Tales From Normal, Mn.--FICTION

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Tales from Normal, Mn. Headline News---FICTION

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

"How to Furlough Government Civil Servants and Hire Your Relatives at Huge Savings and other funny stories": Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

One of the books of interest lately is the above text that has all of the copies out of our Normal, Mn. library----our newly elected governor has made this text required reading...stay tuned as I follow the logic.

New Governor Says only will Obey Laws specifically enumerated by the Almighty Himself: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The Newly elected governor of Normal, Mn. has proclaimed that since the billy bob administrative bodies have been enumerating items in legislation that have been sheer fantasy and not the original intent of the Almighty Himself, that henceforth only sins or breaches of law specifically banned by the Almighty will be prohibited...Everything else will be fair game. Stay tuned as I follow this story.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Let's Cut your Expenses... Not Mine Party Wins Big in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Well there it was....the primary election when one candidate asked the open forum of couples assembled....."Where would you cut?"

And each couple instantly found ways to cut their spouses' expenses, not their own...and that gave the leading political party its slogan....

"Let the Other guy sacrifice, not me" and it was the winning formula. It was so totally American and natural.

Stay tuned.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Pet Donations Overflow Cannisters in Yuletide Season: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Such a special joy for the season.

Napoleon Hill Millionaires Club Formed in Normal, Mn.: See it and Believe: Tales From Normal, Mn. : FICTION

This new millionaires club will be meeting monthly in Normal, Mn., and the beginning text will be the classic by Napoleon Hill, "Think and Grow Rich"---now you too can be a millionaire by beginning the journey...just visualize the dream and it will be yours....stay tuned.....

Special Memories Group Forms in Normal, Mn.: Book of Uniform Nostalgia distributed in Leaflet Form: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

How special....Now seniors can treasure the same identical memories with no factual errors...stay tuned as this story is developed.

"Police Drinking Sweep nets ZERO Violators": Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Unbelievable that after all that effort noone was caught....a fully funded initiative has been launched to help in the vision...stay tuned.

Local Homeless man Gift Wraps Junk, Offers Free Shipping, Hailed as Hero: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

This is a story under development today...Seems a local man has come to the forefront in the competition for entrapeneur of the year in Minnesota for his innovative business plan that has featured local content shipped FREE in delightfully wrapped boxes....stay tuned.

"We are All Irish Now" Celebration planned for St. Pats Day 2011 in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

In a press release today, a group of locals from Normal, Mn. has announced the theme for St. Pat's Day 2011---"We are All Irish Now"---bring on the bailout, junk bonds, whiskey and austerity...in that order.

It seems that in the local community that has few Irish, judging by all the green decorated cakes left unsold on the day following St. Pats, many folks are feeling a kindred spirit with the Irish this year in light of the fact that the Irish economy is in peril and ...well...we are too....stay tuned as I follow this story.

Patriots Lobby for Higher Taxes in Normal, Mn.; FICTION

A small band of elderly citizens have launched a campaign in Normal, Mn. to have taxes increased so that the ammo that our troops fire will be paid for rather than having funds borrowed. They have stated that fighting wars with borrowed money is dumb....and ultimately will destroy us....And in a larger sense, borrowing money for everything is dumb when compared to paying cash.

Stay tuned as I follow this political action group.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Normal, Mn School District Moves to New Born Care: Cites Decline in Enrollment: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

BREAKING NEWS from Normal, Mn. via text today----

Normal, Mn. School District will be providing newborn care for all infants....and why? cause they're such special kids....and besides, with declining enrollment we have the space to enlarge the mission to serve our community more....and capture more state revenue to support our wonderful staff and employees.....

If you are planning on a newborn in the new year, if you are married and considering having a child in the new year, or if you are unmarried and having a child in the new year, call our toll free hotline today for the full information packet...

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Miss Toosie's Petunia Society to hold Christmas Holiday Charity Ball: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The Annual Charity Ball sponsored by Miss Toosie's Petunia Society will be held at the local Masonic Lodge on Dec 20th---This event has been held for over a hundred years. As the usual custom, tickets are $50 per couple and participants are asked to bring a dozen Christmas cookies to serve at intermission for all the guests.

The guest dance band this year will be the legendary Whooopie John Old Time Band from Minnesota....

At this event each year folks can display their favorite old time fashions and there will be awards for the most historic costume and attire.

All proceeds from this event will go to the Rose Fund, the perpetual care fund funded to care for the roses planted in local parks.

St. Patricks Day Celebration is Cancelled in Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Pretty stunning news from Normal, Mn. this morning; in a text from my old friend Herman, it seems that by civil ordinance they have cancelled celebration of St. Patricks Day in Normal, Mn.-----

Just the whole thought of being like the Irish and having to be austere was too much...the locals who for many years now had believed that they had not been saved, that it was just the parasite bankers that had got the bailout, were shocked by the depth of the national political bailout of corporations, school districts, cities etc with TIF projects, sewer projects, senior center projects and all sorts of good projects that the federal government needed to be involved in and fund totally so that they could move forward------it was all so shameful that they in one sudden moment got sick to their stomach and did not want to party anymore...I know that is hard to believe...but it's the news.....

And they decided to hang a banner across the road entering Normal, Mn. that declared in bold red letters...."We're ALL Irish NOW"...

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Miss Toosie's Petunia Society to Meet Wednesday: Economic Development goals cited

Miss Toosie has announced that the annual Petunia Society Christmas Luncheon will be held next Wednesday night at the Elks Lodge in Normal, Mn. The society, quite famous for the past century in the frozen tundra, will focus on the wonderful achievements in economic development of the society during the past century.

In a brief interview, Miss Toosie explained that it may seem to some that the members are just caring for petunias, but in a larger global sense, when one truly cares for a petunia in the proper spirit, the whole community benefits and thus the result is community development and economic development.

If anyone attending the meeting could get a picture of the petunias, I would be most grateful.

Santa Comes to Normal, Mn. EVERYDAY till Christmas: Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

Wonderful news from Normal, Mn. via text this morning...it seems that Santa had come to town with his sleigh all the way from the North Pole on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, but the kids in town had been too busy with other things, like football, hockey and their iphones and ...well...forgot to get downtown to see Santa....

So Santa has decided to make the trip to Normal, Mn. each and everyday till Christmas just to make darn sure that every child in Normal, Mn. has a chance to visit the wonderful local mall and tell Santa personally in the presence of his or her parents just what must be purchasedt for Christmas..

Stay tuned. It sure is a lot of commute time for Santa, but one does have to admire the committment.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Normal, Mn. Engineers Bond Panic: a Great Way of Eliminating New Public Debt: Tales from Normal, Mn.; FICTION

Well quite a revelation lately....according to a text from Normal, Mn., it seems that the financial guru there devised a plan called "quantitative easing" that presto made all municipal debt and high yield corporate debt worth less through devaluation... kinda like having your money stolen from you without you knowing it...except for the monthly valuation statement...and then the magic happened......

None of those who had invested in public municipal debt were interested in buying any more....period....

And so...in a wierd way...it restrained public spending cause....public government could not borrow....

What a little miracle it was up in Normal, Mn. ....stay tuned.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Long Lines in the Cold provoke gun battle as Black Friday Devotees Fight to the death for Foreign Cheap Goods: Tales From Nomral, Mn.: FICTION

Pretty tense scene unfolded at least according to the terse texts from Normal, Mn on Black Friday morn----seems that the warriors for cheap foreign goods were even resorting to bullying, taunting, drinking and well...all the other skills that they have been so noted for over the years in the frozen tundra, and yes...even the police were called as one lady just went too far with the threats.....

Analysts were still trying to total the annual sales forecast and were struggling with the equation of cheap goods plus free shipping equals what? The actual value of the goods remains a mystery. Stay tuned.

Patriots launch War Games; Determined to use live ammo till actual War Breaks Out: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got a tense text from Normal, Mn., where Herman and the dignitaries of Normal, Mn. are observing the annual war games there,

and there has been a vast contingent of frustrated folks from the Northern tundra that want to use live ammo, and want to use it till actual war breaks out....

and the sooner the better so that freedom can be defended....and there is some urgency because war would be better right now before the January fishing contest takes place. Stay tuned.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

New Economic Development Plans touted plus good lunch: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Last week in the depths of the recession in Normal, Mn., a group of proactive citizens gathered together at the Hideaway Lounge to discuss a new innovative way of advancing economic development.

After kicking off the meeting with a rousing pep talk, the participants broke out into small innovative sessions.

The luncheon was enjoyed with walleye pike served in a wonderful way, with a special desert.

After reviewing the data of comparable communities of the 23rd quartile, it was determined that relative to it's peers, Normal, Mn. was doing about normal, and although there had been no business formation in the past 20 years or so, there were some signs that if the cost of housing continued downward 5% or so per year for the next ten years or so, in 2020 the housing prices would be affordable to the youngsters employed at the local restaurants and fishing establishments.

In short, there was hope on the way in a decade or so, and thus it was just important to keep the faith, and gather together and support one another and meeting together at luncheons like this to keep the spirit alive till the revival happened.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Martians considering IMF Rescue if China does not step Up: Tales From Nomal, Mn.: FICTION

Well it has been a hectic time in Normal, Mn., with all the states, cities and nations unveiling who has the biggest deficit, and all at once, leaders have been taking all those off the books entries and putting them on the books to be bailed out---and it appears that China who has been saving a lot by purchasing all of the debt of the US, is now in a position, and the only one in position, to rescue the world....but if they do not step up, maybe the Martians will step up, by installing a new Martian currency and then making the exchange rate very adverse for the World currencies in order to enforce fiscal restraint, or better phrased, just eating bread and water for a while....or so is the speculation here. Stay tuned for this developing story.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Newly Elected Legislators Recalled for Attention Deficit Disorder: Tales From Normal, MN.: FICTION

Recently recall petitions have been filed for two legislators from Normal, Mn. who got elected on the slate of JOBS JOBS JOBS and NO DEBT, NO DEBT etc, but after they got elected started an intense effort in culture war areas and also to protect the spotted loon in the USA. The outrage is building and they look to be recalled. Stay tuned.

Delay Retirement till after death financial advisors say: Tales From Normal, Mn.FICTION

Just got a short text from my old buddy from Normal, Mn. Yes..it seems that the numbers really only work out if you are so lucky as to delay retirement till eternity...Stay tuned.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Newly Elected Governor tells current agency heads not to shred their files---he wants to hang on every word: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Correction....he wants to hang THEM on every word.....seems there are lots of files that might be incriminating....and who knows maybe they even have audio files....would that not be great...stay tuned.

Local Library moved to the Homeless Shelter in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Lots of discussion lately in cities in our fair state of how the new library construction or renovation will set with the homeless....I just wondered and texted my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer in Normal, Mn..

He replied right away....said they are very responsive to the homeless there and have moved the local library to the homeless shelter...it was a way to cut costs and besides they did not have the money for any more books anyway...

Irish Don't Want no Bailouts....or austerity either in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the news via text from Normal, Mn. that the Irish don't want any bailout of their bonds....they are happy just the way it is....and they do not want any austerity either.....make a note of it.....

Come to think of it.....we're with the Irish too...we don't want no cutbacks either....

Why No Wage Increases Explained: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Recently employers have been not only omitting any raises, but if they give one, just make it a substitution for a holiday or some switch like that. At all costs employers want to hire a lot of entry level folks even if they know squat, and then adjust like a surfer, and have a little work slowdown in the morning and maybe call in folks for a couple hours if it gets busy. Very hour to hour employment.

I asked my old friend Herman, from Normal, Mn. about this deal, and he just quipped: "The deal is that if ya don't go nowhere or do nothin ya don't need no raise."

I took a little quibble with this....like as if you cannot drive or eat? Herman replied that bikes are cheap. Stay tuned.

A Bargain and a Treasure Defined: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Got a short text from Herman this morn:

A Bargain is when you buy crap but get free shipping.

A Treasure is when you get a bargain gift wrapped.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Tax Breaks for the Rich produced no jobs in the past, but we need to continue it: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the note from my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer in Normal, Mn. I was just confused about the logic of tax cuts for the rich....He texted back that it is true that the rich, and even some school districts take the stimulus funds and put it in their fund balance, but even though this does not produce any jobs, we need to give this a one hundred year horizon...and in the long run....it will pay off. Our great, great, great grandkids will benefit immensely.

Core Inflation remains Low by ignoring Food and energy and other essentials: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

The government of Normal, Mn. today declared everything ok as the inflation was muted when one disregards most of what we buy....stay tuned for the analysis.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Governor says he wants Seniors to come home; Says he will cut trains, healthcare, social services to lure them home; Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Pretty shocking; the local Governor of the local state here decided that he could lure Seniors back from the warm havens of Florida where they had fled to avoid the cold weather and high taxes----anyway...the new governor thinks that by cutting all the fat like good rail and bus connections as well as social services he can lure the seniors home....I can tell he has never been to the parties in Florida where all the folks from Wisconsin and Minnesota party on Friday nights---they seem to like it pretty well just the way it is....Stay tuned.

Quarterback with three fractures and four concussions insists on playing: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

WOW. Pretty shocking news from up in the frozen tundra today as reported by Herman..It seems that the coaches son of the local football team bravely took the field in the playoffs tonight despite having several fractures and four concussions over the past four weeks.

His dad insisted it was for the team. The loyal son just could not say no....it seems he could hardly even speak.....stay tuned......

Seniors Face Tough Choice----War or Social Security: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from Normal, Mn. from my old friend Herman...it appears that there is going to be a referendum among the nursing homes in Normal, Mn., and seniors are getting to decide whether they want war or social security....the government cannot finance both.....

I will keep you posted on these small sample results....

Friday, November 12, 2010

Governor gets tough on Taxes....vetoes plan for raise in Beer Tax: Tales from Normal,Mn.: FICTION

Just got the text from my old friend Herman of Normal, Mn. that the Governor had been presented with a proposal to raise the beer tax....a sacred thing in these here parts since it has not been changed since the 1940's. But relax, the gov said that such a proposal would be a jobs killer and he firmly stood against any such proposal that would discourage workers from the after hours pursuits of their labor...and that folks were already depressed enough without adding to the misery with higher prices....stay tuned.

I Want Everything but don't want any Taxes Party Wins Big in Normal, Mn.: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTiON

Pretty stunning results of the recent election....it was really the old independent party of Normal, Mn., but Billy Bob and the boys just thought it would be fun to add a catchy name. It really worked.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Inspired by Mine Marathoner, Local creates Silage 5K: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

One of our own, lived here all his life, pride of the city, best of the best, has been reading of the determined Chilean miner that trained underground during his entrapement, and ran the Boston Marathon and finished it in five hours....pretty stunning....however...

Our local hero was not to be undone----He noted that while running the usual paths locally, he seemed to get a runners high when he passed the huge mound of corn in one of the harvest locations of a grain company....

Wanting to always savor that high he designed a 5k race right around it. As he told the locals recently...." I feel just great running this course...It gives me a air of sipping a little corn mash whiskey and at a price I can afford....this race should be a classic for years to come."

I would think that this race event could be a historic destination for visitors coming from all the ends of our fair state. What a bonanza it could become.

Folks Just Dying to get into the New Normal, Mn Historic Cemetary: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

Local officials of Normal, Mn. were stunned recently after they plotted the burial lot purchase agreements signed in the last 60 days----The graph has skyrocketed upward as everyone in town has been eager to buy a lot for themselves and their friends also, so they all can be a part of the unique historic treasure that was recently added to Historic Landmark status by the national officialdom....

There has been some concern on the part of more conservative citizens that the records have shown that folks of the more speculative bent have bought up dozens of sites for their investment purposes and it seems they have hoped to create quite a speculative secondary market on these prized sites where future folks will be visiting in droves.

One local resident and senior citizen, Billy Bob, was quoted yesterday on the circuslike atmosphere surrounding the site speculation: "Shucks, I spose I lived a regular life, mostly just fishing and whisky for pastimes, but now I can be famous...well...folks from all over the globe will come to see me....what could be better...fame at last..."

Stay tuned as I cover this story.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

New Governance Manuals being modeled after WWF Theatre Skills: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got a text from Herman from Normal, Mn. and it seems that although it was only the governor of Minnesota in recent history that was a WWF star ----- after a period of reflection, all of politics recently is obsessed with following in the footsteps of those famous wrestlers from the days of yore----simply because NOBODY did taunting....exaggeration,....theatre....lies...and... costuming better than they did.....and yes the recent teaparty candidates have won worthy acclaim for their efforts in following the footsteps of heros like Jesse "the body" Ventura and other WWF heroes.

I was a little taken aback by the text from Herman....but on second thought, we will take second seat to NOBODY here in Wisconsin. Nobody can beat our beer, cheese, and brawling mentality when we really focus on it....and we can do theatre too, and the smearing and lies????? We can be competitive.....Stay tuned.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Local Retailers announce introduction of special 10XL sizing--they call it double hefty: FICTION

Because of the mood of the country in the prolonged recession, some retailers are expanding their sizing to double hefty and offering 10XL sizing. They are hoping that this innovation will spur sales for the Christmas season. Stay tuned.

Young Conservative leaders brainstorm---think a new war would be a dandy stimulus: FICTION

With the new election and all, the new leaders are not required to hold their meetings in the public, so there are a lot of rumors of what exactly their solution will be to get the economy moving again....there have been some rumors that they have reviewed the history of the 1930's and are hoping for a nifty foreign war to get things moving again. Stay tuned.

Dateline Normal, Mn: Local Republican Leaders pledge to work with Dems to forge solutions for the common good----and other funny stories: FICTION

Still working on this breaking story...and if it develops I will write further.

Tales from Normal, Mn.: Rare Election hari kari found by archeologists: FICTION

Well pretty shocking news up here in Normal, Mn. It seems that just outside of town, local student archeologists have found evidence of a former civilization....In putting all the pieces together in the reconstruction, it appears that all the citizens having been plundered by predators and run them out of town, when faced with adversity later, reelected the predators who promptly destroyed them....stay tuned for this wonderful archeological find....

Saturday, October 30, 2010

"Ya Wannna Return to the Abyss or What?: The Coney Island Close: Election Style: Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

Last night was pretty stunning at the local bar in Normal, Mn., the Hideaway Lounge...the Castaways, the older but wiser rock band from the 60's..yes.... gray haired and older but wiser for it...were playing as they usually do on the Friday night before election day.....

A lot of the locals were pretty stoked up about the local election and then the topic turned to the national scene. One after another they all stood up and rooted for less debt,,,less government....and such. Then a younger guy, maybe just 21 or so, who had been listening intently just stood up and asked....

So ya wanna return to the abyss or wah?

Dead silence.

It was the coney island close...I remembered it from the days on Wall Street. And yes...it was the essential question for the day. Stay tuned as I develop this story.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION: City wins sustainability Award and High Foreclosure Award

Hard to understand it I suppose. Normal, Mn. is just real proud of its National sustainability Award today---the birds and the fish have done real proud by themselves, but the people have led the nation in foreclosure...stay tuned as I develop the story of how this happened.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Local Young Republicans looking forward to new disasters in development: FICTION

Pretty shocking news out of Normal, Mn....local young Republicans have reviewed the abyss that they presented to Pres Obama at his election, and now are formulating new disasters to challenge him even further

....it has been widely speculated that they cannot wait till they can turn Social Security over to some closely related hedge fund managers...and be rest assured they will send each and every senior citizen a proper "options" fair disclosure booklet in large print...

... and the sharp hedge funds managers are devising a very special option they are calling the "strangle spread" as opposed to the "straddle". They are promising some pretty amazing results.

Stay tuned.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Local Builder hailed as "visionary" for building more small, cheap homes: FICTION

The local Chamber of Commerce of Normal, Mn today honored Billy Bob Johnson, builder, for his courage under fire for continuing to build his trademark small, cheap, fiberboard homes during a time when half the town was already for sale.

Stay tuned for this developing story.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Concealed Carry Fans desparate for Longer Apparel: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Every since the recent Bank heist reinactment at Northfield, Mn. recently featuring the Jesse James gang, where all the riders rode into town in their sleek light tan dust jackets, there has been a rush of all decent gun toting followers to find those longer fitting jackets for concealed carry...

The whole point of the reinactment was the courage of the banker who foiled the robbery, but it seems that bystanders only got the message of how well dressed the banditos were. Stay tuned while we follow this story.

Wind Lifts Roof off Normal High School: Classes Cancelled: Football Game Still goes on: FICTION

Still getting details but it appears that the local football conference, in it's bylaws only excuses the players and teams in the event of nuclear war, and then only if permission is granted.

Duluth Trading Flagship Store Now Open!

Duluth Trading Flagship Store Now Open!

Dateline Normal, Mn: "Local School District will reduce budgets only if and when every house is foreclosed ": FICTION

Shocking news from the Normal, Mn. School District last night sent to me via text from Herman, the local countryboylawyer friend and fisherman, that the local school board noted in setting the tax levy last night, that they would entertain a motion to reduce expenditures only if it was brought to their attention offically by the local sheriff that each and every property in the district had been foreclosed on. They indicated that their financial planner had told them that they needed to protect themselves and their revenue until the final moment.

Stay tuned. More details forthcoming.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Local Dignitaries petition for National Historic Status for local swamp: FICTION

After an extensive examination of all available structures in the fair city of Normal, Mn., and after checking the list twice to double check for any errors, the revered elders of Normal, Mn. have decided to petition the Federal Government for historic status for the local swamp.....a revered space that some locals have in hushed tones and prayerlike countenance called "low land", or as some have called it with votive like sounds, "floodfringe."

The locals have petitioned their local political representatives to gather their indications of support and of course all of us will be waiting patiently for the honored government to bestow the status of our dreams sometime in the future. Stay tuned.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Dateline Normal, Mn.: "Lawyers examining foreclosure mess closely...will resolve in twenty years or so when fee income is maximized" FICTION

Received this shocking text from Herman this morning from Normal, Mn. It seems that every lawyer in America is deeply concerned with the foreclosure mess and now expecially when the homes have been taken from their owners, and the banks are paying for the legal untangling, the more of a mess it is the better it becomes....stay tuned while I cover this story.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Dateline Normal, Mn.: City cancels Youth Funding; Closes Library: Adds Historic Districts and Cemetary Theatre: Fiction

Just a brief text from Herman from Normal, Mn. detailing the budget priorities of Normal, Mn. in this time of crisis. Unsure of what the city was thinking. Unsure if they could provide details, but will try to gather the news for my readers. Stay tuned.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Nursing Homes Close in Normal, Mn.: Dying at home or on the street preferred health model: FICTION

Pretty stunning news today from Normal, MN.: due to declining funding from state sources, all of the nursing homes in Normal, Mn. will be closed at the end of the month. All efforts will be made to find a place for these folks at a home of a relative or on the street. Stay tuned.

The action was touted to be the latest in health care modeling for the future.

Republicans Pledge to Repent if elected; Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Despite admitting having obstructed all types of financial reform following the recent financial crash, local Republican candidate, Billy Bob, has announced that if elected, he will repent and consider some type of reform...to be specified after he is elected.

During the question and answer period, he refused to comment on the irony of his now seeking to blame those who had tried to reform Wall Street earlier, except he did say that they were not the right people to get credit for reform...he wanted to be the one...

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Candidate boldly advocates concealing guns---and ideas too: FICTION

Last night at the local Normal, Mn. campaign debate, one candidate, who represents the more conservative view, boldly asserted the right to conceal guns, and also boldly asserted the right to conceal his ideas until after the election---and he muttered something about Atlas Shrugged never spoke about his ideas being the man of action that he was.....stay tuned for details....the audio was pretty slurred and I am still trying to confirm his exact words....

Saturday, October 16, 2010

"Restore America to the days of Spiro Agnew" and other funny stories: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Trying to write this story and get the details right about how them olden days would look if we could just be "restored". Stay tuned.

True Believer arrested for only wearing American made clothes: Police say needs more than belts and shoes: Tales From Normal, Mn.; FICTION

Breaking news from Normal, Mn.: A man...certainly a guy who meant well...just insisted on being a loyal American and buying only American made clothes....

The police up in these rural parts, being understanding and all, insisted on him finding more than just a belt and shoes. Stay tuned for this breaking story.

"Fatcat Republicans think switch to barwhisky is austerity measure: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

This story is in development. I want to see what happens tonight after halftime in the football game. If the switch to barscotch happens I will advise.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Feingold TKO's Ron Johnson in Debate: Dazed Johnson wants to call it a draw: FICTION: Tales From Normal, Mn.

All of the folks from Normal, Mn were gathered together recently to watch the first debate of Russ Feingold and Ron Johnson....It was a hushed crowd that waited throughout the debate for Johnson to make a clearly articulated argument against the agile Feingold....The assembled crowd scored the fight 7-1 for Feingold...with the one vote cast because of what one viewer thought excessive piling on toward the end of the debate when the score became lopsided.

The local papers have the spun the debate that both candidates "held their ground" but locals know that only Johnson was on the ground and facing up.
Stay tuned for this developing story.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Seniors eliminate Fitness Area; Need larger Bar: Eliminate Bathroom; Add large bushes: FICTION

Well it has been a busy time in Normal, Mn., with the groundbreaking of the new Normal Senior Center...and just at the last minute, the leaders announced that the fitness area had been eliminated. Responding to the current situation where seniors were having their social security checks frozen and concluding that there might be inceased demand for liquor.... acting strictly on a free enterprise model, designers acted boldly to eliminate the fitness area..... which was not as profitable as straight bar liquor.

In related news, they eliminated a bathroom also, citing the fact that there were new added bushes outside. Landscapings was just cheaper and more cost effective than plumbing.

Stay tuned. This is a developing story.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Republicans Panic over Military Unemployment-----FICTION

Just got the text from my old friend Herman in Normal, Mn. that local guys paniced last night during a band intermission, well the veterans and military guys at the Hideaway Lounge felt that there might be some unemployment coming down the road for military folks---but relax they began a frenzied discussion of how to start some more wars to keep their economy going....stay tuned for this breaking story.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Dateline Normal, Mn.: Republicans dream of return to the days of NIXON Glory: FICTION

Just got a text from Normal, Mn. and my old friend Herman...seems some red necked Republicans were at the "Loose Caboose" a local old timers bar in Normal, just two blocks up from the lake, and they were reminiscing about the good old days of Spiro Agnew and the Nixon team and wishing they were back there......

This was after a half dozen martinis.....stay tuned as I cover this story.

Austerity Measures Panic Republicans---Will have to Give up FOX NEWS and SPORTS Too! Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Breaking News....I just got the text from Herman from Normal, Mn., up in the northern frozen tundra, where men are men, and totally independent, except for being dependent on fishing....

Panic swept the streets today as Republicans feared they might have to give up FOX news and even Sports.....The prospect of doing something or hearing something besides drivel was totally shocking and created panic in the streets....stay tuned.

Monday, September 27, 2010

"City Daytrades Room Tax Receivable to Gain Millions for social uplifting" FICTION: Tales From Normal, Mn.

Wow. All of Normal, Mn. is buzzing today as the news broke on the CNN news ticker. It seems that the city administrator of Normal, Mn. devised a new economic development strategy. With just his quiet reflection time reviewing the city assets, which consisted of some room tax receivables from the "Billy Bob Motel and Deli" which were of ...questionable status regarding collectability...he devised a combination of calls and puts on the local stock exchange and in a series of hundreds of small quick trades utilizing a antique Apple II computer, he outfoxed the entire stock exchange and made millions for local good works.

In reviewing the trades, and yes they are still trying to figure out how he did it, normally when a call and a put are combined, it is called a spread....and folks in the know are thinking they might just call this the "Normal, Mn. Bull xxxx Spread". It follows the national pattern of taking something essentially worthless, pump it with hype and public relations and "buzz" and then trade it to excess and take the cash off the table on each trade.

I am trying by best to diagram the trade sequence, and as soon as I can make heads or tales of it, I will write further...stay tuned.

Government Agency Declares Recent Wall Street Plunge to be a "Miracle"....no questions allowed: FICTION

The Department of Technical Works recently declared the recent Wall Street plunge to be the result of a modern day "miracle"....and hence will not be reimbursing any investor losses since this event was simply divine in nature.

No questions will be allowed...although there will be a special day of prayer on Thursday of next week....stay tuned...the Observer will be following all the votive details.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Normal, Mn. funds Youth Activities---Switches to Plastic Flowers: FICTION

Breaking news out of Normal, Mn.---the Normal, Mn. City Council met last night and decided that, because they were in the midst of a budget crunch that threatened to halt all youth programs...they would switch from the extensive flower arranging program with natural flowers that had incurred considerable expense of flowers and watering staff hours, and decided boldly to purchase plastic flowers and move the money to fund youth activities....they also reluctantly recognized that a summer drama program was not really a national city branding marketing program and sought private funding for this expense.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Republicans Oppose Taxes: Want no Welfare but Corporate Welfare: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Shocking the nation today, Republicans from Normal, Mn. vigorously opposed anyone interfering with their wealth or increasing their taxes---they stand on the premise that they deserve corporate welfare, but no other welfare is important....This is a developing story. Stay tuned.

Republicans oppose railroad---argue for horses: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the news that up in the frontier territory of Normal, Mn., notable Republican senior citizens have opposed the advent of high speed rail---they see it as wasteful...and would prefer to go back to ....horses....stay tuned.

Rich Bankers want to avoid risky loans, and save money...for their bonuses: Tales From Normal, Mn.: Fiction

Well. Pretty shocking....a short text from Normal, Mn this morning from my old friend, Herman, the countryboy lawyer, that the audits of the banking institutions of Normal, Mn. has revealed very few loans have been granted to anyone, no matter how high their credit score...

It seems that the bankers have a coded language they speak to one another, and they smile when they speak of being "risk averse" since that is the term they speak when they really mean "saving for my bonus."

Friday, September 10, 2010

Normal, Mn hires canine to replace Police officer---uniform expense savings cited

This is a story in development. I will report more when available. There has been a rash of dog biting incidents recently, so it does appear that police deparment staff as well as citizens will be on their toes. More later.

Normal, Mn. announces Tax Levy Hike: Cuts to come next Year: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Just got the news---in an undated text message from Herman from Normal, Mn.---that Normal, Mn. has announced a stiff tax levy hike this December, but noted that next year there will be cuts.

Upon further review...the message looks similar to the one released last year, and it is unclear what year is being spoken of. Stay tuned.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Dateline Normal, Mn.: City declares cemetary National Tourist Destination

What a bunch of totally excited folks today in Normal, Mn. as they marched to the local cemetary to celebrate the designation of it as a National Tourist Destination.

It seems that Normal, Mn. wanted to get caught up in the craze of creating tourist destinations, but had just one simple problem....the most substantial and the longest lasting structures were in the cemetary---all of the cheap shacks of the treasured forefathers had long been demolished as unfit for human habitation.

If you are thinking of a short daytrip from Garrison, or Lake Winnie, or even St. Cloud, think of making the Normal, Mn. graveyard one of your destination points.....This message brought to you by the Grave Society...a 501(3)c organization dedicated to uplifting and caring.

Dateline Normal, Mn.: City Wins Technology Innovation Award for implementing "Concealed Carry": FICTION

WOW. Pretty exciting news. Just received the text from my old friend Herman. In a world of simple pleasures, fishing, booze etc, the 'Concealed Carry" was a hallmark of technology and innovation.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Dateline Normal, Mn.: City adds THREE new Historic Districts....Cancels Youth Programs" FICTION

It was a tough choice, but ...well....tough...very tough...and some say...well...dead...minds in Normal, Mn. decided today to add three historic districts to the city that were discovered in a recent archeological survey,,,and at the same time, in order to save time, by the same ordinance, cancel all youth programs....

They argued...and there were none to dispute it, that if one was going to truly treasure the past, it meant not enough money to go around for the present youth....and besides...youth today have texting and other pleasures...they don't need anything more.....

That's the latest from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Friday, August 20, 2010

Financial Panic in Normal, Mn.: Everyone Returns to School: Tales From Normal, Mn: FICTION

Everyone had to get a Pell Grant, and it was truly pell mell panic. Today in Normal, Mn., the news was that with everyone being unemployed they responded by..... planning to go back to school to incur some more debt:

The local school authorities have responded by...you guessed it....... building larger athletic facilities...and building larger beer gardens next to the stadiums....after all....it is important to meet student needs....

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Tales From Normal, Mn.: National Retailer replaces Personnel Dept with Shredder: Savings Cited: FICTION

Pretty stunned by this text message sent from Normal, Mn.. It seems that a careful behavioral analysis of the workings of the retailer showed that all the resumes submitted for job openings were simply stacked up and then sent to the trash; thus.... it would be more "green" to simply shred them all...same result. In the end, only relatives and friends were hired anyway.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Senior Center Floods in Normal,Mn: Becomes the 'Aquatic Center": Tales From Normal: FICTION

Just received the text from Herman today about the terrible flooding up in Normal,Mn.. I thought it was a tragedy...but it seems that the always positive folk of Normal simply took it all in stride and renamed the Normal Senior Center "The Aquatic Center"---stay tuned for additional updates.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Electric Tesla Sports Car Chosen for Police in Normal, Mn.: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

WOW. Just got the headline from the Garrison Post Newspaper. Texted Herman and he just replied: "Going Green, More Later." Roger that.

I just wonder. Seems with the price tag of $100K it is both More Now and Later....but then it does send a message...about energy saving...and that the police can whip your butt from zero to 60 and still be GREEN. That is cool. I just wonder whether all the lights and equipment will slow it down....This is a developing story.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

"Promoting From Within"----Tales from Normal, Mn.: Fiction

(Ed.note: This story is in development: Herman mentioned it to me in passing and promised details later. )


The good old American tradition of promoting from within...the family....the circle of girlfiends or friends, ...and if they aren't one before the first interview, they need to be one afterward....that's what probation is all about.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

"Nirvana and the Theory of Uneven Flooring": Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Recently I had the pleasure of taking off a full week to fish near Normal, Mn. This year was special though. I had the responsibility of finding a new fishing spot and making all the arrangements for eight guys for a week of catching the big fish---an area that I have not been before, having mostly specialized in sunnies and small perch.

The rest of the guys were relatives and friends, and indeed most had a long history of upscale fishing....that is fishing where one does not really bait the hook by himself, but the guide does everything...including shore lunch. Needless to say, my accomodations were "primative"---no tv, poor cell phone coverage where calls are mostly dropped or never connected...and just minimum laptop connection. Trust me...there was panic at first.

Most of the guys were going through plenty of change, like being 65 and retiring, and had not needed any additonal trauma---and you guessed it, there was a lot of "sharing" of "concerns" about the "primative" log cabin style accomodations----

Finally, after a long rant on the subject by one of the fisherman, a doctor quietly spoke up...yes....the only doctor in the group, and an eye care professional:

"I have developed a theory over the years that whenever there is uneven flooring, there is "heaven" or "Nirvana"----in fact, in the past whenever the trips have been too perfect, the floors too flat, and the challenges uneventful, there has been nothing but problems. Good uneven flooring has been the thing to look for."

"WOW"----the guys were speechless.

However, after seven days of heaven, they were ready for some frenzied cell phone calls and some internet obsession. Still...the seven days of heaven were nice.

Stay tuned. Another of the signs of bliss, is having two plungers next to the primative toilet. I am still working on that theory.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

The Free Fishing Pole: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Well it's getting to that time again...the slowest retail sales time of the year....and it's just natural to take a moment to think of a fishing getaway....

Last weekend, after carefully checking the car and the antifreeze coolant levels, I headed up that long and winding road north of the Twin Cities to Normal, Mn., the small fishing village where I have been going for 30 years. As I headed into town, I noticed the banner over the street: "FREE FISHING POLE to all NEW fishermen!!!!"

It was just incredible to me that for 20 years or so, the Normal city folk had been giving away free fishing poles to all new visitors---and so I just asked my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer what was up...what was the magic of this deal anyway.

"Shucks Wolfman (that's what he always called me) it is real simple. Our whole existence revolves around tourists...and more than that, tourists that come back again and again and again....We start out that very first encounter with Normal, Mn. with a gift that will last a lifetime, and recognize that in the long term of things, with the cost of bait, fishing poles, boat rental, guides, our initial investment in this new guest is minimul----we want that person to know how important they are to us as a community....It's not RELIGION or GOOD DEEDS...It is just GOOD BUSINESS.

Then he went on:

"In America there are only two types of towns, those that are growing and ...those that are dying. Those that are growing are welcoming the new...those that are dying are ....well...like all folks that are mostly dead...they are blind, deaf, and they think they know everything. Up here, we are eager to learn and listen to our new visitors...and we try real hard to do so."

Well the town was just packed....and the hubub of activity spoke for itself.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Normal, Mn. Announces Informal Hiring Freeze---Only hiring Relatives: Tales From Normal, MN.: FICTION

When one owns a private family business, it is common for the owner to give preference to his sons and family members. This must go back to medieval times when the king had full control of his court, and who served him. In modern times, with professional personnel policies, some companies have advanced from medieval times to a standard of conduct where there is a selection process based on some process of selection.

Recently, I got a text from my friend Herman from Normal, Mn., and he mentioned that they have implemented an "informal hiring freeze"-----as a reaction to the panic of deficit spending I suppose. The surprise kicker is that only relatives of city employees are hired. How about that? Nice twist.

Friday, July 9, 2010

School closes building due to declining enrollment; Considering additonal land purchase right up to last minute: Tales From Normal, Mn.:FICTION

I just received the text message this morn from my old friend Herman from Normal,Mn.. He is the president of the school board there, and even though the school district had been losing enrollment for the past ten years, and yes even though there had been some concerns in the accounting dept about the necessity for merging with another district...yet right up to the end, the Superintendent, who in addition to her advanced degrees had a BA degree in Romance Literature, had been proposing to purchase additional land for expansion.....yup....

Stay tuned for this developing story.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

" New Gulag Personnel policies published in Normal, MN.: FICTION

Pretty shocking...today the new personnel policy manual published in Normal,MN.-----and in addition to having it insist that the number one rule be followed: 1) Customers are always RIGHT, was the second: 2) Employees are always WRONG.

Just received a short automated text message letting me know that in these trying competitive times, it was important for all American workers to accept the GULAG standards of treatment for themselves, even if it meant reducing the quality by 40% or so. Stay tuned.

Purchasing and Hiring Policies Established in Normal, Mn.: Will do as they please: FICTION

Received the text message from Herman, my old countryboylawyer friend in Normal, Mn.-----incredible to hear that after a full audit of the books of Normal, Mn., the city insisted on the auditors approval of their policy in order to have the auditing fee paid.....Stay tuned for details.

"Politician Refuses to Vote for Any Bill that is not DEAD CERTAIN: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

It is pretty unusual I thought, to demand absolute certainty before voting for a legislative proposal....especially one that would provide more financial disclosure and accountability from financial firms nationwide...the ones who caused the financial meltdown in the first place...yet I wondered...and called Herman from Normal, Mn for instruction.

"Schucks, Wolfman"( that's what he called me) sometimes politicians in close races just cannot make a logical decision, but in the heat of a close race just blink.....they refuse to vote for anything that is more risky than death---and death is the key phrase---that is what they are really concered with, the ranting threats of the opposition that brings upon them the fear of political death."

Thanks Herman.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Hands of Government turned over to local hardware store: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

WOW. What a development. All the municipal staff laid off and replaced with privatized workers from the local hardware store...after all...they knew the nuts and the bolts....Stay tuned. It seems there was a budget crisis and there was really no choice.....

Predator Drones for Speeding Enforcement in Normal, Mn.: Fiction

Stay tuned for this breaking story... They are pretty darn efficient. And the privatized drone operators are superb, even if they are located in India.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Fireworks as the total Economic Development Program: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

I just received a text message from Normal, MN. from Herman, my old countryboylawyer friend---reassuring me that there were fireworks ALL four nights this weekend.....and with free hearing checks on Monday for all seniors who notice being a little more deaf.

I was stunned by this news. Today, when in the light of layoffs all over, many cities have stopped fireworks all together as something abhorent or decadent, or both. Herman was quick to explain:

"Up here its just Firewater and Fireworks---the total Economic Development Plan...trust me...we have tried everything else and it does not work....It would be nice to have jobs and have earned income...but let's be real and realistic.....fireworks and Firewater is all we can count on. We were already drinking record amounts...so we just had to increase the fireworks, hoping for an increased economic payback.

I just did not have the heart to tell him that Medicare does not pay for hearing exams....oh well....

Monday, June 28, 2010

Panic Over Debt: America insists CASH ONLY for War: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Americans are alarmed at the amount of debt.....Inisting on Paying CASH for war is next.....Stay tuned for this developing story.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Spanish Inquisition Achieves Coveted 100% Customer Satisfaction: Role Model Seen for all Devoted

What an unbelievable achievement in these consumer conscious times...to achieve 100% customer satisfaction...WOW....I did hear that there was one guy....he was a holdout....but with a little whips and chains....he came around to make the 100% Again. ....congrats...

Friday, June 25, 2010

How a Hearing Disability Saved my life during the Spanish Inquisition: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Recently while working on the phones, I have been amazed at how large a percentage of seniors have a hearing loss----it is a high percentage. At the same time, as I observe the aging process, I realize that indeed it is wise sometimes not to hear everything----and sometimes it is a very life saver indeed..... To just respond "HUH" rather than go into an issue.

While pondering this, I was amused to research back to a famous phrase of mine "Yo no Comprehendo"----that is what my ESL students would say when I was teaching them. It is a phrase that I have never forgotten.

I would imagine that during the Spanish Inquisiton, when faced with a tormenting question, the life saving response would be.... "Yo no comprehendo."
I do not understand...I do not hear....I do not choose to hear".

In a larger sense, this whole historical period might be called the "Yo No Comprehendo" Period. Not as catchy as the Renaissance, or the Baroque, or Medieval period....but make a pledge right now to spread the word...."Yo no comprehendo".

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

"Little Towns of "WE RAH,RAH, RAH": Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

It's wonderful to get away during the heat of the summer, pack up the boat and head on up to the northern tundra and do some bass fishing....

Last week, with the boat and trailer in tow, I made my way....and slowly because of the traffic jam on the road to Normal, Mn., up north just south of Garrison. Each little town with its car dealers on the outskirts, and the restaurants right next door, and then if one got off the major road, the little houses with the flowers just so, and with the signs that the local city historical society was meeting that night to treasure some more grave ideas from the past....and a fierce pride that this was the best little burg in the world.....

And all of the little towns all the way up to the fresh air...all saying they were the best....kind of a litany that went "WE RAH,RAH,RAH....ditto etc.

Finally the fishing...and the roar of the motors and the end of the WE RAH RAH.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

More Beer Consumption cited as major economic development objective; Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

And the follow up mantra is that the cheapest beer is really the best...it just works out that way.

Ambulance Chasing Reporters seen as Heroes of Journalism: Tales from Normal, Mn: FICTION

The practice of chasing ambulances and then writing stories or obituaries and allowing public comment to trash the deceased is now touted as the highest of journalistic practice according to local editors of major newspapers.

Republicans celebrate a Dream Come True: Deregulated Oil: Tales From Normal, MN.: FICTION

It is just what they always dreamed.

City forms Grave Society to explore old ideas: Tales from Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Stay tuned.

Back to the Future: 2050: China finally revalues yuan currency

Working on getting the back to the future car fired up so I can cover this breaking story...Stay tuned.

City grants liquor operator permits to all citizens just to save administrative time: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

State Abandons School Funding: Cites Error: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

I am developing this story and am following the accounting trail that led to this terrible error. It may have been that fighting eternal wars abroad was just too expensive and thus service to citizens became expendable....Stay tuned.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Flower Arranging Touted as Major Economic Development Tool: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Flower arranging has been a skill of tremendous repute for ages. Now, in selected situations it is being used as a major tool of economic development.....Stay tuned for this developing story.

Retirement Age modified to 92; Seniors told to Toughen Up: Tales From Normal, Mn.: FICTION

I got this headline from my friend Herman today, via a short text message. I will report the details as they emerge.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Normal, Mn. celebrates Historic 100 Year Flood--for the 4th Straight Year in A Row!!!!!!: FICTION

100 Year Floods are pretty exciting stuff----and to the honor of Normal, Mn., they are celebrating their 4th 100 Year Flood in the past four years.....I am heading up to Normal this weekend...and will report on the festivities....Stay tuned.

Monday, April 12, 2010

"There's Real Swearing at the "Swearing In Ceremony" in Normal, Mn."---FICTION

This past weekend, in order to get away from all the acrimony of politics, I headed on up to the peace and fishing of Normal, Mn.---and during a Saturday night session with the locals at the Hideaway Lounge, where my favorite Tex-Mex band was playing, I asked the group what the local tradition of the "swearing in ceremony was". The folks at our table just erupted in joy as they explained the local traditon.

It seems that years ago, to fight the boredom and status quo mentality of the locals toward politics, the swearing in ceremony in Normal, Mn. was seen as the last time that the candidates and their supporters could curse their opponents out loud----and one minute was given right before the swearing in ceremony to get all that animosity out---after that they had to be civil to each other----so over the years it had developed into quite a scene---literally there was a whole lot of swearing going on for that one minute each election cycle.

Well it sure is good to be back home....where we are not limited by just one minute of swearing...anyway...it sure should be interesting.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

All the Candidates use robocallers in Normal, Mn.: Tales from Normal, MN.: FICTION

Well it has been pretty upsetting...with all the unauthorized robocallers wandering around doing their stand up cold calling cowboy routine for the local candidates.....kind of like hijacking the gold bullion stage coach headed to Carson city...in them olden days.

So I wondered...and just called my old friend, Herman,...the countryboylawyer from Normal, Mn....he was a lawyer...he should know...

Herman just let out a huge bellylaugh;

"Shucks Wolfman( that's what he always called me); Up here in Normal, Mn., we are long past the point of human contact in politics---its just too messy...we love the digital age...with all the ipods and the Ipads...and the inhuman aspects of it....

So...we made it a local ordinance that all candidates MUST use robocalling, and absolutely no human interaction with any citizen...that is best....and we have made the robocalling free of charge...just to make it a level playing field.....after all...it is about fishing up here...and the politics is extra...even below fish cleaning."

Saturday, April 3, 2010

"Leave it up to the Building Inspector"---the national role model of Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Well last week, the local planning commission voted to address one of the most contentious issues worldwide----the issue of set back from floodway, or floodplain, for the purpose of construction of homes or commercial ventures---if you search google, you will see whether it is the British and the Prime Minister living in the flood plain at 10 Downing Street, or whether it is the locals, citizens are struggling on how to say....well...."no"---to those who would buy cheap land, build, sell to the unsuspecting, and then when the inevitable comes and the structure is damaged---have the buyer demand to be bailed out from the damage at taxpayer expense.

I wondered.

So I just picked up the phone and called my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer of Normal, Mn. He should know.

Herman let out a huge bellylaugh.

"Shucks, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me)---we faced this issue years ago---and after deciding at the common council that we did not want to decide cause it was too difficult...we let it up to the "building inspector"----and presto---it was so successful that we have extended the idea toother contentious issues, like...teenage drinking, sign ordinance issues, animal control issues....and lastly world peace."

WOW. What a solution!!!!!

It turns out that locally we have been in the forefront of the solution to some of the vexing problems of our time.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Shoppers Regain Confidence in Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Well it has been quite a past two years---with employees nationwide losing their jobs and their homes at record rates---but the good news, and maybe the bad news was that folks had panicked and actually saved some of their earnings---yes the saving rate for America had gone up....

Now with the approach of Spring, some good news and maybe bad news----folks have begun to shop again---and not for just remodeling supplies, but for clothing and the other things that make America hum---Even though the revenue from employee earnings has not risen, the shopping has risen----

OOPS. That was what got us in the mess to begin with. I just wondered. I wonder what Herman would say about all this:

I caught him standing up casting for bass and ...yes...it took a while for him to answer his cellphone.

"Shucks Wolfman: quit worrying about the consumer....home prices will decline to where the youngsters today who make $10 an hour can buy them...it might take some time.....but in that meantime, the youngsters can buy some for digital gagets to keep the economy going."

Then he got a bass strike and had to hang up. First things first.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

"Voting with your feet---and other funny stories"---Tales From Normal, Mn.

Recently I have been reading news reports about citizens of communities that have been told of higher taxes and the reports of the media have suggested that citizens are going to go to other districts, just are not going to take it anymore----in short---they are going to "walk with their feet."

I just wondered about that. So as always, I called my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer from Normal, Mn.---after all, there had been ZERO growth in Normal, Mn. for decades---he should know about any walking.

After a long explanation, Herman just let out a huge bellylaugh:

"Everybody thinks they are just free as heck and can walk---but the reality is that when it comes time, things are so dismal, and jobs are so scarce...that folks just give their homes back to the bank....and then they walk......It is not defiance...it is just despair......"

Thanks, Herman.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Normal creates more historic districts than jobs!!: Normal, MN: FICTION

In special report to the community, held in a hushed room of citizens, the Normal, Mn historical society presented their annual report today, with multiberry scones with complimentary Starbucks coffee prior to the presentation in order to warm up the crowd.

Over the past year, according to the report, Normal, Mn. has created three historic districts, and has lost 300 factory jobs over the past 12 months----and if one does the math, under the proposal at the meeting, if an additonal four historic districts are added, well over another 300 jobs will be lost next year if history repeats itself---an axiom that all true historical preservs believe fervently, even if drinking a decaf Starbucks, with soy, hold the sugar, double whipped cream.

In summary, the community of Normal, Mn. was not impressed with the prospects for future development. Stay tuned for a more comprehensive report when the Plaque or Plague report is released next week.

"Man stopped for 100th DWI: Police unsure of action: Normal, Mn.: FICTION

Last night in Normal, Mn, a local named "Henry", not his real name to protect his rights to privacy, was stopped by the local law enforcement for his 100th DWI, or more commonly called OWI.

After stopping him with three patrol cars with helicopters overhead as backup, they whisked him off to the local police station to be booked and then returned home to his own cogniscance.

Upon contact by the local media, the local police were unsure of what action they would take. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Normal, Mn. Goes Virtual: Keeps Sports;Keeps Special Ed: Fires Teachers----FICTION

Well it has been just a little bit unsettling...living in a time warp where institutions, school, state, and federal government keep mouthing about just cutting the "fat" of expenses, all the while everyone knows that essential cuts are coming...when the stimulus ends....and the loud music ends and the sole piper is heard to play...

After reading the drama of a neighboring school district, Brodhead, Wi, where the school, facing a deficit, tried the old technique of threatening the sports funding, decided once the referendum failed, and over 80 students filed for open enrollment, that the best course would be to cut the teachers and keep the sports......I just wondered....

I rang up Herman, my old friend at Normal, Mn.. He was a lawyer and member of the Normal, Mn. school board...he must know. Normal was a small fishing town, just south of Garrison, Mn., and ...well...with the decline in tourism dollars....they were hurting....I wondered about their solution.

After I explained the situation, Herman let out a huge bellylaugh:

"Shucks Wolfman (that's what he always called me) up here we are mostly fishermen, and we have gotten used to the sonar fishing locators and such, and the guys really do understand the magic of mobile computing. And--with the rapid improvement of these mobile devices, there is simply nowhere that a bass can hide in the weeds anymore...tech is really something up here."

Then he went on:

"Several years ago, facing the budget crisis, we decided that we would eliminate all the regular high school classes and go "virtual instruction." After all, most of the "cultural value" of the high school here was social skill, and the kids seem to be doing just fine without the classes, with all the email, cell phone, ipod touch, etc, etc. They were just knocking down high grades in "communication".

We just kept the special education classes in the regular classrooms, and of course, we kept all the sports. Mostly they are winter sports, and the only heating costs are the warming houses for hockey.

It has really worked out. We hired some of the teachers to run the virtual, as long as they could compete with other teacher equilavents around the world, such as India. There has been quite a saving.

What a shock. Cutting school but keeping sports.

Friday, January 22, 2010

"You can always afford to Come home to Normal, Mn"---FICTION.

Some years ago, I was speaking to a friend from my youth, and he asked me "Have you been home lately?" When I responded that I had not, he said: "You will not be happy. Check it out."

So I did. And the last time back, I drove with my brother to check out the old haunts....What shock. What had been a small town on the edge of a lake, and yes....there were always the mansions on the lake of the super rich...but there had been a middle class that had a thriving area of town.

Now even the shacks built in the 1930's and 1940's when there was rationing of building supplies were now selling for $250K. And in the new section of town for development, they had packed $400M homes side by side with no space to speak of and it looked just terrible.

Frustrated, I picked up the phone and called Herman from Normal, Mn. He should know what to do.

"Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me.)

"Up here in Normal, Mn, we keep things simple, and well...it is pretty spartan....but the bottom line is that....you can always afford to come home....and in fact that is our hometown mantra. Many towns want to build spanking new buildings, and enlighten the citizens by raising the taxes, but as I remember it, nobody every got saved by higher taxes and less disposable income. "

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

"Wrestlers Don't Dance in Normal, Mn."--FICTION

Well there is nothing like having a local school board meeting to kick off the week----last night I attended a meeting where the topic of discussion was how to manage the uniform appropriateness of Poms at our local school---they are a sport now, and there has been some concern that in their effort to capture market share from the Dallas Cowboys cheer squad, they might have gone over the edge of propriety and ..well..this might have caused some moral decay or excitement among the fans.

Right in the middle of the discussion of who was more or less inappropriate, one of the poms startled the crowd by saying: "Have you ever thought of the wrestlers uniforms? Some of those are clearly indecent!!!"

The crowd was speechless. Not one wrestler parent was present to defend them. No person had considered that in the lurching to and fro in the discussion, wrestler uniform indecency might be the culprit in a generalized moral downfall of students.

As I sat there, taking notes, I tried to picture the wrestling event. Later, when the meeting had dispursed, I did what I always do when confronting an extremely difficult problem...I gave my old friend Herman, the countryboylawyer from Normal, Mn. a call---he was on the school board...he should know of this problem.

After I explained the situation, Herman let out a huge bellylaugh;

"Shucks, Wolfman (that's what he always called me) I understand your situation. We faced this many years ago. Up here in Normal, Mn., the wrestlers don't dance-----We clearly outlaw wrestlers dancing in the co-curricular handbook. And anyway----most wrestlers could not hip hop if they wanted to...the wrestlers follow the rules. They would not want to corrupt anyone."

Thanks Herman.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Master Garagebuilder Forgets How: Tales From Normal, Mn.: Fiction

Here in Normal, MN., we are sorely in need of a small car---recently a master garage builder who built ..well..mostly every garage in Normal,Mn., built a brand spanking new garage, and.... well....it was too small for two regular size cars.....the entire community was stunned.....and in truth wanted to protect his feelings and such....and wondered what to do.....

I asked Herman, my old countryboy lawyer friend about what to do.
"Is there no accountability, Herman? Do builders just charge extra to fix their own mistakes? What is the deal?

"Shucks, Wolfman,(that's what he always called me), ya got to understand...we are a fishing town of great fisherman and also great big...and proud tradesmen....and so ya got to be careful. Think of it this way....it was not an error....it was just designed for two TATA MOTORS cars. Thus....it was future thinking.

These cars will be arrving in the USA in a couple of years, and will cost about $10,000----and believe me, they are small. Just park the current big cars outside till we can get the TATA motors cars in a couple of years. No point hurting anyone's feelings."

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

"NO rear view mirrors for ambulance in Normal, Mn."---FICTION

Cruising into Normal, Mn. last weekend, I noticed behind me the flashing of lights, and then the Normal, Mn. ambulance flying by to the rescue---right after it passed me, and yes I did slow and pull to the right, I noticed that the ambulance quickly,...and too quickly pulled over to the right lane, as if not noticing how close it was to me. Then I noticed---something a little odd----it had NO REAR VIEW MIRRORS.

After warming up a bit at the Hideaway Lounge on Friday night, I posed the question to Herman, my old countryboylawyer friend---he was a lawyer and also a member of the Normal, Mn school board---It was a little out of his expertise but I thought I would try--so I asked.

Herman just bent over laughing.

"Shucks Wolfman...that is quite a story. Up here in Normal, Mn., we are real precise and real energy efficient---and we planned the EMS garage with only one inch to spare----and you guessed it, we forgot about the rear view mirrors----but we figured that thinking on our feet, in order to live within the budget, we would just rip off the mirrors---after all that is forward thinking...right?"

So there it is. The mystery of why there are no mirrors on the ambulances in Normal, MN.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

"Investments bought and held over 300 years praised": FICTION: Dateline Normal, Mn.

Well it's that sacred New Year investment game again---every financial pundit with a computer mouse is making predictions, carefully in low monitone voices, about the coming year's stock market results. It just makes a guy wonder.

I picked up the cell phone and called Normal, Mn., and reached Herman, my old countryboylawyer friend---he was in the midst of an ice fishing contest, so I make it quick with the question.

I explained how confusing it was reading all the pundits at year end. Herman just laughed.

"Shucks Wolfman, ya just got to get used to it. Up here in Normal, MN., we are long term investors----We invest for 300 years---that way it works out. From the investors view, the stocks are given to the heirs, and after all, the donors cannot remember what the basis was anyway. And from the receiving end, it is a gift and they do not care a whit. Good feelings all around.

Think of it as you would an ice shack. My grandpappy gave dad this shack, and I inherited it....It will go to my boys some day. It has been a heck of an investment. I just think of the fish, not the shack, and that is the model that works for investments too."

Yup. I guess it makes sense. That must be why some of my investments did not work out----I just did not live long enough.