over 20 years up here in Normal. This way, all the business gets wrapped up in one day.
We used to call the last part, "ACTION ITEMS" but over time, with the introduction of two for one liquor highballs, it was called "Happy Hour". We all vote unanimously. We just have to become consensus leaders. Somedays it takes more highballs than others. "
What a shock! I had thought "progressive" came from the progressive movement in Wisconsin. I never realized it was named after progressive dinners.
Still. It made a lot of sense. Politicians needed a life too. Packing all the meetings in one day sure would be efficient. That way they would have most of the month for real living.
I just wonder whether all the local folks could get used to the progressive style. That "Action Items" or Happy Hour sure was a selling point. It sure does make the word consensus leadership more understable.
Wondering what to make of the back to back meeting rage, I picked up the phone and called my old friend Herman, the country boy lawyer in Normal, Mn., way up north on Hwy 10 North of the Twin Cities--my favorite getaway town for fishing.
"Herman," I asked, What is with the new fashion of back to back meetings. What is the deal with this?"
Herman replied: "It is PROGRESSIVE---- It was modeled after the Progressive dinners---you know the ones. Ya start at one house for salad, then to the next for main course, the next for dessert, and then the final for happy hour. We have been doing it like that for over 20 years up here in Normal. This way, all the business gets wrapped up in one day.
We used to call the last part, "ACTION ITEMS" but over time, with the introduction of two for one liquor highballs, it was called "Happy Hour". We all vote unanimously. We just have to become consensus leaders. Somedays it takes more highballs than others. "
What a shock! I had thought "progressive" came from the progressive movement in Wisconsin. I never realized it was named after progressive dinners.
Still. It made a lot of sense. Politicians needed a life too. Packing all the meetings in one day sure would be efficient. That way they would have most of the month for real living.
I just wonder whether all the local folks could get used to the progressive style. That "Action Items" or Happy Hour sure was a selling point. It sure does make the word consensus leadership more understable.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Dateline Normal: " Reflection; Reassessment;" ===Fiction
Well, with all the stock market plunging, and the crisis in CMO debt securities, I simply headed the car up that long road up Hwy 10 north of the Twin Cities, to my favorite fishing town, Normal, Mn..
On the long stretch up north, I simply popped in a cd of zen reflections to pass the time. It has been a stressful period for homeowners. With homes falling in value. The piggy bank of home equity as a way of financing the fun things in life is over. It is a rude awaking. It is really a time for reassessment.
When I got to Normal, I checked in to my favorite motel, the Spruce Goose Motel, the one with the pull down king size beds, and with the stuffed animals on every wall, and the little mini-dove bars in the ash trays---just a little touch of country class.
I quickly met Herman at the local diner, where I ordered up my usual coffee, extra bold, extra sugar, with lots of whipped cream, in the dark blue Viking mug. Man it sure beat that stuff that passed for coffee in the gas stations on the way.
I got right to the point with Herman.
"Herman," what in the world is America to do. The real estate is assessed at over 100% of what it was worth a couple of years ago, and it may be ten years till another assessment is required. Till then, everyone in our town has to pay inflated tax bills--real taxes on funny numbers of assessment. What is a guy like me to do? What do you folks do up here in Normal?
"It's real simple, Wolfman---(that's what he always called me.) Up here, even though we are a simple fishing town, we have an old IBM computer, one with the 8 inch diskettes, and we reassess the real estate after each and every sale. If the comparables go down----the real estate appraisal goes down. If it goes up, it goes up. And the best part---all the numbers are available on the Normal, Mn. web site. Ya see, Wolfman, we live in the present. NO accounting games up here in God's country."
Over the weekend, I reflected on Herman's straight talk. It sure was good to get back to good old Wisconsin. Where we are high tech. Where we have cameras that take pictures of our historic town. Still. I wondered. How come we could not reassess on every sale like they did in Normal?
The more I reflected, I realized that this was the quality of life thang. Cold winters. High Tech. Historic towns. Strong cheese. Great Beer. Backward accounting. It was just the High Life.
On the long stretch up north, I simply popped in a cd of zen reflections to pass the time. It has been a stressful period for homeowners. With homes falling in value. The piggy bank of home equity as a way of financing the fun things in life is over. It is a rude awaking. It is really a time for reassessment.
When I got to Normal, I checked in to my favorite motel, the Spruce Goose Motel, the one with the pull down king size beds, and with the stuffed animals on every wall, and the little mini-dove bars in the ash trays---just a little touch of country class.
I quickly met Herman at the local diner, where I ordered up my usual coffee, extra bold, extra sugar, with lots of whipped cream, in the dark blue Viking mug. Man it sure beat that stuff that passed for coffee in the gas stations on the way.
I got right to the point with Herman.
"Herman," what in the world is America to do. The real estate is assessed at over 100% of what it was worth a couple of years ago, and it may be ten years till another assessment is required. Till then, everyone in our town has to pay inflated tax bills--real taxes on funny numbers of assessment. What is a guy like me to do? What do you folks do up here in Normal?
"It's real simple, Wolfman---(that's what he always called me.) Up here, even though we are a simple fishing town, we have an old IBM computer, one with the 8 inch diskettes, and we reassess the real estate after each and every sale. If the comparables go down----the real estate appraisal goes down. If it goes up, it goes up. And the best part---all the numbers are available on the Normal, Mn. web site. Ya see, Wolfman, we live in the present. NO accounting games up here in God's country."
Over the weekend, I reflected on Herman's straight talk. It sure was good to get back to good old Wisconsin. Where we are high tech. Where we have cameras that take pictures of our historic town. Still. I wondered. How come we could not reassess on every sale like they did in Normal?
The more I reflected, I realized that this was the quality of life thang. Cold winters. High Tech. Historic towns. Strong cheese. Great Beer. Backward accounting. It was just the High Life.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Dateline Normal: Herman explains the O.J. Saga; ---FICTION
Oh how I love it when the big story breaks. The thrill of going to work, with all the tech toys to separate the real from the fake video, ala. Bin Laden video, and now the latest masterpiece---the O.J. Simpson audio of the break in.
O.K. It was a little incoherent. But the most disturbing part--- the lingo made me feel real out of date----I mean it was hard even understanding the profanity, much less the content of thought. Finally----I just threw up my hands in despair. How could I publish an audio of incoherent profanity? Besides, I have always followed a "four expletive deleted rule"-----If there are FOUR "bleeps" necessary in one sentence----the sentence---well---- it must simply be deleted.
Wondering how to handle the breaking coverage, and being always responsive to my demanding readers, I moved quickly to pick up the cell phone and dial Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend in Normal, Mn., a historic fishing town, just south of Garrison, Mn., and yes with the brick stone bait shop. Up in those parts, they put their bricks on the houses.
Herman answered on the first ring:
I blurted out: "Herman, what's with somebody breaking into a hotel room to get his old sports stuff back---like old jerseys and pictures and stuff. Let me just ask you, Herman-----do you have any old sports stuff that we might need to do a little burglary to get back?"
Herman started laughing uncontrollably. "Of course not, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me.) I am NOT a star. When you just watch the football stars on Sunday, you have a wife and such---the rule for us normal folks is that we cannot "covet our neighbor's wife"-----with the guys that are STARS, they have so many women, and so few wives....that the sports momentos are the things that are coveted---and fought for. It's just real natural. It's primitive..It's rude and crude, but it goes back a long time.----" The Don't mess with my xxxx Rule." It was around long before Moses.
Wow. Now I understood.
It sure is good to be back in good old Wiscosnin. Where we don't just covet the old sports photos and such. Where we have wives. Where we do not have the huge harem of groupies that take all our time. Where our stuff is right at the end of the bed and there is no need to commit a little burglary to find it.
O.K. It was a little incoherent. But the most disturbing part--- the lingo made me feel real out of date----I mean it was hard even understanding the profanity, much less the content of thought. Finally----I just threw up my hands in despair. How could I publish an audio of incoherent profanity? Besides, I have always followed a "four expletive deleted rule"-----If there are FOUR "bleeps" necessary in one sentence----the sentence---well---- it must simply be deleted.
Wondering how to handle the breaking coverage, and being always responsive to my demanding readers, I moved quickly to pick up the cell phone and dial Herman, my old country boy lawyer friend in Normal, Mn., a historic fishing town, just south of Garrison, Mn., and yes with the brick stone bait shop. Up in those parts, they put their bricks on the houses.
Herman answered on the first ring:
I blurted out: "Herman, what's with somebody breaking into a hotel room to get his old sports stuff back---like old jerseys and pictures and stuff. Let me just ask you, Herman-----do you have any old sports stuff that we might need to do a little burglary to get back?"
Herman started laughing uncontrollably. "Of course not, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me.) I am NOT a star. When you just watch the football stars on Sunday, you have a wife and such---the rule for us normal folks is that we cannot "covet our neighbor's wife"-----with the guys that are STARS, they have so many women, and so few wives....that the sports momentos are the things that are coveted---and fought for. It's just real natural. It's primitive..It's rude and crude, but it goes back a long time.----" The Don't mess with my xxxx Rule." It was around long before Moses.
Wow. Now I understood.
It sure is good to be back in good old Wiscosnin. Where we don't just covet the old sports photos and such. Where we have wives. Where we do not have the huge harem of groupies that take all our time. Where our stuff is right at the end of the bed and there is no need to commit a little burglary to find it.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Dateline Normal: " The Biggest Score---the Longest Game"-----FICTION
Recently I sat through a football game. A really lopsided affair. In fact, the game was over quickly in the first five minutes when fans saw our hometeam slicing through the opponent like butter.
The funniest part was with 16 seconds to go in the first half, with the hometeam leading by 35 points, a timeout was called. I was in disbelief. The coach had the hope that one more score could be launched before halftime.
It was just not like I remember it in the old days------- Why back in the 60's our old coach had three squads and rotated them throughout the game. One, Two Three he used to shout.
Everyone got to play. Win or lose. Nowdays, no matter how tired the starters were, or how many concussions they had, they were in there.
Usually when I do not understand some local matter, I pick up the phone and call my old friend, Herman, the countryboylawyer from Normal, Mn.----he is a trained lawyer and sits on the Normal School Board in Normal, a small fishing village just south of Garrison, Mn., and west of Lake Woebegone.
"Herman what do I not understand. Something must have changed.?"
Herman just laughed. "Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me), nowdays coaches are compensated on a total points system. Yes........ there is a flat yearly stipend---but there are bonuses for so many points per game, per half, points per season, as well as the number of points scored against by opponents.
"If that coach had got just one more touchdown before halftime, he might have qualified for a $1000 bonus. It was a real moxie move."
"But what happened to sportsmanship.....and .....what happened to the old "mercy rule", where coaches were required to play third stringers after the points had reached 35."
"The days of mercy are over, Wolfman. It's just pure free enterprise. Only the first stringers get to play these days. "
I was just stunned.
I always did like the old rotation though. The games were real exciting to watch. Nowdays, the excitement is whether the coach will keep playing the first stringers after their second concussion. Now that is a real crowd thumper.
The funniest part was with 16 seconds to go in the first half, with the hometeam leading by 35 points, a timeout was called. I was in disbelief. The coach had the hope that one more score could be launched before halftime.
It was just not like I remember it in the old days------- Why back in the 60's our old coach had three squads and rotated them throughout the game. One, Two Three he used to shout.
Everyone got to play. Win or lose. Nowdays, no matter how tired the starters were, or how many concussions they had, they were in there.
Usually when I do not understand some local matter, I pick up the phone and call my old friend, Herman, the countryboylawyer from Normal, Mn.----he is a trained lawyer and sits on the Normal School Board in Normal, a small fishing village just south of Garrison, Mn., and west of Lake Woebegone.
"Herman what do I not understand. Something must have changed.?"
Herman just laughed. "Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me), nowdays coaches are compensated on a total points system. Yes........ there is a flat yearly stipend---but there are bonuses for so many points per game, per half, points per season, as well as the number of points scored against by opponents.
"If that coach had got just one more touchdown before halftime, he might have qualified for a $1000 bonus. It was a real moxie move."
"But what happened to sportsmanship.....and .....what happened to the old "mercy rule", where coaches were required to play third stringers after the points had reached 35."
"The days of mercy are over, Wolfman. It's just pure free enterprise. Only the first stringers get to play these days. "
I was just stunned.
I always did like the old rotation though. The games were real exciting to watch. Nowdays, the excitement is whether the coach will keep playing the first stringers after their second concussion. Now that is a real crowd thumper.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Dateline Normal, MN.; "The Longest Flood; The Longest Yard; The Longest Review"----FICTION
The other morning just at the break of dawn, over a fresh cup of coffee, extra sugar and whipped cream, my wife asked me the question, "How come we never hear of Mrs. Noah.?"
Being the Observer, I normally get to ask the questions. Being on the receiving end of such a tough one led me to simply smile and suggest that we get out of town for a weekend.
Yes, it is rare when I head out of town, up Hwy 10 north of the Twin Cities, that I would bring my wife along, bein that mostly its just the guys that frequent the Hideaway Lounge and the sacred spots of the north. However--- I decided to make a special exception in the case of the "Longest Flood."
When we got through with the pleasantries at the Hideaway Lounge, having ordered the "dry martini, shaken, not stirred, and the wife ordering her usual dacquiri---I opened with the observation that I wondered if it was my imagination whether as we get older in life, the trials get "longer" in duration. The floods get longer, etc. ------
The guys were very amused.
"Absolutely not, Wolfman!" Herman burst out in partial laughter. "It must be that your mind is getting slower. These trials have ALWAYS been LONG. Your memory might be failing. Remember those famous films----"The Longest Day"===Wow what a great war flick that was!! And how about that football flick "The Longest Yard"----that was one of my favorites. But the ALL time favorite "Longest" film was the classic "The Longest REVIEW." What a blockbuster that was!!!!!!"
"I don't remember "The Longest Review", I said. "Are you sure it was not some grade "B" movie or maybe just a Minnesota Public Television special movie.?"
"NOPE", Herman replied. It was a national release.
It was a story about a school official that kept coming up for review, but the school board just kept postponing it. It dragged on forever and forever. "
"I don't understand what is so difficult about a simple salary review. It is just one slip of paper," I asked in an innocent tone.
"Well, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me), this was a case of sheer moxie. By delaying the salary review, for a full TEN years, the official was locked in to the previous salary rate-----What a great way to deliver COST CONTAINMENT!!! "
"Do you mean that the delay was a form of salary administration?, I asked.
"YES", Herman roared. And what a moxie move it was."
I was just TOTALLY shocked. Thank goodness we are back in good old Wisconsin. Where we do not even KNOW of such moxie moves as the TEN YEAR Salary Review. We might go a YEAR or so, but TEN is just way off the chart.
I did have to hand it to those folks in Normal, Mn.. They really knew how to set the standards. TEN years is quite a record. Maybe....Just maybe....If we pursued excellence....we could go for the record.
Maybe
Being the Observer, I normally get to ask the questions. Being on the receiving end of such a tough one led me to simply smile and suggest that we get out of town for a weekend.
Yes, it is rare when I head out of town, up Hwy 10 north of the Twin Cities, that I would bring my wife along, bein that mostly its just the guys that frequent the Hideaway Lounge and the sacred spots of the north. However--- I decided to make a special exception in the case of the "Longest Flood."
When we got through with the pleasantries at the Hideaway Lounge, having ordered the "dry martini, shaken, not stirred, and the wife ordering her usual dacquiri---I opened with the observation that I wondered if it was my imagination whether as we get older in life, the trials get "longer" in duration. The floods get longer, etc. ------
The guys were very amused.
"Absolutely not, Wolfman!" Herman burst out in partial laughter. "It must be that your mind is getting slower. These trials have ALWAYS been LONG. Your memory might be failing. Remember those famous films----"The Longest Day"===Wow what a great war flick that was!! And how about that football flick "The Longest Yard"----that was one of my favorites. But the ALL time favorite "Longest" film was the classic "The Longest REVIEW." What a blockbuster that was!!!!!!"
"I don't remember "The Longest Review", I said. "Are you sure it was not some grade "B" movie or maybe just a Minnesota Public Television special movie.?"
"NOPE", Herman replied. It was a national release.
It was a story about a school official that kept coming up for review, but the school board just kept postponing it. It dragged on forever and forever. "
"I don't understand what is so difficult about a simple salary review. It is just one slip of paper," I asked in an innocent tone.
"Well, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me), this was a case of sheer moxie. By delaying the salary review, for a full TEN years, the official was locked in to the previous salary rate-----What a great way to deliver COST CONTAINMENT!!! "
"Do you mean that the delay was a form of salary administration?, I asked.
"YES", Herman roared. And what a moxie move it was."
I was just TOTALLY shocked. Thank goodness we are back in good old Wisconsin. Where we do not even KNOW of such moxie moves as the TEN YEAR Salary Review. We might go a YEAR or so, but TEN is just way off the chart.
I did have to hand it to those folks in Normal, Mn.. They really knew how to set the standards. TEN years is quite a record. Maybe....Just maybe....If we pursued excellence....we could go for the record.
Maybe
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Dateline Normal, Mn.: "The NOT For Sale Sign"---FICTION
Well....after thirty days and thirty nights of rain, I decided to head out of town to one of my favorite getaway spots....you guessed it, Normal, MN., just up Hwy 10 from the Twin Cites, just this side of Garrison, and just West of the Land of Lake Woebegone.
As I was rolling into town, I was surprised to see a house with the sign -----"NOT FOR SALE"-----I was totally shocked. Bold RED letters on a white background.
Just as soon as I met Herman at the Hideaway Lounge, I asked him: "What's with the NOT FOR SALE signs? I have never seen that before.
"It's real simple, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me) we have a huge real estate crisis up here. In fact, NOTHIN is selling. We only had a population increase of 1 last year. With everyone wanting to sell their home, the real estate brokers ran out of signs for their customers. What a crisis!
"What did you do?,"I asked.
"It's real simple. We just added the word NOT and then only needed a couple of signs in the whole town. It has been a huge saving."
Well...thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin....where we can put up all the For Sale signs we want, even if they do no good. Switchin to the NOT FOR SALE concept just seems too big of a change. Sometimes being historic means just bein stubborn. Make a note of it.
As I was rolling into town, I was surprised to see a house with the sign -----"NOT FOR SALE"-----I was totally shocked. Bold RED letters on a white background.
Just as soon as I met Herman at the Hideaway Lounge, I asked him: "What's with the NOT FOR SALE signs? I have never seen that before.
"It's real simple, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me) we have a huge real estate crisis up here. In fact, NOTHIN is selling. We only had a population increase of 1 last year. With everyone wanting to sell their home, the real estate brokers ran out of signs for their customers. What a crisis!
"What did you do?,"I asked.
"It's real simple. We just added the word NOT and then only needed a couple of signs in the whole town. It has been a huge saving."
Well...thank goodness I am back in good old Wisconsin....where we can put up all the For Sale signs we want, even if they do no good. Switchin to the NOT FOR SALE concept just seems too big of a change. Sometimes being historic means just bein stubborn. Make a note of it.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Dateline Normal: Epistles of Noah---Part II---FICTION
(Ed. note.: This is one of a long series of tales of FICTION from the land of Normal, Mn., a land up in northern Minnesota, up Hwy 10 just south of Garrison, and west of the Land of Lake Woebegone. These tales are on podcast on Itunes, and can be downloaded to listen on your ipod for FREE. When shipped out in CD form, they are always shipped in a brown paper wrapper clearly marked FICTION. )
The other night, right after a huge thunder clap had hit near the house, I thought I heard the phone ring. It was faint. Sure enough. It was the phone. But who would call at the unheard of hour of 2am------you guessed it. It was my old friend Herman, the countryboy lawyer from Normal, Mn.. But he never called. Something must be up I thought.
"I found the motherload", he yelled. "I found it!"
"What are you talking about," I asked.
"Well, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me.) You remember that in the Epistles of Noah, I had translated from the Hebrew---with great skill and difficulty I might add-------the last blurred part as 1 MILLION YEARS----or the complete text was "Notwithstanding this FLOOD, we will develop WEST and NORTHWEST ...in 1 million years------" Remember that, Wolfman?"
"YES, YES, I do remember, Herman. That was quite a translating event. Congrats!"
Herman went on: "That is nothing!"
I looked at the number again, and the final number is " 100 MILLION YEARS"----CAN you imagine THAT===Herman bubbled.
"No---I cannot imagine anything that long"---I said. I suppose that was the problem. It seemed not possible so you missed it."
"YES," Herman went on. Noah just could not bear to think that the wait would be that long. Such a long time to wait for further development. I fully empathize with him. He was an action kind of guy. It must have been tough."
I got off the phone. WOW. I suppose I could have told Herman to call me during regular office hours. But then it does not happen very often.
Thank goodness we're back in good old Wisconsin. Where we don't have to wait 100 MILLION years to develop WEST and NORTHWEST. It would be tough to wait that long. Even if it was the right thing to do.
Alleluia.
The other night, right after a huge thunder clap had hit near the house, I thought I heard the phone ring. It was faint. Sure enough. It was the phone. But who would call at the unheard of hour of 2am------you guessed it. It was my old friend Herman, the countryboy lawyer from Normal, Mn.. But he never called. Something must be up I thought.
"I found the motherload", he yelled. "I found it!"
"What are you talking about," I asked.
"Well, Wolfman, (that's what he always called me.) You remember that in the Epistles of Noah, I had translated from the Hebrew---with great skill and difficulty I might add-------the last blurred part as 1 MILLION YEARS----or the complete text was "Notwithstanding this FLOOD, we will develop WEST and NORTHWEST ...in 1 million years------" Remember that, Wolfman?"
"YES, YES, I do remember, Herman. That was quite a translating event. Congrats!"
Herman went on: "That is nothing!"
I looked at the number again, and the final number is " 100 MILLION YEARS"----CAN you imagine THAT===Herman bubbled.
"No---I cannot imagine anything that long"---I said. I suppose that was the problem. It seemed not possible so you missed it."
"YES," Herman went on. Noah just could not bear to think that the wait would be that long. Such a long time to wait for further development. I fully empathize with him. He was an action kind of guy. It must have been tough."
I got off the phone. WOW. I suppose I could have told Herman to call me during regular office hours. But then it does not happen very often.
Thank goodness we're back in good old Wisconsin. Where we don't have to wait 100 MILLION years to develop WEST and NORTHWEST. It would be tough to wait that long. Even if it was the right thing to do.
Alleluia.
